4/21/2018 12:22:41 AM: so bored with this site... don't know why I keep coming back.  I may close my profile down soon... no reason to keep torturing myself with foolish nonsense, believing in fantasies. 

4/11/2018 5:49:41 PM: thoughts of serving in a submissive way have been going thru my mind all day.  Don't know why.  thought about putting on a collar tonight for a couple of hours and going naked in the house, once boyfriend leaves for work...  might do some rope ..I do miss the feeling of being bound in certain ways.  just thinking of doing it is getting my body reacting, I know an orgasm will come easy.Bf left for work, I smoked a bowl, gave it a few minutes to set in, letting my body relax, only for it to be ready to feel. First thing to do was to insert a plug into my pussy, to feel some resistance against my throbbing cunt.   Going about my evening doing a few chores and packing my suitcase for the weekend; all along feeling the plug move inside me; pussy throbbing against it. Feels a familiar uncomfort..  having something inside me, without it or allowing it to come out.  After about 40 minutes, I needed to feel more....,   time for clothes pins on the nipples.  Now finding things to do, to move about the house the house, so my body has constant sensations.  15 minutes late, I took the clothes pins from my aching nipples, to allow them to recoop some.  15 minutes rest, time to put them back on now very sensitive nipples..... ooooohh....  as cunt throbs....  more is needed.. robe is now tied around each tit.. tight, while leaving the nipples clamped.  MORE...  nipples need to be cleaned... toothbrush, hot water and toothpaste.. brush nipples until red...  ooooh the stinggggg..... they are so raw now.. nice reminder for a couple of days... when I don't feel the sting or ache in nipples, time to wet them activating the burn of the toothpaste... pussy aching and throbbing... clit feels engorged.  To have an orgasm tonight will be explosive.. rope, clamps and plug will stay in until it is bed time. 

4/7/2018 9:24:43 PM: On my journey in loosing weight, I get moments of feeling feminine, curvy, and attractive; I welcome the feeling, then that warmth turns to heat that hardens my heart and mind, reminding me that it is only a fantasy and to appreciative of what I have that at least someone doesn't mind me being around for the moment.  The journey will continue, because one day, I want to feel sexy and be able to see it and hopefully gain some attention of being attractive and sexy. 

4/5/2018 10:49:39 PM: Today was pretty good.  Boyfriend actually noticed that I have curves again; since I have been working on loosing weight. It felt good to hear him acknowledge the change.  Then I impressed myself by completing an art project, really like how it turned out.  Now to finish another project.  I am proud of myself for working on my weight and accepting things as they are.  Silence is my new best friend.  Maybe once I get down to my goal weight, I will feel sexy and attractive again; hopefully before I am really too old for any type of pleasure. 

3/20/2018 9:13:54 PM: Worthless, not worthless, wanted around, but not wanted... confusing.. yes, everyday.Bf isn't interested in having sex with me in any form, but he doesn't mind having other men use me.  Well, I got used today, yet bf got upset, but he knew it was going to happen.  Then to find out, the guy only fucks me because he doesn't have a female to fuck at the moment.. so I am just for a release.  Only to find out that he isn't attracted to me in any way, except as a pussy.  I should be used to being told that; after many years of being used by several men; all say it is the pussy and nothing more.  Guess my life purpose is to be a cum dump and as a domestic servant.  To have a real connection with someone, to have feelings, to be attractive/attracted to someone is not written for this girl.  Been trying to lose weight, let my hair and nails grow out, put make up on, and dress to be attractive, have all been a waste of time and energy.  Why exist????