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petdolly
| Hetero Female, 40, Santa Rosa, California
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Hi. Im Cali.
Crafter, dancer, poet, groupie, muse, renegade raver, festival fairy, nurturer, domestic, eternal babygirl, wounded healer, free spirit. Im a hot-mess but a sweetheart and an asset to those around me.
For a little while I loosely claimed sapiosexual, though it never felt like quite what it was with me, it just took a while for the term Demi to hit main stream. And I thanked fuck when I discovered it, with the same gratitude as when I found out there was a name for sub and and a name for littlesmiddles. And just as quickly learned that it didnt make living as any of these things any easier.
Natural born sub. Meaning its not something I got into, its the sexual identity I was born with, its been with me lifelong and hasnt changed.
Ive been out of the closet for a decade about how I identify, and pretty much waiting all this time for someone who fits me.
Im on the psychological end of the pool. Into sensations like molestation, objectification, degradation, being used like a toy. I have a love and service fetish. Fantasies can be pretty dark, but In Real Life It doesnt need a production, I just like to feel seen, coveted, pushed, utilized, appreciated. Which doesnt happen often for me. When it does, I tend to a serious crush and desire to serve.
Any hint of role-playproduction is a confusing turn-off for me. Im not interested in the action, Im into the energy behind it.
Demisexual for me means meaningless sex unfortunately does nothing for me. I cant really do casual, because Im emotionally charged. The term demi means partial, but it doesnt mean we crave sex any less. Just means we need to feel something on a deeper level in order to really engage.
Also a natural alternative lifestylist. I identify as part babygirl (my littlemiddle side is around 11 I believe), part wifeymotherydomestic (not a maid, but homemaker, nurturer), and a sort of human-pet (puppy-ish), and I have a bit of a personalized dolification fixation (into intentional transformation and wanting to be transformed more). This is me. To the vanilla eye, Im just refreshinglyoddly eccentric. But Im living partss of lifestyle roles 24-7, naturally. I dont exactly switch from one role to the next, I embody it all as one being.
I am currently seeking housing, hopefully in or close to my home towns, but I am always open to relocating at least for temp. I can offer 300 plus domestic help, for the right place. Update I may have found a fitting place already.. Im still open to interviewing for other places til I know. Profile takes sooooooo long to pass inspection here...
I have experience in low-key domestic exchange dynamics. I dont like to start things out with sexualromantic expectation. That needs to unfold organically. But I do have the ability to hit the ground running with domestic living arrangements. Ive done this a handful of times and it has worked well. And I have relocated temporarily for it, and that has worked well too.
Not into the scene, role-playprotocol
Not poly, a swinger, bisexual
Not interested in much older men (actually a bit of a cougar and also into guys my own age to a few years older)
Not into the marriage and children path
Advocate for non-monogamy, but I identify as naturally monogamous
Hoping for LTR with a natural Dom who shares my kinks
Online cordial chit-chat is a pet peeve. Please dont ask me how Im doing today. ...Im not here to be cornered into being fetishized, internet play, flirtation, or treating conversation like its a Ds interview.. Im here to be myself... Intelligent conversation is welcome.
Best wishes to you all
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4/4/2018 11:10:58 PM: So whatever, I guess everything is rare. I guess everything is new. Because only days ago I documented a new found cuddle buddy who I then lost days later and simultaneously grounded into cuddles with a new buddy that night. This is me getting out. After a decade of waiting for something real to find me. Realizing how quickly a decade can go. And what is real? People have asked me this question and I only say... that I know what isn't real. And that when real happens, I'll feel it. But what if the truth is that everything is real and not real. I don't think real is something to wait for, it's something to get out there and explore for. What if heartbreak is kinda an illusion. Real hearts are breaking all the time. For the beauty of the world. Human connection is important. I mean to be brave enough to go for it. It's ok if it fails.
3/28/2018 10:49:23 PM: I'd forgotten til recently, what it feels like in the body when I've pushed someone away. Like a flush of toxicity through every cell. A pain unlike any other. And how it clings to the body and spirit for a while. And then the release from it, what it feels like to wake one day and the weight has lifted. And also, how pointless it really is to let such things shock one so. The little meaning it realistically holds. Whatever flavor of the day, or week, month, year, handful of years, however long you got to love that person, that's all it was. Just some bit of time to get to feel some things.
3/26/2018 1:39:18 PM: Documenting this because it's rare. I finally landed a cuddle buddy. It's very nice. Human nature is interesting and weird. I like watching it unfold. I am a serious mess. But I'm owning my mess, which is new. And also what's new is somebody who witnesses my mess, and keeps coming back just to be around me. Now moment is all we really have. You can spend a lifetime analyzing, or enjoy what you have while you have it.
3/12/2018 10:49:33 PM: I can tell people I'm a natural sub, tell them it's been a part of me life-long so for me it's identity and not a game, tell them it's not about the action it's the real energy behind the action that matters with me, and they accuse me of being too vague. Oh is it vague, really? I can't be the first human to have discovered this. Doing the motion of bdsm, and actually just being it, is the same as just saying the words I love you, or meaning it. And if my lifetime of sexual identity is too vague for you, there's no action you could do that would make us sexually compatible. I can't ask for the thing I need; to be seen strait to the soul and to be taken by someone who actually wants me. For my very kinky and romantic submissive tendencies. It's not like asking to be spanked. All I can do is wait for it, and make my peace with the possibility that it may not even happen in this lifetime. And try to wrap my mind around the fact that I still need to open up and let go enough to have good sexual and loving experiences with others. And I'm not 'waiting for perfection', I'd settle for real. ...They say good things come to those who wait. It isn't true, but hope is fun to spread I guess. A couple years into my wait, I got concerned. Another few years went by, and I realized there's a chance it may not even happen for me. It's ok kinda as long as I put my mind on other things. And it really only hurts when I try to connect with others romantically. It's been recently dawning on me that no one actually ever told us that relationships would happen for us, or that relationships were supposed to look a sort of way. We're only given this handful of years to live out. We're still just learning how to breathe and who we are.
5/8/2017 9:51:20 PM: So many dom profiles seeking a sub to train. None seeking one to tame.
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