Though every house is different, there are common principals of behavior that discussion and life experiences have illuminated for me.
    Alas, there are those that flock to the BDSM lifestyle whom are abusers. They use "rough scenes" and "punishment" to hide their abusive and terrorist tactics to keep their victims enslaved. What is listed is given as things to think about. For the purpose of this article, I will be using the term dominant and submissive. Feel free to add whatever title feels appropriate. You label yourself and your significant other; Label discussion is mind numbing and I will let others digress on that matter.

1) Open and Honest: The hardest principal to live by and follow. Society teaches us to be polite and say things we really don't mean. These social masks are a requirement for civil society. However, in a BDSM relationship there should be no masks and the true self shown for both. Be truthful with your other and honest with them for communication is the key to a successful relationship.

2) Trust is Earned Every Day: Forethought is needed in one's actions and words. Trust is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest to gain back. Once trust is totally lost between dominant & submissive, that relationship is dust. Its nearly impossible to rebuild a dusted relationship, for in the back of the minds of both partners will live the distrust that whatever caused the trust to be lost will return. Now before you become paranoid about everything, realize your submissive knows you are human. The submissive will know you have faults, moods, and bad days just like everyone else. Just keep open and honest communication with your submissive and this will help keep a high level of trust.

3) Respect is Earned Every Day: Like trust, there are consequences to one's action or lack of action. Not adhering to code words, outbursts of anger, neglect, laziness, or bad habits are great ways to lose the respect of the submissive. Lost respect normally leads the submissive to bad behavior problems. Why should the submissive obey your commands and rules if you are not worthy of the submissive's respect? Remember: to demand respect means you are not worthy of it.

4) A Happy Submissive Serves Better than One that Serves Out of Fear. Now, this can be a delicate balance between spoiling a submissive and maintaining discipline. Good, open, honest communication is needed to learn your submissive's likes and dislikes. Disclosure of your own likes and dislikes will also help the submissive to know best how to serve you. Adding random elements that please the submissive in normal routine will enhance the relationship and lessen the need for discipline.

5) Discipline and Punishment: A fiercely debated topic among dominants and submissives. This is what makes most sense, by consensus of those I talked to.

Discipline is the art of control, used to aid a submissive to better themselves.

Examples are: help with diet and /or weight loss, ending bad habits, following house protocols, etc. To understand the need for discipline, one has to examine some of the common traits of submissives. These are common but NOT all-inclusive. Not all submissives are the same, and many won't ahve all the traits, if any. These traits can be limited to insecurity, lack of self control, the hatred of being alone, and weakness of will. These traits are not fallacies or to be viewed with contempt. These traits should be honored as yin to the yang of being domineering and controlling. 98% of the time, a stern word, a strong look, and reminder is all that is needed to enforce discipline. Example "No, mine. You are on a diet."

Punishment: As stated, a stern word, a strong look, and reminder should be more than enough if one follows the previous four listed principals. There will be times when a more severe form of discipline is mandated. Things like breaking major house rules or reverting to bad habits. Example: a submissive is restricted from drinking and and comes home from the bar inebriated.

I give a list of preferred forms of punishment, sometimes mixing two of the punishments depending on severity of the breach of discipline.

a) Lecture: Listing a lengthy reason of disappointment in the submissive's behavior and reminder of why they are not supposed to do such things that brought on the lecture. If I receive a guilty and deeply ashamed expression then I feel I have achieved my goal.

b) Take Away: Take away scene time or for something fun planned. Again, a stern note with a reminder of why time for enjoyment was taken away. Example "We are not scening because you decided to ______"

c) Ignore: A most hated punishment for submissives because it combines not only the reminder, but also a time out. This form could be putting a submissive in the corner, a cage, or anywhere away from you with the acknowledgement that you don't wish to speak to them FOR AN ALLOTTED TIME. The latter is stressed heavily because there needs to be a known time given so you can cool down, the submissive can brew on what they did wrong and then time to talk once the time is over.

d) A Hated Tool: Now most dominants go for this form of punishment first. The key is to allocate one tool for punishment and NEVER use it in a scene. This acknowledges that pain from this tool is "bad pain" and does not correlate to the "good pain" associated with other scene implements. It is crucial to remind the submissive why they are being punished, an allotment of strikes, then use the tool.

As with all punishments, once over its over. Period.

The ideal here is that post-punishment, the submissive has paid the price for failed discipline. No further consequence should be done, both you and the submissive learn from what happened and make an effort not to repeat it again. Make sure that there is closure and the submissive hears you utter words of forgiveness. A submissive being repeatedly punished for the same thing is a fast way to lose trust and respect.

Some notes on abuse: Abusers are predators that feed and attack on the yin of a submissive. Commonly cowardly themselves, they overcome their weakness and self-loathing by taking their aggression out on others. By having someone cower before them, they can get the ego boost to fortify their self worth. Many can't bring up the courage to be outwardly aggressive and turn to chemicals or alcohol to liberate themselves and give excuse to their abuse. A common trait is constantly making  excuses for their actions and shifting the blame to anything or anyone except themselves.

(Adapted from the internet. Edited to reflect my views, but found elsewhere)

Happy Halloween. May your revels be fraught with Fun and Frolic, but safety first.

IF I am online, I am usually to be found in the SLUTS chatroom, exercising my mental musculature with semantics. No, I am not serious when I chat. It is a way for me to relax, and have some fun at other's expense without doing serious harm to anyone. Come on and join the fun!

It never ceases to amaze me that there are so many women on here "seeking someone to train me", yet, when asked what they want to be trained FOR or to be trained AS, have NO IDEA. We are not mind Readers. We cannot pull a random occupation/ service/ past time out of the air and make it fit. Maybe in the movies and books they do, but that is a script! This is real life I am going on about!

And if I DO take the time and effort to think about how you would benefit from a certain style of training, I do NOT want to hear any bullshit about how I am not training you "properly". "Properly" based upon WHOSE criteria? If you like the way someone else trains some other girl better, then by all means go get trained by them and leave me the fuck alone!

Today, Friday the 26th, marks the 17th anniversary of my mother's loss in her fight with Cancer. Who would have thought I would still miss her so keenly after this Long?  Think less of me if you will, but it is our emotions which shape our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. I rejoice that I feel as sensitively as I do, and lament those who belittle their feelings.

Be good to your own mothers. Call them today, if for no other reason than I can't. when was the last time you told them you loved them?

It never ceases to amaze me how many people steal photos from other sites, and then claim that they are that person. This is an epidemic!

try TinEYE, people.. it will help weed out the scammers in a heartbeat or three

Some Ramblings from my mind on this quiet Thursday. Pay them no heed, except to find amusement in the pain and confusion inside my head.

Birthdays always bring mixed feelings with them. Elation at the positive outpouring of support from family, friends, and lovers; and yet the sadness as you realize that you are one step closer to your last day on earth. Morbid? a little. but there is some truth in that as well.

Birthdays can be a great time, and can be a milestone on your memories.. but in order for that to help the most, you have to have DONE something to remember. In this cold and bleak post-prison landscape, there is nothing to make note of, nothing that stands out as a testament to who I am or what I have accomplished. Even my relationships fall to shit and don't fit my ideal.

Which is life, actually. Relationships aren't meant to be cookie cutter cutouts of each other. each individual in them is  unique, and brings their own past and skills to the table. Each one of us is a myriad sum of the experiences we have had mixed with our own genetics. There is no logical reason for why we SHOULD fit into the ideals of someone else.

So, why can't I be happy with things as they are? Why do I insist on breaking the status quo, and being miserable while I make those around me who care for me miserable too?

Case in Point: There is no Right way to let someone know that you are not attracted to the weight that they carry. I tried. I tried to be supportive, and made every attempt to soften the blow.. but Really? I just made a tenuous relationship worse. Instead of trying to change myself, I tried to help her change the unhealthy lifestyle that she has been living, and all for what? I could spout off about how i was trying to look out for her own well-being, and that I was trying to inspire her to eat more healthily. But it boils down to Sex. Doesn't it always?

Because I am too lazy to do something about my own weight. Because she can look at me and still feel the desire. it is not her fault, it is Mine. It is my own selfishness which prompted me to say something, instead of just waiting for her to go to work and masturbating as normal, I wanted More.

I want multiple sexual encounters with multiple women without ending one relationship to start another. I don't want to have to be beholden to anyone about where I am going, what I will be doing, or who I am going to be with while doing it. Society tries to push us away form this mindset. they say it isn't healthy, or right. Fuck Right. It has been proven that Safe Sex CAN be had with multiple partners. So what stops me? What holds me back form throwing caution to the wind and seeking partners? Fear. Fear of being rejected again. Fear of her leaving, like every last one of them has. Fear of being seen as Less in her eyes. Fear is one of the main reasons for doing anything, and Love is the other.  "It is better to be Loved than Feared..." sayeth Machiavelli.

Things a Master is NOT:

Infallible.   A Master not only makes mistakes, he acknowledges them so that he can learn from them.

Omniscient.   A Master doesn't know everything, but uses he powers of observation available to him to make informed guesses as to the events which transpire about him.

Omnipotent.    A Master has only the power given to him by his Submissives. if you have to take the power, that isn't being a Master; that's being an Abuser. 

I am a Dominant because I have a Submissive who wishes to place herself at my feet. Without her devotion and submission, I am not a Dominant. Without a slave or sub at my feet, I am only a Man. 

I have learned many things in my 36 years, and endeavor to pass on my knowledge, and help others learn from my mistakes.

I have a vision: a House of individuals working together for the common good of the House, and each other. A Domicile wherein we all live, eat, sleep, drink, and fuck because we want to, because we care about all the other members.

Robert Heinlein was a big influence in my reading. As were Piers Anthony, Robert Jordan, Raymond E. Feist, and Terry Goodkind. These were by no means the only authors whom I have assimilated something from, but some of my favorites.

I encourage newcomers to question, and not accept things as they are. There is no "One, Right way" to practice BDSM, anymore than there is "one right way" to make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. Cogitate upon THAT, if you will.

The thoughts in my head keep jumbling up, and I thought that maybe if I wrote them down, I would feel better, or come to some understanding. It's the Personal thoughts I have, so feel free NOT to read them. Probably just bore you to tears and make no sense anyway.

Being Dominant in today's world, (that's the REAL world), is never as easy as the movies make it seem. In the movies, you never see a guy arrested because the neighbors heard him "abusing" his partner. It's not in the Script.

When the script calls for a seamless merging of multiple relationships, there are no hurt feelings. Fast forward to after the kinks have been worked out (or into) the fabric of the individual's Lives. Nobody gets butt-hurt over the silly shit, feels the insecurities keenly, and makes themselves sick because they don't want to be alone, yet can't handle the other in their life now.

I am working on repairing the damages I have done, and making myself a better Dominant, to be a better Master for my girls. They deserve better. I have been selfish, and taken without giving back to them. Being Master is not an excuse to Abuse the trust and devotion that they have given. It is a responsibility I have shirked as I sought to escape from my own demons. Instead of leaning on them for the support, and allowing them to assist me in my own life, I have used their bodies and tortured their minds to ease my own fears and insecurities.

It is far too easy to sit here and make grand statements of how things are going to change. but it is far more important to make those changes. I want my girls to be happy with their choice of me for their Master.  My slaves are "coldervennie" and  "foxylady1104".  I am very proud of the way that they are working with me to make our lives work. This is a Work in Progress, but I am optimistic. We are stronger together, facing our lives, than we ever were apart.

Happy Holidays.

I am a Dominant looking for more friends. I don't call myself a Master, because I believe that is something given from the sub to me. I cannot/will not take what is not freely given. I would like to email, talk , possibly meet and see what develops over a longer period than what seems to be normal online. If you are at all interested, Contact me, and we can discuss our options.