Feb 3, 2013

It is hard to understand why it is so hard to get a response from an inquiry whether it be a Master or a slave that says they are available and not currently owned.  I myself am not currently owned and have particular things i would hope for if i allow myself to succumb to being the slave of a Master again.  At the same time i am also looking for the possibility of having my own slave especially with my current handicap and the destruction that i have received in my health caused by the care i have gotten from the VA over the last three years.  YES i care for my Master or i will care for a slave regardless, i have much to offer and share and hope that finding someone in the Seattle area would be nice, but not an absolute requirement.  If a Master wants a slave i would hope that he would have room for him to move in and not be expected to give up everything they own or have to live in what would essentially be without any personal belongings.  I know that life is difficult these days and expecting a Master to have a dungeon and every possible implement and tool to take a slave to the heights of sexual slavery for the enjoyment of the Master.  Of course the slave is looking for a little bit of that enjoyment too, from a different position. 

It would be nice to get a response, from a Master and/or slave, especially when i took the time to write more than just saying 'HI how are you'. 

I am looking to wear a collar for a Master or have a slave wear a collar for me, either way i want it to be visible.  What we do in the bedroom is no one elses business, but a collar says nothing about the doings of our bedroom.

I hope that i have not confused anyone that might have considered me for a slave, or someone that might be looking at me as a possible Master for them.  I am flexible and want a relationship that works and will accept either position.  If you are a slave, do not expect that everyday is going to be a sexual marathon or even be used.  Yes being used is great, but life does not revolve around the sexual fantasies of a slave.  Anyone who is a Master that is looking at me as a possibility of serving them, i also know that sex is not the center of the relationship nor is the priority of our lives about sexual fantasy even though i know that a Master will use his slave at every opportunity that he gets or is conveniently available to him.

I hope to hear from you soon and YES, i will write back and try to answer your questions as quickly as possible.

PSW, randy

For those that may be interested,
The following was part of an email i wrote recently in response to a Master checking in to see how i was doing and what was happening with me, since i had not talked with him in some time, i started with my situation back in September of 2003.  i thought i would share it with you if for any reason you might have an interest in my life and progress as it is.  One thing for sure it has not been an easy year so far and it is not over yet.

September of 2003, my house was auctioned off due to foreclosure, at that point essentially homeless, i had 5 days to get out and move.  i managed to get 8 hours of sleep in the panic of getting out.  i went and started my journey which has been quite extensive at this point.  i had already at this point found a Master or so i thought i had.  i had finally accepted the fact that i was not going to find what i wanted in Florida, and that i was going to have to accept and entirely new life elsewhere.  He lives in Seattle.  Well from the 18th of Sept, i traveled all across the US and Canada, meeting people that wanted to see me or hear from me, and had a real good time, and managed to bring the first snow to Montreal and then again in Toronto.  Eventually i made my way across the US to Seattle by Nov 21 just before thanksgiving.  i had accepted this man as my Master.  The short of it is that all of the promises, and assurances with the red flags i raised, mean nothing if there is no action to follow them up.  

As always i put myself on a 90 day probabtion period in case i feel i have made a mistake and things are not working out.  i did go with the full intent of moving and living there for the rest of my life.  Well unfortunately even with all of the personal things i shipped and went there thinking i was going to be able to eventually move in and be with my Master for life.  It just was not to be.  He had his own share of problems, which did not help for the success of the relationship.  i did go for a 3.5 week trial in December of 2002, which i thought went overall very well.  i saw issues, but i tried to ignore them and look for the positive and to attempt to make the most of them.  Well three months later after arriving in Seattle, i had to do the very tough and emotional thing for me to give a request for release from the relationship, and move on since things were not working out.  This year 2004, i have gone through quite a lot of things, and it is not over yet.  January i was mentally hospitalized, for 10 days and became both mentally and physically sick during that time.  The physical sickness will make sense later.  My temp had gone as high as 102, and my normal temp runs about 96-98, rarely any higher.  i was unable to even do the journaling i do when i go into the hospital like this to keep track of my thoughts and what is going on.  Well, i managed to get out and go back to what i thought was life, but even during that time, i tried to write a request for release, and i broke down unable to get past the emotions.  i spent most of my time while there i was in bed and had no desire to get out and visit with anyone or do anything.  Well eventually i made it out, but the doctor was poor, and actually i did all of the doctoring.  i left in worse condition than i arrived.  When i left and got into my car, i took it to a place to get it fixed since my Master was not responding to the needs i asked him about to take care of the car and things that needed to be done in maintenance.  i had to take matters into my own hands.  Well lucky to say while i was there i met a few other Masters, and when i left this master, i moved in and stayed for a while with a guy not far away from my previous Master.  He help me get my things moved into storage which he is providing for me in his basement.  He wanted me to be his slave, but his style of Mastery was not for me, even though i like him a great deal.  Well, i met a Master in San Francisco, who i had a good time with, but it was also obvious even though he did things with me that no one else had done, he was not sure if he was ready to be a Master nor ready to take on someone with the emotional load that i was carrying.  

During that time i was in daily touch with my mother as my step father, as it were was very ill, and had been in and out of the hospital.  Each day i talked to her, i would get highly emotional as the tears would roll down my face while she managed to stay cool and very calm.  Usually i was riding the bus in San Francisco and would be in total tears when i finally got off the phone.  Well each day i was able to more and more judge that he was not going to live too much longer and that his birthday on the 25th was not going to happen as i predicted by a few days.  Unfortunately he passed on the 23rd 2 days before his birthday of 91.  i cried even though i had no personal feeling for him, but he was there for my mother and always good to her and they enjoyed being with each other and that was all that was important to me.  i offered to help her if she needed, but she declined my offer and said she was doing ok and that i needed to worry about my own life.  THe sad part about this was that he did not have to die, as it was the flu shots they took in January that made it difficult for them to recover.  My mother struggled to recover from it as well, but he was not strong enough to do so and it took his life.

i returned to Seattle, and spent some more time there trying to figure out my life.  Well, i drove from Seattle to Portland, and to San Francisco several times for various reasons, and eventually leaving Seattle to head eastward with the intention to arrive in time to be there for my daughters HS graduation.  

Before i left Seattle, some very important things happened to me.  After having been to numerous parties while i was there in San Francisco i was concerned that i might have picked up an STD, and wanted to make sure i did not have one nor passing one on.  When i was in San Francisco during my trip at the end of March, i went to the VA to get a suite of tests to make sure i did not have any STD's as i felt that i had some sort of STD, with the test including HIV test, but i had just had an HIV test in the end of January when i was in the hospital, obviously negative as i expected, but was doing what i needed to do to make sure.  Well, i had an appt, in Seattle on the 7th of April with my doctor to get the results of my evaluation of my heart monitor test, which was an ordeal.  Which by the way, turned out that my 24 hour test went fine and that there were no important recordings that were of concern.  i asked the doctor if afterwards he could check the results of my blood test from San Francisco for me to make sure i was ok.  He seemed to struggle to get the results, as he is an intern, and went to his supervisor, which seemed like a very long time.  When he came back in, the first words were "you have seroconverted".  i thought there has to be a mistake, can we do another test to make sure, but that had already been done and verified.  Meaning i was now HIV positive.  At that time he then reported it to the CDC as required to do.  i could not believe what i was hearing and of course went through a very difficult day trying to get my head together and what i was going to do and how i was going to handle this.  To be honest, i have not accepted the fact that i am positive, but make sure that anyone i have any kind of sexual relationship with, they know up front.  i know how i got it and it was unfortunately from my now former Master.  We had anal sex three time at the end of Decemeber and early January and that was all it took.  Long story, but the basics are that i am now positive, unfortunately, but quite healthy and feel just as good as i have always.  Each month on the average i get my self tested to stay in tune with my numbers to make sure i know what is happening and trying to avoid the toxic medication that no one has any clue about as to what is or is not the right medication for the virus.  It just is not an exact science.  The physical sickness in January when i was in the hospital, i now know was the HIV doing its thing in my body.  i finally was able to account for that sickness while in the hospital which made no sense before.

Three days later i get a call from my mother, yelling at me that my bank account was $250 over drawn.  Now she of course did not know what i was told just a few days before and of course i did not need the extra stress i was already under mentally and emotionally.  i was fortunate that i had a friend/Master who was there for me and helped me through my issues.  He was quite helpful.

Finally i leave the north west and head on down to LA, to visit one guy who, coyote, i wanted to atleast meet, for a short period of time, as i only knew him online.  It was a real pleasure to wait for him and this opportuntiy.  i left there that night afterwards heading east, and just outside of San Antonio, TX, where i was going to make a stop for a day or two, turned into a night mear.  My car blew the manifold gasket, which then because the engine got too overheated, the engine had to be replaced, which the guys who did the work went through a major ordeal as the first engine they put in did not fully work, so they did the job twice.  Instead of two days it turned into two months, which put me far behind, in my travels.  Since my car was inoperative, i had to find a way to be there for my daughters graduation, which required me to go through a very difficult process, requiring me to fly in to visit and be there for her.  i did make it, but even that was an ordeal, but long story, will save for another time.  Eventually i returned, and was fortunate that my friends in San Antonio, the BearPair, were glad to have me stay with them for the entire process.  i helped them out with many issues that occured, during my stay.  Being that one of the gentlemen was in a wheel chair and in and out of the hospital and appointments which i took him too while his working partner was away for two weeks, at the end of my stay.  They took care of me and made sure i had food to eat each night, for which i was very grateful.  Although not required they kindly paid for the first repair job on the manifold gasket, of about $1000.  Now that is what you call real friends.

Eventually i leave San Antonio, headed to FL, to visit my mother and to spend some time talking to her while also getting caught up on my mail and then spent some time visiting with my daughter and ex-wife, before i headed off to DC to help as a conference slave in preparartion for the Master and slave conference in Washington DC.  i felt is was necessary to sit down and talk to my mother so she would be able to understand what was going on when we talked over the phone so i would not feel like i was having to avoid the questions or the issues of discussion.  She listened to it all, and the sad part of the fact that i was now HIV+, which was not for discussion else where, it was for her to know so we could communicate more openly and freely.

During the nearly 4 weeks i spent in DC helping getting the program guide ready for the conference, i dedicated most all of my time to the preparation of the guide.  When the conference came about, it was great to meet some of the well known men in the Master slave circles as it were.  Although i have not done my write up on the conference as of yet, i do have my notes and hope to one day get it put together and share it with others as to all that i learned in the workshops as they were called.

From there, i left there about the beginning of the second week in August, and went to Chicago, for a week trial with Master Jack Rinella, which went very well.  i can think of only two things i might have concern about.  i left there headed for 2.5 weeks in Peace Mountain NC with Master Rick, which went well and was highly accepted there too.  Even there i had two issues that were of concern to me other than that it went well.  Moved on to Richmond VA where i helped a friend with his computer and spent some nice time together, for about 5 days.  He paid me kindly and that was a bonus for me which i needed.  i headed to NJ, but stopped on the way to see a friend in DC for a few hours and then reached Parsippany NJ, where i proceeded to get very sick from the mold i was exposed to when i was in the apartment in Richmond.  Unfortunately i was extremely sick during that time and stayed in bed most of the time and when i did get out i would shake violently as i was way too cold and sick.

i left NJ when i was still getting better, and managed to have an accident in the heat of rush hour traffic, which pushed in the front end of the car, but not bad enough to prevent me from driving my car to Leeds MA where i was hoping to meet my potential Master and wound up staying in the VA shelter for nearly 5 weeks, which was not a good thing, but i left there on friday after getting my car back from the repairs, and then on the way to Roanoke VA, the right rear wheel bearing decided to sieze up and essentially burn up and managed to snap the axle and was lucky the wheel did not fall off the car.  Well it is now in the shop and i am now in Roanoke after taking a greyhound bus to get here.  Hopefully in a few days i will be able to go pick up my car and reload the trunk that they had to unload to do the work on the axle replacement, thankfully paid for by the insurance company as part of the accident.  i am fortunate to be staying with a friend of a friend in this area as my friend in Floyd hooked me up with a friend in Roanoke, where i am currently staying.

So that is kind of it for now, i have gone through living hell, and being homeless now for over 6 months is getting old, but i cannot settle until i move in with my Master and find home or homebase, where ever that might wind up being.  i think i know, but as they say there is no guarantees until it happens.  He told me that i would be there in time before Thanksgiving so that gives me a few weeks to travel and visit, and then hopefully will be going home, Which at this moment is Chicoppe, MA.

After i leave here, i will be heading to FL once again to visit with my mother, daughter, and ex-wife, and maybe some friends before i go to the conference in Charlotte, NC, called Together in Leather, the third weekend of this month.

Thank GOD i have friends and people who actually do like me, why i do not know, but they do.

Enough for now,

Respectfully,
PSW, slave boy, randy