- The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

Give me your Mind, your Heart, and your Body (in that order) and I will Cherish you for life.
Male Dominant,  Ask Me, California











 Dominant Male

 Ask Me 


 6' 2"

 210 lbs




Actively Seeking:

Submissive Female


Give me your Mind,
your Heart,
and your Body
(in that order)
and I will Cherish you for life.

I seek a deeply devoted, submissive slave.  I'm not just talking about your service in the kitchen, or bedroom, but the service of your time, your will, your attitude and emotions, your words, and yes, of course, . . . eventually, your body.

You see, I believe that submission is NOT something that a Master, like myself, demands of you.  True . . . I do expect it of you . . . but submission is not demanded by me . . . it is offered by you!  I watch, I wait, I teach, and in that process you get to know me, and in your response, I get to know you.  I am fair, reasonable, and very aware. So though I don't begin by demanding or forcing your service, respect, or your adoration, if it falters I am sure to notice.  I do not want a feral animal that I must discipline and keep in line, but a devoted 'pet' -- who is eager to serve me.  Yes, you will make mistakes, that is not a problem, mistakes will be corrected and forgiven, but your attitude must show that you love and appreciate my correction and that you understand that when I correct you that correction is a fundamental way that I show my love, care, and concern for you.  This is how I mold you to become even more . . . mine.

You must need to serve and have a life that allows time for such service. You will serve first with your mind, next with your emotions, and last with your body (in that order).  You desire to be completely owned--not just in the bedroom, but every minute of the day.  The D/s lifestyle for me is not just a fantasy played out in the bedroom, but is primarily a 24/7 life. TPE can be carried out each minute of the day, in the middle of our mundane (vanilla) existence.  (Yes, I have an active and involved vanilla life--and if you become my slave, so will you).  So your submission to me is not just to offer your body to me in the ways and timing I desire, but even more importantly, you submit your mind, your will, and even your emotions and attitude to me with each situation that life brings, in every conversation uttered, and in every glance we exchange.  I will be able to observe your submission to me by your desire to mold yourself into my life, becoming one with my goals, my desires, my ideals, and my life, as you become, slowly . . . mine!

This is a discipline for life that precludes arguments and dissension, and so I seek this as a basis for forming the most fundamental relationships of my life (the kinky sex is just an added perk!)  This may be more difficult than you would imagine so if you doubt your own sincerity, you are not who I seek. If your hope on this site is a quick "hook-up" (or any other term you prefer here) then you will not find that with me.  If you feel the need to tell me how this relationship should progress, you will not find me very accommodating.  I consider the words, "That's not fair!" to be a compliment and I will likely say, "Thank you!"  /LoL
You may be new or experienced with D/s, it does not matter, I will teach and instruct you the same, but you must be certain of your ability to be deeply and consistently devoted to your Master.  Not just devoted at times, or when you 'feel' like it, not just devoted in bed, or when you are happy, when things are going well, and when you agree with me, with life, and with the situation at hand . . . but you must be able to be admiring, devoted, respectful, and patient, when life is hard, when you are tired, when you don't feel well and when you think I have made a decision that might not be fair (THAT is bound to happen) . . . your attitude must be unwavering.
  Can you do that?

While the above might serve as a basic profile, I would think that one desiring to turn over her whole life might wish to know a bit more:

* More about Me:
I have 3 Bachelor degrees and considerable other education and training and am considered intelligent by many.  I like Movies (esp. SciFi), Video games (I'm part kid at heart), Swimming, & Music . . .  I enjoy classical music with an occasional trip to the symphony.  I also enjoy playing guitar and singing, and have played & sung in several groups, bands, & events!  I also enjoy choral and small group singing, and have occasionally, been involved in various drama presentations!  I guess I don't really fit into the "shy" category.  I also like plays, reading, studying (yes, I actually LIKE to study!) computers, and seeing beauty all around me . . . in nature, in animals, in people . . . and hopefully . . . in you!

However, my most favorite past time is definitely just sharing with friends, I mean really having in-depth conversations which teach us both about ourselves and each other.  I enjoy reading relationship books (or videos, tapes, classes, etc.) and hope to augment deep & intimate conversation with a steady diet of working on the relationship through using these tools TOGETHER. . . . Discussing what we think works and what does not--coming to consensus.  And of course, eventually developing the trust to become especially intimate is a primary hope for my life and this profile.  I am a strong Christian, and so she will follow my lead in this area as she does in all areas, and she will desire to have her love for me be a picture to others of the love, and admiration that the church (the bride) should have for Jesus (the ultimate Loving Dom).
I'm a bit of a home body.  I enjoy the simple pleasures that life and home have to offer.  Relationship for one!!  Caressing, cuddling, touching (yes, I'll include these points in my list of hobbies, . . . heck, I'll include these on most ANY list . . . maybe even the grocery list) and doing whatever we do together.  I seek SHARED experiences -- for example, I enjoy videos and TV, but not just to escape . . . (oh, I might do a little of that too, especially with video games -- I play WoW) but I would prefer to do all these activities WITH my slave at my feet as yet another opportunity to share time, discuss things, and get to know one another better.  I also like short walks, . . . not necessarily to "hike" or exercise (although I have been persuaded to do that from time to time) but I'm talking about the slow meandering kind (at twilight) with good company, where you reflect on each other, life, and the day.  Again, the goal is the shared experience, and having you with me, enhances the activity.

* More about you (about a slave I would collar):
I want to feel good about myself when I am with her. She has high esteem for herself, AND for me, demonstrated by her commitment to the relationship we forge AND her ability to follow my lead.  She is a nurturer who takes care of herself and the people around her. She is a woman who can receive my care, my concern, and especially my critique, understanding that this is how I will care for her.  Her moment by moment concern is that she is doing, and acting, the way I would want at the current time, in the current situation.  In life she is like the perfect dance partner who responsively follows my lead, and even if we dance a wrong step, she still follows me, and, if we dance it together, our dance is still beautiful (and our relationship is too!) And so her admiration and respect continually motivate me.
In our relationship, her regard and admiration for me, makes easy her considerate and submissive attitude to which she, and I, are accustomed.  But there is one area in which I will require that she proactively take the lead:
in every activity or hobby we pursue together she will make it her primary job to add sugar (and "spice") to our relationship.  Although 95% of her personality is subdued and appropriate, and this is what most of the world will see, she makes sure that I see the 5% which is wild and even . . . kinky.  This is the area where her imagination shines.  Although never actually crossing the boundaries of appropriateness for the venue at hand, she may come close and so she is always sexy with me.  If we watch a movie she captivates me with her provocative dress then she uses what we watch to suggest fantasies.  If we go to church she makes sure I know about her corset and stockings underneath and suggests activities for the afternoon.  Even in the mundane tasks of life she adds spice.  If we paint the house she makes a point of doing all she can to tempt and remind me of the reward of finishing.  And when we are alone at home she makes sure that I would be too embarrassed to write about it here!

My slave will eventually have the same interests, goals, and ideals that I have.  That will be a part of becoming my slave.  Although liking absolutely everything that I like is not a prerequisite to all relationships, I do find it so much better when we DO agree. Seriously, opposites may attract, but I think likeness lasts and we need more in our lives than just kinky sex. So I am looking for a very high degree of likeness and similarity. Yes it is true, that you might 'submit' to doing whatever I want to do, but if you do not actually enjoy it, then I will be sure to know, and knowing that will lessen My desire to do that activity with you!  So it will be important that in time you are really able to mold yourself to the girl I wish you to be.

* Are you she? (or what do we do now?)
I need to get to know you well before I can know if you could belong to me, and, it is a long road toward getting to know someone that well, but, it is also a fun road (you are the one that will keep it fun!) . . . filled with long discussions into the night, many stories, questions, and self-searching.  I do not like to move quickly and find that relationships entered into quickly are just as easily dismissed.  We won't do anything until we have talked about it at great length.  Want to learn more? 

If you are indeed interested in me you should let your interest in me be known.  ASK me to teach you, and if you hope one day to belong to me as my property then tell me.  You will not actually become my slave for a long time, but if you ask you might be allowed to enter the process by which I allow a girl to learn more about me--the long road I spoke of before.  I teach potential slaves through a 5 stage system I have developed which involves many stories, and lessons, and increasing levels of commitment. 
The first stage is the "Student" stage and if you wish to learn from me then you must show your desire to follow by asking to be taught by me.  Do not be afraid to be a bit eager about desiring my leadership (I might think that is cute!)  And tell me why you wish to learn from me, . . . you might share how you might see yourself serving.  In all things I prefer specific details and specific examples rather than general promises of submission.  This will help to garner my interest in you, and if you do get my interest, then I will guide you in what you should understand next.

I should probably mention, that although I understand many subs do not wish to initiate contact, I have found that when I contact a professed sub who is not truly at the place in her heart and mind to act in accordance with her station, it gives the opportunity for disrespect--a situation I prefer to avoid.  Therefore, I usually will not initiate first contact, instead, if you wish to learn from me, or if you wish to enter my 5 stage program to learn about me in hopes that you might one day give yourself to me, I prefer that you apply yourself to that task by writing, and eagerly ask or petition me for it.  Do it now!  As I have mentioned, I have outlined a clear plan for how a potential slave will progress to the point of finally becoming my fully collared slave -- my property.  But the process concentrates not on you giving me your body, but your mind and your heart.  Give me those, and I know your body will be mine.  In the first stage we will approach one another as relatively equal--more equal than at any other time in our relationship . . . understand that we are not equal, and our eventual goal will be to increase that inequality, but in the beginning, I will treat you more equally till you have a chance to learn more about me, and I can help to guide you toward deeper submission.  (Note: I do realize there are some ways in which we are equal, but we are not equal in form and function and we will not be equal in our position in the relationship that we forge).  Later if the relationship progresses and we each trust the other more I will introduce items which by design will create greater and greater degrees of inequality till, at the last, you have no right to privacy, and no control. 

At the very beginning, I would not expect you to submit your mind, and your will to me, . . . not right away.  You need to get to know me first, but in order to get to know me I offer you this very simple, very basic starting guide for our initial conversations.  I would expect that anyone wishing to contact me here would agree to these very basic points to help facilitate our communication.


A Basic Etiquette Guide to Help you:
(I will be happy to explain the logic behind each of these guidelines, but I will not be communicating greatly with you till you specifically agree to each of the points below.  These are not the ONLY points of etiquette that a submissive should follow, I just list a few here to gauge your reaction, and we can discuss more as we get to know each other.)

* Always keep a Submissive ATTITUDE.  (When any sub or slave approaches a potential master she should be very careful to maintain a certain submissive spirit about her that brings honor to herself).  To that end, some additional points include:
* Do not use my name when speaking directly to me.  (You can use a general honorific or a pronoun instead).
* Use a term of General deference and respectful address when speaking to others, especially dominants.
("Sir" is most common but there are others you might use) as a sign of your respectful demeanor, which actually brings honor and class to you and honors the position (of slave) you wish to achieve.
Please note, the title of "Master" is not a term of general respect, it is a specific title of position, and I have not accepted this position, or the responsibility that goes with it, yet . . . so, please don't use this title for me.  (As a corollary to a line many slaves are fond of quoting, "I may be a Master, but I am not your Master, ... yet!")

* Do not Interrupt me (we will discuss what does and does not constitute an interruption)

* You agree that I may, and will, at times interrupt you.

Thank you.  I look forward to hearing from you.

-- the Loving Life Leader (LLL)

Journal Entries:
4/22/2013 7:31:25 AM

Breaking the Ice

I read so many profiles and journal entries here about how people do not like it when they get an email that says just, "Hi"  or "Nice eyes" or something like that.  Personally I don't see the problem here, doesn't that mirror the types of exchanges we might make if we were to meet someone at a grocery store, or while waiting in line at a bank?  Often we are more comfortable with breaking the ice a bit before we make comments, requests, or express some type of interest in another.  If someone said hello to me in public and I did not respond it would usually be considered rude so I answer ALL respectful email sent to me.  However, if the only thing a person writes is "Hi", then all they might get back is an equally short "Hello" back!  ~chuckle~  But even in this very short interchange we establish quite a few things.  We establish that you had enough interest to write, and that I am a person who will respond, . . . and sometimes that is enough to spark more interest.

I know that many times I have spent a great deal of time writing an introductory letter to someone only to never receive a response.  I think to myself, I wish I had just written a brief "Hi" to see if they will even write back!  Because, unfortunately, so many here on CS do not.

So, I make a concerted effort to respond to all respectful mail sent to me.  Sometimes if I am busy it might take a bit of time for me to get there, but I WILL respond.  I might need to tell a person that the answer to their question is in my profile or journal, but I'll still respond to say so.  If you have become a student or moved further into mentor-ship then I might respond to your mail vocally, on the phone, but I do respond.

So . . . go ahead and write, comment, or ask . . . and you can count on me to respond! 
Have a wonderful day all!

4/7/2013 1:16:32 PM

Rev# 93.8c

Overview of the 5 Stage Plan

In my profile, I mention that I have a 5 stage plan to guide the development and maintenance of my relationships.  Some people have considered it significant that I actually have a plan (instead of just winging it).  I hope that you will appreciate both the plan and that I have taken the time to actually develop it.  This journal entry will provide a cursory overview of some of the basic points of this plan in order to help you know what to expect.  
(Warning: long journal entry here!)
My stated goal for a D/s relationship is to progress from the state of two strangers who are relatively equal, to that of a full TPE Master/slave (or Owner/property) relationship—a completely unequal proposition indeed!
Note: when I say that we would eventually become completely UN-equal I do not mean that your life would be worth less than mine, and I also do NOT mean to suggest that God would love your soul any less than mine. In these ways, we will always be equal.  In fact, if I were to own you, it might even be required that I would put your life above mine (this is a part of what taking on responsibility for another might involve).  But this does NOT mean that we would be equal in form or in function within the relationship.
This would be an "ordered" relationship . . . a "structured relationship" and as you may have heard in the oft-quoted joke about the "chain of command" . . . I say it, you do it, end of the chain!  It is humorous, but eventually, it would not be untrue!  Now, the process I use of progressing from two people who are "relative equals" into 2 completely UN-equal individuals is slow, and it is not done by me insisting that you submit.  It is accomplished by you voluntarily submitting to me, slowly, as you are comfortable doing so, in the ways I direct.  As a person grows in their trust for me, they will continually submit more and more to me in ways that I direct.  In turn, I allow greater and greater access and responsiveness to and from me as a reward.

The first point I always make about my "5 stage” plan is that it actually has 7 stages! LOL  This is because there are 2 steps that rather naturally occur before you actually enter my process.  These stages are the "Acquaintance" stage and the "Orientation" stage.  Since many will choose to not enter my plan, these 2 stages describe those relationships I have with many where I do not formally become a mentor to them.  Here is what the whole "5 stage" plan looks like:

  • Stage 0    - The Acquaintance Stage             - Stranger
  • Stage 0.5 - Orientation (a Pseudo Stage)      - Potential Student
  • Stage 1    - The Student Stage                     - Student
  • Stage 2    - The Equipping Stage                  - Potential Slave
  • Stage 3    - The Apprentice Stage                 - Apprentice Slave
  • Stage 4    - The Contract Stage                    - Slave
  • Stage 5    - The Life Slave                            - My Slave for Life

A common question asked is, "Do you customize your plan for the individual sub/student?" or "Is there flexibility in your plan?"  The answer is "No" in one respect--the plan is the plan, but "Yes" in another respect because there is a great degree of flexibility built INTO the plan that allows for customization to an individual.

Let's talk about each stage:

Stage 0 - the “Acquaintance stage

In this stage, the sub/slave/contact is a "Stranger," or "Admirer," or "Visitor"

  • Time Frame = Short.  (A tedium of detailed written correspondence will not likely last long.)
  • Access = CS mail only.  (I will communicate in writing with any stranger who is respectful, and I ANSWER ALL EMAIL, however you must progress to gain other forms of access to me.)
  • Equality = Relative Equals.

Whenever any person on a site like this meets another, those 2 people are "strangers." I don't mean this in any rude way, and don't worry, since I am no longer a child I no longer adhere to parental injunctions against speaking to strangers.  So I am happy to speak with anyone here who respectfully writes.  Neither of us knows the other and so I assume a fair amount of "equality" between us. But regarding that subject of equality, even though I say we are relatively equal, it is also true that I am a Dominant man, and in all probability you have voiced an inclination toward being a sub, or slave, or property, and this stated difference, from the very start, begins a very slight inequality; not in our value as human, but we are unequal in our roles and goals for life, and so there may be a slight inequality felt even from the beginning.  If you are sensing this inequality between us, it does not mean I would assume you would submit to anything I might ask, nor does it mean I would assume a commensurate amount of responsibility for you, but it does set out from the start an expectation that as a sub you should endeavor to maintain a certain sense of decorum necessary to the title you claim--submissive!  And I also attempt to maintain an attitude in myself which will honor my role as I consider whether our interactions will help to lead you in the direction that is best for you.
One aspect of this stage is that since we do not know each other, then we also have not built trust with each other, and so I will keep our entire communication in THIS electronic medium.  And this is the only access I allow to those who do not choose to voluntarily submit to some basic points of D/s communication etiquette.

As "Acquaintances" our Communication Will Only Go So Far!

Whether we keep communication here on CS or move it to some other typewritten venue (like private email, chat rooms, or IM's) the typing can be tedious and lacks affect, so we probably won't be able to get very deep on any particular subject.

From time to time I am approached by others who are not subs or slaves, or who claim to be but do not act like it. In these cases, I might briefly enjoy friendship and communication, or I might learn something specific from them, but unless these people are speaking to me in order to follow me and learn from me,  these conversations tend to be rather short-lived.  So if you wish our communication to be very in-depth at all, you will move from this initial place of "Acquaintance" through my "Orientation" stage and then move to the next stage to become a "Student" where we will be able to discuss things more fully.  The first step in doing this is for you to petition (ask) me to speak with me.

How to petition: It really is pretty simple:
1) Tell me your legal given (first) name and then
2) Assure me that you will follow my basic etiquette guide (find the guide at the end of my profile) which will instruct you to write me stating your agreement to the five very simple and basic rules I give there. 
3) Lastly, you must ASK ME to teach you. 

Once you have done this I will share a bit more about myself (like my name) and offer to speak to you on the phone.  There we can more effectively communicate and then I can help you understand my whole process so we can both decide if we both wish to go further into a Teacher/student relationship.

Some girls make the mistake of saying something like, "Yes I agree with all your rules."  But I prefer to make sure that we are clear and that you understand each of them and so I ask that you make 5 separate, and explicit agreements where you restate what it is you are agreeing to and also state that you agree.

Note: a few girls have expressed some reticence at this point stating that they are concerned about making a commitment to me too early--when they do not yet know me.  They state that they are not ready to become my slave yet.  Please understand that there is nothing in this first petition and nothing in those 5 commitments which makes you anything CLOSE to being my slave!  All that these agreements do is to facilitate an understanding between us that allow us to communicate in an "ordered" (or D/s) way.  This step does NOT make you my slave.  It doesn't even make you a prospective slave, it doesn't even make you a student!  It just says that you want to learn about what being a student would be like and that you will behave yourself while you speak with me.  Voluntarily agreeing here just shows me your commitment to maintaining your submissive demeanor & attitude (which is your professed nature) while having a discussion with me and sets the stage for our further communication.

Let's talk about why I do this and the dynamic I purposely create.

I attempt to make sure that my interactions with anyone I meet here will not be an occasion for that person to bring disrespect or dishonor to themselves by acting in an inappropriate manner for any sub/slave.  So, one reason I maintain these guidelines is to try to make sure that my influence on you will be a positive one by hopefully discouraging any disrespectful behavior from you which would only dishonor yourself.  (I will explain this concept to you more fully if we speak).

In addition, I begin here to set up a dynamic that will continue as we get to know each other better.  In most every case, I wait for you to offer, concede, or trust me in some area before you will see that same offering from me.  This is by design and is done to help facilitate that slowly growing inequality between us that I mentioned above. As an example of one way that I create these little inequalities I can use what I have just described--about the process of going from the Acquaintance stage into my Orientation; initially you will not know what my given name is (that's right folks, Loving Life Leader was not the name my parents gave me . . . I know, I know, you are shocked!) And because we are at this stage "relatively equal" I might not know your given name either.  I don't like to push a girl for ANY piece of information about her, but I do not offer you the same until you decide you are comfortable sharing with me first (you see the inequality here?)  It's a small thing, but many small things multiplied are what will become the foundation of the relationship we forge.  Small inequalities slowly bring us from a state of relative equality to the eventual state of complete inequality--the state of Master and slave or Owner and property.  Throughout the rest of the relationship, I will commonly only offer to you something that you have previously and willingly set before me without the expectation of reciprocation.  It is a slow progression of risk vs. reward. And when I see you risk, it shows your desire to be led! And I begin to risk too, by risking my leadership of you (yes, leading requires just as much, if not more, trust than the trust involved in following!)  I don't allow you to risk very much at one time, that would not be healthy for you.  But if I don't see you risk a little then I know that you are not ready for me to lead you either, and so, I will refrain from doing so.

Stage 0.5 - The Orientation Stage

In this stage, I usually refer to a person as "Prospective Student" or "Potential Student" because they are in the process of learning enough about me to decide if they really want to become a student of mine and learn from me long term. You are not a student yet, and you are definitely not anything close to a slave belonging to me.  You are just a sub/slave who has agreed to maintain an appropriate submissive attitude and demeanor appropriate to your claimed station in life, while we learn about each other and decide if it would be good for you to further learn from me as a student.

  • Time Frame = Up to 25 weeks (Average 2-6 weeks)
  • Goal = Initial speaking and to explain the next stage.
  • Access = CS mail, and if you have (or create) a Gmail account I will provide you my Gmail account as well so that you can email or message me there.  I will also call you via phone (at mutually agreeable times) but you may only call me each time I give you permission.
  • Contact Frequency: Contact will likely be sporadic.  If my phone contact is more sporadic than you like, want, or need I encourage you to SHOW your desire by occasionally sending me CSmail or Gmail messages to express your desire.  I have few expectations about your availability.
  • Equality = Still somewhat relative equals, but slightly less so as you have now agreed to a few commitments.

OK, so now you have agreed to my etiquette guide and we know each other's names and so now I call you and we get to leave this cumbersome typing method of communication behind.  Whew! (Have I mentioned how much I don't like to type? I have?!? OK, just checking!)  One of the main reasons I created this stage is that before you can ask to enter the next stage, you must understand what it is you are asking.  But, there is more to stage 1 than I care to type here!  So, this stage isn't really a real "stage" per se, it's just a pseudo-stage that allows us to have a discussions about what exactly comprises stage 1 before you to ask to be part of it.  (Well, technically you can ask all you want, but I won't say "yes" unless I believe that you really KNOW what you are asking).  So the primary reason for this "0.5 Orientation" stage is just to facilitate a communication time where I can more fully describe stage 1.  I accomplish the orientation in 3 parts or segments:

  1. A review of the commitments you have already made so that I can answer any questions you might have and make sure that you do, in fact, understand them and the reasons for them correctly.
  2. An "Overview" discussion where we read together this journal entry and discuss any questions you might have about my 5 stage plan. 
  3. Stage 1 in Detail.  A detailed discussion describing all of Stage 1.  (Don't confuse the brief picture of stage 1 that I give in my Overview with this detailed deion of stage 1 given here in conversation 3.)

Once we have completed these 3 discussions you are then free to request that I consider you for stage 1, and at this point, you should know enough about me to decide if I might be a valuable leader/teacher and if I might know something you would wish to learn or follow.
Initial trust formation is often characterized by uncertainty and doubt, in which the parties involved feel around for the right level of trust to accord the other. To go from stage 0 to 0.5 does not really require any "trust formation."  You don't really need to trust me in order to commit that you will not dishonor yourself by acting or speaking inappropriately. You don't need to trust me in order to create a rule for yourself that you will ALWAYS act in accordance with your own nature. But there IS some trust formation that needs to happen in order to go to the next stage where you will become my student, mentee, or prospective slave.  In order for you to call me teacher (or think of me that way), you must first believe that I have something worthwhile to teach--that I am worthy enough to lead. So the Orientation stage, and the communication we share in it, is my opportunity to garner that small degree of trust from you so that you will wish to proceed. But proceeding will only happen IF you desire it and IF you petition me for it.  If you decide not to, then our discussions will not last forever here.  Sometimes girls have questions for me which do not help with basic orientation or are better answered later and are frustrated by my answer that the topic will be discussed at a later stage. It certainly is fun to talk (as opposed to typing) with someone new, and I may decide to answer a few questions during orientation.  But please understand my stated reason for this stage.  If you wish to learn from me (or ask me questions) then we need to cover the material in these 3 discussions and move to stage 1.

Stage 1 - the “Student” Stage

In this stage, the sub/slave is called a "Student" even if your intent is to be my friend, my mentee, or protege you acknowledge that you also wish to learn from me.  And if you are here because you HOPE to be my eventual slave then you must understand that you must first start as my student.

(Note: Please remember this is only a cursory view of stage 1.  A much more comprehensive discussion of this stage will follow once you understand the general overview.)

  • Time Frame:
    • Romance path or slave/property path (meaning you HOPE to become MY slave): 1 to 12 months (6m avg).
    • Pure Student path (meaning you hope to become another Dom's slave): indefinite, as desired, or as needed (can be long or short term)
    • Mentee/Protege path (meaning you would like for me to mentor you so that you can be a better Dom): indefinite, as desired, or as needed
  • Goal = For you to learn the mindset needed for a D/s relationship--what a perfect slave might look like. To develop the self-awareness, and self-control needed to turn yourself completely over to another.
  • Access = CS Mail, gMail, texting & IM's, video conferencing and Skype. We will have regular phone contact.  As this stage progresses, you will gain all my phone numbers and you now get permission to text me as you wish, your calls are still by permission but you may earn this privilege as you advance.
  • Visits are possible (but not necessary) during this stage but are not as likely unless we are geographically close.  If we do meet, our focus will be on getting to know each other and/or learning not on sex or "scenes" as is common.
  • Contact Frequency: As stated above "regular."  Often this means daily (though you have no commitment from me for this, daily contact sometimes does not happen and I do try to let you know if I won't be available and I EXPECT you to do the same).
  • Equality = Less equal as we are now Teacher/student.  Still closer on the scale to equal than we are to Master/slave but far less equal than before as you have now agreed to allow me a much greater control of the discussion, and you have committed to learning from me the lessons and stories I teach which you hope will help you to become more of the slave you wish to be.

This stage includes intense lecture, teaching, and discussion (and during these times I can be quite directive and focused and controlling in the discussion).  But it also includes casual conversation, laughing, flirting, movies, games, and fun (and during these times I am far more casual).  And during it all, we get to know each other.  Much of what I teach is customized for the individual sub/slave, but there are 3 major Goals to accomplish during stage 1 and about 15 or so new commitments a person must make before I accept a "Student Petition" and your Application to stage 1.  In stage 1 there are assignments (homework if you will) and deadlines at times--not often, but important.  Each assignment is designed to help you become the best girl that you can be.

This stage does NOT make you my slave.  But, by learning what I teach in this stage you can make yourself a better potential slave for me or ANY Master that you might one day choose to serve.  For this reason, some subs/slaves choose to submit to my teaching (and become a pure student, mentee, or protégé) even if we both understand they will never belong to me!

Uses of stage 1 (or the 4 student Paths):

  • The Slave/Property Path - This stage has several possible uses but my most obvious and main purpose is to begin the romantic path (for me this IS Romantic!) which has the hope of one day ending with me as your Owner/Master and you as my Property and fully submitted and committed slave for life.  Now even though we both long for romance (and that would mean sexual stimulation too) I don't start by focusing on sexual things (except in the academic sense) but rather I treat you more as a student and concentrate on teaching you what ANY sub/slave should know to please ANY master, and in this initial training process we each also begin to learn if we might, one day, be suited romantically for each other.
  • The Pure Student Path - Some subs and slaves may not wish to actually be owned by ME, but they still wish to learn from me the D/s philosophy and techniques that I believe and teach.  Several have contacted me to learn from me, discuss events in their lives and ask for guidance on how they should handle those events.  Many also wish for regular guidance and even critique so that they may become more of who THEY wish to be.  Often I handle these sessions in group conference calls or group webcam class sessions.  If a sub or slave is sincere in their desire to make themselves the best that they can be, I am happy to provide what assistance I can in order to facilitate their development.  However, those on this path do not intend to progress romantically beyond this stage.
  • The Protege Path - This path is similar to the pure student path above, but geared toward any Dom(me) who may also wish to learn the various D/s philosophies and techniques that I teach.  Though you are, like me, dominant in your nature, and so I do consider us relatively equal, you are here to learn from me and I find it is often best that an order is agreed in any relationship from the very start.  That order will be that you agree to accord to me both the basics of etiquette and also the respect that a Teacher/student relationship implies.  The commitments that I will ask of you are a customized set of "student Dom" rules based on the template of what I would ask a sub in the "Pure Student" path above but modified to be appropriate to your Dominant status.  This not unlike any student who would enter a college class or a client who might seek the advice of a mentor or counselor.
  • The Long Term Student / Mentee / or "Friend" Path - Often when I have worked with a girl for some time and we realize that she will not be a suitable life slave for me, she will carry on her contact with me so that she can continue to become the best girl that she can be for whomever she may one day serve.  Sometimes this contact is intermittent; sometimes only after she needs help in another relationship.  But since there is still admiration and trust, from time to time, LT students contact me both on and off this site (depending on the freedom for contact I have allowed) and join group calls (or video calls) as well.  I am honored that so many I have worked with still occasionally touch base to visit and we keep up with each other's lives. 
In each of these cases, the person is considered a "student" of mine even though their goals may be quite different. 
Common questions I am asked about the 4 paths are:
  • Q: What is the difference between the Romantic Path, and the Pure Student Path?  A: While the information I share is the same at the beginning of both paths, the primary difference is your desire (and my plan) to move you into stage 2.  In order to move into stage 2 a romantically inclined student does not need to complete ALL of the lessons I teach.  Indeed there are enough subjects to cover for us to continue learning throughout all 5 stages.
  • Q: Can I switch from one to the other?  A: While there is nothing that precludes switching tracks, I find that often there is an inherent investment of both of our time, hearts, and emotions which can make switching difficult.
    • Switching from "Pure Student" to Romantic at best delays progress, and at worst, provides enduring doubt about why she didn't choose the romantic path at the start.  So, we minimally would need to discover why a student did not pursue the Romantic path at the beginning and ensure that issue has been resolved.
    • Switching from Romance to Pure Student is what creates the "LT Student" path.

Note: In most of the relationships I have had which did not progress to stage 5 the girl has wished to become either my Long Term Friend or my student/mentee. I consider highly regrettable those very few instances which left either of us wishing for no contact. It has happened, but thankfully, has been rare.

Stage 2 - the “Equipping” Stage

In this stage, the slave is called a "Prospective slave."  In order to Enter this stage, a Sub or slave must know a specific person she believes is the one she will serve for the rest of her life.  In this stage, the slave begins to train and learn not just the general mindset a slave needs to serve any Master but more specifically what she needs to know or develop to be MY slave--to please me.
Note: On occasion, some specifics about me will arise as a part of the natural conversation during all the stages, even stage1 and Orientation.  This is because I don't completely separate myself from the learning process.  But in stage one, information about me is not my focus.  In stage1 I focus on the general principles of submission, while in stage 2 I focus more on how you will use those principles to please, not just any one . . . but specifically me. Additionally, in the future stages, we may also employ additional "equipping" to go back and tweak, reinforce, or introduce new or additional concepts of your personal service.

  • Time Frame = 1 to 24 Months (avg. 3 mo)
  • Goal = To learn exactly how she can be the most pleasing to me.
  • Access = Unlimited long distance access. You have all my mail, IM, phone numbers, and address. You may initiate contact with me remotely any time you wish, but you will discuss any in-person contact (You don't just come over and "drop-in" UN- announced). In this stage visits are not required but highly encouraged.  Intimacy and play may occur both for teaching and entertainment purposes.
  • Contact Frequency: Daily contact is the norm and expected.  You have daily obligations to me now as well!  I EXPECT you to make yourself available to me at least once a day.
  • Equality = You have by now gladly refrained from considering us as equals, preferring instead to be dependent on my suggestions.  I would rarely demand anything of you, and indeed I would not need to, as you find that you now modify your life willingly as you learn my preferences.

In stage 1 most of the education, guiding, and leading you get are designed to help you to be the best possible slave that you can be.  Not just to serve me, but to serve ANY Master, and more importantly, to help you to become the best slave you can be--the best YOU that you can be.  We work on things like your self-awareness, and self-control, and how various methods of control and/or modification can be used on you or by you, as well as a couple of techniques, tendencies, and habits you should avoid.  But now, in this equipping phase, while you still continue molding your mind to the proper slave mentality we also focus more specifically how to be MY slave--how to please me.

Comparing Stage1 and Stage 2:

  • In stage1 you learned about self-awareness and now in stage 2 you focus that self-awareness on me and my needs, wants, and desires. 
  • In stage 1 you learn about self-control and now in stage 2, you learn to turn that control over to me.  
  • In stage 1 you may have asked and desired to know many of my personal habits, likes, joys, fears, kinks, and how I take my coffee in the hopes that you could better please me by knowing these details.  (Many times I have seen the frustration of a girl who asks me a personal question only to be answered that I will share the answer at a later time).  Now, in stage 2, is the time where you will get to learn all those tidbits. 
  • In stage 1 many girls wish to engage in the titillation of phone sex as they get to know me, and as much fun as this might be for me I tend to not allow our conversation to go far in that direction.  But in stage 2 we can actually USE that entertaining endeavor to help to mold and shape you to my personal likes and taste.
  • During stage1 you saw yourself transforming your mind to that of a slave, to be able to mold yourself, and if you have been on a romantic slave/property path you have been molding yourself to my tastes as much as you have been able to learn them, even though we do not concentrate on that, even though I do not request or order you to do that.  You have been doing that quite naturally because you FELT like it. You felt like it because during your interactions with me you have seen your trust grow and you WANTED to mold yourself to me.  But now, in stage 2, I actually help you, and encourage you, and direct you in the ways that you can continue that molding process.
Unfettered by the lack of information about how exactly to please me you should see that molding process accelerate toward the eventual goal that long before we ever GET to stage 3 you already consider yourself to be my slave. I may not consider you that yet.  And I won't allow you to call me Master yet (as I am not yet ready to take full responsibility for you) but in your heart, you will come to regard me as your Master even without the formality of title.  My suggestions are taken by you as internal commands which you would never consider disobeying.  You see, when we do get to the next stage it should not be that we are turning some corner in our relationship to advance the way we feel and think about each other . . . it should be that we are only memorializing what has already been going on in our hearts and minds for some time.  If you are not yet feeling this way, then simply DON'T petition me to go to the next stage and become my slave.

Stage 3 - the Apprentice Stage

In this stage, you are an "Apprentice Slave." Yes, the title officially includes the word "Apprentice" but you are still very much a slave!

  • Time Frame = 1-12 months.  (My expectation would be toward the lower of that range)
  • Goal = To experience the full control of an M/s (O/p) relationship which goes beyond the romanticized notion of it and deals with the individual types of control.
  • Access = Unlimited except by distance.  You have all means of access and permission to contact me at ANY time via any medium you desire.  In this stage, I expect a slave to make herself physically available.  If possible, there should be a minimum of 2 visits (one to you and one to me) before we consider the next stage.  If schedules and geography permit there will be MANY more during stages 1-3.
  • Contact Frequency: Our lives are now completely intertwined and interdependent on each other.  (If you live locally We probably spend a great deal of time with each other or you have moved in with me.)
  • Equality = You now acknowledge complete IN-equality, however, the practical considerations of you and I living apart, should that be the case, necessitate that you still have some control over your own life.  It is still rather difficult for me to directly control many areas when we are not present with each other.
  • Collar 1 of 3 "Apprentice Collar"  (a simple collar--possibly leather band or chain)

Before entering this stage the slave has already developed complete 100% trust and so this is the first stage where it is appropriate for you to call me Master, and your title is not "potential slave," but "slave." OK, sure, the "official" title is "Apprentice Slave" but this does not mean that you are any less an actual SLAVE as you will have given up all control in all areas.  This includes sexual areas, but sexual things will probably be the easiest area for you to turn over.  Be warned!  It is much more difficult to allow me full access, and control, of your mind (the way you think and even what you believe) and access to your heart (control of your emotions and the way that you feel), than it will be to give me your body.  Some of these changes will have already happened, in stages 1 and 2, but you may not have realized it and I probably have not fully acted on it.  But now, I will expect that you will turn over every aspect of your life—including your social, financial, and familial life.

I understand that many people enter a Master/slave relationship much earlier than I do, with far less commitment, and far less control than I do.  Some people think that they are in an M/s relationship if she has given Him the password to her CollarSpace account!  If I am actually your "Master" and you really adopt the title of "slave" then this means that you turn over the FULL control that an M/s relationship suggests.  This includes every financial decision you make and every penny you have or spend.  It includes every word that you speak to others including your friends, family, and coworkers.  Your relationships with your children, parents, and friends will be directed by me.  You are accountable to me for every minute of your time and how you spend it, where you go, what you do, how you dress or otherwise present yourself, . . . everything.

To help you understand the depth of commitment that I would expect at this stage I liken the commitment to what most people in the world today have when they get married.  If you speak to someone who is about to get married and ask them if their union will last for the rest of their life, most will unequivocally state that it will.  And yet, if asked what they will do in the event of maybe abuse, or infidelity, or some other wrong, they will tell you in the next breath that they will get a divorce.  So even in their commitment, they acknowledge there is the possibility that they could end it. People leave because of reasons like: they "no longer have any thing in common," or "no longer talk," or "have just grown apart."  The fact is, that the oft-made commitment of "till death do us part" is just not so!  People change, and relationships/marriages end. But they go INTO the relationship/marriage believing with all their heart that it will work.  My stage 3 is much the same. We don't go into it unless we both believe with all our heart that it WILL work, but either of us can end it at any time . . . so the commitment level is about the same as a vanilla marriage today.

Stage 4 - the Contract Stage

In this stage, the slave is a "Contract Slave" or a "Slave under Contract."

  • Time Frame = Negotiated contract period (6 months to 2yrs.  Avg = 1yr)
  • Goal = To experience various aspects of life in my home, under my control, and mimic the “trapped” feeling some get in a committed relationship.
  • Access = Well, you live here now . . . so you have as much access to me as any one person CAN have! Oh...and now your life IS a "scene." /sly wink
  • Equality = Complete in-equality with the exception that you have the right to renegotiate at the END of our contract period.
  • Collar 2 of 3 "Contract Collar"  (something more ornate or possibly more, ah, "enduring" ~sly wink)

In this stage, the slave will move into my home to reside with me and begin to "try on" the weight of the commitments that she has already made on a daily and live-in basis. Although we have previously discussed EVERY aspect of the relationship and there should be no surprises here, there is often the experience that "living" the life is different than "knowing" the life.  This is not necessarily the first point where a slave might live with me.  Although a live-in situation is possible in stages 1-3, moving in is an "absolute" requirement now.  Living with me is difficult in stage 1, possible in 2 but possibly premature, desirable in Stage 3, and mandatory in Stage 4.

  • Anything brought to the home will belong to the Master.  Anything given to the slave, by anyone, will belong to the Master.  Any income produced by the slave will be turned over to her Master (though work in this stage is discouraged as I prefer the slave to focus on me and our relationship).
  • The slave may be bound, leashed, or caged at any time.  For example, if I leave for work.  I don't actually do this often, my preference is that you are free to serve me.  But we understand that I can and at times will.
  • If you are curious about WHY there is a stage 4, or WHY there is a negotiated contract period, or WHY I would not allow a slave to leave before the negotiated contract period was up, or HOW I would encourage her not to . . . we will discuss all these things during the second discussion of the orientation.

This is the last stage where the slave may choose to respectfully leave.  But she may only do this during the contract negotiation.  At the end of the contract period there are 3 possible outcomes:

  1. (The hoped for result): We have found the experience mutually satisfying and beneficial and we both wish to move forward to stage 5 and make the relationship permanent.
  2. (The sad result): Though we both continue to appreciate and respect each other, and we probably both wish to remain friends, one of us wishes to discontinue the relationship. If this happens but the slave has maintained her attitude of submission I will HELP the slave to relocate and get "set up" in life again--the slave will NOT just wind up out in the cold.
  3. (The scary result): We each still love and care for the other and we both want and believe that a permanent stage 5 relationship COULD work between us, . . . BUT . . . there is(are) some area(s) that is not just right and as long as that is true one or both of us are not willing to make the move to stage 5. So in this case, we would renegotiate for a second stage 4 time period (not necessarily the same time as before) and we would state what area or areas need to be corrected during that time. If they are corrected by the end of that period then we can move forward. If not, then we should consider option B. The reason this is a scary result is that I don't want to endlessly repeat this option over and over only to realize 10 years down the line that we have both wasted each others time. For this reason, I don't think I would consider this option more than one time.

Stage 5 - the Life" Stage

In this stage, the slave is a "Life Slave," a "Covenant Slave," or simply "My Slave"

  • Time Frame = Forever. Life.
  • Goal = Commitment . . . Life long Commitment.
  • Access =24/7 Anytime
  • Equality = We will never be equal again.
  • Collar 3 of 3. "Collar for Life" or "Collar of Life"

Both the Master and slave understand that their agreement is PERMANENT.  The slave will never attempt to back out of the agreement, to change her mind, or to ever try and change any underlying principle of the foundation of which this relationship is forged.  The Master commits that as long as the slave is 100% committed and submitted to Him that he will forever own her.

The slave will bear marks (in the form of a brand or tattoo) indicating that she is my willing slave and property ("Owned and Operated by" if you will! LOL).  I will consider suggestions for content, style, and location, but the decision will be mine and will not be finally decided till later in the process.  Some possible places I have considered are: an ass cheek, a tramp stamp, the back of the neck under the hair, and possibly under a lip.  I have considered the possibility of a ceremony we create to commemorate entering this level of commitment to our lives (not unlike a wedding). Most any slave who would give everything she is to a relationship, who would give up ALL her rights, would also probably NEED to know that she will not one day find herself cast aside. She would need to know that in exchange for agreeing to a commitment on her part that she cannot rescind, that her Master will honor His commitment to be responsible for her for her entire life.  My view of Mastery states that if I accept the power and control of another human life, that I must also accept a commensurate amount of responsibility.  So as the absolute Master of a slave I will be sure of her provision for life.

If you are in stage 0.5 (or greater) and have studied this journal entry well, yet you still have a question which I have not yet answered, please ask.  I will be happy to answer and if I find your query generally applicable I may decide to add to the above article.  If you have not yet reached the "0.5 Orientation stage" then you will likely need to do so before you will get more information on the above topic.

4/3/2013 10:49:39 AM

The Submissive Attitude

Here is a lesson I have frequently found helpful toward molding your own submissive attitude.  I offer this in hopes of being helpful, of offering a constructive critique.  I hope it is received by you in the same spirit it has been offered.
I believe that even if you are not owned, if you truly wish to mold your mind, attitude, emotions, and body into the paradigm of submission that most of you state that you desire, you cannot achieve this by ONLY being submissive around the ONE to whom you will eventually submit.  Your submission must be a mindset, and attitude, a habit that you encourage in every event of your your everyday life.  Now this does not mean that you need to roll over to accept inappropriate treatment from every rude individual or wanna-be dom.  But if you do decline the offer/invitation of a neanderthal you might consider not stooping to his level to do it!  When others treat you poorly it does NOT reflect badly on you . . . it reflects badly on HIM!  Only what comes out from you (your words, your tone, your attitude) can reflect badly on you, so don't lower yourself to the attitude of those whom you reject.
As a summary of this point I would like to quote from the journal of another submissive here on CM.  Perhaps her words may help you:

"I have often wondered why so many of us here address our profiles or journal entries to people we don't want.  I imagine that many people on here are liars, scammers, wannabes, fakes, crazies or any of the other harsh names that some profiles have used to try to drive away predators or insane people. Someone else pointed out out the low probability that such people would read and respect the prohibitions, and I agree. Even more to the point, how are diatribes against such people going to attract someone better? I know very few people who find bitterness and anger attractive. And, if that's all that a profile shows...
I imagine that my profile probably contains too much of that, too, so I suppose I should revise it. So that it will be addressed solely to the good, sane, dominant men whom I have met - and the One whom I still hope to meet here."

I believe her point is well stated here, and echoes this principle above that I often teach.  I have also stated many times that a request that "fakes" (or other undesirable epithet) not contact you is wholly ineffective as most people do not consider themselves to BE a fake (or whatever) and those few who might will certainly not honor your wishes.

Another example of this thinking can be found in the journal of another female sub who writes,

"In so many profiles I read here, I see so much....unfriendly and....unreceptive writing.  "Everyone here is a fake!"   "Don't contact me IF____(fill in the blank)"   So many people here put so much emphasis and attention on the people they have encountered that they don't like, but don't say much of anything about they NICE people they have talked to here on CM.   Sure....I've gotten messages from people who have made me look at them a little sideways.  I simply stop the contact and move harm, no foul.
But I have also encountered a much greater number of very nice, interesting, funny and thoughtful people.   I may not have found "the one I am looking for" yet, but that doesn't mean that everyone else I have talked to has been a complete waste of my time.
I had a brief e-mail exchange with someone today and while there was nothing super remarkable about what was said in the messages between us.  It just suddenly struck me that this person that I have known for barely a few weeks, and that I know only through online messages echanchged, actually thought about me....and thought about me enough to take the time out to write me a message to send me good wishes for the day.
I know it doesn't sound very extraordinary, and it's not the first time it has happened....I have people send messages to me all the time...what's the big deal?  But for some odd reason tonight it struck me in a funny way....the idea that I am someone this person has known for a pretty short period of time, yet I actually crossed his mind for a moment enough for him to take the time to send me a message.  LIke I said, it's not the first time it has happened, it's just the first time it really occured to me in this way.  So now I sit here and think about all the other people before now who have done the same thing, and it makes me smile.  It makes me smile to think that there ARE some very nice and very decent people out there.   Not everyone is a "fake".  Not everyone on here is a rotten jerk.  There actually are quite a few very nice people out there....and I'm thankful that they have taken the time to think about me.

3/16/2013 9:02:22 AM

Ladies . . .
Here is one of many small principles I teach:

"Don't Exalt Your OWN Virtues; let another do it."

There are many ways to say this; "don't toot your own horn," "don't pat yourself on the back," "don't Hug yourself," "don't grandstand," or recently on another profile I read,
I believe the voracity and tenacity with which one tries to assure their trustworthiness is diametrically opposed to the amount one should trust them." yeah, that's the same concept again! 
OK, I know sometimes it's hard not to do this a little bit.  Sometimes you feel compelled to tell others the positive aspects you believe about yourself.  This is especially true here on CM where we write profiles about ourselves.  So of course we want to tell everyone about the good sides of ourselves--our virtues.   Heck, I even see a place in my own profile where I do it.  But at least I'm aware of it, and in general I try to avoid it.  Here is a suggestion for those who wish to follow something I teach . . . try to avoid it. 
If you find that your profile is full of self assertions of the qualities of your own character . . . (For example: I'm good, I'm kind, I'm honest, I'm trustworthy, I'm this, and I'm that) what you are likely to foster in your readers mind is just the notion that you are more full of yourself than any of those things you wish to convey!  /wink

3/4/2013 2:35:41 PM

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