Collarspace

Note Collarspace doesnt really have a way to denote a gender identity that deviates from the binary. Transgender is an extremely broad label, and the word alone kind of tells you nothing. So, to clarify, I was assigned male at birth. I am non-binary, gender-queer. That does not mean that I am a trans woman or present as feminine all the time. I am EXTREMELY interested in exploring feminine presentation further, and potentially even becoming more femme on a permanent or long term basis. But non-binary ultimately means exactly what it says on the tin. Its neither inherently male or inherently female.

I originally joined this website back when it was collarme (and boy, its seen better days, hasnt it). I was 19 or 20 at the time. I remember, because I was actually linked to it by the very first Domme Id ever (sort of) played with. She thought it was neat (and at the time it was) and figured someone as young and green as me could use it to start to really explore.

Now, the reason that this story is potentially relevant is that it happened before I had lost my actual virginity. I answered an online ad (craigslist, I think), and that same evening (after trying something similar for months) went to meet a much older woman that I didnt know and who was quite intent on doing some very intense things to me.

So ... again, I feel that this fact might, just might, be relevant to who or what I am ... At the time Ds and submission felt like just this weird quirk in my psychology, something that I couldnt steer clear of, but also something I actively compartmentalized and kept away from my every day self. Being young, and queer, and into kink (and not yet fully understanding why) is a weird and confusing thing in general, I guess. Ill refrain from going too much more deeply into that story. Needless to say, we played around a bit, but she eventually sniffed out my virginity, and made the executive decision that I was too young and confused to jump right into the deep end like that.

Well, I guess its been 13 or 14 odd years since then, and Ive certainly had my fare share of experiences in the meanwhile. I am a lot less secretive about my kinks, a lot less scared of this side of myself, and a lot more aware of my tendencies and desires. Ive played, Ive experimented, Ive served, and I explored. Ive made foolish mistakes and gotten myself into situation that Im lucky to have gotten out of with my life intact and without any diseases (not everyone I ended up meeting on craigslist or CM in those early days was as caring and considerate as that first Domme).

But, since the first time I made a profile til now, everyone on Collarme space has claimed to put a premium on honesty. So Ill just say that while I do know myself better now, and I know kink and Ds better now, and I have over a decade more experience now, I am still often confused, I still dont know EVERYTHING, I am still not sure of everything, I still have not experience everything, and I am still often scared, bemused, and questioning. Just so you know.

I am not the best sub, by any stretch. I am not sure if I should someday change the label to slave, despite what that entails. That is one of the things I have been very confused, scared, and full of questions about. I am overweight, am coming off a recent financial disaster which has left me destitute and reliant on family, and am having some serious gender issues and closet issues.

I know Ive enjoyed serving others in a limited session capacity in the past, as well as within a relationship context, if often inally. It almost doesnt matter if they just had me do their laundry, or had me pleasure them, or got off on hurting me, or all of the above. But I dont claim to know what that really means or what it says, other than that Im kind of submissive. More submissive, in fact, than I am sexual (my libido is well below average, but it tends to be activated by submission itself). Ideally, Id like to find a way to healthy and fully integrate that aspect of myself.

So, I am currently open to discussing anything and everything in the kink, Ds, and BDSM realms, including potential play partners, and even potential longer term possibilities. But that also means that Im currently not looking for a specific, set in stone thing. I figured Id come back here, to what was kind of a ative space, as part of an effort to make this sort of thing a bigger part of my life again, and continue to look for answers to my questions.

That is, at least, if this website manages to last that long. It apparently is slowly getting picked apart, and thats unfortunate. But whatever, make hay while the sun shines.