My story begins almost 11 years ago when I met the love of my life. I didnt know it, but I guess she did. In that time we grew to love each other very deeply and our domsub sides came out more and more and flourished into a true power exchange relationship. And it really worked for us. It was heavy with emotions and passion. Our secret selves were known to the other. But tragically my submissive passed away two years ago and I have not dated since. I was and quite honestly, still am very shattered over it. I need to heal in the arms of a beautifully spirited woman who understands the security and joy that an honest power exchange relationship affords.
Since I am finally starting to get clear of my grief, I am beginning to look for a new relationship.
Ive had almost two years since she passed away, to REALLY consider what I want. And I know what it is now. I want to be in love. I want to cherish my girl and protect her and basically....be needed. I want a best friend and ally. At first I thought I wanted something more extreme (Im still open to ideas) than what I had with my girl. I was looking for heavy play and polygamy. I dont know. I guess I was trying to fill an empty place in my heart. Maybe it was just anger at having something so precious ripped me, that I thought she should get replaced with interest in top. But no, what she was, is what I wanted. I want a calm, clear relationship that, while full of nuance, resounds with a very simple harmonic tone. Sure it takes work to get there and work to stay there, but that is also the great pleasure of a power exchange relationship in which one yields responsibility to another persons total authority. That is how I view subission. Slavery is another topic. Is it weird that I can understand both and be open to both?
Inside that exchange, there is a lot of coming to understand one another. Sometimes communication can be difficult as people are reluctant to be articulate and expressive about what they want, need and are willing to sacrifice. That is why I feel it is my role to be the strong one who remains very firm in my convictions regarding this lifestyle. And I feel I have accomplished that mindset, first through years of real experience but also in those years, developing a really strong philosophy about power exchange that speaks to my personal motivations for it, which go way beyond and transcend kink or sex. I have a systematic approach with goals, but the method is never too al. And it has a lot less to do with controlling my girl, than it does with controlling myself. That is a big part of it. I am the example she follows. I am the gravity that her constellation twirls about, holding in all her stars together.
One of the big issues for me with power exchange is that I see so much destructive behavior in it. There is a destroy me mentality out there with many people. I definitely do not fall within that group. My personal belief is that life is full of opportunity to improves oneself. For example, I have just started to teach myself the guitar and I have a language program. I work out and am in the process of writing a non-fiction book. So, I dont believe in holding anyone back, but only focusing them on what is important. That of course being her dominant first, but also herself. As improving herself also brings more to her mans life as well. Not to mention any other people who are lucky enough to know my submissive.
Also, I learned something very interesting over the 9 wonderful years I had with my girl. I learned how much a woman can truly anchor herself in her man. I learned how dearly a submissive clings to the comfort of her submission and bond to her dominant. As a man who is secure in himself, this is a very hard concept to tune into, even for me...a person with a very high emotional IQ. Still, as a strong man, there is a limit to my capacity to feel the absolute oneness a woman feels when she finally secures her mate for life. Knowing how my heart breaks for my girl, Im glad I get to suffer the loss and not her. I know that sounds strange but a submissives connection can run so deep, a girl may never resurface. That is how it was with us. I take the blame for that. I pushed her hard into submission and she took to it and felt a sense of assurance and security from the structure and the knowledge that no matter what....she had irreplaceable value. That was something she never really felt was true for her, before she met and fell in love with me. I learned from her.....truly.....my responsibility to another human being -- who has chosen to submit to me -- is an utterly profound responsibility....almost a holy responsibility. It is like having a child. You bring that life into the world...you are responsible for it no matter what. The same is sooooo absolutely true for a submissive life you bring into the world. I learned this lesson down to my bones.
Here is more about me on a personal level
Im really fun to be around. I love doing anything. I always look for something good in every moment. However, I can be witty or sarcastic at times as I make comments about situations or people, which many people do find funny. So, you might find yourself laughing with me a little more than most people. I think I have a subconscious desire to be a stand up comic. But that only comes out at appropriate moments. For the most part I present a very calm personality to the world with strength, but also Im quite warm to those who are close to me. Im an excellent listener and communicator. It irritates me to be ignored or dismissed so I make sure I never do either to other people. If you are talking to me....I am NOT texting or watching tv, or pretending I didnt hear you. I love giving my full attention to others and exploring ideas or feelings about things. Im always emotionally available. Something I know for a fact that women find attractive, as Ive noticed many times in my life, that when I am having a really good conversation with a woman in say a large crowd of people waiting in line, Ill often look around in thought and catch different women watching us. And I think to myself, they must be wondering what we are talking about? Women crave conversation with an emotionally available man. This however, doesnt mean Im your gay best fiend! On the contrary. Hand me an axe and Ill chop wood like a BOSS!! With all the appropriate facial scruff and broad shoulders. Im just saying....real gay men....like me a lot and are often quite disappointed to find out that I am not gay. Im the straight guy gay men desire. Which in my mind makes me a good catch for the right woman. I love weight lifting and I dabble with boxing on a punching bag. Im actually quite good. But I have wanted to get into yoga or aerobics to increase my stamina more. I dream of finding a nice girl who wants to go to the gym with me. I love to paint walls in my house, familys house or friends houses. I find the whole craft absolutely relaxing. Ive been asked by real-estate agents if I am a professional painter because they all cannot believe how good my work is. I literally have had people stand and stare at my work. Shhh....I have a few secret tricks which guarantee perfect lines. I love animals. No matter what happens to you in life.....you can always count on them to be your pal when you feel low. It makes me very happy to make them happy. I dont have kids but my view on that has changed over the years. I had a recent experience a couple of years ago where I got roped into reading a story book with a little girl and it kind of made me feel like I made a mistake not having kids. I had a very unhappy childhood with a very dysfunctional family, which seeded in my mind that family was not for me. It barely occurred to me that I could ever have a happy life. Which is part of why I am a dominant I suppose. A part of me wants to guarantee peace in my house that I never
