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grabb0r
| Pan Male, 37, Green Bay, Wisconsin
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Obedience itself is my fetish so Im pretty open to indulging a multitude of kinks and activities. Im a HUGE believer in chemistryinterests being determined by my unique connection with someone and as such my boundaries and limits have a certain degree of flexibility from person to person. Ive been into DS and Ds (pay attention to the capitalization, its important) for over a decade now. I know what I enjoy but am always happy to exploreexpandevolve. I have a definite preference for the submissive role but can be a switch, or even a dominant, with the right person. Being dominant is definitely not ever a requirement of mine though, even for a second.
Im more into sharing information via conversation (online or offline) as opposed to trying to cram it all in a profile... Be it DS or Ds, the devil is in the details and a lot depends on the personal dynamics established with someone. So if my notions resonate with you even a little bit, hit me up and well see what the connection leads to )
I take the bonds that I form with people very seriously, even to a sacred degree when DS or Ds is involved, and due to having a very honed intellect words are just as real as physical presence. I understand if interest dwindles, incompatibilities appear, someone seems a little too intense, the chemistry just isnt there, situations change, etc... but at least explain whats up if you intend to stop communicating. Im a sane and chillaxed adult who appreciates the respect of being informed. If youre one of those people who pulls a disappearing act without any explanation then its probably better if you just dont message me in the first place - not knowing what happened to someone I was connecting with regarding such an intense aspect of my being as BDSM occupies causes considerable consternation.
I have the same nickname on FetLife and by the way, thats a zero - not an oh.
In a romantic relationship situation I am into mostly vanilla, Fm dynamics, FLR, and equality-based DS regardless of roles we are both STRONG people and appreciate that quality in one-another. We provide support and security for each-other, with an understanding that we are both entitled to the same degree of respect. Obedience on the part of the Submissive is an expectation in DS, sure, but that doesnt equate to inferiority. Leadership and followership have the same amount of value. Both the Dominant and Submissive are encouraged to bring questions and disagreements to the table, and then discuss things in order to come to a solution together... the WHAT I SAY GOES card is not an acceptable way to resolve disagreements. I enjoy role reversal, domestic service (ESPECIALLY cooking), body worshipmassages, being treasured by and treasuring my partner(s). Financial domination is NOT my thing - the money each of us makes remains our own - but if a live-in partner(s) wants to manage the payments of domestic bills (or have me manage those biills) that is a situation I am amiable to.
In a play situation Things are a bit different. The expectation of obedience and eagerness-to-please remains intact, but the notion of equality does not. This is Ds. Within established limits and requirements, a submissive in a play situation exists to fulfill the pleasure of the Dominant - and the appreciation that there is no obligation on the part of the Dominant to satisfy their desires in return heightens the submissives experience. The sexual submissive derives satisfaction from the fulfillment of the Dominants desires. Im moreso into sensual Ds - teasingedging, verbal commands, body worship, anal play (including pegging), bondage, face sitting, forced orgasmcontrol - but find roughness and a bit of pain to be increasingly enjoyable the more comfortable I get with someone. As mentioned earlier in my profile I am interested in exploring and if I met someone who was into things that I have no experience with Id be interested in giving that stuff a try. Check out my interests section if you want a better idea of specifics. Or just ask.
NOTE DS and Ds arent mutually exclusive. Its entirely possible for me to enjoy both with the same person. In fact, thats the ideal... but not a requirement.
Ultimately, I believe in nurturing Domination. Buildingdevelopingguiding a submissive in a caring fashion through sensual experiences - not ruthless abuse and finding delight in inflicting suffering. I mean, a touch of sadism is fine on the edges Ill admit to enjoying a sore little reminder of an intense session during which the painpleasure threshold s a bit. But if your arousal utterly revolves around discomfort youre not my type.
I feel sad that I should have to mention this, but recent experiences in the community have convinced me of the necessity If you are not going to be 100 honest from the first time you contact me throughout the entirety of our interactions, you are the OPPOSITE of my type. I am big into the mental aspect of DS and Ds, and I appreciate partners who understand mental development as being the FOUNDATION of such connections as such deceit and manipulation are inappropriate for any reason. ABSOLUTELY ZERO EXCEPTIONS. If you feel the need to test someone with misinformation it is because YOU are a shady person.
I dont pursue. I may send an initial message because Im interested in your profile, but because the way I form relationships with people depends so much on the dynamic which gets established via communication I find it nearly impossible to form connections with strangers who arent assertive. Im a treasure for a HUNTER to find ) If you express fondness for me it will be reciprocated in an amplified manner. I very much appreciate receiving messages, and as long as you put in the effort to string a couple sentences together you WILL receive a reply.
First contact MUST be outside of BDSM context or I will assume you arent legit. Im all for a bit of no-expectations online-only play, but this standard is great for filtering low-effort visitors who dont bother to read my profile and fake usersbotsscammers.
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12/13/2017 12:58:41 PM: Relocation
Yes, I'm willing to relocate - potentially. There needs to be a substantial connection for me to consider it. I'm comfortable where I am and not some idealistic adolescent who's going pull up roots simply because I'm smitten with the mere notion of a person. My other journal entries outline the importance of connection - that is a prerequisite for relocation. If you're going to ask me in the first few messages if I'll relocate you obviously don't understand me well enough.
11/28/2017 12:43:18 PM: Manners and respect.
The VAST majority of Dominants require a certain standard of etiquette and reverence from submissives. That's entirely understandable, and the existence of protocol and politeness is indeed a source of comfort for a submissive. But the expectation of it being a one-way street is absurd.
While it's true that submissives' standards vary, making initial contact with someone using terms of degradation is generally poor taste. If you want respect you should demonstrate that you are a person who deserves it - by giving it. Anyone can call themselves a Dominant... claim a lifetime of experience in the lifestyle, put together a list of standards and requirements of their potential submissives... but the fact of the matter is that all humans are intrinsically equal.
Safe/sane D/s is dependent on consent between participants. If you assume a person is dominant over or submissive to you purely by nature of their role preference, you are not adhering to that very core value of the lifestyle. If you're into edge play, fine. If you're into degradation, fine. But just as you wouldn't cut a random sub, you shouldn't degrade a random sub.
Treat strangers with respect. Take the time to establish a D/s connection prior to expecting someone to engage in your lifestyle interests. Mind your manners initially, ESPECIALLY if you expect someone else to do the same.
7/19/2017 12:39:30 PM: I've been told I'm intrinsically intimidating, and that it's a turn-off to Dominant types. That sucks.
But I'm not going to sandbag my personality or capabilities just to be more attractive. I am who I am. I don't need or want a Dominant in my life who can't handle the fact that I am better than them at some things. I seek a situation where there would be no punishment or resentment for demonstrating superiority in certain matters. I want a Dominant whose ego isn't so fragile that it crumbles at the notion of being outdone by their submissive on occasion. One who treasures the fact that I am awesome, encourages me to be even more so, swells with the pride of ownership when I surpass them, and understands that my willingness to follow their authority is a sign of trust. Subservience born out of want, not need, is the ultimate form of surrender.
This is why I'm not interested in Dominants who are not strong people in their own right. The type who admonishes their submissive for besting them. The 'bossy babygirl,' who NEEDS a submissive to help them through life. Those dominants who always need to be better than their submissive. These examples are the antithesis of my type. It's one of the primary reasons I'm not into prodommes - reliance on a submissive to make a living isn't dominance in my mind.
The Dominants I seek can thrive without a submissive, and want a Submissive who is perfectly capable of thriving without a Dominant. They will engage in the occasional direct competition and know that regardless of if I achieve victory against them it is ultimately THEIR victory too, as I am THEIR Submissive.
NOTE: This journal entry isn't to say I'm unwilling to intertwine so thoroughly with a partner that we truly rely on each other... but it has to be born of WANT rather than NEED.
3/9/2017 7:36:33 AM: Just because you're dominant doesn't mean I'm your submissive.Until we make that connection... establish that dynamic... you're just another person to me regardless of your role preference. I don't surrender myself to strangers, and when you presume some sort of intrinsic superiority it demonstrates that you don't take D/s seriously - that it's merely a game you're willing to play with just anyone you come across. I'm not here to indulge random people's presumptuous power-trips; I'm here to find a graceful, competent, appreciative leader to devote myself to.If there's a Dominant in my life who directs me to be submissive in a situation with people I don't know, that's a different situation. I will demonstrate the utmost respect and reverence in such a case. But when I'm unowned and left to my own devices, an unknown person giving me commands and placing expectations on me is an utterly laughable notion. For the sake of your ego... take the time to get familiar with me and communicate the desire for me to be your submissive, rather than simply assuming it. You'll find that I'm extremely receptive to following consensual leadership - in equal measure to how rebellious I am against an unfamiliar person's expectation that I'll kowtow to them.
2/22/2017 8:14:48 AM: On being a 'strong submissive'...I've come across many people, Dom and sub both, who can't wrap their head around the concept of a strong submissive. They associate strength with Dominance, or the want to challenge authority - this is not the case.What it means, for me, is that having a trusted authority in my life to submit to has a re-enforcing effect on my psyche. I feel a sense of purpose; both in serving my Dominant directly and indirectly by improving my own being. With a Dominant presence in my life I am driven to perform to the best of my abilities and indeed improve those abilities. I draw confidence from such progress. I feel completeness in the comfort of belonging to someone.Being submissive to an appreciative and encouraging Dominant, both inside and outside of the bedroom, builds me into a better person. It erases my self doubt and indecision. If anything, the strength I draw from submission encourages me to be MORE obedient and dutiful.Every now and then a nurturing Dominant is delighted by the empowerment I find in surrendering myself to their authority. And I am in turn pleased by that delight. These positive feedback loops are what I strive to achieve with BDSM arrangements.
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