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kittenwood
| Pan Female, 55, Wisconsin
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in my earliest days on FetLife, I offered a deion of being a kitten which included, in part
playful, loving, loyal, highly protective of those she serves with long sharp claws and teeth, and (per Jay Wisema) carnivorous.
A year ago I read what Sir Tri, the Head of the Leather House to which I belong and where I serve as Chaplain, wrote about me and realized that for all my name will not change, who I am has. I now know what type of kitten I was, what the adult feline I was meant to grow into is. He described me as follows, and I completely agree
I would say you more resemble a panther, recently returned to her natural habitat. Quiet, nocturnal and cautious. You dont see many of them, but they are there, none the less.
I am grateful to Him, to all that He has done and been in my life all these years, and pleased to reside once again under His protection in the Life.
Ask Tim, my play partner on Boxing Day, 2015. Still playful, still affectionate. Definitely have claws. Sensual, strong, flexible. Trained, but not over much so at the moment. No collar on my neck, so I have gone a bit feral, yet the habit of domestication lingers. Still loyal and highly protective of those who are close to me.
Today, 01 January 2017, I offered myself to a friend for a session, Her choice...a kind of belated Christmas present. And she took me down the rabbit hole only to reveal my inner jaguar, strong and mighty, held in place by the collar temporarily placed around my neck for the duration of the scene. And a great battle ensued between the yawling, writhing screaming beast and the obedience demanded by the heavy leather collar buckled in place. An archetypal battle between creativity and certainty, between standing and kneeling, between tearing the world apart and submitting to Another. And...it is where I stand at this cusp, on the beginning of a year of New Beginnings. Because what I need, what I seek with all of my being, is Someone strong enough, steady enough, secure enough in their Dominance to take up the collar the jaguar by earning trust and proving strong enough to take me down, thus proving strong enough to keep me safe.
Heres to 2017, to making new friends, dancing to new rhythms, and finding play partners who, as I wrote elsewhere, are able to
Drink deep the wine of my pain, lick the tears from my face with sighs of pleasure, and return it all to me a thousand fold in agony and ecstasy beyond all words, all space and time.
And if one day a Hand reaches in to my life strong enough to win my affection, trust and submission, then perhaps a collar will again adorn my neck and I will kneel in quiet satisfaction at Feet which lead me on my next path.
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7/16/2016 7:19:53 PM: 'Tell me, kittenwood. . . what is it that you want?'
Sir,You ask a very good question.Truthfully. . . in a perfect world, I want a Master Who respects and cherishes me for who and what I am, Whose heart and mind I can respect and cherish. I want to find the person with Whom I will grow old, in whose collar I will thrive, Whose life I will be able to brighten, Whose days I will be able to fill with joy and pride.I want passion and play, structure and guidance, romance. . . I want a Sadist Who glories in my ability to receive pain and return joy for agony, bliss for bondage. I want to have a life that is filled with light. I want. . . I want to feel whole again. I want to be lost in service to Another, to be able to trust that He or She will be able to see better than I can what is in my best interest long term, because I know I have difficulty with that, and with maintaining some of the daily practices it would be best for me to do.I want to be cuddled, loved, flogged, bound, made love to, fucked. . . displayed proudly in public and protected from harm. I want normal days and nights which are always colored and overshadowed by the Collar. I want an Owner who understands that 'A Master who cannot master himself is no Master at all.' and that 'The collar goes both ways, a responsibility and honor which lies equally on Master and slave alike.' I want trust. Honor. Respect. Service. Joy. I want to share the life of my Owner even as I give all of my life into His or Her keeping.I am not perfect, Sir. I have flaws, some quite deep, and some psychological scars which hamper me in ways not initially obvious. I know what they are, and even as someone might need to wear a brace on her wrist because of an old injury (as I do), I have places in my life where I do better with a 'brace' that the discipline of a collar can provide.That may be more than You were expecting, Sir. It was more than I was expecting. .. . and is as clear and honest as my words have been in a long time, so much so that I am going to copy it out and post it as a journal. Thank You for asking, Sir?
7/15/2016 10:48:59 PM: What kitten wants. . .
saranwarp writ largecreates a cocoon for a kittensafety in immobility
rich lambskin hoodsable skinned darknessshutting away sight
and sound
as the laces turn leather into a
second,
senseless skin
pause
nostrils flaring behind faceless grommetsmuscles ripple sweat beads into
flattened pools of heat
under a transparent skin that
displays all
senses little
steam
sweat
sweet anticipation
cane?
flogger?
knife bringing chill air
or hot strips of blood?
the agony of abstinence passion squirming in abeyance until desperate desire rips free
a writhing wordless yeowl
dark passions clawing toward freedom.(c) kitten wood 2009
7/15/2016 10:46:55 PM: Sado-masochism from the bottom up
i met a Sadist once spent twenty-four hours in His web i drank when He gave water i ate when He gave food I breathed because it pleased Him for me to do so.
He gave sensation gentle touches firm smacks wrenching agony screams silenced by padded leather gag
He drank my pain like fine wine, supping at the table of my pain giving more and more and taking it all in absorbing every drop of me
and returning it in glory and release and grace in flight from within the tightest bindings in a flow of power and joy that transcended two people in a small room one bound and gagged and tied to the bed one hovering close, taking in her breath her sweat her screams her fear her bliss
drinking her in like fine wine returning her pain as fiery glory
such is the grace of sado-masochism.
(c) kitten wood 2009
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