3/21/2016 10:55:04 PM: I've been looking at myself, at what and who I am, about what I'm seeking, and I've reached a few conclusions. One is that it scares me to be submissive, and I need to do some personal work to be willing to let that out again. One measure I've taken is to start writing journals on a regular basis. These journals are more personal right now than what I'm feeling I can post on here and put out for the world to see. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be willing to let the right person read them, however. Another conclusion that I've reached is that I'm really looking for a Christian guy. I'm anxious about putting this out there, as I have a lot of friends that are not, and I don't want to imply anything negative in that regard. I just think that since I'm really looking for a lifetime relationship, this is something that really matters to me. 

3/11/2016 7:52:40 PM: AchingMy soul is empty and broken Filled with loss and longing My body screams for his touch Instead, I am alone   My emptiness feels immeasurable My soul, hot to the touch Aching for coolness My tears are endless The fount of them leaving room for nothing else   My heart is nailed to the floor of my chest Weighted by an anvil The air, sucked from my longs through my stomach I hold myself, but find no comfort Rocking myself, I find no relief   My faith has been decimated The remains sticky and irritating A cob web that has been walked through Clinging for substance Yielding only futility Emptiness. Meaninglessness. Futility. These are now my life.