6/9/2016 2:08:24 AM: An Open Letter to the Men who Message Me (and those thinking of doing so) First, I would like to thank you. Yes, thank you. I appreciate the time and effort you have taken to reach out, to write. I occasionally get an offensive message but honestly? It’s not that often. Even when I was a sub, it wasn’t really that often. Reaching out can be hard. The truth is, most of us are on here to connect with someone, not just chat with our friends and we all know that, even when we're denying it vehemently. So I’m not offended that you took the initiative on that. I’m flattered that you felt it was worth your time. I know, not what you’re used to. But I mean it. Second, the fact that you didn’t say much or that your spelling is atrocious isn’t going to make me be rude to you. I grew up in a blue collar world with construction workers and welders and the like. I don’t expect everyone to have a fine grasp of the English language. I don’t value people less because of that. It doesn’t mean they are stupid. What it does mean, though, is that I’m going to struggle to connect with you because there aren’t enough words to interact with. I need to be able to talk back. Saying “Hi” or “How are you?” is going to get a “Hi” and “Fine” back. And the conversation stalls from there on. So you need to give me something to talk to you about. Okay? It’s true that calling me Mistress annoys me. I’m a Leather dominant and if you don’t know what that is, really, please, look it up. I don’t wear high heels, thigh high boots and tight corsets. I wear jeans, a black shirt and combat boots. Yes, yes, I know there are pictures of me in dresses on my profile. We all change a lot through time. It’s very rare I put one on these days (mostly for the theatre) and it’s only for special occasions. If you don’t take the time to understand this, you’re going to be disappointed in my wide variety of t-shirts, because that’s mostly what you’re going to see me in. I am not a misandrist. I don’t hate men. I don’t dislike men. I work with men every working day. I enjoy their company. We laugh a lot, we respect each other and I love what we do as a team. Most my intimate partners have been male. I loved them just as I loved my last partner who was female. I’m not looking for men to abuse, tear down or mistreat because of some problem I had in my past. I have problems with people, not genders. Gender doesn’t make you an asshole. I’ve known as many asshole women as men, frankly. So I’m not blaming every mistake or cruel thing some guy did to me on you. I don’t hang shit on people that belong on other people. Not my thing. Now we come to the really important stuff and the reason I’m writing this letter. The biggest problem any man has coming into a relationship with me is that their whole life they’ve lived a privileged status they aren’t even aware of. They have been protected. They have been handled with kid gloves. They have been spoon fed that no one…absolutely no one…has a right to question their masculinity and that this masculinity means they have a right to be in control of things, indeed, they have an obligation! Men have created for centuries a social order where the only one who has a right to challenge a man is…another man. And if you respect each other, you don’t. Challenge that is. You leave each other alone. Now women, they don’t have this kind of thing. They are constantly challenged, by other women and by men. They take an ego thrashing like you wouldn’t believe. You never hear someone say “Oh women, we have to protect their fragile egos you know”. But I hear this all the time about men. I’m constantly being told I have to protect your fragile ego. Think about that. I dunno, but it doesn’t sound very much like something I’d want said about me. And certainly no one does! This creates a few problems when you come into my house. Because I’m not going to protect your fragile ego. I hear guys sometimes say, “You wouldn’t do that/say that to a woman!” Yes. I would. I have. And I will. In my house there is true gender equality. I treat both genders identically. I expect from both genders the same things. Courtesy in my house and to others. A sincere effort to learn what I expect you to learn. A true desire to serve someone who appreciates and loves the service mentality. Obedience to commands. Self-care of one’s health. Deference to someone else who is in authority. An ability to listen. A taste for self-discipline (which is required by a disciplinarian). And the acceptance of vulnerability. Expect to put all your shiny armor aside. It's not needed here. I protect my people and my home. I don’t distinguish between “boy” tasks and “girl” tasks. If you have mechanic skills and want to maintain my car, great. But that doesn’t mean you won’t also learn to braid my hair or help me colour it, run me a bath or give me a manicure. You don’t get to pick and choose what I need or want done. Because I am in control. And you are never going to be. My house is mine. Someone said recently “But it’s our fantasies and we have a right for them to be whatever we want.” Yes. You do. What you DON’T have a right to is to come into my house and do whatever you want. The second you involve me it has to become a shared fantasy and that means there has to be some give and take. I and my home are not here to be used as a stage or backdrop to your fantasy. Not only is my house mine but everything IN my house is mine. Everything. The toilet paper. The water in the toilet that I pay for. The soap by the sink that you use to wash your hands. Mine. And part of MY thing is that it stays mine. That you don’t have “rights” in my house and until you’ve proven yourself, you don’t have privileges either. You’re supposed to be there to serve me. And this is my castle. So I get to say how that’s going to play out unless I’ve agreed to a different dynamic, as I do with people who are simply play partners. As for sex, no, you aren’t going to fuck me. I did that for a lot of years, it was fun, now it works differently. You get to be MY sex toy, not the other way around. I’m going to use YOUR pink bits, you’re not going to use mine. You’re not going to touch one inch of my body until and IF I say so. I don’t need you to. I want to play with yours. I’ve been a sex toy. Now I’m looking for one of my own. I’m not looking for you to provide my sexual pleasure. I’m going to do that my way. Again, you’re not in control. Not even of this. I am. I’m not going to cater to your manly pride. If you do a good job, I’ll tell you. If you don’t, I’ll tell you. I expect hard work because I work hard. I’m going to treat you like a submissive first, a person second and then we can talk about your manhood, if we need to. Frankly, I don’t see why we need to, the first two should be sufficient. Will all this emasculate you? No. If you think so, you forget all the times men have willingly served others in the course of history, with respect, with courage and with honour. I had a young man come into training with me and on his contract signing day I asked him why he was doing this. He said, and I quote, “Because I want to be the man I thought I was.” Three years later he wrote to me and he said that a person at his work had told him he was a good man and he wanted me to know that he was that good man because of the journey I had taken him on. I have great respect for those that submit to the will and authority of another by choice rather than necessity. They are strong courageous people and they buck a society that narrowly defines what is good and right. The discipline they endure in the perfection of their art of service is worthy of great praise and I have been served by great people. I cherish each and every act of service performed, great or small. So when you message me, keep all these things in mind because I am not going to protect fragile egos and I am not going to act out of gender bias and I am not simply going to play to your fantasy. Instead I will believe that you have great things within you if only you can lay your pride and ego aside long enough to go through the experience.

5/26/2016 4:10:14 AM: What It's Really Like to be in a D/s Relationship with MeSo I listen a lot to what people are saying (you might not think I’m listening because I also talk a lot!). And I find that people seem to have the oddest impression of what a D/s relationship with someone like me is like. Someone who makes the D/s the primary focus of the relationship. Someone who practices domination as per the dictionary definition: Oxford dictionary: The exercise of power or influence over someone or something, or the state of being so controlled. Now this is a pretty broad definition. It can cover a lot of things and a lot of areas. It seems to me that most people entering into BDSM (and some that have been in it a long time) believe that such exercise of power or influence can or is only used for the most negative of reasons. Indeed, there seems to be only one way to consider it: Abusive, restrictive, unhealthy. Certainly such power can be used this way. Certainly it is, even more so outside of BDSM than within it. This is why we trained people in the use of power in the old days. To ensure that it was none of the above. Very few people spend a lot of time within my life. Those that do have a pretty good view of how I exercise my power of domination within a D/s relationship. However, even those people are not part of my daily life, seeing and understanding everything I do with my D/s partners. Much of what I do is private. Such is life with all of us. Few people see the daily intricacies of our relationship. What I find interesting is that people ‘make up’ things about my life and lifestyle. They tell these things to others as if they were fact. I have no idea why they do this but it gets back to me eventually. So I thought I’d share a little about what it’s really like to be in a D/s relationship with me. It’s structured: I have habits that I enjoy, which provide stability and comfort in my life. For example, making the bed on getting up each morning. Having a cup of coffee with my breakfast. Putting my clothes out before I hit the shower. Wearing a different lapel pin on my jacket each day for work. Washing the dishes up after each meal, drying them and putting them away. These simple habits are small acts that keep me happy. When I have a live in submissive, I may pass some of these or all of these on to that submissive to do for me. These structured acts become part of the foundational touch points of each day that remind us that it’s the small things done each and every day that are often the most potent signs of respect and care for each other. It’s also a reaffirmation of the commitment we made to each other to engage in this lifestyle day in and day out. It's respectful: I teach people in my service to speak in tones and terms of respect and I try to do the same back. Outside of humiliation kink, which many of us love in the short term or for spot engagements, I believe in courtesy to all and I believe that only a relationship based on true respect for each other will survive. I immensely respect the dedication, courage and strength it takes to serve another. The title that my submissive gives me reminds me of this and reminds me that I need to show that respect back. I do this by listening when my submissive has a problem, by building in communication protocols that allow us to step back a bit when things are emotional, to approach each other respectfully even when we are struggling. This is, to me, one of the most important things we can do between us. Show consistent, daily respect. I also expect my people to be courteous to others. In practicing this everywhere, it makes it easier to do at home. It's empowering: Growth and achievement are part of human nature. When one has power over another’s life, one has the opportunity to increase that person’s ability to grow. One can create opportunities for the other that they may not be able to create themselves, due to internal inhibitions, fears, habits that hold them back or simply a lack of ability to know how. These opportunities are as endless as the desires we hold within us. There is such a joy to be able to facilitate the fulfilment of a dream or a desire. And the opportunity to surprise people is endless. When one does not have to explain oneself, one can set up the most delicious surprises. For example, one day I put my slave in the car and drove her to the city. She asked no questions. I took her to a fetish clothing shop and spent two hours having her try on outfits. We walked out with the most awesome new outfit. That she had no idea we would be doing so increased her joy in the outing. Another time I took her on a trip to the zoo and then to Werribee Mansion where we spent the night. I signed her up for Tai Chi courses so she would work on gracefulness. I sent her for her massage certification because she wanted to learn massage. I encouraged her when she wanted to do her foodhandling, barista and bartending certification. I organised singing lessons for her, a viola tutor and bought a special laptop for her engineering studies. Life is anything but restrictive in my household. It's romantic: Because I openly tell people I don’t date, don’t take lovers, boyfriends or girlfriends, they automatically assume there is no love, no affection, no romance. Really people. I love these things as much as anyone! In my lifetime I have been romanced by some of the best. I learned from all that. Why in the world would I want to restrict my submissive from such joyful and tender experiences? I have booked dinners at expensive restaurants, arranged romantic getaways, brought home flowers and small gifts, bought jewelry and given romantic cards. The difference is that I do so as a dominant. I do so for my submissive, my slave, not my girlfriend/boyfriend. I am intense in my passion for all things beautiful in life. The gold heart bracelet my former slave wears? That was an valentines day gift where I whisked her away to an artist’s treehouse retreat for the weekend. Romantic is also part of who I am. And because I control the situation, I can increase the romance factor 10 fold. I never get tired of showing how much I care about my people or finding new ways of showing it. It's sexual: I am an intense, passionate person. Being in control of my emotions, being able to set them aside to deal with daily life or intermittent problems does not diminish my passion. Sex is hot, intense, powerful, creative. I might include bondage. I will include pain because I am sadistic in my sex as a dominant (I was masochistic as a submissive, go figure). I will tie my submissive up, I will flog them, I will put clamps on them, I will cut them. I will take them out somewhere on a drive and suddenly pull over, put them in the back seat or the boot area, strip off their pants (if wearing any), tie them up, insert toys and drive home. I will fuck them in the You Yangs three metres from the public path. I will push them over the counter in the kitchen and take them forcefully. I will call them a slut and tell them how they are mine, how they belong to me and all the things I will do to them until they squirm and cry out with need. Then I will take them and use them and promise to do it again. I will listen to their fantasies, their needs and I will take that away and plot and plan until I have come to an understanding of how to fulfil their deepest desires. Sex in front of others? No problem. Sex with another dominant while I control the scene? No problem. Rape fantasy? No problem. Outdoor sex? No problem. Orgasm control? Really, not a problem folks. Hell, I’ve had sex in the Louve in Paris. I know what can be done if one wants it enough. Through it all I will be in control and they will not. And as long as they fulfil their submissive nature with me, I will lust after them. Submission is the big red hot sex button. It's social: I love my big wide crazy mixed up kink family. I love engaging with them, socialising with them, getting to know them, letting them know me. I have no reason to restrict the social interactions of my people. I am possessive but not jealous. I have no reason to restrict anyone from their friends, kinky or not. I encourage my people to socialise, to develop friendships, to go out and have fun with others. I enjoy private time and I can’t do that if I am with my submissive every time I’m not at work! I believe an active social life is healthy. I can also help them if they are shy, introduce them to people, help them learn the skills I learned that helped me overcome my own shyness so long ago. It’s fun: People say to me, but I want to go to the movies, beach, etc and have fun. Good lord people, dominants are people too! I have movie nights with friends sometimes, I love going to the beach and in the ocean (I’ll wade in fully clothed, I don’t care). I do have a sense of humor and I love a good practical joke. My daughter knows that one well. I love a wide range of movies, theatre, opera and ballet. I love museums and history, travel, circuses, street performers and so much more. I have never understood why one thinks they cannot have fun in a D/s relationship. It's stable: I own my own home. I have a stable job and income. I have been living D/s full time since about 2005 and I have no reason to ever stop doing this. I am established, both in life and in my identity. People coming into my service have no reason to fear I will suddenly want to stop doing this. It isn't going to happen, at least not on my side. If they want to stop doing this, they are free to go and live otherwise. But I will never change because this is my deepest desire, my greatest freedom, my most intense joy. I have my own permanent, private play space that is always stocked and ready to go. Anyone engaging with me has the absolute assurance that I will never be wanting to walk away from the D/s. It's work: I have a work hard, play hard ethic. I am busy, dynamic and don't spend a lot of time playing games or watching TV. As well as working full time, I am renovating my house, running KNOTbound, working on my gardens and have half a dozen projects on. I expect people I engage with to be willing to work alongside me. I don't ask what I am unwilling to do myself. Don't expect to sit around amusing yourself after serving coffee. If I ask you to do something and I'm not doing it with you, it's because you are serving me by taking some task off my list so that I can do some other task. I don't work all the time but I do enjoy the results of ongoing steady labour. It's ethical: A lot of people who want to engage with me shy away for this reason. As ethical as people think they are, too often they are willing to shed those ethics for personal gain. I'm not. Those illegal videos and movies you're downstreaming? Not on my watch. There isn't even the good excuse that movies are too expensive to buy or go to the theatre. I get all my movie needs met through a $10 a month subion service. Anything more is simple greed. I don't have time or patience for that attitude. I live an ethical life and my people need to be willing to commit to doing the same. I'm not into greed or selfishness at the expense of others. I examine my ethics and I expect my people to examine and understand their own. Anything else is a deal breaker. No submissive of mine will ever need to be ashamed because of my poor ethics. Nor should I have to feel ashamed of their behavior. It’s partnership: Being in a D/s relationship is, for me, a partnership, a sharing of the responsibilities of creating a great life together that empowers, enthuses and enhances everyone’s life. I want people with me who are willing to work for that. It doesn’t mean they do all the work. It doesn’t mean I do all the work. It means we share the load equally, as partners, creating something unique, something special, and hopefully something lasting. These are some of the things that infuse my D/s relationships. No, I don’t look for love matches. I look for compatibility matches. I look for people who want to grow and thrive and explore within the D/s power exchange. This is more important than falling in love to me. I’ve been in love, many times. But love didn’t make a great life. All these things I’ve written about have made a great life. Control doesn’t have to be negative. Power exchange doesn’t have to mean losing one’s life. It can mean gaining much more of it.

1/16/2014 10:27:22 PM: So… You’re Brand Spanking New to the Lifestyle and You Want to be a 24/7 Slave So here you are. You have submissive and/or slave tendencies. You feel the pull to have someone dominant you, control you, someone to worship and serve, someone who makes you want to grovel and who fills your world. At the same time you want that someone to cherish you. Love you. Embrace and enhance your submissive nature and nurture the person you are. Can you have it? Absolutely. However…Lets take a look at what you’re asking and what you can expect. Expertise You want someone who has the experience to take you on this journey in the right way for the right reasons and with the right outcome…and who is your age. Well right off the bat that means if you’re 20 something the odds of you finding that massively experienced Master who matches the image in your head is pretty damn small. Experience takes time. Experience in power exchange, learning to Master the Art of Domination, takes time. I don’t care how much potential a young dominant has, they need years of seasoning (and ideally a bit of training) to master their art. Masters are not born in a day. They are taught, refined and seasoned through years. Be realistic. If you’re looking for someone young understand you are going to be part of their early journey and the experiences you have are going to reflect that. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing but it very well probably won’t match your expectations. So go on the journey and learn together. Build experience and your relationship over time. Expect less, work at it more. If you’re with the right partner, you’ll both get there in time. If you are older, you have a better shot of finding that “perfect” Master already formed. Relationships But…that brings us to the second part. If you’ve been fortunate enough to find someone who is very experienced don’t expect that you are the first submissive/slave they’ve had. Don’t expect their life to be empty of other kinky people. They got that experience somewhere. The better they are, the more likely they are to have power exchange relationships already and to be less interested in monogamous ones. I’m not saying there aren’t any, but many people got all that experience by engaging widely with many people over time. Does that mean they have no room for you? No, it means you get the benefit of all their experience and learning and, if they have other relationships and they’re like me, inclusive, you get the benefit of the experience of people who have already served under them as well. Some of us have extensive kink networks. You get to be part of all that. What don’t you get? Exclusive attention. You might think that’s a big loss. I can tell you when someone lives this way 24/7, there’s a lot of time to give people attention and a huge appetite to do so. You’d be amazed just how much you can do with 24 hour days J What you won’t get is an unhealthy obsession. On either side. This is a benefit. You won’t be a girlfriend. You won’t be a boyfriend. You may be a partner in power. You may be treated like a lover or you may simply be a sex toy (tell me that doesn’t push your buttons ;). You won’t have equal say. You won’t have authority to make decisions without consultation. You won’t live like vanilla people. It’s a big shift. Which brings me to the next point. Integrating So here you are, you’ve found someone interested and you’re all ready to move in and throw your life in their hands. Stop. Right. There. This is big stuff, lifestyle living. Do you really think I or any other dominant worth their salt, who can have any number of great submissive/slaves serving them because they really ARE that awesome dominant you’re looking for, is going to take you off the street, completely unknown and simply plonk you in the middle of their house and life? Reality, folks, is important. And this kind of decision is important. That kind of person is going to take their time. THEIR time. Their going to want to be sure you’re worth the effort, the expense and the disruption to their life. Yes, it will disrupt their life. And dominants can be persnickity about that. So chill. Answer questions. Expect to be interviewed more than once. Expect to be and even with a cushion). And standing at attention? Not only can that be hard on the knees and back but it can get boring and your attention can wander. Does this mean we don’t do these things regularly? No. It means you’re going to have some unpleasant owies along the way until your body adapts. Is there more I could say? Yes. I could probably write a book on it. Seventeen years of absolute devotion to power exchange relationships and lifestyles has given me a lot of insight and perspective. But I’m not going to. I just want to give a heads up to all you aspiring slaves that think that saying you want 24/7 is going to be enough to get you into a good D/s relationship with the Master of your dreams. Yes, it can happen. Yes it does happen for some people. Yes, the Master of your dreams may well be out there. But you might just be walking right by them because of some preconceived notions about how it all should work. Have a think about that. Then have another look around. You might just see more than you did before.

1/8/2014 2:15:46 AM: Who Am I? I AM FIRE I burn in spirit like a torch. My passions are undiminished with age or sorrow. Indeed, they grow greater with each passing day. I lust fiercely, I love deeply, I hunger mightily for all that life offers. My passion knows no boundary and no limit. If you fear the fire, do not approach me. I cannot contain it to make you feel safe. I AM ENERGY I work hard, I play harder, I love hardest of all. When the day is over and the work is laid down, I look back and say, “It was well done”. In all things I am a creator, striving always to create more today than existed yesterday. All truly great things take great effort. If you fear responsibility and hard work, do not approach me. I will not stop striving so that you may be comfortable in your idleness. I AM SORROW I embrace pain for pain challenges me, forces me into new patterns, drives me deeply within myself to discover new territory I have never explored. I will hurt and sorrow, grieve and endure. In my suffering I find great beauty. If you fear sorrow and the expression of grief, do not approach me. I cannot constantly smile for you that you may feel greater contentment. I AM LIGHT My being rejoices in what brings joy, growth, beauty, and light into the shadows. I am not a dungeon dweller, I do not hide my light under a bushel. I carry it instead into all the corners of my life, hoping to share it with others who live and love in the light. If you fear what the light will show you, do not approach me. I will not dwell in the darkness so that you may stay hidden. I AM CONSCIENCE My personal standards are high. I am not another’s judge and jury but I am constantly my own. This brings me peace and lightness of heart. Because of it I suffer no guilt from my own behaviour. If you fear truth and moral practice, do not approach me. I will not take on a burden of guilt that you might hope your own to be lighter. I AM IMPERFECTION I am perfectly imperfect. My standards are unattainable even by me but I am at home with myself. My imperfections are old friends, keeping me in step with all others who walk the earth. They remind me to be humble, that I am no better than any other, that I too stumble and fall. I choose to share my imperfections with the world that the world may understand I am one with its own perfect imperfections. If you fear that which is imperfect and will always fail you in some way, do not approach me. I will not try to be perfect that you may have someone as your hero. I AM SPICE Life gives us the basic ingredients for living. By adding a little spice here and a little spice there, what was once bland and simply sustaining becomes rich and extraordinary. I am careful with my spice. Too much and the dish becomes unpalatable, too little and it lacks savour. I prefer constant subtle flavourings across the board to one or two overly rich dishes. If you fear that which is different from what you are used to, then do not approach me. I will not make my life bland so that you might never be challenged. I AM BOLDNESS There is little I find to fear in life. Fear holds me back, forces me to walk a path too narrow. I refuse to be caged by what others fear. I refuse to hide in the shadows because I fear others too much to stand out. I walk openly across the stage of life and heed not the cheers or the catcalls. If you fear the attention of others and what they may say about you, do not approach me. I will not walk to the side so that you may avoid their attention and their judgement. I AM EARTH I am bonded to all that lives and breathes. The heartbeat of the world is mine. I am grounded in the soil, uplifted by the air, soothed by the cooling waters. I am steadfast, my roots sunk deep in reality. I dream no dreams that cannot become real, for reality is what we choose to make it. My reality is often greater than the fantasies of others. If you fear that reality will not please you as much as fantasy, do not approach me. I will not lose myself in vapid games so that you might never have to face what you believe you desire. I AM LIFE I am embodied in all its boundless, ever changing, ever steady glory. The blood in my veins, the breath in my lungs, the movement of my muscles scream to me of living. Everything around me is infused with the wonderment of life. There is no end to its ever shifting patterns. When I am gone, they will endure. While I am here, I am always part of them. If you fear embracing life, in all its glory, do not approach me. I will not blind myself because you choose not to share my vision and my joy.