• Dominance
• power exchange
• consensual non-consent

• entitlement
• misogyny
• abuse

• didn't read your profile
• probably don't understand the meaning of "sapiosexual" either

For the avoidance of doubt, I'm really not interested in vanilla married or those otherwise involved in vanilla relationships and looking for a sneaky kink on the side.

I resolved my vanilla issues some years ago and heartily recommend others do the same. No excuses.

So regardless of whether it's your wife that doesn’t understand you or you that doesn't understand your wife, I recommend that you click "next profile".

If however it's your ex-wife that doesn't understand  you, then maybe we will talk.

:-)

Scorpios like to think of themselves as mysterious, alluring, darkly sexual and brimming with barely contained power. The truth is that they're not.

 

• Do we trust people based on what they say at face value, and run the risk of feeling foolish if we find we have been hoodwinked, but perhaps feeling a worthwhile connection if we haven't?
• Do we retain a moderate and supposedly healthy level of suspicion, somewhat disabling the opportunity for intimacy.
• Do we place people through a series of "initiation" style tests and present as highly suspicious, running the risk of accusations of paranoia or being fake?

Fantasists and D/s: doesn't do what it says on the tin
(aka I can only be submissive if you give me something to submit to)

I have oft mused over the fact that many of the D/s dynamics I've explored with another have emanated from some florid promises, or communication of detailed fantasy, into nothing, or virtually nothing.

This has occurred by means of multiple types of connections and hence the "is it me or him?" question is moot: it's definitely them.  So why is it many so-called doms can talk a good dominant talk, but can't actually deliver goods meeting said descrip tion? I say this from a purely submissive point of view, and acknowledge it is possible that this is a universal experience for Dominants and submissives.

In my 10 years of actively being submissive I have encountered face to face and online so-called dominants who initially indicate promise of the goods of dominance, but when it comes down to it, falter quickly, often not even getting off the ground.  Perhaps the first play or two, alongside the pre-meet communication is filled with intensity, activity, and the call of submission fulfilled. But then what? Nada!  It's unreasonable to think that every meet (virtual or face to face) will culminate in something fruitful, of course they don't (my longest meet lasted 7 minutes after which I walked out stating "sorry I'm not feeling the click here" (quickly turning into a dash for my life whilst I held back the shudders - but at least I had the decency to say so and we parted civilly).  To illustrate a few:

• Long mail discussions on fantasies and demanding of information, with no revelation of personal identifiable information such as a phone number, IM ID and so on, but a promise that "when the time was right" we would "meet in a hotel room". Yeah, right (that one was just downright scarily dangerous).

• A month long period of daily intense IM communication and the discussion of meeting (involving some considerable distance I'd add - on my part) only to discover that said person, who was allegedly still living with the ex-wife for financial reasons, would never reveal his real first name to me due to trust issues and fears of ex-wife finding out and evicting h im- that one cracked me up - D/s is ALL about trust. Why would I want to meet someone who doesn't trust me?

• A 3-month kink relationship involving some 90 miles of regular weekend visits, culminating in only 2 full on play sessions, despite gentle and tactful protestations on my part and promises on his that things would "change".  Of course they didn't and vanilla seemed much more the flavour of the menu: a definite "not as listed" offence. I am glad to say however, that we are still friends.

• An initially powerful connection with intense first meet, online communication, a couple of subsequent meets and capitulated with endless agonising of navel gazing and periods of complete radio silence, interwoven with periods of intense sexualised messaging. Suggestions of my excessive suspiciousness as to what might really be going on and accusations of my lack of submission, despite me, quite literally, gagging for it and making it blatantly clear of that fact. You can take a horse to water...

• Intense pre-meet discussions about likes and dislikes, which then seem to be ignored as only a few weeks into the dynamic you are asked the exact same questions about "what you are into".  And when you gently remind that you have already had in depth conversations about this, he says he "forgot". Well thanks mister, I'm glad I was so important that you just pointlessly asked all those questions and didn’t afford me the consideration to listen to my innermost desires, fears, hopes and fantasies, let alone consider how to exploit them (exploit them, pleeeease, I told you for a reason).  I'm certainly not going to repeat it again just for you to treat it with disrespect again - that's personal, intimate, and delicate information about me that you treated like a piece of litter kicked along the pavement.  If you think I'm going to give you another chance just to trash it, think again. You should have been listening the first time, and no I don't expect you to remember everything verbatim, but if you valued my openness and submission you'd make an effort to remember something. Next please…

• Intense first (and second) play with convincing promises of many more to come - said person literally walked out of the house with a satisfied smile on his face, refused to take his remaining beer in the fridge with the assertive "I'll be back for them, don't worry, see you soon" comment, disappeared off the face of the earth, leaving perplexity (well I wasn't expecting that!), worry (I've been played), concern (shit, could he be dead?) and anger (how very dare he). Seven months later, said liar reappears online with the excuse that a last minute "job on a remote island without much wifi" was the reason for such rudeness.  Definitely NOT cricket mister.

• Several initially promising exchanges of messages on profile sites such as this, which, almost instantly when they move to IM, turn into instant demands for personal information (be it detailed sexual information or person-identifiable information) without any consideration for the fact that trust is earnt and intimacy develops over time. (Anti-)climaxing in me or him telling the other to do one in no uncertain terms, often within very few exchanges of the first IM. The "oh, you're not very submissive are you" accusations are hilarious - mate, we've only be talking for five minutes you fuckwit.

• Even some ongoing online dynamics are not safe - these are also prone to promises of much activity and play which is in reality idle speculation of fantasies as opposed to any commitment to exploring ongoing play.

• A very keen to meet supposed Dom a mere 40 miles away, who I was absolutely 100% sure would show, but didn't - he had even messaged me that morning  to check I was still intending to come. I perhaps foolishly waited an hour, mostly because I believed he would show, and was probably lost (see how nice I am), although I chose a very easy to find public house on the edge of a major road junction. He eventually messaged to say he had "got lost" and was "at home". All fine until he uttered the imortal words "when I was lost I started to wonder if we were ever fated to meet…".  I suggested he either had "cold feet" or "self-esteem problems". I mean, at  no point had I ever intimated I was not going to meet him (hell, I waited for a flippin hour for him). I was, at that point, apparently "getting too personal" and he was off (not before I metaphorically stomped and hit "delete" from my contacts). Ironically he contacted me six months later and asked if I wanted to "try again". I asked;  "why?". Thinking, perhaps he has reconsidered his behaviour towards me (submissives can demand behaviour requirements too, we aren't doormats guys), his only reply being; "I really want kink in my life". [Go find it somewhere else then newbie and come back when you know how to be Dominant and treat a submissive with consideration.]

Most of the above scenarios are such that the offender is unlikely to ever read this, though I do accept that some, if they are still nosing back through my profile for some odd reason, may recognise them self. Sorry, no offence is meant and no attempts to name and shame made, this is rather to illustrate a point - people in D/s are RARELY what they say they are. Just like job applicants who put on their best side in the application/CV and interview, once they get into the job, it soon becomes apparent whether they are bullshitting or a desperate Yosser (cue: "I can do that" --> Blackstuff reference for those who remember the days).

I also accept that dynamics are a two way street, and there may have been behaviour aspects on my side of the street which I have chosen to not acknowledge or consider. I would add however, that I have some long term online kink contacts (mostly male and Dom) who would also attest to such similar stories with fantasist submissives. One funny story from an online Dom friend included how his no-show occurred despite him even having seen copies of plane tickets - she still never showed and the excuse was laughably flimsy. Really? People actually pay for internal flights and then don't get on the plane. Wimp - go back to vanilla land with your tail firmly between your legs.

I do also have to celebrate some amazing success and in particular one most amazing online Dom/Daddy/mentor a submissive could ever ask for who gave so much and asked for so little in return - however I guess he got what he wanted from me: obedience and complete control, and I got a rich experience (something to be obedient and submissive towards) in return.  It works both ways, both positively, and negatively...more positive please!

I've often mused over the "not what was stated on the tin" D/s dilemma - ultimately it's frustrating, wearing, sometimes downright hurtful and othertimes absurdly, side-splittingly  funny.  I recently had an interesting suggestion as to the reason why such "disappointments" may occur. That some (perhaps, from my perspective, a lot) folk "are just less kinky than they like to think they are… and the pull of conventional thinking and relationships/sex is very strong for a lot of people." Amen to that! I am glad to say that I'm not one of those.  I am the submissive, he is the Dominant. I respond to you, I do not map out elaborate play scenes for you to take credit for or put all of the ideas into your head without you interacting with me on a sustained basis, taking note of my reactions , exploiting and manipulating what I tell you. Exploit me pleeease….

Next please....?

I'm considering extending my proof reading service of profiles to proof reading messages. Really, some (actually, a lot) of the messages I receive on here are abjectly dumb.

I just received this:

"Read my profile and considered yourself hurt."

WTF is "considered" doing in the middle of this brief sentence???

If you are going to try to insult me, at least have the decency to spell correctly.

All you have done is amuse me with your idiocy. Cretin.