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I've tasted power. Yes it's addictive. I learned that the best power to have isn't the power one has over another, but rather the power that one has within oneself. The former can only exist through the consensual subjugation of another. The latter is present, even in the midst of utter solitude. In consensual D/s, power can only be had when granted. Inner personal power requires no such thing.
If you desire to be owned because you feel unwanted or unloved, I sympathize with you and sincerely encourage you to work past that. I'm only interested in you if you want to be owned because you crave the totality of emotion bound up in such a relationship.
If you identify yourself as submissive, but also state that "it is earned". Newsflash: A genuine submissive can't turn it on and off, no more than one can cause the Sun to rise in the West. What you are is someone who has identified an angle and is under the illusion it can be exploited, and you're correct, if you limit yourself with beings of lesser intelligence than yours.
Favorite quotes:
~~ "Power doesn't change people, it only reveals what they truly are..."
~~ "Breaking a woman in is the process of aligning her own nature with what a man wants her to be. All women bring their own particular ideas of what a relationship should be and what their role within that relationship is going to be. Some women seeking a D/ s relationship even have very controlling ideas of how they should be submissive and how the man should be dominant. When a woman is broken in, her preconceived ideas are dispelled, her way of thinking is altered, her body is forfeited and she begins the full process of being trained to be owned as property." -- (source unknown)
~~ “It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.” ―Cherise Sinclair ~~
~~ “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” ―Lao Tzu ~~
~~ I was taught through my mind first as my flesh followed. He taught me and created need but it had to do with what my needs already were. He waited and watched and only gave me what I needed once the need appeared. It taught me to open from the inside." - Ownedwithfreedom (owned female slave's profile name here, reposted with permission)
~~ "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." - Alice Walker
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Recently a woman wrote to me and claimed to have a deeper and more other-directed conceptualization of the practice of humiliation than the one offered in my previous journal entry. After stating my thoughts on humiliation as a sexually charged practice, I offered her an opportunity to share what erotic humiliation means for her. It is posted below with her consent.
"Humiliation, as you said, is very personal, which is one reason it is fascinating. One needs to know the other person, her buttons, etc., in order to do it at all, let along well, or meaningfully. Years back, I had had a love/hate relationship with the idea of one particular practice in BDSM. I was fascinated by the idea, but also resistant to engaging in that sort of thing, because I was worried about the humiliation potential. At that time I believed purposely inducing feelings of humiliation was disrespectful, the sign of an ass-hole and indicative of something not very positive whether for the D or the s.
And then, my partner of the time engaged me in that way, and I did feel embarrassed and humiliated. I didn't have much opportunity for eye-contact with him while we were 'busy', but eventually, I was able to glimpse his face and demeanor as he directed me. He was resplendent, and my spirit took flight. He had a look of both absolute concentration, and psychic flight. His aspect radiated satisfaction, pride, contentment, excitement and more. To me, whatever the 'cost' he had extracted from me to engage in that humiliating way, was absolutely insignificant by comparison with his fulfillment toward which I was the conduit. My pleasure and satisfaction is being the means to 'his' pleasure and satisfaction. So my take on humiliation is that it is definitely part of a spiral, but it is an upward spiral of each person feeding and reinforcing the desires of the other, and indeed being the means to each other's self-actualization. So, ultimately, humiliation isn't. And that's why I find humiliation to be such a fascinating practice.undertaking." |
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One woman, when asked what is the appeal of erotic humiliation for her:
"I am finding more and more that I enjoy many aspects of this particular arena. I'm no fettishist, but I certainly love the thought of a man tying me up, slapping me around a little, depriving me of orgasms, and calling me names. It's a far cry from who I am out in the real world. There, I am the boss. I tell everyone in my world what the hell to do all the time. I run my own business.
That said, in the last few years, it felt GOOD to give up control to someone else, and take everything like the good little bitch that I am. In essence, the answer to your question for me is, it makes me feel free. The burden of controlling everyday life is removed from me entirely, even if it is for only one evening of pure, unadulterated, secret pleasure. I get off on someone "man enough" to control me, humiliate me, and turn me into the exact opposite of the me that exists in everyday life. I am always tempted to say the wrong things, and having "consequences" for my actions is an exciting expectation. whereas in real life, no one ever challenges me. Pain and pleasure go hand in hand. I can't have one without the other."
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