So, I am sitting here deciding what to think about what I am finding.  I feel somewhat frustrated.  Life seems different then I thought it should be.   I suppose that as I look back on it I shouldn't be that surprised   I often build things or people up much farther then they are meant to be.   As I have been lurking and searching the last few months on here I have decided that most people want to have money, they want to be paid to dominate someone.  As I thought about that, isn't that kind of like topping from below.  I know that if I paid for a service I would want it to be a certain way.  I would want to get my gratification.  After all I am the one who is controlling the pay check.  In my eyes, and I might have this wrong,  I see that the Domme would working for me.  She would need to do everything I asked otherwise she wouldn't get the payment.  And if she did happen to get me to prepay she would get no repeat business from me ever.  So I am confused how this is suppose to work.  How this is suppose to be a Domination submissive relationship   To me it doesn't seem to be. 

I keep thinking I should add some pics, put in more posts.  The whole white I think this I have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that is driving the point home that why should I, the people on here in general are fake, are not looking for someone like myself, and sooner then later I will leave this website and I wouldn't have to worry or dismantle my account.  I will search for a little longer in hopes that things will work out.  However I fear greatly that they are predestined to fail.  I do hope I am wrong. 

I hurt my shoulder snow boarding.  First day ever.  Was trying so desperately to enjoy it and do it correctly then I take a massive fall and hurt the shoulder.   Not a supper bad problem other than a hurt wing limits some of my ability on here and even in life. 

I suppose all things like that happen for a reason. 

been looking at other photos on Collar me very erotic and inspiring.  I think so many of the people on here are amazing and fun.  I hope none mind me looking 

So, I am going nuts.  Right now I have locked myself away into my chastity device.  I am horny horny horny.  I have my luna beads in.  I am so desperate for the slightest amount of attention.  

I wish that I could come up with something better.  I must live in the wrong place or approach this the wrong way.  I get very little interest.   I wonder what Might make that better.  

I have switched before and been a dom, normally I think a dom has a better chance at finding someone.  I much higher chance then a submissive. 

I have a huge clothing fetish.  I suppose its like most clothing fetish however I know with mine that I love clothing that both I can wear as well as clothing others wear.  For me I enjoy tight and smooth clothing.  Love spandex and latex.  I suppose I like the same on others.  

So Many assume that since I have a clothing fetish I love to dress up as a woman.  Not entirely true.  From time to time the humiliation of being forced into female clothing is a huge turn on.  However I am not a true cross dresser I only enjoy it when it is forced or commanded for me. 

My typical day is included with matching spandex top and bottom.  I love to feel the wet silky look of the tight material spreading across my body.  I wear it always. It is worn under my clothing like some sort of kinky reminder of who I am.  It helps to keep me in a very aroused state.  

I have always longed to be taken by a dominate.  Usually my thoughts are toward women.  I come to them and they turn me and force me bent over or down on my knees.  I do not look at the force as a physical one, rather more of a command and a attitude,  more like I know that your place is beneath me and there for you will obey and do.  

I do dream of that very much. 

This Journal thing is still kind of a interesting concept for me.  I am not sure how deep I should go, nor how much I should share.  As I stated in my earlier one I have been at this for awhile now at least in some form or another.  I am a true submissive to my core.  However I did spend several years as a Dominate Man due to the lack of female Dominates.   It seems I still have those same problems, finding dominate women that is.  Because of my submissive nature I fear I might have low confidence on what someone might want to know.  So many things seem to interest me however I don't want to bore the reader with to much.  Perhaps is some does read this Please send a comment and I might describe more of how I feel about certain things.  I am trying and will continue to try for awhile.  

So I am at it again.   I am thinking back on some of the wonderful times I have had with bondage.  Today I thought about how I got started and where things went from there.  It has always surprised me how few female dominates there are out there. I make the last statement based of my search for one.  When I was younger I developed at a very young age a female Mistress to control and command me.  When I say young I mean very young my first self bondage session where I tied my cock to a bed post was at age eight.  My father walked in and found me.  Wow, I received a very rough time from him and my mother.  It is funny to me though it never really stopped me.  It did however force me to want to hide it.  I suppose that might be some of my deep fantasies are pertaining to bondage underclothing in public places. 

I wonder does anyone really read these? Are they worth posting? should I include more details? or should I just stop?   

So many questions very few answers.  

So I didn't write over the weekend.  Perhaps I should have.  My kinky desires are caring me further and further down a road filled with passion and desire.  I so long to serve.  To feel special to someone.  To belong to someone who knows how to use me and take advantage of me is one of my most wonderful dreams.   I am cleanly shaved all over today.  Have been for a few days.  The feeling of my sensitive flesh naked and soft to touch the clothing is erotic and arousing.  I find my clothing fetish increasing and my desire to be touch increased.   I hope that I can make someone very happy.  That I devote myself to their every whim and they will care and appreciate me for it.  

I tried once and it failed.  So this is Attempt # 2, I hope this goes better.  I am horny to say the least.  I am craving.  My desire is peaking and I am in serious need of being controlled and used.  My cock is hard and swelling, precum glistening from the top of the glans.  My Muscles are tense, emotions are high.  I long to be used. I desire to be abused.  To have someone care enough to hurt me.  To have someone care enough to punish me for small mistakes. My mouth has a craving for the sweet taste of a dominate woman's sex.  My shoulders quiver and lurch at thoughts of being forced to full fill the dominate persons every whim.  I am very strait, however have done some bi activities.  And today my long is so sever I crave any dominate control from either sex.  PLEASE FIND ME. PLEASE USE ME. I feel as if my whole body is on fire and ultra sensitive.  To be spanked.  To be denied.  To have my body used, each hole stretched and forced.  Each section of skin to be touched and manipulated.   Oh how I desire for it, Oh how I long for it.  MAY I PLEASE SERVE.