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BBWUSER
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MasterM52
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BasileusNYC
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NewDaddyinTown
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I took a 2.5 year break from this but how could I have forgotten the infantile behavior of the Doms. I am exhausted and I have only been back a month. I remember back to the men of my youth and the quiet strength they exuded -where did that go in our society. I realize the woman have taken over but I do miss the real men-sighs.
-The empty nest, nobody tells you that the first year your child goes off to college that you have no compass but such a sense of loss and you eat cereal for dinner because nobody needs you anymore.
First off, please know I am very content with my life. I have a beautiful family, friends and a career I love that allows me flexibility and financial security so I am in no need of being rescued.
That being said, there is still something missing during those early morning half awake moments when I find myself reaching for someone who is not there and I have noticed that more and more this saddens me.
I do not know who this someone is but my hope is that, he is all Dom, that he does not play mind games, that he understands and loves me even though, I laugh at everything, that I get drunk and kiss everyone, that I am a smoker and an occasional toker. I hope he is firm because I am a wild child that needs accountability because it makes me a better person. I hope he is a light sadist because I am a light masochist. I hope he is honest and that I can trust what he tells me with no doubts. I hope he can match my intense loyalty. I hope he can care for himself financially. I hope for intelligence because smart is so sexy. I hope he knows that I give unconditional love and that if I am in your corner then anything is possible.
I am very open, light hearted, talk and laugh with everyone but beneath that, lies a deep shyness with men, which meansunless you pursue me, I do not have the self esteem to pursue you.
I am and always will be a work in progress but I kind of like me!
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I dont mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I dont mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding. Anas Nin
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Sonnet 17
by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way
because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I nor you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep
it is your eyes that close. |
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Error Code: Love
If you’re going to fall in love -
Don’t fall for the decorated “Me.”
That I prepare every morning
To face the world, to survive another day.
A fake smile, a white shirt, jeans and cologne.
Don’t fall in love with that false persona
That I carry to impress, to climb
The steps of achievement they've defined for me.
I’m not exactly the spring you've waited for.
I can be the deadly summer.
If you’re going to fall in love -
Fall for my weaknesses.
My jealousy, my impatience, my indecision.
My moods, my resistance, my numbness.
My inner child that seeks attention.
who can be restless – giving you a hard time.
Love me, for them if you can.
I’m not exactly the spring you've waited for.
I can be the dry Winter.
Fall in love with the wall I create.
From a self-perceived maturity and melancholy.
Fall in love with my scars, my wounds, the blood stains.
All the under-achievements, all the complexities.
That make me - imperfect. That make me – “me.”
Love me, for them if you can.
If you’re going to fall for me,
Fall in love with every fragment of me.
Decent, wicked, ugly, glorious - I’m a little bit of all.
Fall in love with my shortcomings, my sleepless nights,
My journey to madness – my write ups.
If you can- fall in love with the naked me.
Real, unpretentious, raw.
Or my dear, don’t love me at all.
Copyright: ©Suman Bhattacharya, 2014
Suman Bhattacharya
Author, Error Code Love |
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| Age: 22 |
| Venus,
Texas |
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