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NinaHyena
| Lesbian Female, 38, Illinois
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When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me Id have to beat the boys off with a stick when I got older. I dont think this is what she had in mind.
Ive been interested in various aspects of BDSM since I was in college, but I havent yet had the opportunity to have any real life experience with it, primarily because I have yet to meet anyone who I want to have that kind of relationship with. So obviously, Ive got an idea of what Im interested in and not interested in, but I accept the fact that you cant really know if you like something until you try it.
Since it seems to be a burning question on so many peoples minds, Ill attempt to answer the am I primarily dominant or submissive question with more than just an its complicated. Binary, black or white definitions have never really fit me well. Whether I lean towards dominance, submission, both, or neither in any given situation depends on a number factors, including who Im with, what activity were engaging in, and my mood at the time, among others.
In terms of everyday life, I dont like being told what to do. Im obstinate, stubborn, and ornery when Im pushed in a direction I dont want to go in (and sometimes even when Im pushed in a direction I do want to go in). At the same time, the idea of controlling every aspect of someone elses life 247 doesnt really appeal to me either. In terms of kinky play, there are some things Im interested in trying from both the top and the bottom, some that Im only interested in trying from the top, some that Im only interested in trying from the bottom, and some that Im not interested in trying at all.
Another question I get a lot is about what Im looking for. To put it simply, Im looking for everything and nothing. Im currently single and very happy that way however, I wouldnt mind finding someone special to explore this wide world with in whatever that relationship takes. At the same time, I really dislike the traditional definition of dating. Im a serious introvert, and just working 40 hours a week takes up the majority of the energy that I have for interacting with other people. That leaves me needing to spend a decent amount of time alone at home in order to refill my tank, so going on dates multiple times a week just isnt going to work for me.
While Ive listed my sexuality on here as lesbian, Im actually a bit more complicated than the drop-down menu allows. Im not interested in any kind of sexual activity unless I have a strong connection with a person (you know, like enjoying non-sexual, non-kinky activities together, enjoying each others company, having common interests and similar world views). If you make me pick just one word to define my sexuality, I would have to go with asexual, although lesbian would be a close second. Sorry guys, but I have a much stronger connection with women, so youre out of luck here. I understand that anyone I end up in a relationship with is probably going to have a more active libido than I do, and I am absolutely willing to work with the right person to find a compromise that makes both of us happy.
My interests in life are many and varied. I love reading, Pilates, Disney World, Marx Brothers movies, the violin, the Muppets, running, Celtic music, hiking, Shakespeare, traveling, Cirque du Soleil, and enjoying all the beauty nature has to offer us.
Im not a grammar Nazi, but I do really appreciate good communication skills (you know, things like proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar). Communication on the internet is hard enough as it is, and it doesnt need any more obstacles. If I have to work too hard to figure out what someone is trying to say, I lose interest quickly, and I assume what theyre telling me is that theyre either lazy, ignorant, or both.
If youre still with me through all of that, Im interested in talking to people, exploring new things, and most importantly, learning as much as I can. And I shouldnt have to say it, but if you send me a friend request without letting me know why you sent it or how you stumbled across my profile, youre getting ignored.
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10/22/2016 7:16:28 AM: Why I Won't Interact With Married People if Their Spouses Don't Know About Their Kinky ActivitiesIf you're married and your spouse doesn't know about your kinky activities, your spouse will be hurt when they find out what you're doing behind their back. If I were to interact with you, I would be partly responsible for causing that pain without their consent, and I am absolutely not interested in hurting people without their full and enthusiastic consent. Period.
9/8/2014 5:02:11 PM: “Learn, but always learn with other people by your side. Don’t be alone in the search, because if you take a wrong step, you’ll have no one there to help put you right.”
“There are many philosophical systems—such as Taoism and Buddhism—that make no distinction between creator and creature. People no longer try to decipher the mystery of life but choose instead to be a part of it.”
“Is learning just putting things on a shelf or is it discarding whatever is no longer useful and then continuing on your way feeling lighter?”Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello
9/7/2014 2:31:47 PM: Quotes from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s “We Should All Be Feminists” speech at TEDhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc
“The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognizing how we are.”
“Culture does not make people. People make culture.”
“A feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there is a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better.”
9/1/2014 5:51:20 AM: 'It was one man who invented the wheel. It was one man who discovered the law of gravitation. Nothing that happens is without effect. If you throw a stone in a pond the universe isn't quite the same as it was before.'Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge
8/19/2014 10:28:55 AM: Every so often I read a book that makes me think, “That’s totally applicable to D/s relationships even though it’s about something completely different!” Since I like to talk about books and since I especially like to share my favorite books, I thought I’d start this journal entry as a place to list those really awesome books that everyone should read. Consider it a work in progress; I’ll add more as I stumble across them.
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Introverts and extroverts communicate differently. They also have different needs in their relationships with other people. While Cain isn’t a scientist and her book probably isn’t the best source on the subject, it is a good, easy-to-read introduction to the idea that sometimes we think we are communicating when in fact we are not.
Moral Politics: How Liberals and Conservatives Think by George Lakoff
Lakoff, who is an expert in his field, explains that liberals and conservatives often don’t understand each other because they have different definitions of morality. Conservatives subscribe to a “strict father” morality, while liberals believe in a “nurturant parent” morality. An interesting read for those interested in the “to punish or not to punish” debate.
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