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So here's the real truth as to why I'm a sub and what it really means to be one. Truthfully,
Hetero Male Submissive, 45,  Maryland
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DeaIrae nolacutie ayesha09 MistressBia RestlessGoddess2

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So here's the real truth as to why I'm a sub and what it really means to be one. Truthfully, for a long time I didn't understand my feelings, and ran from it. I thought it was abnormal as hell. Not so much anymore. I'm at peace with all of it, and also understand where it manifested itself. At this point it's vital to accept it as part of my persona and live it responsibly.

In a nutshell, it all had roots from my early teen years. I was sent to a private Catholic school, and it was a creepy place. It was situated in this old house, and looked like this scary evil estate. Upon reflection, the entire culture of the place was pure D/s, and admittedly it got to me.

Basically speaking, the school had a big brother/little brother fraternity culture. The seniors were high in status, the freshman the lowest. They had harsh and draconian rules, but only enforced them on the weakest students. The rich and influential kids? Carte blanche. I found myself on the receiving end of their harsh discipline, yet wasn't a particularly bad kid. They just saw me as a target and really were tough. The school's disciplinarian was actually a guy, and he was extremely sadistic. He would use a lot of intimidation and physical stuff to put fear and compliance in you. It was kind of abusive to be honest with you.

But there was another dynamic that added fuel to the fire. The head of the school was a little bit weird. He established this pecking order, and allowed the seniors to really dominate the freshman, up to, and including an actual organized "initiation" practice that amounted to a full fledged hazing. At the time I was a fighter type of personality, and would stand up for myself. That put a huge target on my back as one of the ones they really wanted to "get". The final piece was a senior girl, who was quite attractive, but definitely played full contact. She was really after me because I once mocked the cheerleaders, which she was the captain of. I received multiple warnings from upper classmen, and even some in administration that I needed to back off. The girl was one of the untouchables, and she did not suffer fools.

So in the lead up to the initiation, I became increasingly worried. I would see her around the school, and if looks could kill, I would have been dead long ago. She was definitely out for blood, yet for reasons I didn't understand, I liked it. And when initiation came, oh yeah, so did she. Blindfolds, stress tests, got smacked around real bad. And at the time I had no understanding why, but I found myself loving all of it.

In the end, we bonded and became friendly. She liked me, and I liked her, and she turned out to be a very nice person. But it was clear she was a Domme. Just being near her always put me on edge in a good way, I felt her presence. She just had it, no other way to describe it. That's the secret to real Dommes I've learned. It's not about BDSM, it's an inner spirit, a presence that a woman like that has. You just feel it, and know it. In her case I do not know if she had a freaky side, but I do know now that my submissive feelings with her were likely equal in her dominant feelings for me. It just was there, you couldn't see it, you just felt it. She had it, I had it, and in the end it was all good.

That's what I'm ultimately seeking. The draconian Catholic school experiences added the D/s element to me, but ultimately I seek that special woman that has that "it" factor. That presence that you just feel. This is why I've been really hard on the findommes and other oddities on here. I know they don't have what I've described, they just don't.

So my ultimate question now to anyone reading this is: Are you that person? Do you have that presence that can reach into my soul? If you do, then I think the next step is obvious.

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Journal Entries:
4/17/2018 4:05:28 PM

Here's a common canned pitch they all use. Where the hell do you people get this stuff?

I want to have a fantastic relationship with you as my obedient slave and I look forward with much excitement to train with strict discipline. I want you to prove worthy of my supremacy as I will make  you yearn to where my collar and leash and relinquish total control of yourself to me. Your time with me would be a time you would never forget all your life and would last for a very long time, having great times together and exploring those kinky side in you with great pleasure.

1. You must always address me as master, do not forget this for one second!

2. You must never disagree or argue with ME.

3. My WILL shall always supersede your own, and my tiniest whim is your absolute law.

4. You shall always  please me at all times,there is no room for bad moods.Perfection of service and submission is the goal, mere excellence will be tolerated.

5. You shall speak in third person speech. Therefore you shouldn't use the words  I , "me" or "mine." Instead, say  "this one" , "this slave" or "this ."

6. You would serve me alone and be pleasing, you should cancel every other contact with any Mistress immediately if you want to have the special position of MY slave.

7. You should not enter into the conversations between you and your Mistress with others .I love to share a special and sacred bond with my slave without any interference.

8. You must NEVER do anything without permission, always ask for permission before leaving a conversation.

9. If you need to ask a question during conversation, request for permission to do so, then ask your mistress,your mistress is your teacher and path.

10. You would always be loving,faithful,loyal and honest towards any dealings with your Mistress

11.You must STOP your search for any other Mistress

4/17/2018 5:24:53 AM
The more and more I do my homework, the more I'm convinced the BDSM lifestyle is sort of not real. It just seems to me that 98% of the various kinks and fetishes are us guys doing that stuff. I'm a total skeptic when it comes to women and kinks. I just don't see them really having them.

I mentioned cuckolding. Again, what I didn't know is that it's the men pushing this stuff. Women just don't function like that, it's really not something they do. I see profiles on here all the time for women professing that type of relationship, but I'm not buying into it.

As far as this site or similar ones are concerned, my experience is that a plurality of what I see is just fake stuff. People just clowning around or just looking for a quick cash score. There are a few people here and there that are legit, but most are just fake profiles.

As far as the legit people, particularly the dominant women on here, my overall experience, which feeds my skepticism, is that they're sort of not real. Many I find are prodommes, which I don't have a problem with, as they cater to that kinky guy fantasy stuff for a fee. That's fine if it works for your situation. But my perception is that even they are strictly business. I'm not convinced they personally are into it during their off time.

Findom? The more I look at that mess, the more I'm realizing us men are giving ourselves enough rope to hang ourselves with. People aren't stupid, and are taking advantage of our own lack of self control. There's only one way to stop the findoms, and that's just to say no.

So as stated, most of this stuff is men's fantasy stuff. I don't honestly believe that women give a crap about it. But alas, I don't profess to be some kind of expert on this, just stating my personal observations. If anyone had another viewpoint or differing experience, I'm all ears.

4/16/2018 4:34:47 AM
Cuckold lifestyle? Is it realistic? I'm no expert, but the more I research it, I find that it isn't what I thought it was. The truth is that it, once again, is a male driven thing. It seems that almost every single time, when it comes to fetishes, kinks, all sorts of "alternative lifestyle" choices, it really is more about men than women.

I honestly find that women tend to not really be into kink. Perhaps it's the programming of roles that society thrusts upon us, I really don't know. But if there's a kink or some odd perversion in a relationship, it always seems to be the man with the issue. I'm skeptical that any of it really clicks with women.

So that is something I'm open to discussing. Is femdom, cuckolding, FLR, or any of this stuff really female driven, or is it actually the men pushing this stuff? I'm sort of on the fence about it, but I'm starting to believe that even femdom is not the least bit dominant, but is actually a form of submission. It's more about women doing things to please men's little dark desires. Some do it professionally as we know. But true domination? I'm kind of a skeptic about it. Seems to me like the man is actually in control in most cases. Cuckolding seems to really fall into this area. More of a male fantasy than something women really want.

What do others think?

4/15/2018 12:49:56 PM
One thing I've seen a real uptick in listings on here is just making me SMH and throw up in my mouth at the same time.

WTF is with what appears to be the gaining popularity of "human toilets"? And the pictures as well?

Come on guys, don't give me that "To each his own" and "Stop judging people" nonsense.

That's just nasty.

Stay safe, sane, and consensual.

4/14/2018 12:22:53 PM
OK, gotta mention this one. If I talk to you on here or hangouts or wherever, stop calling me slave!

Bad form.

I am not your slave right out of the gate. Quit the games and let's have a conversation worth having. Talk about the moon and the stars, I don't know. But I'm not your slave!

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