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charlestonscmilk

charlestonscmilk - photo 5

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Sorry to start this profile off on a negative note, but it seems to be necessary.

Here is who should NOT contact ME!
If you are younger than 48 (forty eight) years old and are a Dom do not contact me.NO BISEXUAL MEN EVER! No BISEXUAL MEN!If you are MARRIED, living with a woman or sexually dating a woman on a regular basis PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME. I DO NOT SHARE.
I am a Black sexy bbw who wants to be ONE SPECIAL Daddys littlegirl. Iwant a man who is willing to have open communication. I am seeking my ONE

I LOVE OLDER MEN!!

I am a well rounded woman with many interests and desires. I am a gentle but strong caring woman-child. I am college educated, I love the arts, books, and the beach... I am funny, intuitive, spiritual and very joy filled. I believe in the law of attraction.I would like to experience Erotic lactationadult breast feeding with a partner. Intelligent men ONLY! I am seeking a Tall, (this means if you are under5 ft 10ft tall, do not bother,) educated gentle man who wants to be loved and cared for as much as he wants to love and give care as well. I want a complete relationship, not just a play partner.
If you think that I will take cyber orders from someone i do not know, then DO NOT CONTACT ME.WAIT! If you think I will take a cyber order at all do not contact me.
If you have not been to college, have not read a BOOK this year, or think that NASCAR is your favorite past time, DO NOT CONTACT ME.If you are in your 20s or 30s and want to try to convince me that YOU are very mature, the Dom of my dreamsand can teach me a lesson, you have just proved that you are not mature and that is YOUR lesson!

If you think that the term sub and slave are interchangeable, DO NOT CONTACT ME.I can be and wish to be a submissive to my ONE, and YOU are not him YET.The difference between a submissive and a slave is choice. Thank you for respecting MY limits best of luck to all.
In spite of their success in life, there are women who cannot -- and should not -- be without strict proper Control. And all expressions of sensuality must be Controlled.

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1/1/2018 9:15:26 PM
Please note: This is only a story. I do not want nor am I seeking a man to treat me like this. thank you. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nigger cunts like me have to be kept in line.
Lately I have been craving my Sir's belt or whatever tools he chooses. When I see him soon(?) I already expect (hope for? long for?) a punishment sodimization, but I am craving so much more.
I want to wear His marks. I want to taste his strong hand across my ass and cunt. I want my voice to be hoarse from the abuse my vocal cords endure from being allowed to suck his magnificent cock. I want my throat to be sore from the way he wraps his hands around my neck. I want his cum to ooze out of my swollen and abused cunt. I want to feel, for days after, the sweet pain of my battered breasts, swollen cunt and torn asshole after he has raped me with whatever implement He chooses. I want to hurt and be marked for days afterward.
I want him to want to take photos and video of me doing His bidding. I want to see a photo of me with his hand/toy/cock in all my holes.
If it would not be too presumptuous of me, I would love to purchase a collar like this; about two inches wide with a ring on the front for the matching leash, and three long heavy chains, two that end in clamps long enough to clamps my fat nipples and one even longer chain that has another ring with two lighter chains that end in wide clamps for my outer labia. Those clamps would hold my hot nigger cunt open so Sir could abuse my clit and pussy. I would be so proud to wear this collar for my Master. I would stop at a gas station bathroom on the way to our meeting place and put this on under my clothes, along with wrists and thigh restraints that can be hooked together upon arrival so i am helpless and completely at His mercy. When we meet i would disrobe and kneel to show Him i am ready for whatever He needs to do to me.
Then I would present Him with a wooden spoon and a thin leather belt, and humbly beg Him to shove the belt into my cunt, and let it moisten with my juices, while he took the wooden spoon and used it on my cunt, clit and ass  not stopping until he was satisfied that i understood my submission and His power.
Then watching/feeling Him slowly pull the leather strap from my pussy, it's good and wet now, and he again lashes me with this, my breasts, belly, ass and upper thighs all receive His attention.
He watches the welts rise on my dark skin. He knows what His nigger needs. If this day, he finds me worthy, he fucks me... with is magnificent fingers, shoving them into me.  If not, He makes me sit in a chair legs splayed open and he forces me to masturbate into his video camera while he says filthy things to me... are there other deliciously painful things in store? Am i to serve and please Him alone this night? 
The thought of him using/abusing me makes my nigger holes ache and contract with longing.
Still my most frightening desire/wish is for my Master to tattoo or brand me with His slave number. i would be so proud that Hw would want to acknowledge ownership of this fat little nigger gal.
Some day?

8/18/2017 1:05:22 PM
https://m.xhamster.com/movies/1262827/bound_spread_and_flogged.html?from=video_related

this is hot... wish it was me...

4/12/2015 3:26:51 AM
Ladies, what's with men who call themselves, Dom or Master, who cannot master their own hygiene? Guys, owning a toothbrush and using it is sexy... Also, I have never understood men who claim to be the Domliest Dom of all time, but is married, and can't tell their wives that they are seeking a sub. If you are master of all.., master your marriage and be honest with her... I am guessing many of you married and cheating men, are alone, because women, even subs and slaves, do not want to be your thing on the side. Just my thoughts....

5/23/2014 9:23:38 PM
Looks like this site is dying. anyone? I am Charlestonscmilk on . Peace

10/29/2013 12:12:31 PM

This is pretty hot... What do you think?

No spitting! but other than that, hot...

 

http://fromxhamster.com/bbw/m47314/Crystal_s_tripteased.html

 

 


5/22/2013 7:26:21 PM

A small rant

 

In the past three weeks, I have encountered some rather weak, silly immature liars or fools trying to pass themselves off as Dom MEN.
So as not to insult the REAL Dom Men on this site, I will call theses people boys.
First up, there was a boy, of 60-ish who claimed he was a Dom. However what he is a bi-sexual switch, who does not know himself.
There is nothing at all wrong with Bisexual switches, but do not say you are a strong Dom male, when that is not the case.
This boy also claimed to be single and live alone. He was very hot to fuck a black woman,but did not have the balls to want to be seen with the black chick in public. He was afraid that his friends would think less of him...
He broke my friends heart.
I will not date married men for the same reason, If you are married and your wife does not know, I feel you are a man cheating on your wife looking for kinky sex, NOT A DOM.
I will be nobody's dirty little secret.
A MAN can do what he does and signs his name to it.


My profile, clearly states I like men over 5 ft 10" . This is my business and my preference. If you do not like it then hide my profile. There are thousands of men on this site who plainly state and sometimes in a cruel or vulgar way that they prefer NOT to spend time with BBWs or black women.
I do not write and berate them for not liking a girl like me. I wish them well and go on to the next one.


Note about this, every great once in a while, I will compliment a man by saying, what a nice photo, (I never compliment cock pics) or I compliment the way they have stated something, or I will thank them for their military service.
Many MEN with write back a thank you and a good luck, but the BOYS of Collarme,  either delete my posts unread, or send me back a mean note, saying something like, "NO fat pigs, bitch!"
Now I always start these posts by saying something like, Sir, I am NOT seeking anything from you, I just wanted to say...
I would think that to a MAN, he could take a compliment even from a fat girl.
Little boys would send you messages that say something like, I am going to wreck your p*ssy, or I want to find you and cut off your tits?
Really? The last time I got an email like that i notified Collarme.com and the police.
Grow up kids!


And men who write you something like this:


You need to be on your knees before me. Prepare to relocate, but I will not help you with it. I will reimburse you when you arrive.

If this is your first or second email to a sub, you are crazy.

I am a sub, not a slave and I am not YOUR sub or even your friend yet.
Men on this site claim they do not want a doormat, when what I think they want is a retarded, blind, fool who was born yesterday.

I am a wonderful human being, a great friend and a wonderful submissive.

However, I do not trust anyone or fall over on the floor, because someone claiming to be a Dom "man" writes me.

I have been on this site a while and I write erotica for publication, I hear all kinds of stories about people who have gotten hurt trusting too soon, or by not finding out information about a person that would let them know that this match was not a match.

So when I ask you a few questions and you can't seem to get around to answering them, that throws up my, "Oh god, another 17 year old boy, who in his next email is going to demand photos." vibe for me.

I have clearly stated in my profile, intellect is sexy for me as well as tall men.

I would think you would understand that a woman asking you questions is trying to get to know you, to see if either of you are compatible with the other.

I have to trust a man before I invite him even to visit me, and I have to totally trust him and possibly run a police check on him before I let him get near me with ropes or handcuffs.

I am caring for my own safety and emotional health.

I am not accepting of a protocol until I know someone. If asking questions is disrespectful and out of line, then I guess I am. I bid you adieu, sir.

I have frank honesty about protecting myself. And no I am not some wounded puppy. The way women get hurt internet dating, is they do not ask enough questions of men and find out who they are.

Men seem to know this, and so they get indignant when a women questions or demands any info. Perhaps because their house of cards will crumble?

Some on the things, my Dom has done to me, with my permission after I trusted him would curl your hair.

But the reason it got that fun and that deep is that he answered all my questions, let me fully investigate him, find out that he really was single and then we went on a few vanilla dates first.

And the first time we "scened" he made me call a friend and tell him who I was with.

He wanted me to completely trust him, and he respected that need in me and then got my deepest submission.

 

A Dom friend of mine said, "Honey you are too smart for these men and when you will not fall to your knees on first meeting and suck cock, they will say one of two things,

1. YOU are not a sub.

2. You fat bitch you should be grateful someone wants to have anything to do with you.

I have gotten both of those so often I could pay buy a new Volvo.

As I said I am a wonderful beautiful submissive little girl when I trust.

Ahh well.

 

Oh well to be honest it is a large rant...



2/14/2013 11:00:38 AM

A lovely fun informatve biology lesson.

http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/


12/3/2012 9:45:11 PM

I find it amazing that a man any man who thinks himself a "Dom" would whine about the fact that a gay man dared to write him...

Here is a hint,  You can't catch the "gay" from opening an email...

Also  you know what will really make a sub want to fall to her knees and suck your cock?  GOOD HYGINE! Met a man recently who did not wash his hands after playing with a very dirty dog, tramping around in a marsh, and urinating twice before dinner. Really?

and on top of that he had bad breath...

 

Men, do you really expect a woman to put her LIFE in your hands, when you cannot write an email that makes sense?

 

when you can't pick up on verbal ques, like this one, you are already sneezing and your eyes are watering, and still he insists... you say,

"No thank you, I do not wish to pet the kitten i am deathly allergic and i left my "eppi pen" at home."

He stupidly insists you pet the cat or he just shoves it into your chest and insted of your meeting ending with your cock in her mouth, it ends in the local emergency room.

He stupidly remarks, "I have never known anyone to be that allergic to cats...!"

 

Is a woman going to play with this asshole?

Probably not, because even women who want a degree of pain with their play, usually do not want a degree of DEATH. and YES some people are THAT allergic to cats.

 

Men who claim to be Doms, but then want you to diaper them or order you in a Domly voice to make him put on your dress and high heels and butt fuck him?

Perhaps i do not have enough experience but frilly dress wearing guys who want to be butt fucked are not my idea of a Dom.

The way to gain a girl's trust is by listening more than you talk. and self absorbed assholes are not Doms, they are self absored assholes.


8/2/2012 6:19:00 AM

wow if you have time, i think you will like this a lot.

http://maximushka.tumblr.com/


7/26/2012 9:20:23 PM

Fun Friday film.

If you don't like it please so not comment.

Thanks!

C

 

 http://bigtittytube.com/media/35578/Anorei,_Candi_and_Sapphire_-_3_tons_of_fun_33/


7/15/2012 9:24:50 PM

This is a rant that has been coming of for a while...

Talking to some sub g/fs over the last week has got us all feeling a little nutso...

in the past three weeks, I have encountered some rather weak, silly immature liars or fools trying to pass themselves off as Dom MEN.
So as not to insult the REAL Dom Men on this site, I will call theses people boys.
First up, there was a boy, of 60-ish who claimed he was a Dom. However what he is a bi-sexual switch, who does not know himself.
There is nothing at all wrong with Bisexual switches, but do not tell me you are a strong Dom male, when that is not the case.
This boy also claimed to be single and live alone. He was very hot to fuck a black woman, but did not have the balls to want to be seen with the black chick in public. He was afraid that his friends would think less of him...
I will not date married men for the same reason, If you are married and  your wife does not know, I feel you are a man cheating on your wife looking for kinky sex. 
I will be nobody's dirty little secret.
A real man can do what he does and signs his name to it.
My profile, clearly states I like men over 5 ft 10" . This is my business and my preference. If you do not like it the hide my profile. There are thousands of men on this site who plainly state and sometimes in a cruel or vulgar way that they prefer NOT to spend time with BBWs.
I do not write and berate them for not liking a girl like me. I wish them well and go on to the next one.
Note about this, every great once in a while, I will compliment a man by saying, what a nice photo, (I never compliment cock pics) or I compliment the way they have stated something, or I will thank them for their military service.
Many MEN with write back a thank you and a good luck, but the BOYS of collarme, either delete my posts unread, or send me back a mean note, saying something like, "NO fat pigs, bitch!"
Now I always start these posts by saying something like, Sir, I am NOT seeking anything from you, I just wanted to say...
I would think that to a MAN, he could take a compliment even from a fat girl.
Little boys would send you messages that say something like, I am going to wreck your p*ssy, or I want to find you and cut off your tits?
Really? The last time I got an email like that i notified collarme and the police.
Grow up kids!
And men who write you something like this: You need to be on your knees before me. Prepare to relocate, but I will not help you with it. I will reimburse you when you arrive.
If this is your first or second email to a sub, you are crazy.
 
I am a sub, not a slave and I am not YOUR sub or even your friend yet.

Men on this site claim they do not want a doormat, when what I think they want is a retarded, blind, fool who was born yesterday.

I am a wonderful human being, a great friend and a wonderful submissive.

However, I do not trust anyone or fall over on the floor, because someone claiming to be a Dom man writes me.

I have been on this site a while and I write erotica for publication, I hear all kinds of stories about people who have gotten hurt trusting too soon, or by not finding out information about a person that would let them know that this  match was not a match.

So when I ask you a few questions and you can't seem to get around to answering them, that throws up my, "Oh god, another 17 year old boy, who in his next email is going to demand photos." vibe for me.

I have clearly stated in my profile, intellect is sexy for me as well as tall men.

I would think you would understand that a woman asking you questions is trying to get to know you, to see if either of you are compatible with the other.

I have to trust a man before I invite him even to visit me, and I have to totally trust him and have run a police check on him before I let him get near me with ropes or handcuffs.

I am caring for my own safety and emotional health.

 I am not accepting of a protocol until I know someone. If asking questions is disrespectful and out of line, then I guess I am. I bid you adieu, sir.

I have frank honesty about protecting myself. And no I am not some wounded puppy. The way women get hurt internet dating, is they do not ask enough questions of men and find out who they are.

Men seem to know this, and so they get indignant when a women questions or demands any info. Perhaps because their house of cards will crumble?

Some on the things, my Dom has done to me, with my permission after I truested him would curl your hair.

But the reason it got that fun and that deep is that he answered all my questions, let me fully investigate him, find out that he really was single and then we went on a few vanilla dates first.

And the first time we "scened" he made me call a friend and tell him who I was with.

He wanted me to completely trust him, and he respected that need in me and then got my deepest submission. A Dom friend of mine said, "Honey you are too smart for these men and when you will not fall to your knees on first meeting and suck cock, they will say one of two things,

1. YOU are not a sub.

2. You fat bitch you should be grateful someone wants to have anything to do with you.

I have gotten both of those so often I could pay my rent.

As I said I am a wonderful beautiful submissive little girl when I trust.

One more thing, DO NOT write me and deny you are any of theses things, because if you are not these things, you will ignore this... Take a hint boys.

Ahh well.


7/4/2012 7:55:41 PM

Here is a tip! IF you are not a Dominant Male, do not list your profile as such. It is dishonest and off putting.

Still seeking intelligent open minded life on this site!

Good day.

 

This is the best and most honest 4 minutes of TV I have seen in YEARS.

We can do better, We can be Better.

We just have to try harder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16K6m3Ua2nw&feature=related

 

Maybe we should all masturbate more.

 

Or have just a little lovin' early in the morning...

http://www.eroprofile.com/m/videos/view/Lactation_and_breastfeading_4


6/14/2012 10:40:52 PM

Just watch the video and please comment politely!

 

http://bigtittytube.com/media/5821/Vanessa-Humongous_Nipples_amp_Tits./


6/12/2012 6:48:00 PM

Today, June 12th is "Kiss a white guy day..."

 

Loving Day is an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision Loving vs. Virginia which struck down all anti-miscegenation laws remaining in 16 states citing "There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause."[1][2][3] In the United States, anti-miscegenation laws were state laws banning interracial marriage, mainly forbidding marriage between non-whites and whites. Loving Day is not yet an official US-government-recognized holiday, but there is a movement to persuade President Obama to make it so.

 

www.lovingday.org

 

Enjoy!


5/25/2012 11:16:22 AM

 

Friday funny! This is too good!
 
My Granddaddy used to always say to me, QUOTING from the BIBLE, "God's people are destroyed from lack of knowledge...
He was soooooo right!
Have a good weekend ya'll.
 
 

12/16/2011 11:00:58 AM

Just wondering... Has any man on this site ACTUALLY ever fisted a woman or is it the  stuff or your fantasy?

Care to share details?

Happy Holidays.


1/10/2011 2:55:14 PM

A note from the English Professor!

 

 

A person is dominant.

What He/She does is dominate.

 

Thank you.


12/16/2010 9:44:23 AM

Do you think having sex with an adult daughter, 24 years old should be a punishable offense?

Read this at the online magazine Slate.com

Comments?

www.slate.com/id/2277681?wpisrc=obinsite


10/28/2010 7:16:56 AM

Someone asked me yesterday for 3 songs that described me...
Here is the first...
Wildflower by Skylark

 She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
and many times her eyes fought back the tears
and when her youthful world was about to fall in
each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears
and a sorrow no one hears still rings in midnight silence, in her ears
Let her cry, for she's a lady let her dream,
for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
 She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild
and if by chance I should hold her
let me hold her for a time
but if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden, to be mine
Be careful how you touch her, for she'll awaken
and sleep's the only freedom that she knows
and when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe
the way she's always paying for a debt she never owes
and a silent wind still blows that only she can hear and so she goes
 Let her cry, for she's a lady let her dream,
 for she's a child let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild


10/8/2010 7:52:31 AM
From www.Slate.com
 The Ass Man Cometh

The Ass Man Cometh

Experimentation, orgasms, and the rise of anal sex.

 

10/7/2010 10:39:41 PM

My thoughts on an Adult Breast feeding relationship thoughts.

The following is an update to a letter I wrote about 6 years ago, It is still how I feel.

About 10 years ago I met a nursing couple from England.
I met them before I knew that they were into adult breast feeding, and just seeing them together, the love and deep commitment shone in their eyes and everyone wanted to be in their space. When you emanate love for another it makes the world a better place. When I found out they had been a nursing couple for 12 years of their 14 year marriage without ever having children, it made perfect sense to me.
I believe an adult breastfeeding relationship is just that a relationship.
Adult breastfeeding for me is a "kink" yes but more than that, it is also the most loving bonding act
Two people can share. It creates an interdependence that transcends anything else
I have ever experienced.
The couple becomes fully interdependent on one another... And as I am a submissive it is to me the ultimate act of submission and such a gift. To feed the one you care (Daddy/Dom) about from your own body to surrender to him life giving milk, and He keeping your breasts drained and pain free so they do not become engorged is a beautiful gift. The couple must become emotionally and spiritually close thus making sex as well as other parts of the relationship better ... wish I could understand why men think they can just 'drop in' while passing thru a place for a sip of milk.
Dry nursing is wonderful too but the giving of your life's fluid to one you care for is
AWESOME!
In my former life I was a Neo natal nurse and one of the tasks we learned
Was how to help ADOPTIVE mothers to lactate in order to breast feed their Adopted babies.
I am also a certified lactation consultant.
I mean NO DISRESPECT but;
Very few people in any of the groups I belong to SEEM to understand the concept of
how to begin breast feeding if the woman is not pregnant.
Here is a little of what I know.
A woman who wishes to breast feed without the use of drugs that are not readily available in the US and for the most part illegal and can be dangerous, and not using a pump should do these things:
1. A woman needs to rough up her nipples rubbing a washcloth
or by pulling and having someone, or herself if she is large enough!
suck on them. The nipples will become very tender and sore. I like this part!
2. Her partner needs to suckle her 4 or more times a day in the way that a baby would 10 to 15 minutes each time each breast.
3. This needs to go on everyday for 3 to 6 weeks.
4. A woman needs to increase her caloric intake or she will feel weak
and milk flow will be harder to come in. She may have low iron as well.

5. SIZE of breasts have very little bearing on how much milk she will produce.
When I nursed my first child I was producing so much milk I became a donor mother,
But when the second was born, I had to supplement with a bottle there was so little milk.
I was a 52 f cup at that time.
When milk comes in a woman must pump or be suckled 3 or more times a day.
The more she is suckled the more milk is produced. As babies grow they eat more and more often so milk flow will keep up with the baby's growth.
6. As long as a woman has undamaged milk ducts, (careful with breast bondage!)
She CAN produce milk. I live in the Sea Islands of South Carolina and I recently met a wonderful woman who is 81! Who has been a "wet nurse" since her first child was born.

7. Lymphatic drainage massage of the breasts speeds up the process by sometimes weeks!

Questions for men.....
1.Can you tell us if you want to be in a relationship or are you just wanting a now and again thing?
2.Can you PLEASE tell us where you live? City and state?
3.If you are married or involved and please be honest.
4.Can you tell us your age?
5.Do you smoke or use drugs?
6.Are you open to interracial relationships?
7.Are you willing to chat by phone and email until SHE is comfortable setting up a time to meet? You have waited this long, she may be worth it! Please remember we are all someone's daughters, sisters or mothers. Would you want any woman in your life talked to in a crude or vulgar way?
8.And my dear gentlemen, can you tell us what if anything you are willing to do to make this relationship happen? Can you travel to meet us without the expectation that you will get to fall on our breasts the first time we meet? I think most women are more comfortable if a man will travel to her home city first so she has a safety net in case something goes wrong.
9.If you two hit it off are you willing to help her to relocate if need be? Can you help her find employment or support her for a time while she is preparing her body to bring in milk? Do you have room in your home and life for a person you will need to spend tons and tons of time with?
I know there are many women who can afford to help with this but in America today men still make $1 to or .65 cents.
If you two commit to this, going fishing with the guys for a week is out of the question mostly. I do know women who are willing to pump at work or over night if need be but not while you are away having fun.
LADIES I do know many women can be more accommodating than others!
Men, if you take all these steps together and your lady never brings in milk or only a few drops will you make her feel like a failure? Can you be happy with just dry suckling?
To all I do know some women are more willing to just have a man drop in every once in a while, but I believe that there are more women who like me wish to establish a real honest relationship with a man who will command our respect.
I am not berating many of the wonderful good hearted men in these groups but the few who spoil it for the many.
Please know that I ask these questions to seek information, not to berate anyone.

I do really truly love having my nipples sucked to orgasm.... It has long been a dream for me to share this with one man ... just my thoughts.... Please understand that if I meet 'Mister-Just-About-Right' and he is totally not into this I will not DIE! Compromise is something I am good at, and willing to do.
I am now a full time artist and work at an in home studio so I can be free to be available at any time of the day or night for suckling. And I can work topless when I can, if would please my partner.
I am a thoughtful hopeful romantic, who loves to treat a man like a king, if he treats me like his Princess/Little Girl ...


9/15/2010 11:15:32 AM
The "Men" who claim to be Doms are an amusing lot. They claim interest and desire for a sub/slave when there is no way in this life or the next, that they can ever be able to be with said sub/slave. 
If you can't pay for your rent, cigs and/or meds, are blind, are on a transplant list, can't drive, are physically infirm, live with, 5 roommates, in your sister's basement, or with your wife, who MUST wear the pants in the family since you are afraid to tell her you are a "dom" who wants a sexual relationship with another, or you live with your Mommy, why not take hold of your life, get a seeing eye dog, a hearing aide, heart meds, some Viagra, (if you claim that having your non functioning dick sucked is so very important to you) get a car, a prostectic leg, a job, so that you do not have to tell a sub/slave that only every 3rd Wednesday after 2 pm while all your other roommates are out of the house, is the only time you can see them. I loved playing let's pretend, when I was a child. I am  so surprised that so many seemingly "adult" men like playing it still.
Please note I have nothing at all against the disabled as long as they are honest about it up front.

7/28/2010 8:16:10 AM
The PENIS explained...
Every woman should know this secret...

 

7/28/2010 8:15:32 AM
Ladies I never do this but I am going to make an exception...
A boy named "Phil"with the screen name "Romance First"
 sent me the following email...

"You talk too much trash for some fat, unemployed, OBVIOUSLY uneducated slob.  Who do you think you are?  You spend your days eating, sitting on your ass, and playing games online.
Another loser on social services who thinks the world revolves around her..."
***********************************************************************************
Sweet huh?
What brought on this childish tirade? I wrote the following:
 
Dear Phil, I do understand in the make believe world of BDSM, "Masters" and "Doms" refer to their female partners as "girl."
Please refrain from doing this.
First you are not my Dom, and second in the Black community it is considered insulting to be called that by someone other than a family member or a close intimate.
Also I am older than you are...
Thank you,
C
*****************************************************************************************
Now Phil had been begging for my phone number for over a week.
He wrote:
"Oh, no...I know exactly who I was writing to; YOU.
You are attractive, sweet, intelligent, and sincere.  You deserve a man of your own.
Besides; your mention of "milk" tells we have something deeply in common.
So; write me and tell me more about yourself.  I'd really like a chance to get to know you.  Talk to you.  Take you to lunch.  All the things you deserve...instead of meeting more of these jerks here on Collarme,
You talk about the obvious.  Onlike the slobs you may meet on Collarme, I am educated, sincere, and well-rounded.  I already know how to talk to a woman with courtesy, affection, and respect...

Phil.
engine631@netzero.net"
 
*********************************************************************
Perhaps a REAL Dom on this site could tell me how I went from  "attractive, sweet, intelligent and sincere" to a fat, unemployed, Obviously uneducated slob. And a loser on social services." ? 
*****************************************************************************************
Oh and for the record, I am a graduate of Johns Hopkins Med School, a certified lactation consultant, and a textile artist, who has been commissioned to create an art quilt for a President.
So not a loser.
 

6/24/2010 6:26:33 AM
This just in...

Dr. Oz: Lack of Sex Could be Killing You

What is the No. 1 health problem in the United States? It's not obesity. It's lack of sex.

That's the word from Dr. Mehmet Oz, a cardiothoracic surgeon who is the host of the syndicated "
Dr. Oz Show." He insists that not having sex frequently enough could be killing you.

"People are no longer comfortable revving their engine in life," Dr. Oz told The Boston Herald. "What I hear in public is
obesity, but what I hear in private is the sexual famine."

And if you're using that tired old excuse of being too sleepy for sex, Dr. Oz has a retort that will wake you up. Passing up sex just to go to sleep faster could be a life-or-death choice. "The average American has sex once a week, and we know from studies, that doubling that to twice a week can mean you live three years longer," he told the Herald. "I think you can say it's an excuse to have more sex."

Why are we so reluctant to get it on? Dr. Oz says women aren't as excited about the prospect of a little passion because they're getting short-changed in the sack. "One in seven women never has an orgasm. Is it an intimacy problem with the person you love? Or is it a physical problem?" he asked the Herald.

What is our biggest hang-up? We won't talk about it! "There is a general unwillingness to talk about it," Dr. Oz told the Herald. "When we don't face the reality of what our body is telling us, it's a disservice."


3/2/2009 1:51:39 PM

What do breasts and toy train sets have in common?

They're both made for little kids but it's the daddies who end up playing with them.


2/1/2009 10:05:42 PM
Death is not the greatest of evils; it is worse to want to die, and not be able to...

1/24/2009 8:37:32 PM
 
Texas Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.

Dallas, TX, December 31, 2008

A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. 

The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.   

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.   

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was appar ently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials,
 the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys,
 whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Happy Super Bowl! 



1/22/2009 9:42:38 PM
the opening lines of a new story... I think it will be called, "Abandoned"

He never promised her a rose garden,

and he never brought her a rose.

However, those thorns piercing her heart,

 yes,

they bore his name.

As the agony of His absence flooded every pore of her being,

she would often stand naked looking at herself for long minutes...

Not because she thougth herself beautiful to look at,

but because she was sure that she must be bleeding from some unseen place to be experiencing this much pain.

1/16/2009 6:01:55 AM
A Friday Funny...

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis.
 
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?"
 
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."

1/7/2009 7:58:33 PM
First groaner of the New Year.
And Happy New Year to all. May we all get every good thing we strive for and wish for.


1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.


12. Wh at Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers
.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a
Hoover ?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack , Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack
.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it . . .
at least one of these made you smile

 


12/29/2008 9:51:33 AM
 
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, 'Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 A M tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.'

So the dentist asks him, 'Which tooth is it sir

The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth Honey, and show him.'



12/24/2008 8:32:17 PM
Happy Holidays to all, whatever you choose to celebrate and may your best day of this year be your worst day of next year.
Be well.

12/5/2008 9:42:07 PM
CHEERS!
Water or Wine?
 It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces.
 Body waste.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.
WATER = poop
WINE = HEALTH
Ergo: It's better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit.  

12/1/2008 9:01:08 PM
Durning the holidays, we can sometimes feel so alone that it starts to choke us.
The pain of missing the One  we love can hurt so very much, we marvel that we are NOT bleeding from an actual open wound.
If one find's oneself in this state, please reach out and get help from a health care professional. Life is worth living.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather to what he does not say.
Kahlil Gibran

11/22/2008 6:16:27 PM
A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking a nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me, mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize.. to people who are out standing in their field." 


11/20/2008 6:48:35 PM

Dating in 1964


It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1964 and Fred had a
date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
'Have a Seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade?  Iced Tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the
malt Shop, maybe take a walk on the beach...'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?'  Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued. 'When she goes out with her friends,
that's All they do!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous. 'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a
matter of Fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about
alternate Plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a
picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied
back in a Bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the
house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen.
'The freakin' dance is called the Twist!


11/19/2008 11:47:51 AM
A question to stir it up...
White men on this site, how willing are you to date/scene with/Dom or be sub to a black woman from your same socio-economic class?
Black women are you willing to date/scene with/Dom or be sub to a white man from your socio-economic class or higher.
Why or why not?

11/13/2008 6:43:47 PM
A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

Alas, she finally croaked.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."

In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, they're finally together."

Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"

The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."


11/11/2008 4:49:58 AM
May I say a heart felt thank you today, Veteran's Day, to those of you who served our country in the US Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard and Marines.
 I know that "freedom isn't free" and I am thankful that brave ones like you helped to maintain it.
All the best.

11/10/2008 7:21:27 PM
”freedom is choosing whose slave you want to be”

10/28/2008 6:47:30 PM
"Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. -- Robert A. Heinlein"    

10/26/2008 6:10:51 PM
Never make anyone a priority -
 who treats you as an option

10/24/2008 5:55:22 AM
MORNING SEX

She was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to soft boil eggs for breakfast,
Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
This is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
Right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her
'T' shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

10/21/2008 4:16:23 PM

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.
(Soren Kierkegaard)


10/12/2008 7:36:49 PM
K's kiss...

When K's lips touch me, my whole body responds: my nipples harden, my loins twitch, my mouth smiles, my pussy flexes. I want to push my nipples into his mouth. I want to wrap my short fat legs around his hips and grind myself against him. I want the hard heat of him to split me and fill me. I want to be skewered by the urgency of his desire/my desire. Each time he kisses me, these needs surge to the surface of my mind like a blush. I could not live, were it not for the magic of K's kiss.

9/25/2008 8:28:13 AM
From the THIS JUST IN desk...

PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk

Group Says Move Would Help Humans, Cows

WATERBURY, Vt. -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.

"PETA's request comes in the wake of news reports that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers and substituting breast milk for 75 percent of the cow's milk in the food he serves," the statement says.
PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health.
"The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn't make sense," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "Everyone knows that 'the breast is best,' so Ben & Jerry's could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk."

"We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child," said a spokesperson for Ben and Jerry's.

Read PETA's letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield

September 23, 2008

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders

Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.

Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,

On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can't produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can't even turn around.

The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Tracy Reiman

Executive Vice President

9/2/2008 5:29:47 AM

Quote for the day:

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
 If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
 
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of manure."

 

8/31/2008 9:53:02 PM
Sometimes I am full of discontent. I want things in my life to be other than what they are...  I stop take deep breaths and remember this quote and I go on one more minute, one more hour one more day...



If you want something to be different than it is, you might as well teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "Meow." Wanting something to be different than it is is hopeless.
Byron Katie




Trying to learn to love what is...

7/24/2008 9:31:04 PM
A question for the ladies?

A sub friend of mine, Lissette777, and I were talking tonight, about men and women and just lots of girl talk... We wished to pose a question to the other gals on this site.
So ladies, we would like to ask, how many of you have ever been kissed, on the mouth alone, to orgasm by your One?  Please pick a choice below.


1. Never

2. Once

3. Often

4. What are you kidding? Nobody can be kissed to orgasm!

Thanks will report back our answers.


7/20/2008 6:13:33 PM
A Monday Moaner......

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man:

"There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

 


7/15/2008 2:31:15 PM
A terrible Tuesday joke....

 
LITTLE JOHNNY THE DEMOCRAT

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were McCain fans. Not really knowing what an McCain fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...  again. Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an McCain fan'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an McCain fan?' Johnny said,  'Because I'm a Democrat.' The teacher asked him why he's a Democrat.

Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Democrat and my Dad's a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an McCain fan.'


Told you it was bad...


7/4/2008 7:05:23 AM
Extra points for anyone who knows this one...



The I. D. I. C.
is a concept I love and is worth living by.
Do you know it?


Write for hints...

7/1/2008 11:06:31 AM
When you are lacking in integrity, do not be surprised if you attract pond scum. It is the Law of Attraction, and it works every time, whether you want it to or not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Tuesday jokes...


Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?


(please note, I did not say 2 GOOD Tuesday jokes...)


6/23/2008 9:47:24 AM
Bad joke Monday...

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
Thinking nothing of it, the man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman had a cold, the man was somewhat curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man finally turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. 'Are you okay?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you,' she replied. 'I have a very rare 
medical condition - whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, although more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before,' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded. 'Pepper'.
 



6/16/2008 7:46:23 PM
Some profound thoughts by Byron Katie...



When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart,
your Work is done.
 

Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought happened, didn't.
 

Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—
that you are it.



No one has ever been angry at another human being—
we’re only angry at our story of them.



How do I know that I don’t need what I want? I don’t have it.



Until you look forward to criticism, your Work’s not done.
 

The world is nothing but my perception of it. I see only through myself. I hear only through the filter of my story.


Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it.
 

I’m very clear that everyone in the world loves me.
I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.

6/10/2008 7:44:40 AM
The Real Story of Gasoline
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective to other things we buy.
  • Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ... $10.32 per gallon
  • Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
  • Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 .... $10.17 per gallon
  • Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ....... $10.00 per gallon
  • Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ...... $33.60 per gallon
  • Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon
  • Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon
  • Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source!

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink. Someone calculated the cost of the ink at............... (you won't believe it....but it is true........) $5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...


6/9/2008 8:48:57 PM
Two bad jokes for a Tuesday...

 

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick,
we're leaving."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a beautiful, warm spring morning. A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose-fitting, pink dress -- sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

Then said, "Now, tell Him you have a headache."


6/2/2008 8:42:58 PM
 Good one...

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went into buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.  There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
 
I honestly answered,  'No. this is my first time.
 
She unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.  I apparently still looked confused.  So she looked  all around the store to see if it was empty.  It was empty.  'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
 
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.  She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' she asked.
 
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my  head.  She then said, it was time to slip the condom on.  As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
 
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'
 
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

 She looked at me with a bit of a frown.   'Did you put that condom on?' she asked.

I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
 
She fainted.
 




5/26/2008 8:03:17 AM
 
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.  His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.    One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been?  Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?", they  asked.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy.    The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him  completely out of his chair.

"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie."

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"'The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."    The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, He is your son!"

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."


5/18/2008 5:06:35 AM

Penis Museum Shows Long and Short of It

By BOB STRONG,
Reuters
Posted: 2008-05-16 16:38:07
Filed Under: Weird News
HUSAVIK, Iceland (May 16) - Sigurdur Hjartarson is missing a human penis. But he's not worried: Four men have promised to donate theirs to him when they die.
Hjartarson is founder and owner of the Icelandic Phallological Museum, which offers visitors from around the world a close-up look at the long and the short of the male reproductive organ.

His collection, which began in 1974 with a single bull's penis that looked something like a riding crop, now boasts 261 preserved members from 90 species.

The largest, from a sperm whale, is 154 pounds and 5.58 ft long. The smallest, a hamster penis bone, is just 2 millimeters and must be viewed through a magnifying glass.

One species conspicuous by its absence is homo sapiens, but that may soon be rectified since a German, an American, an Icelander and a Briton have promised to donate their organs after death, according to certificates on display.

The American, 52-year-old Stan Underwood, supplied a written description of his penis -- which he purportedly nicknamed "Elmo" -- for display alongside a life-size plastic mold of the member as well as his pledge to donate it.

Hjartarson said the Icelandic donor, a 93-year-old from nearby Akureyri, was a womanizer in his youth who thought having his penis in the collection might bring him eternal fame.

But vanity may make him rethink the offer.

"He has mentioned lately that his penis is shrinking as he gets older and he is worried it might not make a proper exhibit," Hjartarson said.

The museum, originally opened in Reykjavik in 1997, has now moved to the quiet fishing village of Husavik, 298 miles northeast of the capital.

Open from May to September, it is housed in a plain brown building, the entrance marked by a tall brown phallus near the door and a penis-shaped sign over the front porch.

A growing number of people from all over the world view the collection each year, 60 percent of them women.

"We had 6,000 visitors last summer and actually made a profit," Hjartarson said with a smile.

The specimens, most of which were donated by fishermen, hunters and biologists, are kept in glass jars of formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the wall, creating an atmosphere that is part science lab, part trophy room.

Hjartarson has paid for only one -- an elephant penis nearly 1 meter long that hangs, stuffed and mounted on a wooden board, in the museum's "foreign section."

He said he began collecting penises 24 years ago, when working as a school administrator, with little notion he would one day be running a museum devoted to the subject.

"It was just a hobby," he said, adding that the collection was relegated to his office until the inception of the museum.

"They were not on display in the sitting room."

The museum's "folklore collection" includes a few sculptures and joke items, but no sex toys or paraphernalia. The more risque displays stay under wraps.

"Two elderly German women came in a while ago and after viewing the exhibit, they scolded me for displaying a group of figurines in Kama Sutra poses, so I put them in here," Hjartarson said, lifting a black cloth off a glass-topped box labeled "Erotica."

"This way nobody has to view them unless they want to."

Hjartarson maintains a light-hearted approach to his delicate subject matter, saying a sense of humor and a bit of intelligence are necessary to appreciate the collection.

"I hope visitors leave the museum in a better mood than when they arrived," he said.

Copyright 2008 Reuters Limited.

5/15/2008 6:06:06 AM
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit an Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings.
 
His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, 'We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon
 you will say that the President is a saint.'
 
The Bishop thought it over for a  few moments and finally said, 'The Church is desperate for funding - I'll do it.'
 
Bush showed up for the sermon, and the  Bishop began:
 
'I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our  President  who is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence numb -nuts who can't put a compound sentence together.
 
He bugged out of combat service during the Vietnam war and went AWOL to avoid a drug test, then had all reports on the sordid event destroyed.
 
He is the spawn of a Nazi loving great grandfather who smuggled anti-Americans  into this country on his shipping line.
  
He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people.
 
He lied  about  weapons  of  mass destruction  and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth.  It is a three-trillion dollar folly.
 
He appointed fund-raiser cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction due to government paralysis after Hurricane Katrina.
 
He awarded no-bid cost-plus contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so  that  we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between
rich and poor than we've had since the Depression.
 
He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome.
 
The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars.
 
Oil rose from $18 to over a hundred per barrel, leading to transportation costs which the people of America cannot afford, with low minimum wages, part time jobs, no health insurance, and outsourcing.
 
Vital research into global warming and stem cells is stifled because he's afraid to lose votes from religious kooks.
 
 He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known, but compared to Dick Cheney...

George W. Bush is a saint.
 
 
 
 

5/12/2008 5:22:13 AM
This is a list of suggestions for new submissives both male and female. It was created to help submissives that are entering into the lifestyle to prevent them from stumbling into pitfalls.

Submissive's Handbook
Chapter 1 - Finding a Dominant

• Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

• Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.

• Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.

• Be yourself. Never compromise who you are to gain the attention of a Dominant.

• Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.

• Some Dominants will never love you.

• Some Dominants have no desire to f!@#$%& you.

• Don't be afraid to say "no" to prospective Dom/mes.

• You do not have to take orders or obey every Dominant who approaches you.

• Just because you are sub doesn't mean you should let Dom/mes walk all over you.

• You do not have to spend money on, or give money to, a Dominant.

• You do not have to send naked photos to a Dominant.

• Be careful how much personal info you reveal to strangers.

• Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective Dom/mes.

• Ask questions respectfully, then respectfully question answers.

• A Dominant who refuses to answer basic questions has something to hide.

• Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.

• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a booming voice does not make a Dominant.

• Some Dominants exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress subs.

• A Dominant with many years of experience may still be a total %#&@$! or abusive.

Chapter 2 - Being safe

• A good Dominant will make sure you feel safe at all times when meeting.

• Anything that is not consensual is abuse.

• A Dominant who refuses to honor your safeword is abusing you.

• Use common sense if ordered to have unprotected sex with strangers.

• Clean insertables yourself before and after they are used on you.

• Make sure your play partner knows all your medical conditions before scening.

• Drop any Dominant who orders you not to get medical or psychological help.

• Calling your safeword is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.

• Never tell a Dominant you have no limits.

• Never rush off to another state to meet a Dominant you just met. Be patient.

• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.

• Always meet in public on your first date.

• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.

• Do not allow a Dominant to isolate you from family or loved ones.

• Pay attention to your physical/mental condition after scenes.

• Some subs need more aftercare than others.


Chapter 3 - Protocol

• The most important protocol to learn is your own Dominant's.

• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.

• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and do not break them.

• When collared, your behavior in public is a direct reflection upon your Dominant.

• Learn when to speak and when to be silent.

• Do not touch other people's property (subs, toys) without permission.

• Never interrupt other people's scenes (i.e. touching, talking, or laughing loudly)

• Always clean up after your scene.


Chapter 4 - Your Journey

• Don't expect a Dominant to solve all your problems in life.

• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.

• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your submission.

• Never limit yourself to just one source of information.

• Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.

• You do not have to be a pain ass to be a good sub.

• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.

• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.

• It is ok to be alone.

• You can decide for yourself whether to be monogamous or poly.

• Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to serve.

• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.

• Keeping a private journal can help you get to know yourself better.

• Discover who you are in your submission... sub or slave, masochist or no pain, etc.

• Just because you are a sub doesn't mean you shouldn't get your needs met too.


5/10/2008 10:26:12 PM
As The World Turns
A cyclist is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bicycle, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A NY TV reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, 'Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'
'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt it was ri
ght to do.'
'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a reporter from Fox News and this will be the lead story on tonight's broadcast.  What do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
'I am a U.S. Marine and a Democrat.'
The reporter leaves.
On the evening Fox broadcast the story is introduced like this:

U.S. MARINE, A DEMOCRAT, ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

5/4/2008 9:35:03 PM
This is the tale of three women:
one engaged,
one married,
 and one a mistress,
chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night, all three
will wear a leather bodice S&M style stilettos and mask over their eyes.

After a few days, they meet again. The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice,4" stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you', then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night, we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said: 'The other night, I sent the kids to stay at my
mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos
and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV
controller and a beer, and said, 
 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'


5/3/2008 10:11:40 PM
Starting tomorrow they're going to play porn movies at the gas pump.  This way you can watch someone else getting screwed at the same time you are.

4/27/2008 6:22:52 PM
This is not original with me, but it was too funny not to post... I am sure many ladies will "get this" big time...

 
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now "the home wax kit".



Read on.....

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours. "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet after the kids go the bed"

So I headed to the site of my demise "the bathroom". It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax...all you do is just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or whatever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss....how hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I can follow directions and I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK !?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's 2 strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius "kicks in" so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, "Yeah - right") I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. IT WORKS! :)

O.K., so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't tooooo bad. I can do this, I say to myself with a proud smile. Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am SHE-Ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of the smooth skin extraordinare

With my next strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretch down to the inside of my butt cheek. (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself.......RRRRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPP!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY GAWD !!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!

Everything is spinning and spotted with bright stars. I think I may pass out...M U S T

s t a y c o n s c i o u s. ..... M u s t s t a y ...... do I hear crashing drums ?????

Breathe, breathe ____ _______ ______ O.K...... back to normal!

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There is NO hair on it!!!! Where is the hair??? W H E R E I S T H E W A X ?????

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... IT'S NOT! I touch--- I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. I found the Hair... I found the WAX!!!

Then I make the next BIG mistake....remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something!. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut!!! My butt is sealed shut !!!! SEALED SHUT !@!#*! (not even air can get in there)

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself " P L E A S E-- PLEASE don't let me get the urge to poop! ..... "My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? WHAT MELTS WAX. my brain is scrambling.

HOT WATER !! Hot water melts wax. I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub... get in. I immerse the wax covered parts and the wax should just melt and then I can gently wipe it off, right??? Yeah that will work!

WRONG!!!

I get in the tub, the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water!!! Which, by the way........ doesn't melt cold wax!!! So - now, I am stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone installed in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter...."So my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! There is a slight pause..... She doesn't know any secret tricks for hair removal under water but she does try to hide her laughter from me.


She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. She says are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?" She is laughing out loud by now... I can hear her!!! There is no shame in her disregard for my pain ... she is rolling over with laughter. ....I wait.

I give her the run down and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!! Right!!! I say ... I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various possible solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor.

N O T H I N G feels better that to have your girlie goodies covered in cold wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub, in scalding hot water, and then - try dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I am pretty sure I am going to need "Post Traumatic Stress" counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me and then I finally see my saving grace... THE BOX... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax!

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY -- OH - OH MOMMASITTA !!@*!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care. It feels like an e a r t h q u a k e is forcing my flesh apart.

IT WORKS!!!!

It works!! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up laughing while trying to sound soulfully sincere. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair......

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.... ALL OF IT !!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color .................





4/26/2008 6:50:21 AM
Stole this one from a new friend, but it was too good not to post...

 "There's nothing that compares to the excitement generated from a younger woman's attention.  Unless of course its an older woman with palsy - they give the greatest hand jobs!"

4/22/2008 4:40:38 AM
Longing for the big strong arms of the captin of my heart.. Please remember, "Ain't No Mountain High Enough, to keep me from you... Black Magic women have their ways...

4/17/2008 7:48:59 PM
"There are really two kinds of submissives in the world: those who believe they don't deserve any better…and those who believe they don't deserve any less."
~Unknown

4/12/2008 9:57:41 PM
Some people are like Slinkies. They have no practical use whatsoever, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

4/8/2008 5:14:32 PM
And now for our weekly bad joke...

The Dumbest Kid In The World

A little boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."


The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"


The boy takes the quarters and leaves.


"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns." 


Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the young boy coming out of the ice cream store.  "Hey, son! May I ask you a question?  Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"


The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over."


4/2/2008 6:51:28 AM

This is baaaad!!!

Did you hear the one where the guy goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him he needs to stop masturbating. The patient asks "why?".
 The doctor says, "So I can examine you".


3/12/2008 7:14:58 AM
 
Will the $600. rebate help?

This won't be how I spent my rebate money but this is the one way to keep it here in the US .

Will the $600. rebate help the American economy  My Take On The Coming Rebate

Bush said each one of us would get a $600. rebate

$1200. Rebate (per couple) + $300. per kid...

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China , if we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, and neither will help the American economy

Sooooooooooooooooooo The way I see it, we need to keep that money here in America,  the only way I can see to keep that money here at home is purchase / drink American beer, or spend it on prostitution, and firearms, these are the only businesses still remaining in the U.S.!



3/6/2008 6:34:53 AM

A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

 

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.

 

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."

 

So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:

 

"Mom! You still awake?"


2/10/2008 8:09:47 AM
How true...

"For Buddhists, sex is the chief expression of craving which
brings on suffering. Sex is the epitome of pure craving.
Not only does it override just about anything in its path
preventing its satisfaction, but unlike some cravings --
when you eat you're full --- sexual satisfaction
immediately turns into craving again
. If you have bad sex,
then you keep trying until you have good sex; if you have
good sex, you keep doing it over and over again because it
was good sex. Satisfaction makes you want it more."

-- Darlene Cohen
from "Sex: Practicing With the Motherlode of Desire"

1/26/2008 5:06:21 PM
Real News from a scary world...

READ THE PROBABLE CAUSE AFFIDAVIT at thesmokinggun dot con
 Toby Taylor first said his wife was shocked by a hair dryer, according to a police affidavit. But when burns were found on her body, police said Taylor told them he had clipped an electrical cord to his wife and plugged
 it into a power strip, which he then turned on and off.
 He told authorities the couple had used the
 technique before. Taylor, 37, was jailed Thursday in lieu of $100,000 bail on involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment charges. He did not have a lawyer at his arraignment and no lawyer had been entered in his court file as of Friday.
 York County Coroner Barry Bloss called it a case of "bizarre sex."
 "I have never seen anything like this," Bloss
 said. "Even if you did it before, you have to know you could kill someone."
 The township police chief, David Sterner, said the jolt of electricity is
 believed to have triggered a heart attack in the woman.
 An initial autopsy did not determine the cause of death, Bloss said. A final determination awaits further testing of the electrical equipment and a toxicology test, he said.

This would be a good example of do NOT try this at home...

Without some sense of personal risk, there is nogrowth...


1/22/2008 10:39:58 AM
This just in....
Wonders and a**holes never cease....
Return to your regular surfing...

1/7/2008 6:46:28 AM
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
 the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
 tired of hearing all the bickering.
 
 Finally fed up, God said, "That's it! I have had enough. I am going to
 set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I
 will judge who does the better job."
 
 So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
 
 They moused.
 
 They faxed.
 
 They e-mailed.
 
 They e-mailed with attachments.
 
 They downloaded.
 
 They did spreadsheets!
 
 They wrote reports.
 
 They created labels and cards.
 
 They created charts and graphs.
 
 They did some genealogy reports
 
 They did every job known to man.
 
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
 
 Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
 across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
 went off..
 
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
 the underworld.
 
Jesus just sighed.
 
 Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
 computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
 
 "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"
 
 Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
 past two hours of work.
 
Satan observed this and became irate.
 
 "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
 his work and I don't have any?"
 
 
 God just shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

12/25/2007 2:49:53 PM
I love this joke! It is so very bad...

It's Christmas Eve and Mary, Joseph and the baby are in the manger. Three wise men approach, but since the door is very low the first one bangs his forehead on the door. "Jesus!" he exclaims, holding his forehead, which is developing a bump. Mary turns to her husband: "Joseph, remember that, it's much nicer than Kevin".


12/23/2007 8:31:44 AM
These have been around before, but they are still funny.  According to the Washington Post, they run a weekly Style Invitational and this is only the results of one of them.  "Arachnoleptic fit" is part of my vocabularly now!
 

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologisms, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

 

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash. 

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

 

 

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

9. Karmageddon (n): Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, wow man,… serious bummer. 

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid, and an a**hole.

 


12/7/2007 6:02:05 PM
A man is at work one day when he notices
That his co-worker is wearing an earring.
 
This man knows his co-worker
To be a normally conservative fellow,
And is curious about his sudden change in
'fashion sense.'
 
The man walks up to him and says,
'I didn't know you were into earrings.'
 
'Don't make such a big deal,
it's only an earring,'
He replies sheepishly.
 
His friend falls silent for a few minutes,
But then his curiosity prods him to say,
'So, how long have you been wearing one?'
 
'Ever since my wife found it in my truck.'
 
 I always wondered how this trend got started.

12/6/2007 4:02:00 AM
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.  
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!

 

11/9/2007 9:00:00 AM
A "helpful" man from this site, wrote me this week warning me to be careful and not fall for the things many men told women. He said he knew 2 subs here who had been victimized by men from this site.
This is the reply I wrote to him, with some edits...
Dear Sir,
Thanks for the warning. I am exceedingly careful and I check a man out completely, including a police check before I meet with him.
If a man will not give me his full name and it does not check out to be his real name I do not meet with him.
I never go to the home city or state of a man. He comes to me where I have friends on the police force.
I also look up a man's divorce decree, surprisingly lots of men who say they are divorced are not and their homes are in their wive's names.
I have had 3 men from this site who contacted me turn up on the sex offender registry. This registry is available nationwide...
Any woman who does not do simple things to protect herself is a fool.
I have had plenty of men tell me, "you are not a sub, you are a BITCH!", because I question them... and want to know more about them before I get naked, let them blindfold me, and tie me up...
Well I love my life and have a brain.
I will not date a man who does not  have at least a master's degree either. It is another way of checking out who they are. Your master's thesis from most universities is now online or can be requested from the school you claim to have graduated from.
I have not and will not ever be taken advantage of. Simple percautions are easy to do. If a woman does not do them perhaps she is not a sub, but the doormat so many talk about?
Sir most women are so needy and desparate they will not wait a while to make sure the man they want is legitimate.
I am a pearl of great price and I know it.  And because I do not cast my pearls before swine, my Daddy/Dom knows it too.
Ladies, wake up! there are a lot more men on this site than women... we have the upper hand, at least at first, until we choose to safely and sanely relinquish it...

10/29/2007 9:47:59 PM
Dorothy and Edna, two senior widows, are talking.... 

 Dorothy:  "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.

 I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you    about him before I give him my answer."


Edna: "Well, I'll tell you.

 He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M.,

 dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit,

 and he brings me such beautiful flowers! 

 Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

 Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.

Then we go see a show.  Let me tell you,
Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I just swooned from pleasure! 

 So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL !! ....  Completely crazy !!

He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!...

 so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna:  "No, No, No !!..... I'm just saying, wear an old dress !!" 


10/26/2007 5:54:18 AM
A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she
was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.


As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear
and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what
kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance
much?'


He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.' You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life.


10/22/2007 9:34:26 AM
 
I took these from George Carlin's OFFICAL website.
 
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
 
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
 
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
 
“Meow” means “woof” in cat.
 
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
 
If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.
 
I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
 
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
 
I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
 
It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.
 



10/16/2007 7:23:04 PM
It was the first day of the school year and the shop teacher was surprised to see a rather "princess-like" young lady sitting in the front row of the classroom. Her name was Judy and she was the only girl to sign up for the woodworking shop class that term.  The shop teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class, and Judy assured him that she was.

The teacher then said, "This course may be a bit out of your league. Do you have any experience at all working with tools?"

"What exactly do you mean?" replied Judy.

"Well, what's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?"  the Shop teacher asked.

Judy pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't rightly say that I know, 'cause I ain't never been bolted."

9/24/2007 8:49:24 PM
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled
in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized that she was heading straight towards his seat.
As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out "Business
trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business, I'm going to the
Annual nymphomaniacs of America convention in Chicago ,"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had
ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting
for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he
calmly asked, "What's your business role at the convention?"
"I am the lead lecturer," she responded. "I take what I have
learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of
the popular myths about sexuality"
"Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"
"Well." she explained, "one popular myth is that
African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,
when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to
possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers,
when actually it is the men of Jewish descent that are the
best. I have also discovered that the lover with the absolute best
stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry" she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this
with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man replies, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me
Bubba."
 

9/10/2007 9:19:19 PM

I am the kind of a woman that likes to move on mentally from point to point, and I like for my man to be there way ahead of me. Then if he is strong and honest, it goes on from there. Good looks are not essential, just extra added attraction.


9/2/2007 8:26:41 PM
Not quite midnight ramblings of a very tired girl...
 i have learned that from the abundance of a heart, the mouth will speak...and no matter what is said,  effects are like ripples in a pond, and consequences are forthcoming.
 
I believe that sex is not something we do, i think it is something we are.
    
 E
ven when you are not being sexual or even thinking about it, it plays into your make up the way one moves thru the world.
 
The communicative Dominant Man i seek is tall, mature, clever, controlling, creative and insightful. Sincerity and passion are the most important elements I desire in my One.

8/10/2007 7:32:06 PM
It is 10:30pm tonight, and i am thinking of all the people in the world who are afraid to take the chance to fully commit. We want, we long for, we live for the thought of the chance to be really complete in a relationship that fits us like a glove.
We find the glove and instead of putting it on, we run from it... or toy with it...
One day you may wake up and realize that your "glove," your heart's desire was in your own back yard all the time waiting for you...
Then one day the glove got picked up by someone whose hand was cold and needed warmth. The glove, although it longed to be needed, by YOU, realized it's leather was drying out, and sadly came to the realization it was time to move on to someone who could care for it....
Dare to pick up your gloves friends...
good night.

7/20/2007 12:05:11 AM
a Friday funny...
SEX WORK ECONOMICS
This guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas when a
knock-'em-dead hooker catches his eye. He asks her, "How much?"
She replies, "I start at $500 for a hand-job."
"$500 dollars! Jesus! No hand-job could be worth that kind of money!"
The hooker says, "See that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yeah."
"See the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"Beyond that, see that third Denny's?"
"Uh-huh."
"I own those -- because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."
The guy thinks, "What the hell? You only live once." They retire to a nearby motel, and a short time later he's sitting on the bed realizing that he's just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of his $500. Amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"$1,500 My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A
televangelist wouldn't pay that much. A senator wouldn't!"
She replies, "Step over to the window, big boy. See that
casino? I own it outright. And I own it because I give a
blow-job that's worth every cent of your $1,500."
Basking in the afterglow of the hand-job, the guy decides to
put off a new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me
up." Ten minutes later he's sitting on the bed more amazed
than before: He truly feels he got his money's worth.
He decides to dip into his retirement for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks, "How much for pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come to the window. See how the whole city
of Las Vegas is laid out before us, those beautiful lights,
the gambling palaces, the showplaces, the miles of neon?"
"Damn!" The guy is awestruck. "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies. "But I would if I had a pussy."

7/19/2007 6:57:21 AM

Let us all praise tall men with broad shoulders and full beards, whose 'horse knows the way to carry His sleigh/truck to my door...*sigh*


If you examine your history, you cannot help but repeat it! Law of Attraction says it is so: "Whatever I am looking at, I am including in my vibration." --- Abraham
So I invite you all to quit whining about who did not fall into your experience. IT was probably a good  thing.  Like they say in LA, have a real nice day!


7/7/2007 5:46:35 PM
I love quotes!
here are 2 good ones...

Money, it turns out, is exactly like sex, you think of nothing else if you don't have it and think of other things if you do. james baldwin

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. helen gurley brown

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

7/1/2007 6:05:31 AM
Ok this is for the American members of this group.
WTF is the problem that ANYONE who graduated from middle school here does NOT know that on a word, that you drop the "E" when adding "ing!?!"
I have gotten more mail lately from men who write things like, "haveing," and "saveing" what is with you men?
If a man is not careful enough, or smart enough to be careful with his first post, what would make me think he is careful enough for me to want to  put my life and my heart in his hands?
Ladies, am I the only one that feels this way?
Be careful out there...

On a more up beat note! Has anyone on this site at all read the book ASK AND IT IS GIVEN?
Is anyone here practicing the Law of Attraction?
Would love to know.

6/26/2007 5:17:48 AM
this is funny... very un-sub like, but really funny...
World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said,
"NO!" and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping,
dancing, lunching, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to
cook, had sex with whomever she pleased ... did whatever the hell she
wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many
boyfriends, saved more money, and had all the hot water to herself. She
watched chick flicks, never had to wear lacy lingerie that went up her
bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked
fabulous in sweat pants, and farted whenever she wanted.

The End

6/23/2007 9:29:08 PM
 Am I crazy or do you think that number of partners is much higher for men and women?

Survey Reveals Americans' Sexual Behavior

By DAVID CRARY
AP
Posted: 2007-06-22 18:36:54
NEW YORK (June 22) - It's a question that often prompts a boastful answer or a bashful one: How many sex partners have you had?

Now the federal government says it has authoritative statistics, documenting that men are far more likely to play the field than women.

A new nationwide survey, using high-tech methods to solicit candid answers on sexual activity and illegal drug use, finds that 29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men.

The median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four.

The survey, released Friday, is based on data collected from 1999 to 2002 for the National Center for Health Statistics, a branch of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In previous versions of this survey, participants were asked questions in face-to-face interviews. The CDC believes that caused underreporting of behaviors which might be viewed negatively, although the new survey did not provide any comparative results from earlier reports.

This time, data was gathered from 6,237 adults, aged 20 to 59, in what are called computer-assisted self-interviews - a method designed to provide complete privacy and produce more honest answers.

"This is the first time we've used this technique," said Dr. Kathryn Porter, who served as medical officer for the survey. "The participants have a headset on, they hear quest of men and 4 percent of women had done so within the past 12 months.

Non-Hispanic whites had a higher percentage of ever using cocaine or street drugs (23.5 percent) than blacks (18 percent) or Mexican-Americans (16 percent).

Adults who were married or had more than a high school education were less likely to use street drugs than others.

The survey, formally titled the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, did not include the homeless, prisons inmates or other institutionalized adults.

The questions about numbers of sexual partners specified heterosexual relationships, and thus the survey did not measure the extent of gay or lesbian sexual partnerships. However, Porter said there was no such specificity in the questions about ever having had sex or about the age of first sexual activity, so answers to those could have referred to straight or gay sex.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.




6/15/2007 6:00:30 AM
This just in. This is a real news story...

By Julie Steenhuysen Thu Jun 14, 5:10 PM ET

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Knowing your money is going to a good cause can activate some of the same pleasure centers in your brain as food and sex, U.S. researchers said on Thursday.

People who participated in a study got a charge knowing that their money went to a charity -- even when the contribution was mandatory, like a tax. They felt even better when they voluntarily made a donation, researchers found.

Ulrich Mayr, a psychology professor at the University of Oregon, said the research sheds light on the nature of altruism and could help people feel better about being taxed.

"It shows that in an ideal world you could have a tax situation where you could be a satisfied taxpayer," said Mayr, whose study appeared in the journal Science.

In the study, Mayr and two economists gave 19 women volunteers $100 each and then tracked their brain activity in a functional magnetic resonance imaging scanner.

The women were shown their money automatically being transferred from their account to a local food bank.

When the money reached the food bank account, it activated portions of the brain -- the caudate nucleus and the nucleus accumbens -- known for pleasure. The effect was even greater when the people got to choose to give the money away.

"What is interesting is that these pleasure areas are for really basic needs, like food, sex, sweets, shelter and social connection," Ulrich said in a telephone interview. "It's the area that tells the brain what is good for us."

As it turns out, "That very same brain area not only tracks what is good for us, but what is good for others," he said.

He and colleagues were hoping to find out whether there was something in the act of giving itself -- and not just the social and egotistical reward of being a philanthropist -- that offers satisfaction.

"The fact that we find pleasurable activity in those mandatory tax-like situations strongly suggests the existence of pure altruism," he said.

Of course, simulating a tax is quite different from paying taxes to a government with policies you may or may not support, he noted.

"What it shows is that, in principle, we are capable of feeling good about doing our share," he said.

"The question is, 'Why is it that so often we feel bad about filling out our taxes?' Our study shows it is worth looking for an answer."

****************************
I have always believed doing good, makes me feel good. Kahil Gibrah said it is when we give of ourselves that we truly give.
My grandmother used to say, when you look good, you feel good, when you feel good you do good and when you do good you are good. I visualize one day making so much money from my art that I will have to pay $100,000 is taxes... I will joyfully write that check.
But you know what this study means to you? We  can all stop having all that noisy, annoying, messy sex with folks and just give $100 a month to Heifer International... You'll will feel just as good writing that check to this wonderful charity and the little starving kids in the Sudan will feel better too! Ending starvation, the ultimate orgasm... PRICELESS!!!


6/10/2007 8:22:49 PM
This just IN!

Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4
minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the
average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis

is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18
feet of penis per intercourse.

If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times
annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half
mile of penis per year. If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the

average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be
getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or
55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.

Anyone whose getting more than that, well, yer just a big ol' slut.
Leave some for the rest of us.

6/9/2007 4:42:31 PM
Men over 6 feet tall are just so great. Men over 6 feet tall with full beards and glasses? Men over 6 feet 2 with full beards, glasses, large brains and who can correspond in a timely fashion?
Priceless! *sigh*
I know, I know!, but I can DREAM can't I...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 We all seem to *love* new terms in this life of ours. I heard new ones lately. I thought I would share them with the group.
 
Diminant: a male that wants to be and may even call himself a Dominant but doesn't have clue what it takes to be one.
 
sino:  slave (or submissive) in name only. They get all the romance of *calling* themselves slave or submissive without any of the nasty, actually-having-to-do-shit-or-obey stuff that makes it all so...hard.
 
Life is grand ain't it?
Anyone on this site read "ASK AND IT IS GIVEN?" or knows what metaphysical thought is? Happy summer! 

4/19/2007 8:11:47 PM
Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal government. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfield, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born. See what happens when aliens have carnal knowledge with sheep? This piece of information may clear up a lot of things. LMAO


3/20/2007 1:47:27 PM
An old retired Senior Chief walks into a Bar and sees a sign hanging
 over the bar which reads:

     CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

     CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50

     HAND JOB: $10.00

 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
 and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving
 drinks to a meager looking group of men.
 "Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

 "I was wondering", whispers the old Senior Chief, "are you the one who
gives the hand-jobs?"

 "Yes", she purrs, "I am."

 The old Senior Chief replies "Well, wash your hands, I want a
 Cheeseburger.

12/24/2006 8:03:43 AM
   I wrote this last year for my Daddy, He has died... and I am alone. Will you be my new Daddy and finish the story?
First day of Xmas
There is nothing in the world that will make this babygirl feel less loved and more insecure than to have a Daddy who ignores her transgressions and does not exert His gentle loving Dominance.
 
1. Daddy, can you have me wear a bells? Maybe even on my clit? The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of my submission...
1-a Make me take off my shoes every time I come in our home.
1-b Let me call you at a specified time every day.
1-c whenever we are alone Daddy, have me display myself whenever You come into the room.....legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, make me be sure Your view is unobstructed, it is all yours.
 
And so they began.
The first day they were together He brought her into the house,
Had her strip naked at the door, fold her clothes and put them in the coat
closet.
He spoke to her lifting her chin, “You will shed all garments when you
Come into this house and leave them here in the coat closet.  You will be allowed to wear a long sleeve man’s button down shirt ALWAYS unbuttoned, or any other attire I leave for you in this closet.
You are to display yourself to me at all times.  Your breasts, your sex and your ass are Mine now, and since they are mine I will have an unobstructed view at all times. Do you understand?”
“Yes Sir I do. Thank you Sir.”
He took her by the hand and lead her into the great room, a fire was roaring in the fire place and there were lit candles all around the room.
He sat down in a large wing back chair, there was a low ottoman at the foot of it. He pushed it aside with his foot and stood her in front of him.
“I will examine you, fondle you, punish you, and have you please me
In any way I see fit, as often and in whatever manner I choose.
Do you understand?”
She nodded slowly, “Yes Sir.” Her heart leapt. She prayed he would know
How to hurt her. She wanted to feel his hands spanking her ass, his flogger on her heavy hanging breasts, his long large fingers probing her. She one day wanted him to take her rear hole.  She would take his pain and long for more.
She wanted him to tie her up, to  a chair, under a table, outside in the rain to a tree and flogg her, in the car, spread eagle in the door jam, flat on her back with her arms and legs  tied together
while he used a dildo in her pussy while he stuffed his beautiful cock in her mouth and forced her to swallow his cum.
She wanted him to drip hot candle wax on her, and to spank her pussy with
her hair brush, she wanted him to suck on her nipples HARD and for as long as it pleased him.
How could she make him understand, that all she wanted in this life was to be HIS personal cum whore in any and every way he desired or could think of.
As she stood there in front of him open and willing to do His bidding her heart was beating so rapidly she thought she might faint.
“Lift your left leg and put it on my chair,” he said.
She did as He asked. He had some brightly colored plastic clothespins on the table to his right. He picked them up one by one and clamped them to her outer lips as he affixed each one he tugged on her lips sending a twinge of  pain into her center. He clamped the last one on and admired his handy work.
“Take your foot down turn your ass towards me and bend over,” he said.
She did as she was told bending at the waist placing her hands on her knees with joyful anticipation.
 
Daddy, will you finish this for me?
 
 

2/20/2006 6:56:50 PM
Billy Joel said it best....
If you search for tenderness
it isn't hard to find.
You can have the love you need to live.
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind.
It always seems to be so hard to give.

Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.

My prayer for this year is for honesty for us all.

2/20/2006 6:49:46 PM
For K,
                                             Often times a woman can feel  the presence of her One in the Universe. He is the very air she breathes. Her heart's cadence and rhythm pulse the syllables of His name.
She is tethered to Him by bonds stronger than steel.
When she is with Him in spirit or in the flesh her life is made complete.
Where does a woman go after this experience? There can be no future with another man.
My truth; I have seen a glimpse of Heaven, and I will never be the same.
ccw '06

9/5/2005 8:59:39 AM
Is there a Dominate man on this planet that could want a sub who has an education and a brain and uses it? A sub that is not a doormat? A sub that is at least his intellectual equal? Men why is this so intimadating to you?
I keep seeking.
Good luck to all.

8/30/2005 2:02:25 PM
Dear America,
I am so very sorry about your illiteracy problem.
Why is it that MOST OF THE PEOPLE who contact me simply cannot read?
Or is it that they are so very rude and think that is  OK to contact me even when you do not meet my requirements?
I do not want to be contacted by anyone under 40, (forty!)
This is very hard to understand I guess.
This is all stated in my profile.
If you can, read it PLEASE!
I know we are all trying to meet the person of our dreams...
Save us all time and do not write people who do not want you. Thank you.
God/goddess bless the hurricane victims.

8/16/2005 7:56:43 PM
I got 3 emails tonight from men wanting subs. One was polite, and the other 2 were rude and demanding that I call them right now...
Who on the goddess' green earth do they think I am?
I would very much like to know what sort of man tries to order about a person he has never met? And more importantly what sort of woman who take said order? Please feel free to let me know...
And Men, why is it when you think that I might be the one for you, I am hot, sexy, yummy etc, but the minute I politely tell you no thank you, then why am I a fat bitch? or some other filthy name?
In my book if you can not handle rejection rebuke or disappointment, you are not a dom at all,  you are an immature child. GROW UP.
Where is it written that self styled "doms" have the right to cyber abuse a sub?
Just my late night ramblings,
C

8/8/2005 4:48:27 AM
I have been thinking about submissive men. I do not ever want a sub male cross dressing. I feel if you are cross dressing you are seeking to be on some level  to be a girl and in our society "girls" have been submissive for centuries.  Notice that no submissive women would ever be allowed to wear  a Brooks Brothers suit and a power tie it would give her the look and posture of a person of power.
So I believe bringing a boy into submission while he is wearing the trappings of perceived male power is an even more powerful lesson in servitude. And besides all that sub men LIKE wearing frilly things too much. And it is not my place or desire to give you
want you want if it does not please or serve me. I will give you want it is that I want and need.
Just my thoughts not an critique of anyone else's free choice. 

7/25/2005 5:34:50 PM
I find when a self styled "dom" or "master" does not have the time to give attention to a small detail like spell checking a posting for a new sub/slave he is not going to give enuogh attention to detail for me to entrust something as big as my life and health to him.
Being the daughter of a full bird Col, USAF Daddy never ever, even from a war zone, sent a misspelled letter, note or birthday greeting.
So "doms" please note when you do not get a reply to your poorly worded posts maybe it is because we fear your slip-shod writing stle because it may point to carlessness in other areas.
Just my thoughts.

6/20/2005 1:02:43 PM

I have only been on this site for a few weeks. What an education!
I am amazed at the people who must be stretching the truth about themselves.
Now I am perfectly well aware that there ARE exceptions to rules but they are that EXCEPTIONS.
Like the 40 year old "DOM" who claims he has been practicing BDSM for 25 plus years. Did Mom or was it Dad dirve him to the club or over to his  sub's house? And how old was the alleged sub?
I am amused by "Doms" who write you and just because you identify yourself as a "sub" they order you to write them back on your knees with nude photos enclosed.
Or they feel they can say something to a woman they have never met that sounds like a threat of agravated assult and expect us to respond in a willing matter?
Just today a man wrote me and said, ' b*tch contact me. You NEED your nipples hammered to the wall.'
Really? Not in my plans for the day.
And all the people who claim to live 24/7!
You know I know many submissive women who in their careers are very powerful, like the female surgeon I know. Is there a man out there who thinks that she could or would wear her "collar" into the O R? Now again I know that there are ways and exceptions but I feel they are few and far between.
I love the idea of a 24/7 relationship, but unless you are Bill Gates, one of the partners is retired and comfortable  or you live in a cabin in the big woods in Montana I do not see it happening very often. I am an artist who can work at home most of the time so that might work...
In the home and in some social settings sure! But nipple clamps at the PTA meeting?
I am not perfect, or even exceptional, I am however very very realistic. And I want to have a full time relationship with a daddy/dom. But I know that making it work will take time and logistics.
If you are a man with a job in "retail" and  you have custody of your 4 minor children I am pretty sure you can't really have a live in sub who you request to be naked 24/7.
I confronted a man recently who told me he wanted a sub, wanted to move me to his home state and set me up in an apartment.
When I questioned him more fully it became clear to me he had never done this, he did not really make enough money to take care of his 3 kids his MOTHER  that also lived with him his wife who worked with him but was unaware and unwilling to share her man, and me.
I think there are a lot of 16 or 17 year old posers on this site.
However I welcome the chance to speak to the few real men of QUAILTY that I know must be on this fine site.
I wish you all well and that we all have encounters of honest intelligent people as we go about seeking our partners.


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MistressMorgos
 
 Age: 19
 Denton, Texas