10/16/2016 11:23:07 PM: Honestly? I suck at these. Currently, I feel like I'm faced with a very difficult road. I know exactly what I want now, I know exactly where I want to be, but I also recognize getting there is going to be a hell of a challenge. I do often see people go on about fakes and those who aren't as serious about what this life is and belongs with. I feel I had the privilege, for a period, to be owned online by someone who had a vast amount of experience, wisdom, understanding of what this life is and gave me such a valuable incite into not just s/m life, on a genuine and real level, but incite on myself in ways I couldn't imagine. It was truly eye opening. He gave me assignments, taught me well, and while the loss was incredibly difficult, I respect what he showed me about myself.It does get rapped about, but being a transman looking for a genuine connection with a master, identifying so genuinely as a slave but wanting more, it's such an important part of understanding from who I seek to be owned by. It's hard pushing past the kinks and the play to find something that's not just genuine, but right, and having a dom who sees what you are, conditions, soul, everything, and wants all of it to be theirs. It's hard when you can't live up to it or things don't click, and of course there's such a stigma around fetishizing being trans when that is so much deeper than that. I'm a man, straight up, regardless of my body. I, fuck it, appreciate the hell out of doms that want to explore what that means; masculinity with some female parts.Of course, I've known for ages a 24/7 life was what I was looking for. All of this still scares me on some weird level, all of this feels so damn right, but at the same time I feel like honestly, it's a real, genuine and such a huge leap. Something I want more than *anything*, but with the right one. And beyond that, I have this thing, this one thing, and that's the extent of my devotion and loyalty and how difficult, impossible it is to break from once there's an established ownership. I'm as fiercely loyal, genuinely diligent and passionate, just as much any dog out there and losing someone I'm owned to, with an established relationship, ends in too much for me to handle, so I know it's something I need to be careful for and know that the establishment of what we have is incredibly important. I think it's my biggest drawback, especially with my last owner, and trying to navigate what he taught me and the loss it brang.All in all it leaves me to my knew bout of confusion and wanderlust. Because my last master was the genuine article, and starting there, it's hard to find anything else that satisfies the need to live and be who you are. Both a man with a desire for someone who understands, a slave, and as someone who wants to create an open, genuine dialogue. It's hard going from someone so genuine and knowledgeable and finding anything else but that same, genuine article. For now, I'll keep searching, and if nothing else, I'll do my best to keep what he taught me and continue to keep searching until I find someone who feels the same, and of course, I believe, wants the openness in soul, body, mind and genuine domination this life requires.