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I love the end result from getting my nails done but HATE getting my nails. It's the touching and the not self aware patrons that bother me. I should have booked a weekday appointment, but got busy with work. Ugh! |
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(Edited from May 25, 2023) Today is my birthday. I love birthdays. It's a day that can be devoted to you and you're not made to feel bad for wanting and needing attention. No one judges you or puts you down or tells you that you're asking too much or that your pain isn't valid. It's all about you. People are a little kinder and they smile at you. At least... this is what I hope. I'm intentionally spending today alone. It's not my first choice, but it's what I have. |
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I'm submissive. I have nothing to offer to another sub. I don't want to compare notes. I don't want to meet your master or Daddy. I have zero interest in hearing another sub's desires for me to top them. It's so infuriating receiving messages from submissive men. |
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I don't have a valentine. I wish that i did. That would be really nice. |
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Heckuva year, right? Let's see. For starters I've tried NUMEROUS times to delete my profile from this site, but it won't die. Has that happened to anyone else? I've sent messages and still nothing. My baby sister had a baby and when I tell you I'm SO in love with the both of them. He's perfect. Just. Perfect. I still can't believe it. Got a new job that I love. Still single. Ooh, I finally got up the nerve to ask my crush out. It was amazing. Nothing ever became of it and it's for the best. Still fun, though. At this point, can I even say that I'm all looking for a Daddy? Is it even worth it anymore? |
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I like that they've revived the journal function. That's pretty cool. I think that I'll take advantage. |
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Counting. Down. The. Days! It's only for the weekend, but I'm going to Dallas to visit my sister and I can't wait! I love when we're together. She laughs at my jokes. We find the best little off the beaten path shops. She indulges my bloody Mary cravings although she doesn't drink. Ooooh the added bonus? A group of us are going to meet up for girl's night! I can't wait to see everyone. This is the group that I travel with. I haven't seen them since our Jamaica trip. Good food and lots of positivity. I. Can't. Wait! |
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I feel so hopeless. Will I ever find someone that's truly for me? Someone with no kids that can devote time to me? That doesn't make me feel guilty about wanting to spend time with them That makes me a priority? That understands that I have emotional and physical needs? That's willing to invest time on me? Why can't I be chosen? What's wrong with me? Why don't I matter? |
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I had the worst dream last night. I was being sexually assaulted. He wouldn't stop touching me. He was bigger. Stronger. I couldn't free myself. It was awful. I woke up screaming. Luckily I'd put my CPAP mask on before I went to sleep. My cries were muffled. I was thankful when I went back to sleep, that it was just a dream. Unfortunately my mind picked up where I'd left off. I was at my father's house by then. The guy who assaulted me was there laughing with my father. He'd told him what happened and they laughed it off. Saying that I misunderstood. That he was only flirting. I was devastated. Broken. How could Daddy not believe "ME"? His favorite. The one who's been with him the longest? The one who has his name? My issues with my father even haunt my dreams. Why doesn't he ever pick me? Why aren't I ever first?
I guess that that's what scares me most. Never finding a lover...a Daddy that will make me first. |
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If I'm allowed to be honest. I NEED to be violently fucked. I want to be spanked until I can't sit. I need my pussy sucked until it's swollen. I need my throat filled with cock. And when I'm spent, can barely stand or sit I need to cry in my daddy's arms. I need reassurance from him. I need him to tell me that I matter, that he'll always choose me and that I make him very proud. |
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I should TOTALLY go out and buy a lottery ticket after work. You ever have one of those awesome days where everything's going perfect? Today is one of those days! It was the perfect kind of busy where time was rolling by and you felt crazy productive and accomplished. The annoying people all called out, were out of the office or distracted by other stuff to get on your nerves. A friend that I'd been thinking about called me out of the blue and we're meeting up next week. AND I'm getting out on time so that I can go box. Yeah. I should really stop and get a lottery ticket on the way home! |
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I've been entertaining the idea of ANR/ ABR. I wish there we serious Doms with experience in the matter that I could speak with. I find this type of play immensely erotic, sensual and loving. I'm even curious about dry suckling. |
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Are my expectations too high? Do I come off as needy? Slutty? Is my mere presence here suggesting that I'm broken and have low enough self esteem that I deserve to be disrespected? Am I a brat when I don't respond to your message that says, Hey slut, can I cum on your big black tits? Or I'm into race play and since you're here you shold be too. Or how much cock can you take? Or send me nudes for consideration.
Am I not deserving of a simple hello? Is the disrespect a consequence of this lifestyle that I've chosen? |
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If I had it to do again I'm not sure that I'd change much. I would have stayed a virgin. I wouldn't have left the magnet high school that I was attending. I would have studied harder. Read more. Travelled more. Not dated so many married men. I definitely would have moved sooner and out of the south. I guess I still can, but I'd miss my father and sister too much. |
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It's 2014. I can't decide on a resolution. So far I have that I really need to stop swearing. My mouth is filthy. Good grief! I can partially attribute it to the fact that I work with a lot of men in a steel yard, but that's hardly an excuse. I need to get back to my Zumba classes. They made me feel so good and I had a routine. They were the best cure to a bad day. I need to take better care of my hair. I'm natural and I'm trying to grow it out. It's a lot of work and I really prefer it short, but I do like the softness that having more hair gives me. I need to get out more. The church offers a lot of fun outings for singles. I need to try one. I need to be nicer to myself. I finally bought a new bedroom set. I've been threatening to do that since 2009. That's sad. |
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I'm so ready to be done with this life. I'm tired of my family and friends. I want it to be all over. I hate being lonely. I really do. I've been looking on the local ASPCA site. I've been really considering investing in a dog. I want something to love and something that will love me unconditionally. But I work nights. I think it's selfish to have an animal cooped up half the day. |
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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! |
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My birthday is next Saturday. I'd give anything to be able to spend it with someone of the opposite sex that's attracted to me that I trust. I want to be whisked away for a romantic weekend. I want to be held and kissed and spanked and bitten and licked and sucked....I want to feel safe. |
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I LOATHE putting my Nouva Ring in and taking it out. It's the worst. |
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Happy Resurrection Sunday! I went to Dallas to visit my sister. I love visiting, but loathe driving. Ugh. I'm ready to be a wife. I'm going to speak this blessing into existence. |
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I had the best time yesterday. It was my bestie's son's birthday. After having a rough time with his arm last year, it was nice to see him running around playing with his cousins and friends. I loved sitting and watching the kiddos play. One day that will be me planning a birthday party for my little one or watching my husband take our baby over to ride rides and play games. My time will happen soon. |
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W H Y can't I find a good take-out Chinese restaurant in Alief? If I miss anything about Shreveport, it's the Chinese restaurant around the corner from my apartment. Consistently delicious and always fresh. Great buffet but even better take-out/delivery.I miss you, Imperial Wok! |
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I love a man that pays attention to detail. That notices that my favorite color is pink based on the fact that my nails are always a shade of it. Or that the initial of my first name on my wallet is pink. I wore a new pair of earrings and two guys at work noticed it. I thought that that was cool. I love being told how good I smell or how soft I am. |
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I have a crush on an older gentleman at church. He'd make the perfect Daddy. He has gorgeous, full lips, broad shoulders, he's much taller than me, thicke fingers. I accidentally left my bible at home a few months ago and he shared his with me. I've seen him more than once at church and he's always alone. I always plan to talk to him but he always dashes out a few minutes before church ends. I believe he's a part of the hospitality committee. That time he shared his bible and I smiled at him for doing so, he told me that I had a beautiful smile. Also, we were to stand and say a mantra with the bible and his hand touched mine and I didn't move it, neither did he. I spent the remainder of the service fantasizing about him. The way he'd taste, how strong he'd feel against my body, how safe I'd feel in his lap. I want him. How can I approach him? |
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I miss having my pussy eaten. Being held down and forced to take it. Damn. I dated a football player that gave THE best head. He'd sometimes beg to come over to eat me out. Good grief, his strength and appetite. He brought me to tears more than once. |
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I want a furry baby, but I work a lot. I'd hate for him to fall in love with the dog walker and think she's his mommy and I'm some weird topless lady that feeds him every night in her underwear. |
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I wish that the journal entries allowed for comments. I'm curious. What constitutes as bratty or disrespectful to you? I treat this site just as I do any social media. I take it at face value, however I protect myself. Just because someone claims themselves as a Dom, doesn't mean that I am going to provide personal information in the first message. After two exchanges and you ask to see my naked breasts, I'm discontinuing communication. Or if we've only exchanged a few messages and now you want to know specifically where I live and I tell you that I'm not comfortable with giving out that info yet and you respond that I'm a fake, we no longer need to communicate. To show my serious intentions, I used to give my real name when asked. That is until someone responded with my while name and specifics about my job. Information that he acquired by Googling me. I wasn't flattered, I was creeped out. And I hold the title Daddy in high regard. I'm completely turned off when you want me to call you that and we've never met. And what is the deal with talking in the third person? If you people had any iota of how ridiculous you sounded, you'd cease and desist. I've also come to the realization that I am not built for long distance. Some random voice barking orders over the phone is rather comical. Oh wait! My favorite one. Doms that are allergic to spell checking their messages or proof reading. Manna from heaven. They're right up there with the gems that type in all caps! |
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I must say that I thoroughly enjoy being single. I honestly do. I like my solitude and to be alone with my thoughts. I'd like to think that I'd find my equal. Someone who gets my jokes and has a genuine sense of humor. You know, that's lacking in the men that I've met these days. I'm thankful that I'm not as thirsty as my female acquaintences are in that I'll settle for mediocrity just to say that I'm "seeing" someone. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm extremely hopeful. I know that my guy is out there. He's kind, funny, loving, caring, sensual, stubborn, strong, honest a Christian, has beautiful lips, and adores him some me! |
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I still feel like an event will happen. I dreamt about it the other night. I was with my sister and we were driving. There was an EMP and the world around us ground to a halt. I just remembered thinking, how could I protect her? What happens next? |
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Spending time with my sister! I love her so much. I'm so excited. We are going to have the best day. |
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And just like that, I was over it. |
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I love that this makes me laugh out loud EVERY time!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9taGh0lKeU&feature=youtube_gdata_player |
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Is the Dom that I seek even real? Is it too much to ask that he be one that's willing to take the time to get know me? Ask me about my mental past? My relationship with my father? Was it healthy? Was I abused? Can't he be loving, caring and actually concerned for my well being? When I explain my limits shouldn't he understand and not take it as some twisted opportunity for me to prove my love to him? Shouldn't he want to take the time to understand me and my limits? Why do nude photos of my genitals before we've ever met face to face constitute as love or respect? How is telling me that you want to beat my ass or that I ask stupid questions supposed to let me know that you care. I hate the way that you make me feel. I'm a good person. I give respect, so it's only fair to get it in return. |
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My sister has been here since Wednesday. I haven't masterbated in three days. I'm about to choke her out. Please let her visit with her boyfriend tonight. I need to release this tension. |
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People tell you exactly who they are when you meet them. It's whether or not you want to listen, is the key. Shame on me for trying to make the spiked, round peg smeared with hate and loathing fit into my sweet, square world. Thankful for the solid reality punch to the face. |
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Please treat me like a human being and not a hole that you're clumsily trying to fill. |
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Ugh. Another one of those times where being single SUCKS. It started yesterday when I went to my car to go to church only to find that it wouldn't start. Can't do anything about it because the service center that I use is closed on Monday. Please God, don't let it be the starter. I don't have $900 to replace it and I need my car. If that isn't frustrating enough, the wrecker that picked me up was....let's just say that he's already text me twice letting me know that if I need a ride anywhere, his face would be available to sit on. Mind you during the ride to the dealership, I found out that he's married, has a son, his mother's husband left her recently after 47 years of marriage, he's an only child, different cars he's towed and his l o v e for full-figured women. FMSL |
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"I need for you to fuck me as hard as I hate myself right now..." |
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Dayum I N E E D some of this!
http://xhamster.com/movies/955701/eating_her_ass_for_the_holiday.html
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Stupid, stupid, stupid girl. |
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Today was wonderful! Although I spent it in bed...alone. I didn't realize how tired I was.:: yawns and stretches:: Those 15 hour days finally caught up with me.
Realization:
No matter what your age, nationality you can easily hook me with good conversation. It's almost erotic. I can't get him off my mind. I hope that he's having a good day and I can't wait to talk to him. I wish that he knew that. |
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It's days like this that I HATE being single. I took my car to the shop to have some work done. Just a tune up, though. Nothing major. Thank goodness.
I took today and Monday off so that I could go visit my little sister. She had a birthday Tuesday and I wasn't there to spend it with her. I hate that she had to spend it alone. She lives in Dallas. I miss her. She's the reason that I moved to Houston. But because my life rarely goes as I planned it, she got a job offer and moved away. She's my best friend. Sadly, she doesn't know about my affinity towards this life and she never will. She'd never understand my kink and I'm sure she would dismiss it as loneliness. It is, but it's a yearning for a Daddy and not acceptance. |
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I want to be swollen with Daddy 's seed. |
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I can't stand my upstairs neighbor. She is a walking cliche. Loud, ghetto, tacky. Why can't she get hit by a bus? |
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I love first Sunday. It's communion Sunday. I missed last month's and the month prior. I'm glad that I came to church. I was blessed to see so many married couples. People proud of their spouses. So much so to hold hands as they walked in and out of church. The couple next to me snuck a smooch after offering. It was sweet. That will be me one day I'm sure. |
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My girl came back to work today. All is right in my world! |
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I still can't believe that I got off at 3:30 today! Having the whole team work Saturday REALLY helped. It feels so good to be caught up. To be able to focus on one thing and complete it all the way through with minimal interruptions was dope. I'm keeping that momentum by doing some much needed housework so that I can sleep late this weekend. Hopefully we won't have to work. |
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I saw my bestie last night! It was SO good to see her. Her son is doing well. He's back to his old self. No fever and his pain is moderate. He loved the gift I bought him! I was so excited. I bought him an enclosed self sustaining Eco-system. The perfect pet. No cleaning, no smell and no noise. It's also a great learning tool. You should check them out. I'm definitely thinking of getting myself one.
http://www.eco-sphere.com/
We took up a collection for her at work. The response to help was awesome. It really warmed my heart. She was speechless. I'm so thankful for the prayers given to help my dear friend. A huge weight has been lifted. |
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I'm feeling so ravenous. I need to be filled and explored. A strong pair of hands squeezing my throat. Loving me. Spanking my full chocolate ass. Ugh...I need to be explored so bad. |
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Since all of the lay-offs, there's noone at work to flirt with anymore. |
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God help my Daddy when he finds me. |
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Work has been really stressful. I survived another lay off. I saw a lot of my mentors and friends go. The mood and morale has changed considerably. It has been low for a long time, but this is something even more draining. I need a release. My BFF's son is very ill. I feel so helpless. I don't know how to help more. I can't stand to see children suffer. I wish I knew what more to do. I'm tired. I've worked late and every Saturday for the past three months. It's all catching up with me. I'm so tired. I wish I had Daddy's arms to curl up and hide in. |
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Random. I found an old pair of jeans that still fit and wore them to work today. My ass and hips looked phenomenal, I must say. Lots of double takes. I must say that it felt pretty good. I wonder if my Daddy would have been beaming with pride or if he would not have let me wear them to work. Did I mention that I work for a steel company? I'm one of ten women out of 175 men. |
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I'm SO happy and content right now. |
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We always want what we don't have or need. |
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This site is what hell feels like. Everyone around you finding and getting what they want and me left behind. With nothing but threats of being owned. I hate everything. |
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Quandary. Is "race play" the unevolved, close-minded sect's way of calling me the "n" word on the slick? |
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The only consistent thing is the loneliness. |
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A Dom/Domme under the age of 30 is about as useful as a 15 year old life-coach. |
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::pouts:: I want my Daddy! |
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I'm so over it. Empty promises, supposed missed opportunities. Yeah, pretty much over it. |
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I love Sunday's! Mainly because my birth Daddy calls me every Sunday when he's leaving church. His voice is so soothing and loving. I miss him. He's such a wonderful man. I nearly cried this time when I heard his voice because he said, I just wanted to call my baby today. You've been with me the longest. I had to check on my girl. ::tear:: |
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We make time for the things that we want to make time for. |
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I could have gone the rest of my life and not EVER seen prolapse porn. You've been warned. |
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::sigh:: Well, I had thought that I'd deleted my profile.? But somehow it's still here. I'm glad that I logged on. I missed the community. Been really lonely lately. I'm discovering more and more about myself. I'm questioning whether or not this life is truly for me. I'm willing to follow, but who wants to follow a fool? |
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I've enjoyed being back on the site. There are some really great people here, for the most part. One thing's for sure, the notes have been interesting to say the least. I'm glad that I moved to Houston. There are so many more options here than in Louisiana. Hopefully soon, my Daddy will think that my dress is pretty and want to adopt me and take me home. Until then... |
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