saw a possum last night, white like a stone against the greenblack of the midnight woods. she let me get like five feet away from her. possums are so dear. 

i want to be held so tightly that i can't get away.

Well, I wish I could say something sexy tonight but the truth is, I saw a woodcock and it was ADORABLE and the girls on the cover of Lucky magazine is wearing a dress made of pastel metallic Easter grass, and that's all there is for tonight. :) 

I am certain that furfurescent, or something like it, is an obsolete word meaning 'covered in fur'. I wanted to use it to describe the smudge of milky way visible in the sky tonight, but I can't figure how to spell it, and google thinks I mean phosphorescent, and that may be true of the milky way but it's not what I mean.

Anyway, the sky is BEAUTIFUL. Voice-mutingly so. 

I think I may have written in an earlier entry that I've never really identified with submissive women who talk about having a 'need' to serve. All that choreographed oration kind of makes me lose interest, as it seems to be more about philosophy than actual sex. Or maybe that's just because I'm not into it?

It frightens me when Doms post long entries about what 'a real submissive' is supposed to be. It seems to me that human sexuality should be whatever it is naturally. When people tell me what is supposed to make my pussy wet, I feel like I'm back in Sunday school being told what to believe in. 

But what I ~do~ know is that I love being tied up, I love pain play, I love coersion fantasies and I like using the word 'Sir'. In general, I want to feel that my partner is stronger and more organized than I am. I also need to feel wanted, and I am wary of being taken advantage of, so an element of mutual adoration is necessary. Does that mean I'm not a 'real' submissive? 

Teaching a seminar on 'multilingualism in poetry' in two weeks. I've known about it for six but have been very lazy about planning it. Any ideas, Doms? :)

Oh well. It will get itself done, I'm sure. I'm not focused on it because I've been reading Dashiell Hammett, and he's sort of the opposite of multilingual poetry. :) 

I put the most debauched variety of Italian specialties in my mouth today. Gnocci, ravioli, porketta with so much black pepper it numbed the tongue like wonderful Chinese pepper does, a 'sloppy tony' sandwich with sausage and cheese/marinara instead of beef and tomato sauce, giaduia gelato, peche sorbetto and an apple cider donut. which isn't Italian, but is easily the thing I look forward to the most during the Tomato Festival.

I also managed to buy two dozen books for fifty cents each because my friend's bookstore is closing. So it was a good, hectic day. I wish I could have shared it with someone, especially the food part. Pigging out with someone you love is excellent fun, a la Albert Finney and Joyce Redman in Tom Jones.

I read a lot, but there aren't a huge number of writers that I really adore. I tend to find someone I like, read everything they've published, and then move on to someone else. Right now it's Wilkie Collins. In the past it's been Iris Murdoch, David Markson, Mark Kurlansky, Chet Raymo, Simon Winchester, Hilary Mantel, Li YiYun, Ha Jin, Haruki Murakami, Ryu Murakami, William Burroughs and Shirley Jackson. 

 Most women writers are really revolting to me, always saying the same things over and over about their husbands and their mothers. When I discovered Iris Murdoch I felt like I'd discovered some kind of sea creature that wasn't supposed to exist, like a fish that breathes air. 

 I wish I knew more people who love Iris Murdoch. The only two people I've ever met who even know who she is are a gay friend from high school and a 65-year-old Irish poet. Who, actually, might also be gay. 

  Too much to ask that a Dom might know David Markson? I'm sure everyone's read Naked Lunch and Junky, and that's fine, but a man who's read The Cat Inside would be a treat. 

Did I ever tell you about the time I took a guy to bed so I wouldn't have to sit through Star Wars? 

It's Friday night, and all I want to do is watch Kansas City Confidential and finish embroidering peacocks on my apron. Because, apparently, I'm 85 years old. 

Well. At least they're peacocks, that's kind of youthful. 

This is a little inappropriate. Eee!

I really love giving head. I love kissing, though, too, and any kind of attention being paid to my mouth. Lately I've been watching videos of girls deep throating those flexible jelly dildos, and it's incredibly sexy to me. 

I think the think about giving someone pleasure with my mouth is that you're more immediately involved in the action than during vaginal sex (which, honestly, I could totally live without). And the sensations are more varied and subtle. If I'm really worshipping my partner, I love to watch him enjoy himself and figure out the things he likes the most, and I like the intimacy of it. When it's very rough and demanding, it's just amazingly sexy. 

I love to walk around during the day after my mouth and throat have been used, and to know that this very public part of my body has done something really sexy and naughty. 

I love being able to struggle in my partner's arms. I guess because I'm tall and a pretty strong girl, if I'm with someone who is really stronger than me, and I can exhaust myself really trying to get away, it makes me feel so secure and kept. 

It's not fun if I have no hope of getting away or if I'm so immobilized that I can't move. There's something about the struggling and the possibility of escape that really does it for me. Maybe it's also being able to express shyness. I often get shy when I'm excited, and it's nice when my Dom lets me show it without thinking it means I'm not interested. That was one really nice thing about dating Asian guys when I lived in Shanghai; they were way into my being shy and turned on at the same time. 

What kind of a person do you suppose Tony Tedeschi is? I may be reading too much into this because I'm hooked on a video he is in. But he's... you know, pretty gorfy and sleazy looking, but then he's also kind of poised. And he does mean stuff (not like a Dom, more like a frat boy) but he's got this big thing for giving rimjobs. 

Full of contradictions. 

This has nothing to do with anything, BUT, I was at lunch with my boss today, and the father of a dear friend came into the restaurant with two of his colleagues. They were all very pressed and Brooks Brothers-esque, and my boss and I look like the witches of Eastwick, lots of hair tumbling over our shoulders and sparkly jewelry. So the father comes over, I introduce them, very nice, very nice....

... and at the end of the meal we found out the little scamp had put our lunches on his bill!  The neat thing was, I could tell he was sort of showing off to his colleagues that he had a younger female friend, and we both felt so ~fancy~. It was a lovely move. 

Another thing I find sexy, or just plain old appealing, is when a Dom has a variety of interests. I think that having a hobby, especially a creative one, is a sign that you're always looking to learn and improve yourself. I guess that's the reason I don't consider video games a ~hobby~. It's a thing people do, but doing it doesn't make anyone smarter or contribute to society. 

Beautiful Men: Christopher Lee, Eli Wallach, Andre the Giant, Alfred Molina, Benicio Del Toro, Sun HongLei, Dario Grandinetti, Lee Van Cleef, David Suchet, Peter Lorre. Oh, yes, I have a type. 

Beautiful Women: Sophie Okonedo, Alek Wek, Karen Elson, Eileen Atkins, Sigourney Weaver, Lauren Ambrose, Anjelica Houston, Milla Jovovich. Not as easy to parse out a type in that category. 

One of the hottest things I can think of is when a Dom has interests that are traditionally within the sphere of "women's business". A man who owns a cat, who can hem a shirt, who does watercolors or likes to cook is a pretty awesome creature. It's not feminizing at all, instead it makes him more accessible. I guess guys have a similar thing, getting excited if a woman is into guys' things like sports or cars.