paperdoll1982 on Collarspace

paperclip5


	Back to List			Send Message		Details

	Friends:



	Ok....so...right at this point in my life I'm seeking none other than friendship and friendly chat. That might change sooner or later but for now that's it. I'm a little ..not into hard core masochism/sadism. Light kind of pain only. I have a few hard limits. The norms like animals children scat blood watersports fire.....I have been into bdsm for like 12 yrs...slowly started researching it and experimenting. I'm on the cautious side because there are wolves in sheeps clothing. Talking to people on here I've met a few really amazing people also a few not so amazing. I am more on the side of serving...like domestic stuff...cooking cleaning all that. Some days I am down and can't do much but I still try. I'm a little stuborn. I'm not a beauty queen...I'm chunky clumsy and would rather stomp in mud puddles then dress up and go party. I'm a little shy when it comes to face to face or in groups. Outside of bdsm I like to color draw do crafts I love music and I take joy in the small things life has to offer.

5/10/2014 12:52:18 PM

I'm frusterated....people in my life don't get it. I'm an introvert. I'm not depressed. I'm not lazy. I am an introvert. I do house work when no one is home. When people are home I'm in my room unless I feel like being around people. Yes I avoid crowds. No I don't go out. Yes I do work in public but keep back from everyone. I do my job and go home. They don't get it. I can't expect them too because they don't understand. I can't deal with tons of people or socialize alllllll the time. It doeant mean I don't like them . It just means I need my space. Yes I'm in my hear a lot. I like it there. Leave me be. I might be off. But its who I am. No I'm not usually depressed. Yes I have battled depression. ...everyone has. I want left alone. Thats it. Just let me do my thing. Dont try to sit there and say I need to go out more. Date more. Blah blah blah. I work. I cook. I clean. I do laundry. I bathe. If I need to be alone let me alone. Its that simple. But some people don't get it. Their feelings get hurt because I'm anti social. I can't help it. Just like they can't help but be little social butterflies or over whelmed by little things. I wish people would stop assuming. Sigh....gotta love roommates and friends. If something were re ally wrong with me I wouldn't be in the world...or their world. Everyone is different. ...let them be. I do my best to deal when I have to. If everyone were thr same the world would be a dull place. The only thing that sucks about being introverted is trying to find someone who enjoys what I enjoy and will want me for being me. Thats the only thing that does suck. Everything else is happy in my world. ....now I'm gonna post my little ramble and get reaby for work.

3/12/2014 1:06:51 AM

Yet again I am awake at an absurd time in the morning....I live in a crowded house ..from three am to six am is the only quiet time I get....I'm so tired but I lay down and the silence makes everything louder...the needs I have amd the wants I think of make me insane...I miss being leashed..on my hands and knees...a part of me doesn't want to feel that vulnerable again...I'm grateful for the time He spent on me...he built me up...maybe not to where he wanted but he did build me up some...now every day I see a glimpse of what he was talking about. ...I'm not weak...I'm strong...no matter what it takes a lot of strength to g et on your knees and feel free...isn't it odd..the more restrained I am the freer my mind feels...on the flip side....I've encouraged a few subs to embrace themselves...been there watching them grow and get excited about just the little things and I felt and still do feel proud of them...helping them become who they are and helping them learn to love it...omg amazing.... Right now I should feel pretty good...I do..for the most part..but then that little part of me sees the vanilla world and feels a little sick of it all...the hum drum of life is boring me to death...in order to feel free I must be on my knees...I miss doing chores whole he was working..cleaning and starting supper...making myself pretty..having a beer in a frosted glass waiting for him at his chair.. nthe look on his face when he stepped in to see all I had done to please him...kneeling before him removing his boots...rubbing his feet..then happily serving supper...beijg his foot rest while he watched tv....random spankings that made me drip...forced orgasms and restrained.. .going to bed with a clear mind....only part of me misses it...part of me wants to experience more. ...ill always be submissive...nothing like a wax scene or spanking to make everything all better...or curling up in a tight space to feel secure.... Most don't know this here on CM...I have two health issues...fibromyalgia and pcos...with loosing weight the pcos is getting better...that alone is hard to deal with..coupled with fibro its even harder...in the vanilla world I am an ass kicker...I handle my shit...if things go wrong I do what I have to do to fix it...when I was working fulltime I ran circles around everyone else...haha the adminstrator I Mmmm had she was in the military before coming there..everyone thought she was scary..I had an issue..I walked up to her called her the wrong name when she corrected me I said whatever this is an issue and needs fixed now...she looked surprised at me...then smiled and fixed it. Then I got I can't believe you did that..I'm like what.lol be me?....so yeah I was that girl...now the worse the fibro is getting the more I'm looking at the switch side of me..I like it...but a part of me knows ill always need a man with more balls than me. But then I see a sissy and I get weak in the knees... dare I? I can't kick ass in the vanilla world like I used too....a part of me has flipped the script....at least for now.. A part of me feels useless..then I remind my self I am still a powerful strong woman even if I still need daddy at the end of the day I can still kick some ass and be a princess while doing so.....I'm done rambling for now...if anyone happens to read this sorry if it doesn't make sense...I'm just letting out a few of the millions of thoughts in my head

3/11/2014 2:15:06 PM

I have been being a little more outspoken here on CM lately...I won't appologize for babbling and getting these thoughts out...I need a release and if I don't empty my head it will explode....either that or ill drive my friends crazy with endless babble...lol...don't like it then don't read it. I don't have the privacy to sit and journal in a notebook like I used too...but I kind of like journaling here...I've been having some really great conversations. Plus I can admit things in these little journals if I just ramble on and on chances are you're going to get bord and skip over it and be like oh another sub just endlessly chatering away.... A lot of things are intruiging me and I wish I had the lady balls to try them...I've always enjoyed sharing photos of me ...to turn some one on is just amazing...I've been considering selling photos .. nude or otherwise or being a cam girl...don't know if I ever would but its fun to think about and ponder on. .. the thought of being a sexual object is just a huge turn on for me...I have no idea why...plus it puts me on cloud nine

3/11/2014 3:54:57 AM

I'm a little frusterated...why would he spend three years buliding up my self esteem....then when we decide to remain friends..he is still my rock...I express to him I am switch curious and he says you just want to play dress up...yes he has seen me at my most vulnerable moment...but that doesn't mean I will remain the same through out a times...he said we were still friends but he keeps hurting me....I want to find the man I met..but he is lost...and I think it might be a lost cause...he is lashing out at everyone...its not just me... before my self esteem is ripoed to shreds once again I need to cut ties....at least now I can recognize when its time to move forward....I hope he finds peace with in himself....on the plus side things are looking up and I've reached out amd can now trust a few people the more I talk the more I discover the happier I am...the more alive I feel...and I like that..I'm tired of feeling dead inside....its time to do what makes me happy ..

3/10/2014 7:22:33 AM

Testing the water a little more...where I stand is stable..the water in front feels shakey...there is no turning back...a few directions to go.. .may I have my cake and eat it too...I was always told no....now I'm told yes...you can...what a strange life Iead...if the vanilla people in my life knew I'd be cast aside...my roomate sees me going out she's already said I'm a slut..I. like no...I just like meeting new people...just because I go out doesn't mean I got laid...maybe I am.. who knows....I never thought I was...but the more I think the more experiences I want...instead of being so cautious can't I just go with the flow....maybe I can...just let go.

3/8/2014 7:31:05 PM

I am feeling the need to ramble...who do I ramble to..maybe I should just write..some poems or a new short fantasy story.......writing is what made me curious about bdsm in the first place..kinda cool ....I kept shying away because I was afraid ....what would it do to me...it would , may the gods forgive , change me....but what would I run into what changes lay ahead?..opening up and exploringthe world around...I peek out and see many wonderful things...then something scares me and I run and hide...eventually after peeking so long I test the water with my foot..if it feels unsteady I run back in...if I feel safe I stay put..until I peek out again

9/23/2013 12:02:43 PM

Submission comes in many forms. There are many different desires of sub's, but for me, i feel a little different. i am naturally submissive, though i am not a door mat. When it comes to the right Dom i will listen and obey, sometimes i will question, if i do not understand what is being done and for what reason. If it does not make sense to me i feel like i should understand it and why it is being done. A part of me is still a little girl, i can't wait for santa clause to come at christmas and i want to go to Ireland to see the fairies. There is another part of me that needs to be controlled in a great way. Appearing vanilla in public or in front of family and friends is not great feat. It very well can be done. So i guess You could say i need more of a 24/7 type of thing. Kneeling at a true Dom's feet free's the mind. Being controlled makes me feel safe and secure. With out it, i kind of feel lost, but i will find my way

9/21/2013 5:50:03 PM

i am not that girl...i won't just let You stick Your dick in any of my holes because "You said so"...of course i have needs in the bedroom, but if i just laid back and spread my legs i'd have and STD in no time, or be knocked up and not know who the father is and i don't plan on spending five years on Jerry Springer going who da daddy?

There are a few on here that haven't talked to me like a piece of meat, but those are far and few between, yes i've tried the whole ok maybe i will just hook up with a stranger thing and it just made me uncomfortable.

Yes i am submissive, yes i might have slave like tendencies , but when it comes down to it , i want more than just in the bedroom type of deal. Yes i have my faults, what human doesn't, but damn..come on guys really? i know its probably hard to be a walking hard on, but if You are serious about this, get into my mind before getting into my pants.

having numerous men in my inbox just sending fuck me messages just makes me sad....like its that all i am wanted for?

To the few that really do care, You know who You are and thank You...my love goes out to You...muahs!

9/9/2013 3:43:06 AM

i am beginning to think this is a waste of time. i am not a super model and i won't just fuck someone without knowing them, why would i put that kind of trust into someones hands that i don't know? eh fuck it.