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a post from someone else that I thought was well thoughout, and worth the time to read:
A slave: A person owned by another -- without rights, without choices, without the ability to drive their own lives and directions. A person whose very existence is at the whim and desire of another. Property. Cherished and loved, but still given over to another to make all decisions for this person. The slave makes one choice, and one choice only. To become a slave. After that, they accept, without question, every decision the dominant makes. The only out is if the Owner tires of or otherwise decides to release the slave back into the wild. There is no negotiation after the initial guidelines have been set up, and the slave must accept everything the dominant decrees. Including being traded or accepting new people into their lives. A submissive: One who gives over their own personal power and control to another voluntarily. One who accepts the guidance of a dominant and gives the right of their own decisions/directions/growth to another in most aspects of their relationship. An exchange of power occurs, with both the submissive and the dominant giving equally of their time and emotions. A choice, or gift, that can be withdrawn at any time by either the dominant or the submissive. A submissive has many rights. Including: the right to be respected; the right to negotiate; the right to have levels of control over aspects mutually agreed upon in everyday life; the right to say no; the right to feel equal as a person.
1) Think about what things your previous slaves did that you liked, wanted, and made you feel "masterly". Make a list of them.
2) Think about things this slave or the previous ones did that you didn't like. Make a list of those things.
3) Think about what things would piss you off SO much that you would break up with this girl. Make another list.
4) Like Carolyn said, think about where you want to be in 6 months and work out what steps you would use to get there. Make another list.
5) Think about categories of control -
a) Appearance: Do you want to change her hair color or length or curly/straight? Do you want her to wear or not wear makeup? Do you want to pick out what she wears whenever she has clothes on? Or go through her clothes and get rid of stuff you don't like and have her choose from what is left? Do you want her naked as often as possible? Do you care what shoes she wears? Do you want her to eventually get or remove piercings, tattoos or brands? Do you want to forbid them? Do you want her to gain/lose weight? How much work are you willing to put in to keep her on track? How much money are you willing to put into medical care and/or gym memberships? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
b) Employment: Do you intend to support her financially? Do you want her to have a job? Do you want her to go to school? Do you intend to pay for it? How do you want her to spend the time that you are away from her? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
c) Money: Will she have her own money or will you control it? Will you give her an allowance or will she have to kneel and beg anytime she wants/needs something? Will you do the shopping to keep the money out of her hands? Will there be some stuff you pay for and other stuff she pays for? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
d) Monogamy/Polyamory: Do you want her to be monogamous to you? Do you intend to be monogamous to her? What do you consider to be "cheating"? Will you share her for kink play? For non PIV sex? For PIV? With groups? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
e) Entertainment: How much do you want to control what she's allowed to do for fun? How much computer time, going to movies, TV, reading, video games, sports, etc will you allow? Will you and she travel? Will you be in charge of arrangements or will you delegate that back to her? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
f) Friends and family: How much do you want to be in control of how she interacts with them? Are there friends you want her to drop or to make? Is her family toxic? Healthy? Protective? How will you interact with them? Will you two go to parties or out with friends? Who will keep the social calender?
g) Abuse vs. punishment: Has she been abused? How will you work with her to overcome her triggers? This is big and scary, and you might decide that you won't take on someone whose got that kind of baggage. Find out sooner rather than later, especially if you intend to include corporal punishment in your dynamic. (It's not actually necessary, doesn't improve learning, though some feel it can be cathartic.) Abuse survivors do better with non-painful, non-mindfuck punishments - for example, if she forgets to unload the dishwasher, she has to wash all the dishes in it over again, by hand, dry them, and put them away. h) Housework: Do you intend to do any? Do you intend to divide the work between you, maybe along "traditional roles" lines? Or indoor/outdoor? Or days of the week? Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
i) Protocols: How much kneeling, posing, bowing, speech restriction, and that sort of stuff do you want? If you want a lot, you will have to sift through a lot of BS because one person's BS is another person's gold. What do you want her to call you? Will it be different in public from in private? Will you give her a "slave name"? Where will it be used? Online? In dungeons/at parties? everywhere? Think too, about the consequences to others of your decisions. If you intend to call her "moistcunt", all the time, will you stay away from schools and family events? (Keep in mind that those people didn't consent to spectate your dynamic.) Figure out what you care about and what you don't, and make lists of which is which.
j) "Play": Is the relationship mostly about play? What are her kinks and what are yours? How much will you indulge her in her kinks? How well do you know how to do the stuff you want to do and she wants to do/have you do? Do you need to take classes? How slowly will she need you to go? Do you want her to "take" a lot? How well do your boundaries and hers match up?
k) Children: Do you want any? does she? Do you intend to control whether, when, and how many she has? How much say will she have?
l) Love: Is that a goal or considered an obstacle?
m) Marriage: Marriage confers certain legal rights and responsibilities which can otherwise be much more expensive and complicated to attain. Do you intend to get married? How, when and why?
n) Needs: Make sure you and she know what both of yours are, and that you are defining them the same. some folks think that the only needs are those for bare physical survival. Others include health, both physical and mental. How will you meet her needs? How will she meet yours? Who will be in charge of handling medical appointments? Will you attend appointments with her?
There are other aspects of control you might think of - this is a basic list.
6) Once you have made your lists about what you want and what you don't want, ask her how she feels about each item. If she has a hard limit around something you want, either you'll have to let it go, or let her go. Soft limits are easier to negotiate. If she seems nervous or evasive about something, make a note of it and drop it for the moment. Make a lot of notes.
7) Negotiate out the easy stuff first (usual examples are no children, animals, scat or maiming.) Make sure each word means the same thing to both of you. Some consider ear piercing to be maiming. Others consider maiming to mean taking off body parts. Be very, very clear with each other.
8) Once you have worked out what you want and don't want, and have negotiated it all out with her, merge all your lists into Rules and Requirements. Go over with her which will be easy to do and which harder.
9) Pick one or two easy and one hard items from your lists for her to start learning. Add new items to her queue as others have been internalized. Set goals for when you'd like her to have internalized which rules, keeping in mind that hard ones are likely to not only take longer, but to slip-up first in times of stress.
10) Think about whether and when you want to have formal acknowledgement of your ownership of her. Lots of folks do contracts and collaring ceremonies. Talk it over with her. Earning a collar is a motivator for some slaves to learn.
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