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I wish to thank everyone here for being so supportive...New Year's Eve was ruined by her drinking....I ended up on a street in Toronto with her screaming "fuck you" at me......I am going to find the strength somewhere to get out of this.......again, thanks to all.....I will be back to myself soon......... |
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holiday insanity is almost over....thank goodness.....trying to work on my book, but am feeling more drawn to my photography work this break......doing some research on a good digital camera........other than that......just being a bit solitary and quiet for now.......-s. |
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i apologize to those i have been unable to reply to....i have not been communicating much as i am struggling with the situation here and am not feeling like my usual sassy self......hoping to be back to a place of peace soon........wishing everyone love and cheer in this holiday season...... -s. |
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Have not been on in awhile...trying to maintain home and sanity during holiday season...hope all are well, and i hope to be feeling like myself again soon... |
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The situation at home is becoming increasingly volatile. . .the g/f is drinking herself into an early grave and the decision to leave is coming soon.......I was just speaking with a friend and he said I am attracted to those people who appear powerful upon first contact, but who often end up being controlling in a non-loving sense...that my natural inclination towards submission and nurturing puts me in a place that unless carefully checked...people take advantage of...this will not happen to me again; once i have the courage to leave this relationship i will be sure to see that whomever i spend my time with appreciates the woman they have...true submission brings with it empowerment.... |
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it is important to me that those who may contact me understand the mind they are dealing with.....sharp intellect does not necessarily escape a good sub.........i find there are Dom/mes that read my profile and don't seem to understand the importance of my sharing these day to day thoughts....as if i would just bend over for their abuse.....as if their role wasn't to understand my mind in order to engage my body......this goes unstated to true Dom/mes...thank you for those who see...... |
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So i may be having a turkey hallucination, but i found today to be very erotic. i spent most of the day today quietly cooking and listening to music....a few phone calls with friends....all day i spent slowly warming today's meal...carefully seasoning and preparing each dish. The small group that spent the day here stayed upstairs while i worked silently....as it came closer to the time that we would eat, i was careful to make the setting conducive to the meal; soft light, candles, good music......it became frenetic as each dish was ready and i was rushing, sweating to get them all on the serving table at just the right time......my excitement was building, and as we sat down to eat i couldn't wait for the guests to taste what had come from my hands.......as the first bited were eagerly consumed, groans of pleasure came from around the table, and the moment was climatic - we had all been waiting all day.....
a silent feeding frenzy and as we each became satiated, the energy slowed....became peaceful.....satisfied.
i cleaned up the mess and settled down with a smoke and some wine.....took a deep breath, and closed my eyes smiling.....i awoke a few moments ago to find myself strangely aroused..... |
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Happy Thanksgiving to all....it seems the goddess has spread her light...because of snow a stressful trip to g/f's family in Connecticut has been averted!
I made sure to prepare to have a turkey dinner here in case we had snow...so I get to spend the day cooking, relaxing, listening to jazz, sipping wine, and enjoying the stillness!
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I have been cooking since 4 a.m. - I step out of authoritative role and business suit today and cook for many inner-city teens........25 lb. turkey, home-made mac & cheese, potatoes....carrots, greens, tuna salad, stuffing.......I love this yearly event.....love to watch them laugh, relax, and know they are loved.....
"The world owes us nothing; we owe each other the world....." - ani difranco
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Oh.....how I long to just breathe....to be swept away from responsibility for just a moment so I can catch my breath. |
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It has been a few days....have been having an interesting dialogue with a very possible M/Ms couple on here...hmmmmmm
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so on this cold and rainy day i had a talk with the g/f. not sure if i actually got anywhere as she was pretty non-communicative.....but i did approach the fact that i am not sexually satiated....that completely vanilla sex once a month does not constitute a "sex life," especially for a Scorpio who just hit her sexual prime. i tiptoed around my other desires...i don't know if they will ever be able to be discussed......she knows i had a past g/f who i served....she thinks it is sinful and dirty....oops........lol........amazing how my desires intrude upon my thoughts all day....sit in a meeting wishing i was strapped to the chair...naked......having very serious discussion about the future of my relationship.....wishing she would shut up and rip my jeans off...as then she would see the thigh-hi stockings i have decided i am going to wear as a replacement for ugly knee-hi stockings......she would see the thong that could so easily be removed.....trying to get some work done on the computer and instead ending up here...writing this journal....... |
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so tuesday wasn't that much fun...oh well......my g/f took the day off too...which for normal people would mean lots of time to make love...but here meant lots of housework.....I AM SO FRUSTRATED...... |
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i took tuesday off of work.......hmmmmm.......what to do with myself all day? any ideas? |
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i have returned from work to see many messages in my box...and for the most part am greatly pleased. i know that my situation is problematic, but am working through it at the pace and in the way that suits me best.
i have been feeling exceptionally sassy recently, and this has been reflected in my wardrobe....today under my pinstripped business suit...complete with pearls...i donned thigh hi stockings and 4 inch heels...amazing how much better the day is when you know the little slut in you is waiting under the professional garb.......
hmmmmmmmmmm.... |
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i am recovering from my riesling binge of last night....ohh it just tasted so good...lol.......
i have been reading through all of the responses i am getting from other members of the web site and i thank you again.
as i am currently in a relationship with a lesbian who is t-totally vanilla, i am unable at this time to serve anyone f/t at the moment. my girlfriend is not interested in the lifestyle, nor is she very respectful of my interest...thus, a struggle has emerged that i am unsure if we can resolve....i am not opposed to r/l play, but the understanding that i am in this relationship is a must. i know that limits some interest, but it is simply where i am in my evolution.
i ran into my first r/l Mistress on Friday evening, and although our relationship did not work, She was an excellent Mistress. as i sat across the table from my vanilla lover my mind was returning to my training and as if one of Pavlov's dogs, my ex-mistress still caused me to moisten. She smiled at me from across the room, as if She knew i was yearning once again for servitude, and i could not help crossing my legs and imagining the night i first bowed to Her. ohmymy....what a life changing event.
-s. |
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so i had a little too much wine last night...and found myself at a party wishing a master or mistress would emerge and follow me to the closet / bedroom / restroom.....
of course my girlfriend didn't know the desires that were stewing under my skirt....maybe at some party soon a Mistress or Master will recognize my need and find a space to use me.....then will send me back out into the party and as if nothing happened...... |
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I am certainly enjoying hearing from all of you, and appreciate the many kind compliments that have been left for me. I am in Western New York, therefore it is very difficult for me to imagine having a p/t in NYC...although I do love the Big Apple, and some of my family orginated there........
I have been very tired as of late, as an online Master has been seeing to it that although I am halfway around the world from him, I perform dutifully. It is pleasing to know that even a Master not on physical reach is able to impart upon me the discipline I need and deserve. He has given me a two day break, as it is important to Him that I am not ridden with tired eyes and/or body.
So now I feel it is time to share more about me, and it will be interesting to see who doesn't just look at my picture but takes time to read about my feelings, likes, loves and dislikes.....as any good Mistress or Master must understand the complexity of their slave for true service.
I am a true lover of jazz and the blues.......art...........candles......literature........sensuality......passion.
I am blessed with intellect, and seek Dom/mes that are intellectually capable. I feel like D/s is significantly mental - one must be able to impart needs upon my psyche in order to truly attain my service as I do have a strong personality, and the D of me that runs my professional life will surface if my Master or Mistress is not able to work with my mind. I am a Scorpio, thus my strength runs deep, but so does my loyalty. I do also enjoy vanilla lovemaking, and see the D/s and vanilla as in need of balance in order to true satisfaction on part of both D and s.
-s.
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