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I know I am breaking the rules of marriage but I need answers that I can't find with him. At least I am honest. � I am back already because everyone almost is asking me what answers but if I don't know the answers how do I answer you. My state is alive in summers with sun and tourists and people. In winter it dies and gets lonely. I got married with the best intentions so why do I see other people and wish they would want me and touch me. Why do I see myself with other men or even some women? Why can't I ever say yes when in fact the right one hits on me. So it's the questions that haunt me. I hope this paragraph helped. Guys I'm hanging here by a thread please stop talking about my husband he didn't cause these defects in me !. I feel a little better now after so many nice emails today. The haters can hate but it won't make me do that. I think I am figuring out the thing that could give me some confidence which I will never ever get at home. I am smiling but most women would be running from what I think I want. We are ALL different so chill out. � Alex