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I am pretty new to the idea of a D/s relationship, but a dear friend
introduced me to the lifestyle, as well as this site. I am a submissive
woman, potentially a full slave, looking for a Master or Dominant with
some experience. I wish to learn more, but I am a little frightened. My
friend told me he would look over each potential Master and help me, so
if you do not get a reply immediately, I apologize. Also, I cannot chat
with anyone until I have permission from my friend. I do have a son who
will be with me for several more years so if you prefer a sub with no
attachments, please consider that before contacting me.
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I've got a chest cold and I'm going to spend the next few days in bed- not in a good way, either. ;)
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Hmm, that reminded me of a dream I had the other night.
I lived on a different planet with a lot of rain. My family seemed to treat me differently like I was special in some way. My Father especially paid a lot of attention to me and let me do things with him and for him. I liked to see him smile at me.
Father took me with him one day while he went to try to convince some factory owner to stop using water in their robotics factory but when they shut it off, the water started rising. Father sent me home where it was safe and I stood at the floor-to-ceiling window and watched it rain until he came home.
After he got home he went out to the pool and was digging out silt that washed into it so we could use it and I helped until I got too tired so he sent me in to change into dry clothes. I was almost finished changing and was pulling my shirt off when I looked over and saw a young man looking in at me through my open window. I watched him while I took my shirt off and put on a dry one and he walked over and climbed in the window. He settled down on my bed and smiled at me. A moment later, my family came in and they walked past to the room across from me, looking for something. I grabbed a red sheet and started to toss it over the Young Man but looked to see Father watching me with a disappointed look in his eyes. I paused and felt guilty but then tossed the sheet over the Young Man anyway. After that, Father didn't speak to me, he just watched me with that look.
We heard banging outside and the Young Man and I went to look and found a man with a knife next door. When he saw us he ran after us and got inside before we could stop him and he attacked my Young Man who almost got stabbed because he didn't know how to defend himself. I stepped in and grabbed the man and he tried to stab me but I held him off. We were struggling and I looked over to see Father still watching me. That's when I realized how stupid I was to think this young man could ever protect me like Father did. I felt like a total fool.
Something woke me just then so I didn't get to see what happened next.
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I took a nap today and dreamed that I was in what I thought was a mall serving what I thought were customers. A woman, her young daughter and son. Then the setting changed and it was like an old house in the woods. The woman and boy left the little girl there and she fell asleep. I thought that was pretty weird to leave her like that but her Dad called and she talked to him for a bit about what sounded like very grownup things. Like politics or something. It wasn't clear.
I heard noise behind me and turned to see several people coming down the stairs and I was thinking- Wait, this is my house and who are these people? And how did they get up there? There was an older man with maybe five younger people. Meanwhile, I was worried that we were almost out of food and had no idea where I was going to get more and all these people are suddenly here. How was I going to feed them? And why was there only raw meat in there?
The older man finally came up to me and touched the thin black leather collar around my neck and told me I was a vampire and I looked around and all of them had one, too. That explained why the little girl didn't sound like a little girl, too.
It seemed like a pointless dream since I had no idea why I was a vampire or how I got that way without knowing.
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If you're reading my journal and you want to get in touch with me, please note that I simply Cannot reply until I have permission. I also Cannot chat without permission. The messages I get asking for a reply then another one half an hour later complaining that I didn't- You probably will never get one.
I'm not a doormat. I'm proud and can walk on my own when I have to and I don't want or need people whining at me. I can't see myself taking a Dom who whines and complains like a child in any case.
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The electrical is fixed but there's possibly a new leak or slow drain I have to check out tomorrow.
I told that guy I needed him to pay me back and he got all over me that someone found out about the loan and chewed him out about it. Why? I have no idea, unless it's because he kept it a secret from someone he shouldn't have. I was kind of rude to him after he got all mad at me. I told him after 4 months of not working it off or repaying it, it was bound to come out in conversation. I didn't know it was a secret, anyway. So he quit. After telling me every week or so he'd be out to do this or that but never showing up- I didn't lose anything I haven't lived without all summer except maybe another couple mows of the law which I paid him to do all summer, not until he decided to quit out of spite.
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I don't really hate myself. *smiles*
The faucet is fixed, the breaker still won't come on and that outlet is useless until it can be fixed. I'll deal with that next.
That guy did not show up! Pretty much what I expected. I'm done with him. Now I just have to.... tell him so. Wish me luck.
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So. The fuse in the breaker box blew for the washing machine and sump pump and won't reset.
Turns out the faucet in the kitchen sink upstairs was leaking and needs replacing. It was leaking on that outlet and when the cover came off, water poured out. I guess I won't be using that one until it dries out. Hopefully.
The man who mows my lawn wanted to chat while I was napping. That's all he does is mow even though he's told me he'll trim a tree and bushes and weed for me all summer. He keeps saying he'll do it but he never does. He said he'd be by Sunday to do some trimming but then he tells me he's working forty hours a week again and they have him lifting heavy things all day and his back hurts, etc. I really wanted to tell him to forget it and don't bother because he's said several times that he'll be here to do this or that and never does it. But I didn't! I hate myself. Bah!
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Well, I'm home finally back in Michigan. Driving past all the farmland through the Carolinas and then hitting the cities later was so bizarre. I hate cities. I grew up on a farm several miles outside a small town. Neighbors were no closer than three quarters of a mile away. My sister and I would roam around the back roads; sometimes with a dog or a cat. I miss that privacy and space to walk or run without people looking at me wherever I go.
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I got to drive through or maybe only partially through the Great Smoky Mountains on the way to Nashville. It was awesome! I love to drive on mountain roads. I'll take that over traffic anytime. My Buick took the curves so well, almost as well as my 4Runner does, but with more power behind it. That's probably because my Toyota is 22 years old. Hah. Even when it was new, I had to rev up to the steeper hills to maintain a good speed. Those mountains were much steeper over in the Coastal Range. The Smokys are huge but rounded like the foothills back home. The one thing that made me a little nervous was the cement dividers towering over my car on the left- I kept thinking I was going to drift into it.
So I'm in Nashville for the night with Alphaluc, the friend who got me involved with Collarme when he realized that that's what I needed.
I think I'm a little homesick for the north coast, I miss the greenery there, the ferns and mushrooms and the redwoods.
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My week by the beach is over and today I drove to North Carolina to spend the night. The road passed by a lot of farmland along the way. Old tractors and silos, barns and horses were all along the way among fields and vineyards and lots and lots of trees. It made me feel homesick, except for the trees because the only trees back home are along the riverbanks. Part of the way, the road went through some hills and that reminded me of the drive through the Coastal range I used to take between Eureka and Redding. My Roadmaster took the climb and the curves very well for an old broad.
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The other morning I was up before sunrise so I made a cup of coffee and sat out on the balcony. Birds were waking up and talking to each other, making a lot of racket. Off in the distance there was lightning against the dark sky. As it got lighter, I could see the clouds were black and heavy over there. The ones above me were lighter and I could see bits of sky now and then as they passed over. It was very peaceful but lonely by myself.
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I looked for a place to help me get a picture up today and maybe I can get in there Friday. I stopped at a seafood restaurant on the way back to Pawleys Island and it was really good, then I drove to Huntington Beach State Park and followed the signs north to where it said beach access. I drove across a causeway and saw two alligators sunning themselves. The place looked alot like a dream I have sometimes- with alligators and everything. It was a little creepy and I wished someone was with me, then I felt silly for being nervous. I was in a car after all, perfectly safe. As I drove along, I looked into the woods. The light was bright but diffuse and the trees were old and sprawling like someone lounging in a big armchair. Some of them would look like an octopus with all their branches reaching out- quite large branches that you can't put your arms around.
I finally reached the north lot and headed down the boardwalk to the beach. Birds and frogs and who-knows-what else was making all kinds of noise along the way but I couldn't see anything except bright yellow butterflies flitting here and there. It was overcast today and I was tired so I only walked about half a mile down the beach. Sandpipers would scurry along in front of me then move away as I got closer, keeping an eye on me as I passed. It was nice but, once again, there was no one to share it with. Still, it was nice and when I got tired, I headed back to my car and returned to my condo to rest.
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| Age: 28 |
| Fargo,
North Dakota |
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