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Since my step away, I am back searching for what I want. I want a live in slave.When I say live in that is exactly what I mean you live at my home. I have removed my likes and dislikes as it was not all mine. I want someone who knows what a hammer is for and what end to use. I am showing who I am in writing until one meets me in person. I have good days and bad days, with a very painful spinal injury I have to live this way so yes I need help with chores and work around my place. I am still sexually and sensually inclined. But only on my terms. And if you are into spankings go look elsewhere, that became an issue at a meeting I just had. I don't want to fit into anyones world, they need to fit into mine or not, then it will not work. And personally I do not want. I am totally real and know what and who I am. And yes my household knows it too.

FYI-- if you read my journal you will see that any thing that happens between my sub/slaves the ones that get chosen is not put out there for anyone to read, this part of my life is private from viewing eyes. While the things I rant, or vent about or feel are put in my journal to let anyone who reads it know if you are going through something everyone has their own loads to carry. Player no I am not, careful about who I let into my life if that makes individuals think I am a player so be it. I have big shoulders I can handle it but I am not, just because someone thinks it does not make it so. And for that sub that thinks I am bitter and anger you couldn't be more wrong, I always look for the good in any situation. So go dig a rut and grab a ladder to climb out of and keep your opinions about me to yourself, writing them to me only shows me  I was right about you being so insecure in your own skin. While you tried to tell me what to do when you came to see me, and I just let you run off at the mouth, but you found out I didn't want you to return, then the emails started months after to me, so must be someone else pissed in your cheerios and you decided to take it out on me, and hide your profile so I could not react. No problem I do not want to react to a childish action. So please grow up. If I do not find another live in slave, I had one in my lifetime and that says a lot about me. Yes I moved away and left my slave behind. But my family needed me and I chose them to help. My lifestyle took a bit of a backseat while I still met with subs on the side but my mom's life was way more important to me. So you see I am a real person with real feelings, and I am just about happy all the time, it may take me a bit to get a handle on things but I do. 

The past few days have woke me up so to speak. I am not candy coating this if you are a real sub without an agenda you can contact me. I know what I want and if you think you are going to play me to your agenda, get a clue the only thing you will get is a block. I am tired of the bull individuals want to toss in my direction. I have passed out 2 blocks within the past couple of hours. I have a long list of bull shit throwers, and it will keep growing. I do not want anyone out of the USA, I am not your green card. I want a live in slave aka handyman. BE REAL. 

What is wrong with individuals, I have tremors have had them since I was `12  passed down from a grandmother. So texting is not for me. Yes I have issues but if I offer to call you, just give me a number. I am 100 percent real. But don't its simple if you do not want too. Just say so. I mean it is the best thing in my book. 

I am so done with this bs. Why on earth would some one say they are coming to Vermont but actually be a lie. Oh yes that is right because they are bullshit artist. This flood has knocked me off my feet so to speak but all you got was freaking block. I am so not having this. Hello I do not know how many times I need to tell individuals i do not use skype, last time I did I was not impressed with watching someone jerk his little dick off. His thumb was bigger than his dick. Come on I am dominant not desparate. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE. 

Oh yea they both start with D you got confused. 

Considering how badly I wanted a live in slave before yesterday then the flood coming through last night. And my property being damaged to this extent, i am so overwhelmed with it all. I am very emotional right now, not something I am comfortable with. Emotions are not my formal wear. 

I surveyed the damage a little bit this morning, my outdoor dog kennel is destroyed not sure what I am going to do about that yet. 1 side is still standing the other 2 are flat and broke. Alot of debris in my yard. The water has gone down. I am pretty rattled when I see his kennel right after I put him out. He came back when I called him one thing positive, but he has to go out on a leash and harness now I do not dare let him out without it again.  I never expected his kennel to be flattened. In 15 yrs it has always stood up to the water not this time. On the good side the house is still standing and the barns are still standing. My pony came out looked at the river and went back into the barn. Now that Max has been outside he is more anxious and whining. Think I am going to have to buy a tie out and eye bolt to hook him to the tree stump or to a post.

Pump in down in basement is runnin non stop.

Roads are still blocked off for now.  

Ok well we are underwater my house is an island. My outdoor animals sit up high enough so there barns do not take on water. But the river behind my place is flood and on my property, my driveway on both ends is under water, lots of water on the road and covering my property. dog kennel outside is under water. The river is roaring and can hear logs and other items coming down the road. Only 1 roommate stayed behind with me cause I will not leave, I have animals that depend on me. Besides I tell people my place is over 184 yrs old and it is still in its original spot. It is not going anywhere. 

Just waiting until the river crests then the water will start receeding. Reminds me of a big bathtub. My Hyundai is on dry ground.  Max is anxious but he is okay. Will put puppy pads down just incase he has to pee. 

Thunder has been rolling overhead for the past 19 minutes, there was 1 flash of lightening and the thunder is moving further away. Unless more is coming over the mountain but it does sound less intense. Max my dog became part of me as the thunder got louder, seeings I have a metal roof it can sound louder than it is. 

I was cooking though part of the storm. Oops sounds like more is coming and the lightening is flashing a lot. Makes me a little concerned with the animals in the barns but they will stay put as this is pretty normal. Coco is just loose in the barn as she does not have a stall yet she has a makeshift area to be in out of the weather. It has finally started to  downpour. I am in hopes that it breaks this heat cycle we have been going through. 

Today is another day in the unusual heat and humidity we are having. My spine is rubbing against each vertabrae since there is not any discs between them. Makes me nauseated to feel them rubbing. Even my gummies do not give me any relief. I am actually sitting in front of my ac. which I try not to do, but today is a major exception to the fact. Humidity is just super high for me and my function level is zero.Wears me out not even doing anything. My dog Max is laying in front of the ac and partly under my walker. Goats are in their barn they come out occasionally but they are mostly just laying around, and Coco my pony stays in her barn because it is dark and cooler. 

Another month is upon us. Hay was delivered yesterday which was great. Now no worries that the animals will run out. Will have to order more in Oct, the winter amount. I am currently still  accepting applications for the live in position. And for anyones info I do not put slaves in a dog kennel. That would be extremely confusing for Max which is my dog. I did receive an email with that as a context how they wanted to be treated like a dog. Excuse me but dogs do not know how to use a hammer.  I know what I want and what I do not. If you think for 1 min I am going to give you free reign think again, this is not about you. 

The heat is back and I had to go out in it today I had some appts that I could not change. Since I my had my dog kennel put back in the living room where he and one of my other dogs used to be  kenneled when I was gone. Max was having major separation anxiety in my room in his kennel after losing my other dogs. So today he was little better back in the living room. And I put his vibrate collar on him which gets him under control. He was not so frantic when I got home. 

I had to change the session I was suppose to have today because Max would have had to be kenneled for over 5 hours and that is not fair to him, I try not to keep him in any longer than 2 hours at time. I love him what can I say. 

And he didn't make the sides of his nose raw today  trying to escape.

Have decided to give my search for a live-slave another go. I updated my profile while it does not list my likes and dislikes as before there is a reason for this several things were not something I had tagged. 

I do have one of my roommates sit in on the meetings, she is there for several reasons the main one is my safety, seeings that I am not as mobile as everyone else.

I have met some less than truthful subs or wannabes along my journey.

I do not do spankings it is not my thing. I get nothing out of it. 



I will be unavailable for the next couple days. I will try and pop on to pick up messages at least once a day, if not I will get back to you when I can. 

I am considering starting to seek again for a live in slave. Yes I am taking my sissy back for sessions, and will open up spots for interviews but times will be different. Only agenda I am going for is my own so deal.

Trying to hire people to do work for me, seems almost as hard as finding a slave. Then trying to order parts for my lawn tractor, oh yeah they are on backorder. Trying to figure out fencing so I can move my goats around to eat down the grass. Yes if one thing does not work, I try  different ways of accomplishing the same outcome. Have not opened up my deck yet, I have been too cold. And waiting on the new gazebo I bought to go on my deck. Makes it so I can be outside, I will not burn under a gazebo. Have decided to cement the feet of the gazebo so that the wind does not take it off the deck. I usually loose one a year. Did not get my raised garden planted this year but there are always people close by selling fresh produce so that will work this year. 

Taking back my sissy mid month for sessions which is good for him and myself. So perhaps will consider meeting with more than just him, not sure yet. But sissy is a definite for sure. 

This is the day that I stop actively looking.  So you had your chances. If you are really serious send me an email and I will answer in a few days. I am tired of ignorance. 

I have decided that so many have not shown up. That April 30th I will no longer be looking.

I have a lot to get going for planting this year. And rather than hold my hand on my ass waiting I will just stop. And do it myself and hire a handyman to help me with anything my roommates and I can not handle. 

My profile will not disappear but it will change and I will only come on periodically to check emails. 

Update of what I am seeking

a live in slave

one who is able to follow directions

not have an agenda of their own

able to plant and maintain raised bed gardens

do some lawncare

know which end of a hammer to use

what I would like and what I find is 2 perfectly different things,  handyman would be nice. but not a deal breaker as i can hire a handyman locally. 

I am hoping to be back on my feet fully in a couple of days, it has been rough for awhile. 

to all concerned I won't be returning emails for a few days, spring allergies are kicking my butt, the most I do is sleep. I tried taking my allergy meds and all that did was make me sick. So I am staying very close to my bed, so I don't fall down. Wish spring would make up it's mind, I had a handle on it, then mother nature decided to be a bigger bitch than me. 

Really wish mother nature would get it together, the ground was looking pretty good til the white stuff came back. Not liking this one bit. 

Things are finally going back to somewhat normal. As normal as they can be when I am involved. 

Am seriously looking to move in a live in sub during the middle of March, I now have the free time to fully train a sub to my liking.  I have one in my sights right now, and hope he is for real. If not I will still be looking to make this a full time position for a sub, if no one steps up by the end of the month of March, I will be closing my acct for good and getting on with my life. 

My dog Baxter took his last breath at 2:20am this morning, I was with him in my room when he died. He is now with his brother they spent 16 yrs together, now it's forever. 

Thank you everyone who has stayed away out of respect for what I am going through.

I made the call this morning, will be talking with them again on Monday to see where things are going, and probably by Tues. he will be with his brother over rainbow bridge. I am sad of course but being I just went through this last month, it is still all too fresh. 

I am happy my other dog is still only 5 and half. Losing my 19 yr and my 16 yr old dogs is hard enough. 

Today I taught one of my roommates how to cut dog nails, as Baxter came out limping with one of front paws rolled under. Thought maybe it was nail related so since I can't get him up on my bed for me to do it, I have her get down to his level and do it. He didn't eat today at all. He has been babied all day,  she took him in water. Tomorrow I am making him not so happy as I have medicine to give him, and then if I can get him up walking again, he will be getting pumpkin puree to get his bowels working again. It hasn't been all that long that he's been sick, but it feels it. He was good on the 9th of February and by Tuesday he wasn't good. He hasn't even barked since he has been sick,and he's a hound a major barker. 

I have worked in medical field for many years, and I take care of my dogs ailments and so far they live much longer than their life spans run on average, Baxter is 16 and his life span is 12-13 yrs. Mondo was 19 and being a lab his expectancy was 14 yrs. So I must do something right. 

My 2nd elderly dog has taken a turn for the worse,  he isn't eating anything just drinking water. He's been vomiting more and yesterday less. He is really frail. I am worried about him, am going to boil up some chicken and rice and see if I can entice him to eat some amounts. One of my friends suggested he is missing his pal, which can very well be. They were together for 16 yrs all of Baxter's life. 

Ok this is the deal with me, I am not an online chatter. Seems pretty useless to me as most of it does not pan out. So if you have any specific questions just ask me, I take individuals as a clean slate, I would rather look at your facial and body language than type anything. Body language gives things away that a keyboard will not.  

I have more experience than most as I have looked for specific scenes and people just to experience. 

My frame of mind is basically flat lined for the most part. But I did some baking yesterday for my family, 3 dozen muffins, they were grateful for them. When I say family it is my roommates to an extent, my neice and her son and her trans g/f, then my other 2. They all share my loss.

It would be a gut punch if I didn't have my other 2 dogs. And my other older dog is losing ground. He misses his companion, I know just by the way he looks for him. I finally took his kennel out my living room, it took me a couple of weeks to take it down. But once his ashes were returned I was able to handle it better. I am trying to get on with things but since it is so cold outside, I do not venture out so the constant is still right there.  I am thankful for the consideration and respect all are given me during this time. I will reach out once I am in a better frame of mind.  

Got the email my dog's ashes are coming home today or tomorrow. The weather has been so crappy she wasn't able to get them here earlier. 

Decided not to make that call after thinking things through decided it was not in my best interest to try and talk to him again. I was his second choice and I am no ones second anything. 

While I have not found a slave to my liking as of yet. One has not fallen  into my  lap, not literally. I think I may be making a phone call this evening, not sure if I will connect with anyone or not. When he reached out in Dec I was dealing with too much and more or less brushed him aside in a lump. I left a message that sincerely I regret doing, and am not one who regrets much of anything said or done by myself. So you can tell it was not the right call at the time. 

I am waiting on my handyman to place one or both of my new sump pumps in my basement and for him to grab his. I can not believe the amount of snow that we got yesterday way over a foot in my driveway. 

I am not ready to go out and drive, well today wouldn't be the day any ways with the snow storm right now.  Kinda think it is 9-12 inches and still coming down. Contacted my plow guy to come tonight, hoping it stops before he comes. 

I am baking today,  just for something to do. My heart is still healing from the loss of my dog. He was such a big part of my life. If some one says they are just a dog, kick them in the ass cause that is so far from the truth. 

Anyways making butterscotch blondies, they also call them blonde brownies. They aren't the color of brownies. My other dog my coonhound, is lost, he keeps wandering. He and my lab were best friends, then I have my younger dog who lays right next to me.  

Not sure what I am making for dinner tonight. 

Update as of Jan 02, 2024. As of yesterday at 11:30a my best friend of 19 yrs my black lab has gone over the rainbow bridge. His many many happy memories are keeping me going.  

So please be respectful of this time and think before you message me.