Well I should start by saying this is required writing. My Goddess says I have a way with words, although I have never really thought my writings were all that good. I am going to try to describe the last few weeks, how I ended up where I am. That is to say in this weird mix of passion, pleasure, pain, torture and devotion to her. She decided that I needed a different outlet, something more constructive than the alternative, so here goes…
My Goddess and I have had a long and passionate relationship. It took us years to come to terms with the fact that we were in love. It took a while longer for us both to realize that we were opposite sides of the same coin. Her in her love of control and me in my love of submission. The problem today is that we are separated by hundreds of miles. I have come to realize that when a woman wants control, she will find a way. We already chatted all day, distracting each other from work through text messages. We also had some of the steamiest cam sessions I have ever even heard of. She knew exactly how to get me and keep me hard. One night she started asking questions that would forever change our relationship.
“mmm you are such a good boy, you would do anything for me wouldn’t you?” She already knew this was true, I had told her it often. I already wore a stretcher for her most days when at work. This definitely helped fuel the text messages. I loved when she talked to me like that though and she knew it. I love when she gave me an excuse to profess how completely hers I was. How much I longed for her to take control, to make me tell her she was in control. She controlled my orgasm completely. It had been months since I had been able to cum without permission. I obliged her then as I did every time by ensuring her that yes, I would in fact do absolutely anything for her.
“Good boy, I know you want me in control. We both know you can’t control my cock on your own. I think its time to play a new game though. You’re going to do as your told lover, and you’re going to do it and you’re going to love it because it is going to please me like you wouldn’t believe.” It is an interesting thing to be erect and a little scared at the same time. “From now on baby your going to get instructions and you are to follow them to the letter. It’s going to be some time before you cum again and it will be even longer if you don’t follow my rules. Understand?” A simple Yes Goddess was all I seemed to be able to get out. While she has had control of my orgasm for months, she never denied me more than a day or two. This sounded very different.
“Good boy. This is going to be so good for you. Your dreams of taking cock and becoming the little cum slut we both know you want to be are going to mean that you have to learn to focus on something other than your own orgasm. That’s what you want isn’t it? For me to turn you into a little cum loving cock sucker right?” “Yes Goddess” I typed. “Good slut, now what do you want to be” God I loved it when she did this, made me tell her exactly what I was. I would usually try to get out of it and I loved it when she got forceful and made me say it. I repeated it back to her. “Good boy, now let’s begin”…
The conversation went on while she told me some of what was going to be in store for me. She was going to be very clear on what she wanted and I was to do exactly what I was told. A rule didn’t stop until she said it did. If she told me not to touch my cock, it didn’t mean until we logged off, it meant until she told me I could again. Also, I was going to have daily tasks. I was to wear my stretcher every minute I could and she wanted proof of my compliance at least once a day. I was also to start working to stretch my ass. Fingers, toys, whatever I could to start getting ready. At a minimum though, every day in the shower I was to play. She would tell me when to add fingers, increase duration, etc… based on how I reported each day went.
The first few days passed with things being exactly like we had done before. Texting all day at work, us playing on cam at night and her playing and teasing me relentlessly while she came at least once a night. I was not allowed to cum. At the end of the third day she told me in the morning that I was to edge myself twice in the shower. Get right to the point of cumming, then stop. That evening when we logged in, I was crazed. She played and came hard. I stayed hard the entire time, stroking my cock relentlessly while she watched. Finally I couldn’t take anymore. I asked to cum, when she refused I begged. I pleaded, promised her the world anything if she would just let me cum. She had this funny little smirk when I begged, I knew she loved it. She almost laughed as she would ask me how bad I needed it, how bad I wanted it. That night though her face softened, almost looking concerned as she went on to ask if it hurt, if my balls were too full, my cock too rigid. “yes goddess they are. It hurts Goddess, please Goddess, Anything!” I will never forget her face, watching that smirk come back as the words fell across the screen. “You poor boy, I guess this has just been too much for you hasn’t it. I hate to see you in pain baby. You had better put that cock away right now. Do it now baby, and you are not allowed to touch it again until I say so. You need to calm down a little so it doesn’t hurt so bad.” That night I nearly screamed at the computer. Then I did exactly as I was told, put my throbbing cock away and stopped touching it. “How long Goddess, how long do you want me to rest?” I asked. “We’ll see baby.”
That was how the fourth day ended. The next morning I was hard as a rock while I played with my ass. Trying hard not to stroke, not to break the rules because I would have no choice but to tell her if I did. That day she was especially horny. She had been sending me pics and talking about how excited she was to play tonight. When I logged in and brought up her cam she was already playing. She was already wet and had a toy buried in her beautiful pussy. I was hard instantly, god how I wanted to play. May I touch Goddess? I asked her. No baby you can’t she replied matter of factly. “Not yet” she said. She played for a little while, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. At last she sat up. “I want to cum baby, I need to see cum”. I was thrilled and grabbed my cock instinctively. “What are you doing lover, I didn’t tell you to touch!” I started apologizing immediately. I thought that was what she wanted. “No baby, you haven’t even come close to earning that. We’re going to find me a nice cock to watch baby and I know you want to watch too.”
That night I watched quietly while my Goddess watched and chatted with some young, hung guy from wherever. She watched him while she played with her pussy. Teasing herself and talking to him while he stroked his cock for her entertainment. By the end of the conversation I was convinced if he had been in the apartment next to her, she would have fucked him senseless. She even asked me at one point if I thought she would look good with his cock inside her. It was torture and pleasure at the same time. Watching her playing with him was intense. She helped him cum, talked dirty to him, told him how much she liked his cock. How hard he was. How good he would feel, etc… I was rock hard by the time he came a huge load for her. She finally wrote to me, telling me that she could see how hard I was, that she knew now just how much I wanted cock, for me and her. She told me I had exactly one minute to bring myself to the edge. I think I only lasted 30 seconds before I had to stop.
The next 48 hours I was instructed that I was not allowed to touch my cock at all. I was also told if I asked to it, even hinted, it would become much longer. Both nights she performed on cam for me. Letting me watch while she came over and over again in front of me. I swear I thought my balls were going to explode. The next few days were a blur. When my 48 hours were up and I was again allowed to tease myself, but forbidden to cum. At one point she even texted me at work, I was instructed to go to the bathroom and bring myself to the edge twice. She wanted pics as proof. Another night she had me take her role on cam with another guy. She wanted me to get him off. She wanted to watch me whore myself out to him. I was allowed to touch that night, she wanted to see just how hard it made me.
One night I was allowed to touch but not to see her. She had sent me an e-mail with links to various porn vids. All of the links were either guys sucking guys, guys and girls swallowing load after load of cum, or men being fucked by strapons or cocks. I was ravenous and she just wanted to watch. She would chime in every now and then while she was playing on the other side. You want to be him you don’t you baby? You want that cum don’t you? You want to be a little cock sucker don’t you? Tell me what you would do if that was you. I wasn’t allowed to cum that night, but she would tell me later that she came twice from watching me and listening to me tell her what a slut I wanted to be someday.
That’s how it has been since the day we day started. I never know what to expect. I never know if my Goddess will let me touch my cock or not. Whether I will have to watch her playing with another guy or make me play with another guy. Will I have porn links waiting for me tonight? Will it be all cuckold links like the night I had to tell her how badly I wanted to see her fucked by another man? Will she forbid me from even mentioning sex or cumming for the day? It’s been 15 days since the last time I was allowed to cum. My cock is sore, my balls are aching, so swollen and full of cum it hurts. My ass is stretched to the point that 3 fingers doesn’t seem impossible anymore. I am frustrated, horny, crazed in fact. I have been tortured and teased beyond what I even thought I could take…and I love her for it. She has cum more times than we can count in the last 15 days. She actually had to rest for a couple of days from being sore from her toys. She clearly loves this game and I can’t deny that I love it too. I would do anything for her right now. I can’t walk from the elevator to my desk without thinking about her. I cant wait to see what she has in store for me tomorrow. Hopefully I will earn the right to cum again…..hopefully she never figures out that I love not knowing.
