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OMG i think i just came...Farmtown has new levels and new stuff....i am such a dork and i love it.
Okay butters....the heat is on...you may have caught me but as you know recently i have had no life what so ever lol sooooo....i have more time!
i can not wait until i can get a trailer and a junk car for the front yard! |
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So i went to the grocery store today even though i really did not feel like it...and let me tell you people are assholes...maybe it is because it is so close to Thanksgiving who knows...but i was minding my own business and in line when this man whom i don't know started screaming at me saying "i don't know who you think you are but your tits and ass does not give you the right to cut in line"....well...first of all no one else was in front of me and second i did not even see him anywhere near me...so i got a little pissy back...i know i know i should have kept my mouth shut but damn it....sometimes people catch you on a bad day...btw i told him just as long as their were men out there who only think with their dicks my tits and ass could get me as far as i wanted to go,..hummmpppffttt.
And how was your day? |
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Nelson Mandela
Don't you just love quotes that make your heart sing by just reading them? |
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i don't think Burt and Ernie are gay....and yes that is all i am going to say today. :) |
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You always hear these stories about fast food resturants...the fried chicken had a mouse in it...or they spit in your food...well my sister was over today and she reminded me of something that happened to her..it made me laugh until i almost wet myself ( almost ) Her husband was stationed in Va. and she always loved going to TacoBell...well one day the one she went and it was shut down.. as they were packing it up she asked why...well it seems someone was having fun with the sour cream...well...she would always ask for extra...so now when anyone happens to jizz anywhere near me i fear i will burst out laughing.
p.s. Always ask for extra ;) |
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Huge black cloud hanging above full of rain...i just wish it would drop so i can stop feeling so oppressed.
"Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void."
-Pam Brown |
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Butter's Bottom Bitch....(gotta love South Park) |
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So i guess my last post pissed a few people off...because the last couple of e-mails i have received looked like this one "spoken like a true gold digger" normally i would just laugh e-mails like this off but...this one kinda made me angry...i am nothing like a gold digger i have always said and i stand by this i would not care if the person i fell in love with had a job just as long as they had ambition to better themselves...and did what made them happy no matter what they may be paid...on my list of wants and wishes for my ones that was not even on it...so...just so all of those out there who may read my journal and are quick to judge...i was mainly talking about the chocolate...and to hell with the money....but if i am going to steal a quote i am going to put all of it not just what other people may want me to put. |
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No woman will truely be satisfied on Valentine's Day because no man has a chocolate penis that ejaculates money!
i saw this on someone's peofile and i have to admit ..it is true lol... |
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Fell off the face of the earth sometimes it is hard to crawl back up.
Depression moods lead, almost invariably, to accidents. But, when they occur, our mood changes again, since the accident shows we can draw the world in our wake, and that we still retain some degree of power even when our spirits are low. A series of accidents creates a positively light-hearted state, out of consideration for this strange power.
-Jean Baudrillard
Mood: needing to go to Dylan's Candy Bar and eat myself into a diabetic coma thank you very much.
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i have avoided the subject of fakers and scammers because it seems that so many people bring them up..i just don't think they are worth mentioning...we all know they are out there...they know they are out there so..but it did get me to thinking...are there really more then 50% of them...some people think just because you stop talking to people and go away you are a scammer...ok i admit it the profile goes away also there has to be something going on....but i will raise my hand and admit i have just stopped talking to some...but sometimes when you tell them you are not interested they don't get" the hit over the head" let alone a "hint"..or when i get an e-mail from someone who has sent one at least 30 times before and i have not responded...i just don't want to... even if i do read the e-mails...( and p.s. no i am not responding to them and your just not getting them )..if you read this and you know who you are good for you...finally..:) But hey it is good to have hope...and no i am not just being mean....i am not going to stop reading my e-mails from you because they make me laugh...but good luck on the submissive milking carry out business...and no people...i can't make this stuff up..but on to the scammers and fakes...they will come they will go but i for one won't give them the attention they crave. |
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"Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren't any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn't be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life's challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person."
-Richard Buckminster Fuller |
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i am sitting here listening to it rain..you gotta love that sound...it relaxes me just knowing that the earth is getting washed clean...as i hear it fall down and hit the ground i smile and close my eyes taking a deep breath sometimes you just have to stop and do nothing just listen...i love this times of year...it is getting cooler and the holidays are just around the corner exciting...this is the only time of year i can get that feeling back...you know the one...when you were little and everything seemed so exciting and new...as i get older that feeling does not come back so often anymore...so i cherish it even more when it does. |
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So today i got bamboozeled into going to the Texas Rice Festival...but i was kinda looking forward to it...i mean hello can you say funnel cake...so we got there it was hot so i ended up drinking forty gallons of liquid...and i look up because i really have to pee...and all i see... porta potties...(this is where i am screaming in my head...you see i am the type of girl that always makes sure she brings Clorox with her everywhere...i would have had to hose that bad boy down...) so anyway i had to wait for a real potty...and the crab balls i was looking forward to...mushy ick...so then i moved on to a crab/shrimp/crawfish pocket...wow...no go there either...so then my eyes lit up....chocolate covered cheese cake...grrrr( that means hella yummy) one of the highlights of my day...and they say food is the key to a MANS heart...i have no love lost either...:)...so the sun was still beating down but then it got really cloudy and then...rain...i was not complaining hell it felt sooooo good (i ended up getting a sun burn )...well i finally got home ( on and on a side note yes i did get a funnel cake too orrrrgasssmmm) so i missed talking to one of my favorite people ...one hella of a hottie i might add grrrr again sexy bitch( i wanna lick her ass before i bite it)...anyway ( again) when we did get to talk my phone went dead :( ( oh on another side note...i will call in a little while) all in all i was a good day.
"Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords: but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope must be expiated by pain; and expectations improperly indulged, must end in disappointment. If it be asked, what is the improper expectation which it is dangerous to indulge, experience will quickly answer, that it is such expectation as is dictated not by reason, but by desire; expectation raised, not by the common occurrences of life, but by the wants of the expectant; an expectation that requires the common course of things to be changed, and the general rules of action to be broken."
-Samuel Johnson
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"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "
-H. L. Mencken
Just a disclaimer..whatever i write in my journal they are my thoughts and feelings sometimes they can be a little rude but is never meant to hurt anyones feelings...i am not here to judge nor will i ever...but sometimes my sense of humor can be...well just that a sense of humor and should be taken with a grain of salt...so chill out and smile.
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alanab...Are you a submissive that pimps out Doms?..If so i would so like to get into the business...How much does it pay? What are the benifits? (cough cough) Thanks for the e-mail offering to introduce someone to me but i am doing fuckinfanfrickintastic in that respect....
P.s. VERY nice tits.
P.s(p.s) ummm i am really just posting this cause ummm she does have nice tits...and ummm i am a nice person and like to share...besides i am being a bratty bitch tonight so...ummm yeah. |
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i love songs that evoke strong feelings in me and this is one that moves me beyond words right now...
(Show me what i'm looking for)
Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for
CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord
Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for
CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
CHORUS
Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord
by Carolina Liar
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"Somehow I can't believe that there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C s. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy."
-Walt Disney
No longer here for anything but stimulating conversations and thought provoking questions... |
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"Chance does not speak essentially through words nor can it be seen in their convolution. It is the eruption of language, its sudden appearance. It's not a night twinkle with stars, an illuminated sleep, nor a drowsy vigil. It is the very edge of consciousness."
-Michel Foucault
Missing what i have in my heart but not in my hands yet. |
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"Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. Even if it's a little thing; do something for those who have need of a man's help, something for which you get no pay but privilege of doing it. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers live here, too."
-Albert Schweitzer
i really have not had much to say lately...but i have been feeling tons...vulnerable, raw, naked, and open and i don't like it...i want to be sealed up again in my safe bubble. |
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Don't you hate it when go down to give a blowjob and that chia pet song comes into your head? ( ch ch ch chaaaa chia) Eww....shave, wax, tweaser...whatever...just as long and i am not spitting after...and i am talking about hairs. Oh..and no i have not been going around giving bj's lately...a nice man keeps sending me his wenise picture....(cough cough) Just a tip to him...trimming the bush makes the pole seem bigger...:) |
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i know this is going to be a total rant...but i hate ex's...why can't when a relationship ends they all can't go to a huge island somewhere and date each other...I'm sure most could agree that most ex's are fuckwads and unfortunately have the ability to make our lives hell when we least expect them...the worst part those stupid feelings come back and almost choke you...Why is it that some can crush your heart over and over again even if the relationship has been over for a while...months is a while and i have avoided thinking about this person...and then i could talk about him....and every thing is fine...then you wake up one morning and you read one text(and why do they feel they can still text you) and bam you almost feel like it was yesterday that everything ended!
P.s. even if your the one to end the relationship it does not make it any easier.When i fall in love i fall hard and forever...that love may change but it is still love.
Mood- sucks |
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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming – "WOW – What a Ride!"
Anon |
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For those of you have e-mailed asking "how is the not masturbating going" going to answer them all at once...it is going fine...i have will power.. one of my strong suits i am proud to say...when i promise myself something i tend to follow through...although one night i might turn into one of the bonobo monkeys and give it all up for a hot fudge sunday....
Currently listening to: "I Make Them Good Girls Go Bad" (Cobra Starship)
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i would like to understand why people go 'under protection" of others on CM?( i find the best judge of who is best for you is well...you) What are they being protected from? Falling off the puter chair? Someone coming in from the screen? Anyway....i have decided to go under the protection of Tink....for those of you that know me...you know how "viscous" she can be....( shivers ) so watch out all of you meanies out there who might do something i might be scared of or something.... |
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Did anyone know that Welch's fruit snacks (berry and cherry) feel like the head of a penis when you have it in your mouth and feel with your tongue? Ummm nither did i until i was eating some today...
And yes sometimes my journals will be nothing but what pops unto my head at times...and sometimes they are going to be really stupid :) |
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i have read tons of profiles on here...mostly because i am bored and nosey :) but i have seen alot that state that someone has sent them an e-mail that has upset them in some way or another....i never really understood how people can give power to others they have never nor will never see to hurt them or piss them off...when i get those type of e-mails i just laugh...they don't know me so i really take the attitude of not caring what others may think of me..i really only have to please myself and the ones i love. Don't let others have that kind of power over you...they don't pay your bills...they don't love you...so just let the things they may say roll off you and move on.
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i have a girl crush...a hot little vixen with blonde hair and a voice that makes me melt with longing...she also makes me smile..she knows who she is and i hope she is feeling better.
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Random thoughts of the day:
Why do they name hurricanes ugly names...why Bill? When i think of the name Bill i think of a fat balding man with his hands in his pants all the time with a goofy smile on his face...Now when i think of hurricanes i think of a hot bitch with a score to settle...someone hot and wet like Heather...or Simone...oh well.
Last week sucked for me...and this weekend was even worse..this is the longest i have not been in a relationship...and one of the longest times i have not gotten laid..i can get dick yes...but it is not the same soooo not the same( it would be an empty fuck and i refuse to have anymore of those...for right now anyway :) )...but it does make me think...good thoughtful thinking...like where am i going right now...how do i feel about going in that direction...i have decided to not masturbate until i explode...
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
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i really like getting to know people and see where their heads are at regarding this "lifestyle" exchange ideas and thoughts...but one of my biggest regrets is talking to some of the people that have e-mailed me...i am just a little dumber for having done so....
Mood: Intelligent...( trying to get my brain cells i lost back)
P.s. To avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings...this message is not to all i have talked to... very few in fact...i am just venting...the ones i am talking about will not even know it is them i am refering too :) |
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"In an age of nothing, at a time when we stand at the brink of our own destruction?
Strengthen your belief in yourself, in the future of humanity, in the things of this world that cannot be easily perceived.
Awaken that which lies dormant now within your soul. Re-ignite the flame of your consciousness, and measure the strength of your conviction.
Reveal the lie.
Renounce your hatred.
Seek, find and embrace the truths you are fortunate enough to discover. Cherish them. Use them to anchor you in the sea of chaos that is the world we live in.
When twilight draws near, when you are pushed to the very limits of your soul, When it seems that all you have left are the dead remnants of the fabric of your life?
Believe."
Anon-
i am a strong confident person almost all the time but sometimes those little doubts creep in...a conversation last night got me to thinking about things i have done in my past not all of them i am pround of...and how do you share with those people you are beginning to like so much when you don't want to ever bring them up again or when you want them kept swept under the carpet...they are not really bad things..just some thing you still are involved in and as to grow as a person maybe it is time i just let go of all of it...will i feel empty...it is hard opening yourself up so wide... |
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In regards to my screen name...In retrospect i would have picked a different name...yes i know punishment is not fun nor should i look forward to it..the needingpunishing was just a quick thought to something i had did the day i made my profile...that's it nothing more...but thanks for all the e-mails saying y'all would be glad to punish me...but i am a good girl most of the time and really don't need it.
P.s. i try not to read into screen names alot if i did...i would think most people are really assholes and satan :) |
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We begin life with the world presenting itself to us as it is. Someone - our parents, teachers, analysts - hypnotizes us to "see" the world and construe it in the "right" way. These others label the world, attach names and give voices to the beings and events in it, so that thereafter, we cannot read the world in any other language or hear it saying other things to us. The task is to break the hypnotic spell, so that we become undeaf, unblind and multilingual, thereby letting the world speak to us in new voices and write all its possible meanings in the new book of our existence. Be careful in your choice of hypnotists.
-Sidney Jourard |
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Currently selling cupcakes to help "AngelFromHeaven "...i guess her friend really needs help so instead of her getting off her ass to help her...she is asking for Masters with lots of money...just doing my part to help :)
Cupcakes- One million dollars
Blowjobs - free |
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Someone brought the subject up of balance between the vanilla world and the bdsm world..for me i think it is easy...when i am home i love that total control that hardness...however i am never going to be the type to be on my knees calling Him Master in front of my family and friends...i mean vanilla people don't just drop to their knees and suck cock right...i am a private person that way...i think my sex life and that of my partner should be just between us...( now yes...public play like in bdsm clubs and parties are different) but it is nice when you can go out and enjoy each other on a whole different level...i am always going to be submissive and He will always be in control over me no matter where we are or what we are doing...it is that deeper connection that look He will give or that touch...we will know...and if He is secure in His dominance then He will not need that "get on your knees and worship me" all the time...because in my mind and heart i will still be worshiping Him as a person and the love of my life...i think to be a whole person to be well rounded...be able to communicate with everyone not just people in the "lifestyle" or just vanilla...you need hobbies and interests...and it is wonderful if you can share those with the one you love....and it makes you more appreciative when your back at home with His cock all the way down your throat gagging you...and your ass and tits are red from the crop/whip/cane He so lovenly applied before hand.
( i also think that it is okay to have little privates also..meaning who can see a butt plug...or panties that vibrate...) being creative is fun. |
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As i was coming home from work today all i could think about was getting into the
kitchen and whipping up some chocolate cupcakes complete with home made butter cream frosting...sinful but oh so yummy..makes my mouth water just thinking about them...(even though i have already had two..just more time in the gym) So here i was naked if not for my pink frilly apron and my hot pink pradas ( yes i will admit i have a wicked weakness bordering on addiction..for the good stuff...shoes grrrrr) i thought about Betty Crocker back in the day...do you think she ever got bent over a hot stove or a counter and slipped a big one?..Maybe that's what made her such a wonderful cook....
yes...i have been thinking to much today...so sue me :) |
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i understand why people here want to put their best foot forward and allow others to see their good side...but i will admit i am not perfect and i do have flaws..i think one of my big flaws for being submissive is i love knowing i can take care of myself....and i love being independent...that is not to say i am not ready to give myself fully to someone...i am....and i also have issues with this "lifestyle" i crave that wonderful line between the vanilla life and this one i love who i am as a person and i want to keep my identity and give myself away to the person i will love... i want it all....when i get upset i tend to want to be by myself...i love my dog way to much ( no...not that way and ewww if you were thinking that)...i love reality t.v....i know some people may not think that is a flaw but...i am a girly girl so i love shopping and shoes...i am calling this a flaw because maybe just maybe i do it a little to often ....So today i challenge those of you who know you have flaws to celebrate them...we are all still growing and changing and figuring out this big bad world....i know i am...and i look forward to all the new things i will learn....so what if i have flaws... |
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Hello...for all of you out there who have a "Master" or "Mistress" that want to talk to me...just don't bother e-mailing...because i know you really have your little winky in your hand just jacking off dreaming that you had one...and although normally i would think it was really hot knowing someone was masturbating to the thoughts of me....it is just icky on here. |
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Ian.....i am wearing Manolo Blahniks...they almost made me cum when i saw them...i will be a shoe whore till the end. ( wink wink ) Good luck in Austin...H-town will miss you...oh..and the Brazilian meat place...lol |
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Love...it is a four letter word and for some a bad word...but i love....love...it helps me open up and give 100% of my body mind and soul....yes i also love being a slut/whore/a little nothing at times use me abuse me( thats what i crave at times)...but in ordered for me to go that deep and please that well...i need that four letter word. |
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Guilty Pleasure..i think we all have them...mine happen to be relaxing with the BDB (J.R. Ward rocks) and laying in bed with my two favorite men...(Ben and Jerry) every time i indulge that guilt creeps in if only for a minute. ...so then why when i should feel guilty the most doing the most debauchery ...nipples clamps on my ass cherry red and on fire ..juices flowing down my quivering thighs and having cum the hardest i have ever cum in my life...i feel no guilt at all...just the most intense feeling of release and pleasure....Guilty pleasures work weird sometimes....but you gotta love them. |
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No matter what we have come through, or how many perils we have safely passed, or how many imperfect and jagged - in some places perhaps irreparably - our life has been, we cannot in our heart of hearts imagine how it could have been different. As we look back on it, it slips in behind us in orderly array, and, with all its mistakes, acquires a sort of eternal fitness, and even, at times, of poetic glamour.
Randolph Silliman Bourne
(my mood tonight) reflective |
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More things that just kinda popped into my mind...and some of the other questions i get....when i say i was born submissive it does not mean i was born into a family of slaves....as far as i know no one else in my family is into the "lifestyle" i just love to make people happy and do that in anyway i can....another thing is i am not on here to find someone to take care of me...i own my own home and have a very good job...yes i am willing to move because i think that is a small price to pay for finding love and what i need...(emotionally , sexually....ect.) |
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What am i ? Slave or submissive....well right now i am a submissive looking for my One or One's but then i guess that would be twos uh...anyway:) ... then i feel i will be a slave for like i have said in my other journal entries...i feel that i was born a submissive i have always wanted to please.....but when i am owned and my heart and soul burn i will become a slave...now...i know this may not be what others may feel....but...to each their own.
P.s.wow it wears you down to tell your story over and over and over again. ( sigh ) |
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Just a few thoughts that might give E/everyone a little insight about me...I hate the terms 24/7 and long term relationship..am i looking for 24/7...well i am looking for a relationship and i am submissiveness is engrained in me from when i was born...now..about long term no i am not looking for long term to me that means eh i guess i will see how it goes for a couple of years...no i am looking for my forever because that's what i want when i start a relationship i don't get into one thinking it won't last...i don't think any one does...Now another thing..when i first got on i was gung ho promising myself i was going to answer each and everyone of the e-mails that i found i had something in common with or that i was attracted too....when i was on when the e-mails were coming in i found it to be easy....well as i got home from work and decided to check my e-mail...WOW..there is a lot...to all those couples, Doms, Dommes...if you don't get a lot of e-mails from subs....it is because they are stuck in tons of e-mails trying to find a way out of them...You know what they say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" well i still will try and keep that promise to myself....and for those of you that may have had someone just up and go maybe they did not have the balls to say hey i don't think this is going to workout i consider myself a people person and get along with just about anyone and i have been told i hold a decent conversation...that being said sometimes the people i talk to we get along great as regular people...but we don't really mesh well as submissive/Dominant and then sometimes wow this person would make me an awesome Dom but well we don't really mesh well as people.if i do say hey this is not going to work out on my part and we did have an awesome conversation and got along great i am sure it is not because your not an awesome person because i would not be talking to you other wise :) I think that is all for now...wait...the jaded thing....let me tell you i understand people can be crappy and lie and cheat and all sorts of bad things but as for me i like to trust someone until the give me something to distrust them...but i know a lot of you have been hurt but please sometimes and i know it must be hard sometimes....try to trust no matter how many times it may take to find your someone...but the someone you are trying to get that is worth the wait and all the heart ache will think wow....thank you for trusting me. |
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One of the first questions i am normally asked is have i been owned..the answer to that is yes..in life sometimes good things come to an end and people sometimes grow apart....i was owned for a little over two years by an older man...it was wonderful i learned alot and we are still friends...that is not my only experience i have been in other bdsm relationships but not owned....
I am looking for a long term relationship...if i wanted to just find someone to play with i don't have to come online to find that....so please if that is what You are looking for we are not compatible.
Another thing is i try to answer all e-mails but if i don't answer You at all...it means i am not interested i don't think that is rude of me to say...but it is a way of me not wasting Your time. |
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