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| It's about time that my profile is updated again. Okay, so here are some recent discoveries. I was here many years ago when it was Collarme. The earlier version of my profile represented me as a confidant Dom, which I am not any more. I've changed, and now I am in a de-learning phase. Shall I say that I have transformed and that I have much to learn and much to do? At times when things happen in life, we do not understand why it happened or what the after effects would be. Those who know me know what I am talking about. I need to re-discover myself. I am back to being a beginner now.
I have been a Dom and have played the dominant role in vanilla relationships too, which made me look for and find submissive partners. Some experiences I made in those relationships would easily be called BDSM experiences by some, even if those relationships lacked the "official BDSM label". Well, today I know what I want.
I have had experiences in life that shook the dominant me and I now feel that I've hit a wall. I have been trying to step over the wall, to go on for a while now, but it seems I fail at each attempt. I have talked with friends, and have found out that the best way to deal with the situation is to accept myself for what I am. I now identify myself as a submissive. Anyway, that's why I feel more on the beginning of a journey, not on the end of it. I consider that a good thing. It leaves much potential to grow and to some extent potential to develop towards the needs of my partner.
Sex sure has some significance for my species, as we all know. And not for one second I'd think about apologizing for that fact. You would hate me if I did.
My dominant side had existed for over seven years. My sadistic side was much less prominent and often manifested as a means of my dominance, but not the primary means. I am re-discovering and learning about my newly found side and interests. So please be patient with me. If I appear to be a rebel, it’s not intentional. This has been very difficult for me to come to terms with.
I am not passive, nor do I believe that a submissive / slave is a weakling, or an object without the power to take own decisions. I have come to believe that one needs to be strong to have another person’s involvement in decision making for them. I might be silent at times, that does not indicate that I do not have the initiative. I can never see myself as a submissive whose only thing is waiting for commands. Over the years I have realized that switching is not for me. I would like to be able to read my Domme just as She would read me.
I do have lots of faults, whether some of them would bother you or whether you'd lovingly oversee them as they make up my distinctiveness, is yours to find out...
I am of the opinion that, to find out if attraction, romance and love set in, one has to engage in getting to know someone new, even if one experiences a disappointment, or wastes some time. That's life! What's possible to find out here is whether (real or imagined) inclinations and kinks fit together, if a photo catches one's eye etc. et. The rest is a story we'll eventually live to tell.
I have identified myself as a submissive very recently and have come to accept it as my my role in a relationship. There are many out there in the wild who are classified vanillas, some of whom are not very open-minded (this is true even with kinksters or Bdsm life stylers). From my point of view, many of them actually grossed out by themselves or their partners, rejecting anything than the practice suitable for reproduction. Been there, done that. 'Nuff said. Uninteresting for me. But until you realize the potential, or lack thereof in someone you met in a vanilla context, often enough you're trapped, as you might duly have fallen in love with that person, BDSM aside. You're trapped to either want to change your partner to something she just isn't, or having to accept that something important to you is missing, tuning down one's needs. Both strategies seldom lead to the big happiness...
Open and honest, about my experience, depth, and expectations. Last, but not the least, I had to use a lot of "I"s to write, though I am not an "I" person.
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