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MNight

MNight

MNight - photo 1
MNight - photo 2
A lot of people will count from the first time they picked up a whip or a rope and call themselves that many years experienced, regardless of how often or deeply they spent the intervening time engaging in BDSM. Thus the phrase I have X years of experience, is meaningless.

I started young and I have grown fond of power and control. My interests slid subtly over the years towards TPE slavery. I enjoy a very broad spectrum of activities, but require none in particular. Trust, communication, and control became the foundations upon which I would, or wouldnt build any relationship in my life. I tried dating vanilla girls but ... often they just dont get it, and not everyone can be converted.

What I wanted however most way beyond silken ties and ice cubes, so I turned my search towards the internet once more to find people who had already experimented with power and control, and KNEW they wanted a submission bordering on slavery, or slavery itself. We could have a silly argument about where slavery starts and ends but the whole thing is a continuous spectrum and I prefer to simply plant my flag on the end of slave or slave like and leave the finer details for discussion and negotiation.



Not everyone will agree with how I do things, and thats fine. To them I wish a happy life and good luck in their search.





WHAT I SEEK for those of you scrolling down



Live in 247 Total Power Exchange prefer ConsensualNon-Consent with a slave-like submissive, pet, or slave. The particulars of activities done matter but most things I can include or leave out without any sorrow or frustration. The one thing I do need, and require in any relationship is control. Without this, bondage, and floggers are just activities to do, that frankly I could go down to the local play party once a month and get out of my system otherwise.



If you name an activity not on my limits list I have probably done it. Not only did I do it, but I was probably trained in how to do it by someone who knew more about it than I did and who had experience.




Relocation - possible for the right individual I thrive in one on one relationships.



One last thing, if you have a car, and you are in a hurry to relocate and only need XXX dollars in gas money to drive here, pedal that scam somewhere else. If you need assistance in relocation you will either fly here, or I will fly there and escort you back. I will never under any circumstances send money to strangers on the typically false promise that they will then later show up. You cant argue, reason, or wiggle your way out of this requirement so dont bother trying and move on to someone else.
someonebutwhere


Irony defined: A Man, listing himself as a Female Trans Sexual Lesbian, who still has his penis, complaining about Men pretending to be women! Then claiming that he uses Female, instead of Trans because Trans "seems to mean transvestite instead of transsexual".

If you don't have plans to get it changed to a pussy, your a guy who likes women, and likes dressing as a woman (transvestite).

Some work out, some do not. I have always known this to be true. I will have the relationship of my choice, when and how I desire it. Otherwise, I will be alone. It is better to have what you want, than to struggle vainly against that which is not.

She tried to turn the tables on me, thinking that I was under her spell. I know however the mind control game too well, and descided that perhaps it would be better to wait, give her a chance to change her mind.

In the end, she elected to continue her struggle till the bitter end, then turned and walked away. I cared for her in the time that I knew her, but I could not submit.

Perhaps at times I am foolish in how I behave, I have caught myself at times acting needy, or exhibiting some whisper of submissive behavior. Yet I know, despite anyones opinion that I am a Dom, a Master. I cannot submit because it is not in my nature to do so.

I truly wish her the best of luck in her search, and should she happen to read this, my door is open.

M

I may have found the girl who needs my deep and intense level of mental and physical control. Do far she sounds perfect, and I am amazed by how in sync we seem to be with one another. It also seems she wants an intense level of mind control, somethin I have long been fascinated with and by. She fears her need for it may be more intense thatn I can take, funny thing is... I was worrying the same thing. There is real potential here.
There are many constants in an engineer's life, gravity, speed of light in a vacuum, planks distance, among many others. Today I think I may have found one more.
The silence in my journal is, palpable. The absence of entries regarding my efforts to master first myself by means of losing weight and getting control of myself and my stuff, reflects the deep struggle I have been engaging in with myself to make efforts towards that Mastery.


Control of my weight
I bought an iPhone and found "an app for that". Lose It! helps me log food consumption and exercise, with a calorie calculator. Now I look up what I am planning to eat before sticking it in my mouth, to see what nutrients and calories I am getting. I find myself saying no to the wrong kinds of food, and a sort of self control about what I am eating that only seems to come from a desire to lose weight that is stronger than the desire to consume the food before me.


I have lost my first 10 pounds, as of today I am 244.0 pounds.


Now I am alone in my space, my roommate and former girlfriend has moved out after not paying her part of the bills for months.


I stand poised on the brink of recovery from the tribulations of the last 6 months since I made the vow to master, first, my own life.
Life is ragged on the edge... It scrapes, it tears, it cuts.

I have decided on a technique I will call ranging. Rather than fret over each pound, and spend all of my energy trying to loose more weight each and every day, I have divided up the weight spectrum into 5 pound increments.

At the start of each new cycle, I focus intensely on loosing 5 pounds, then I shift gears back to a food and activity level that sustains my weight in a range of +- 5 pounds of the new set point.

Giving my body time to adjust to the new weight, and preventing my body from becoming "accustomed" to being on a "diet". Most people fail because they go on "diets" that they eventually give up on either when they get to their weight, or more often they get tired of dieting, which is called "diet fatigue".

Life at my new set point of 250, from 255 is  going well, and today I am beginning the second cycle, whose set point is 245. After I reach that in 2 to 3 days time, I will revert to maintenance for a couple of weeks to permit my body to adjust to the change,  before beginning the third cycle.

We will see how well the ranging method works compared to conventional dieting where you worry about everything you stick in your mouth every day, which leads to an emotional fatigue for the "dieting" process.
Do the laws of physics really have to step in and assert themselves here? Honestly, it would be a perversion if they did, yet that which goes down seems to go back up as if it were a law. Problem is I got a hold of a plate of cookies, lol. They are now gone with most of them given to other friends, but I also slacked off the exercising for the last four days. I am still below where I started, but several of the pounds have returned. I am bouyed by a bit of sage wisdom. You do not fail, until you quit trying. Another law of dieting and exercise goes something like this. The occasional planned failure/change is a good thing, it prevents your body from becoming too accustomed to the diet or exercise routine which results in the stalling of progress. This morning I am going right back on the wagon. Never claimed it would be easy, if it was I could have done this years ago.
     It is often said, as sage advice in bdsm circles, that one cannot Master another until one has Mastered ones self.


     A couple of weeks ago I looked back on my life, and realized that I have spent most of my life a slave to my own desires. Namely food and entertainment, very much a hedonist. Which is to say if it feels good, do it.


I spent a lot of time in denial about being in control of myself, lying to myself and others about my weight, and otherwise neglecting*me*. This has now changed, I have decided that before I attempt to Master a new slave I must Master myself.


I bought a Nintendo Wii several months ago, and for a short while I played with it doing exercises, then I would just weigh myself, all while telling myself I was loosing weight. In reality it fluctuated up and down for over three months in the mid 250 to 260 range. A week ago I sat down and reviewed the hard data, three months of weigh ins and realized if I was going to be my own Master, and get control of myself I would have to do more than play at it.


I bought a few books on the Zone diet a few weeks ago and had been reading ravenously, having previously tried Adkins I knew about how the body responds differently to carbs then protien and fat, but as an admited carboholic I was unable to stick to the plan.

The Zone, rather than elimintating carbs puts them in balance with protien and fat, in deviation (I love that word) from the US Nutritional guidelines. If the high carb diet was making America fat, and what I needed was some Zen like balance, I figured what did I have to loose?

I started a week ago, controling the ratio of protien, carbs, and fat to a 40%,30%,30% mixture. I also began working out heavily with Wii yoga, occasional treadmill, and a diet log. I couldn't be happier with the results.

So far I have dropped out of the mid 250s into the high 240s, in just a week, loosing about a pound a day. It is my intent to journal this oddesy I am on to claim Mastery over myself, and pave the way to owning my next slave. It will not be an easy road, but I am confident after spending so much time in a place so far from where I grew up, that I have grown and matured more than I would have expected.

Finally I feel ready to step out and call myself Master of my own destiny.