methos2523 on Collarspace

4/9/2010 12:14:55 PM

Very disillusioned about D&S life style, and yes... sadly, even Femdom I am feeling very disillusioned about D&S life style, and yes... sadly, even Femdom, well maybe not so much the lifestyle as some of the people in it, yet who am I to say? So many people are in it for the kink. The feelings, emotions, physiological factors mean nothing. Yet who am I to say what is right or wrong. I am the first to say is a Domme and sub are happy, then they should be left alone to be happy. In a world that could be and sometimes is so beautiful and pure of essence, we see Domme?s who claim to be Old Guard and have never heard of after care, subs who are lazy or selfish, slaves who are simply players and other miss alignments of beliefs. People exploiting people for reasons totally unrelated to the lifestyle, yet under the guise of being Domme/sub/slave/Mistress/whatever. When I finally figured out who and what I am, admitted to myself, and proclaimed it to the world, there was a feeling of relief, a feeling of exhilaration and freedom, a loss on tension and internal anger. Now as I am exposed more and more to what I fervently seek, I see people in genuine pain, hurt and destruction of mind and soul, lost and confused individuals, liars and cheats in many forms. But now when I look around, all I see are so many 'fakes' and people using other people for their own benefits, be it material or psychological. Then I see a good amount of the real female Domme's moving over to becoming 'Pro' in order to make money and weed out the fakes from contacting them... That's all well and good, I've got nothing against anyone turning 'Pro' for any given reason... but then you actually look at the general makeup of the BDSM and Fetish community... I'd say quite happily that 50%+ male subs, 25% male Dom, 15-20% female Domme & 5-10% female sub.... with most of the females, 50-75%, being pro... and I'd put good money on the fact that over half of the female Domme's around are 'Pro' and not actually looking for any sort of real relationship outside of their work slaves... So where does that leave unattached male subs? Seriously... back in a frustrating vanilla relationship and sneaking out to see a Pro Domme to actually get the kink they need? Don't laugh; I've seen it happen far too many times. It just seems to me that the vast majority of Female Domme's are completely inaccessible to male subs, either not interested or only interested when they get material gain out of the arrangement... So this is where a lot of the male subs get disillusioned with the lifestyle... basically adding up to maybe 5% of the community being Female Domme's who are looking for a relationship... and 40% or so male subs looking for a relationship... I have friends who are female subs that actually have no problem finding a loving relationship to be in, so I know for a fact it's not the whole sub/dom/me relationship dynamic, the only other option is the fact that there are so many male submissives out there against a fraction of female Domme's that are actually looking for a relationship. Another reason many male subs become disillusioned with the lifestyle is the amount of time wasters and fakes around... If you take a look on any given BDSM / Fetish contact site, 9 times out of 10 you will come across a fake profile contacting you within 24 hours of your sign up asking for 'tribute for services' or some such con... after seeing 5 to 10 of these within a week of signing up for any contact site, you do quickly become disillusioned with the site and delete your profile, I know, because I've done it many times myself. So how, to break the demographic and become one of the few lucky subs who can actually find a Female Domme who is looking to be in a loving relationship... here's the kicker... there isn't really a way, not that I've found anyway... Going to munches and joining communities online, going to clubs and play scenes is all well and good... but most communities and munches are strictly 'friends / groups only affairs' not a place to actually look for a partner/relationship... and if you do state that this is what you are looking for, then you are politely told that this is not the place for it and accused of 'trolling for play'... So... where to actually look for a BDSM / Fetish relationship? Currently... there doesn't seem to be a viable option... contact sites are full of fake profiles and people spamming you for this site, that site and god knows what else... munches and communities are strictly 'friends / groups only'... Clubs and scene play is probably the safest bet, but with the numbers against you, say a club has 100 people in it and 50 of those are male subs, that averages only 2 or 3 female Domme's who are actively looking for a relationship... now it's easy to see why male subs get so disillusioned with the lifestyle and move back to vanilla life. Now we move onto one of the big problems of the BDSM / Fetish life... discrimination... This one is a real bitch to actually look at because there are so many different views and opinions on the subject. Everyone seems to have their own two pennies to stick in here, so I'll only be brief on this matter. Discrimination is actually more rife in the BDSM / Fetish subculture than it has ever been... I'm not talking about within the actual subculture; I'm talking about from outside of it. People are actively being told to be ashamed of being into anything kinky, instead of actually being proud to stand up and say 'I am who I am.' This isn't actually helped by the government, who actually go out of their way to endorse this style of discrimination. You look through any newspaper in a given week or throughout history and you'll see stories rife of people being targeted because of their lifestyle... I know people that are actually afraid of 'coming out' because they will lose their jobs or be targeted by people, and it's not a baseless fear either, people actually do lose their jobs, their friends, even driven out of their homes / neighbourhoods and forced to move because of this sort of targeting. People seem to actively hate anyone interested in BDSM / Fetish more than they do any homosexual relationships, but yet the government, instead of standing up for equal rights, actively targets people in BDSM / Fetish relationships and endorses the discrimination.