Collarspace.com

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line

Horizontal Line

memuseme

Vertical Line

I am on this site to meet like minded people and to pass the time. I have been around the block a few times in BDSM and being a slave. I have found this lifestyle to be both rewarding and many of times extremely frustrating. I have found that what people say and what they do are usually different and rarely meet up. I use to strongly believe in Female Supremacy but experiences over the years has shown me that gender or race does not make one Supreme. It takes intelligence, courage and the ability to have a vision and a path to that vision that others can follow you too. I view Supremacy as a person who can lead from an Alpha Dominant position. One can call themselves a Dominant but to me that also means they have a direction, a clue and a plan for someone who serves them. Most seem to be collectors, once they earn the surrender of someone they then stick that person in the closet or under the bed and forget about them. Recently I have begun to think that many just don't know what to do with a slave so they end up doing nothing and the dynamic grows old, stale and then dies out. It takes two to maintain a dynamic a slave can't do it alone without the participation and interest of the Dominant over them. Too many passive and part time Dominants out there who want to control everything but they don't have the time to even be a play partner. A status of Owner is a serious one and it requires commitment, time, effort and the acceptance of the responsibility that comes along with it. Too many Dominants feel that the phrase "It's all about me" gives them a pass to become lazy, non-responsive and ultimately it makes them not worthy of slaves time, effort and duty. No one wants to serve someone who can't even pretend to be interesting once the collar goes on. If all you can mustard up as a Dom is to put you best foot out there for 3 months or until you get possession of a slave then maybe you should just go get a play partner or a pet. A slave dedicates their life to a Dominant but the Dominant must have life in them to truly get the benefit of it. Yes the experiences I have had has made me jaded towards Dominants, specifically Mistresses. I have had better experiences with switches and subs topping me than I have had dedicating my life to a Mistress. Sometimes I feel that my Dog would make for a better owner, at least my dog would see to my needs. I wouldn't starve that's for sure. To be honest I have met, known, seen, served some pretty bad examples of Mistresses in this area, it is really sad and it has definitely affected my belief in Female Supremacy. This does not apply to all Mistresses there are SOME that are not like this, some are real, some have a clue, some know what to do with a slave, and those are leaders and deserve to be served, worshipped and adored above all others. They are rare though, very rare! I am here to journal about my experiences and what I see in the BDSM area here. I am someone and yet I am no one this will give my voice freedom to speak the truth of what I see and hear. I would like to meet intelligent people who are able to carry on a conversation and who can string more than 3 sentences together in an email. I am not interest in meeting lazy people, people who want to mooch off others, people who are not self sufficient and use Dominance as an excuse to be lazy leech. I am not interested in fakes, or want a bees. I am interested in real people who are truly into this lifestyle as a way of life. I seek real people!

Horizontal Line

11/4/2015 7:51:10 PM
It was a hard night for me tonight as I was missing people who have moved on from life.  I reached out to two people and one of them actually made me laugh and feel better.  My only friends are all in the lifestyle I am not really sure how that happened but it did.  Still I have come to realize I use the term "Friend" too loosely and I need to really be careful who I call a friend these days.

One of the people I reached out too I met while seeking a Professional Mistress and I have come to know her more as a friend than a Professional Mistress to me and the other I met a while ago and she identifies as a Financial Mistress yet she too has become a dear friend to me.  What is ironic about this is the friends I have in the lifestyle, the ones who tell me there way is the true way and Professional and Financial Mistresses are fakes and users.  It is funny to me because the lifestyle friends well most of them have proven to be the real users. It's like a wolf in different looking sheep clothing, I didn't recognize it at first but I can see it clearly now. 

How do you define a friend?  I use to try and be there for all my "friends" rather they needed financial help, or wanted something that they couldn't get or just needed help in some kind of away.  Even just an ear that would listen or a friend who advised.  You would think that if you had someone like that in your life if they were in need you would help them?  Actually that's not the case.  A little while ago I fell on hard times and literally no food to eat or means to get it so I was forced to ask for help.  The Mistress I served of course denied me help saying she couldn't "afford" it but would if she could.  While my friends all told me the same thing.  One of them I said you know I can get a four pack of roman noodles for a dollar can you spare a dollar and I was told no they needed that dollar for a trip they were going on next week.  Wow! can't spare a dollar and your taking a trip?  I won't even go down that rabbit hole with you in this blog but trust me they are no longer called a friend.  However I didn't go hungry for the least likely of people the one person who didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to toss it out of had me over for dinner three nights in a row until I got paid.  One night we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!  Best damn sandwich I had in a long time!! Imagine that the person who had nothing shared with me and she is a person who never asked me for anything, not even a penny.  So yes we are still friends today and if she ever had no food trust me I would fill her cabinets up with enough food for a month. 

In a two month period I had two friends both ask me to pay their phone bills.  One was on vacation in Denver and texted me asking me to pay her Bill and the other was about to catch a plane to Florida to be in a rope event and asked me to pay her bill oh and to fix her car for her birthday.  I guess adults these days never heard of being self sufficient and making adult choices about how they spend their money instead they want to live the grand life and expect others to be adult enough to pay their bills. 

I once had a ton of "friends" but that has been cut down to just four people and one of them I am even questioning today trying to figure out if they are really a friend.

I keep thinking what I am looking or is a relationship but maybe that isn't the case at all.  What I really seek is a person who has time for me, who is self sufficient, honest and true to who they are.  I seek a person who can communicate as well as listen and someone who can accept help as well as give help when needed.  I am looking for a two way street in a city full of one way streets.  I am looking for a best friend who is also looking for a best friend. 

I am done with users.  I am done with people who can't be self sufficient but insist on calling them self a Dominant.  I am done with broken people who suck the life out of you.  I don't care what you call yourself, rather you are a Dom, sub or other I am looking for real friends who are real people and who are adult.

I may never find that special "Mistress" and that is okay for my needs are being fulfilled nicely at the moment.  It makes it possible for me to say enough to all the rift raft that once flooded my gates.  It is funny when I stopped being an enabler I become un-popular among the masses.  Life is peaceful now though and those in my life are real and trying to get me to trust them, to know they have my back as I have their back.  Trust is something I no longer take lightly.  Hell it is hard for me to trust anyone these days.  Only time will tell if trust is worthy of my efforts again but to the few that are still with me they have my trust and my loyalty. 



6/3/2015 4:09:40 PM
I really like reading profiles on here.  It is interesting what people write on theirs.  Some are pretty good and creative, others are to the point and yet some are very suspect.  I just read one where the Lady joined on 6/1 and is coming to town for a few days to "train" slaves and she has done this in other cities.  I didn't know a slave could be trained in a couple of days she must have a magic slave wand or something attached to her hip.  If that profile doesn't scream scam I don't know what does.. geez

Service:  I have been talking about service to all my friends all this week.  I only have friends in the BDSM world and I have 1 vanilla friend and she is a kinky friend.  I normally offer my services when I surrender and I offer them in a way that is complete.  As in I will do anything that isn't against the law for you or will mess up my employment.  I am wondering now if that is a mistake.  I mean, should I offer my surrender in stages over time to make sure there is a proper dynamic that can support it through time?  I also really wonder what I mean by support the dynamic?  I have to flesh that part out some more.  I know what I mean but I wonder if I can explain it where it make sense to someone else.  I will give it a go here but I am letting you know it will more than likely not make sense or be total crap for my first attempt.

I have said before that I had ran across some lazy Dominants and for them this is easy, hell if you are lazy you don't deserve service in my book.  A Dominant who does nothing isn't really a leader to me so why should I follow them.  I will become as them lazy and useless. 

Now I have served Mistresses who would swoop in for a few hours every now and then.  Usually starts off once or twice a week and then over time like a month that dies down to once a month, so basically they are present in my life for 4 hours out of 744 which is half a percent of the time.  Now I could factor in communication time which if I remember correctly is about 4 words to 16 words a day..  so how long does that take?  I will be generous here 2 min which is 62 min a month so that is another hour which makes the total 5 hours or just over a half percent.  This is actually the norm for me.  So I wonder how can I be a good servant to someone who is present less 1 percent of the time during a month?  Should I be totally committed to this person and give them my life?  I wonder if 5 hours is enough time to clean their home, wash the car, do the laundry and do other tasks for them?  That might cover a day at most of service? 

This wouldn't bother me as much if there weren't other factors. Like, being told that I have to ask for permission for everything even to hang out with a friend.  I have to ask in a journal and I do and then they never answer the question or any question.  Sometimes I do get an answer after the date it was suppose to happen.  So am I to believe they actually read my journal or should I just believe they don't give a shit and lastly what's the difference?  What I am saying here is that these types demanded my complete service and servitude but for the life of me I can't understand why they wanted it when they never used it.  They never used me, instead I would offer to help them with this or that and usually they wouldn't even say yes or no, or they would say they got it covered.  So there I sat not allowed to live life and I had to sit and wait and hope they have something for me to do.  I am just talking service because I gave up on play after the first 30 days.  Hell I don't even know what it means to be Topped anymore.  So I won't even put play into the mix I am just talking straight service now.  This is something that is for them and all I get out of it is feeling good for being able to service them.  This is free for them and it is work for me.  Yet, they don't have time for it, to communicate about it, or to give orders to have me make their life easier.  So what is the point of serving them?  Why be committed to someone like that?  This is why I say it is hard to serve a ghost.  MIA Mistress send out an APB! 

What really gets me is that it doesn't start off this way.  Before I surrender I mean they are on their game both mentally and physically.  They have it going on, they are bossy, they have things for me to do, we play, we talk all the time and days after I surrender they turn into a Ghost literally.  I can see if it happened once but this has happened 4 times to me in a row.  It has to be this area I live in.  Maybe a space ship is sucking out their souls as soon as someone surrenders to them.  I don't know but what I do know is that it doesn't make any sense.  If you are a male sub or slave stay away from Memphis!!!!  This place is pure hell for us.


6/1/2015 8:03:59 PM
It's been a long time since I have been nervous about meeting someone.  I just have a feeling that who I am about to meet is a real and they are really into this lifestyle.  I have met so many that claimed to want a slave but when it all worked out they really wanted play or a bedroom dynamic.  It just feels different talking to someone and having the feeling they may actually have a use for me, have an idea of how they wanted to Dominant a slave.  I am not use to that, it's been so long since I have had real service in my life. I feel rusty and that makes me feel vulnerable. I feel curious and I feel excited about meeting them.  I want to do well so I feel stressed as well.  This is only a meet and greet but the first meeting is the most important meeting of all.  So yes I am all kinds of nervous and I like it.

I joined this site to vent and bitch about things that has happened in my past.  I also wanted to have something that could maybe help a new slave avoid the mistakes I have made trying to find an owner.  I haven't done much bitching lately, I got distracted expectantly and it was a sweet surprise I must say.  This site, wow this site I have never really liked.  I have never met anyone off this site.  The people who usually write me are all scam artist and I enjoy interacting with them to see how they will try to run their scam on me.  Some of them are pretty good I have to give them credit.  Those types are easy to weed out.

Traits of a scammer:

1.  They have horrible grammar and usually claim to be from CA
2.  They send you pics of them right away and you can tell they are internet stolen pics
3.  Instantly they will tell you that your search for a Mistress is over
4.  They instantly stake a claim on you saying you now belong to them

Now when it comes to money here is where you can tell the difference from the bad ones vs. the good ones.

The bad ones: Will go right for your wallet. 

1.  They will need you to verify who you are.  They will direct you to a website that requires your credit card as verification.  (Does anyone actually join those sites?)

2. They maybe direct and just ask for a tribute up front.  ( I can respect the upfront ones )
3.  They will tell you to get a green dot card for them.

The better ones

1. They will actually invest time into you and talk to you daily
2.  They will get you to talk about your fantasies and desires
3.  They will become that for you
4.  They will ask to set up a meeting with them in the future
5.  Then they will ask for money in some unique way like buying them toys that they will use on you but you have to go through their toy contractor something like that.  Of course this will have to be done before you meet. 

Now I will say that Financial Dominants are people too and they do offer a service that many can benefit from.  I have dealt with some in the past who became really good friends but they were upfront about who they were and what they were about.  The ones that bother me are the ones who make false promises and basically steal the money from a sub or slave who truly desires to serve.  Being honest is always the best way, just be upfront and be clear about what you will do and wont do and what you want for it all. 

Wish me blessings for this weekend!!  So excited



5/31/2015 5:06:42 AM
I got to hang out with some friends who are in the lifestyle tonight.  We had a lot of fun talking about our different experiences with Dominants and or submissives.  I told them that recently I discovered that when I am truly happy as a slave it is when I have service and pain in my life.  I have never considered myself as a service slave really.  It's true that I have always enjoyed doing things for a woman because I have always felt that I needed to have the approval of a woman.  Hearing one say, "Good Boy" or "I am proud of you slave" always sent chills spiraling down my spine. 

I realize that when I being courted or I am courting a Mistress I usually make critical mistakes during the get to know stage.  At first my mistake was only getting to know them as a Mistress.  I made this mistake a lot.  Truly I have now learned that I can love the Dominance and control a woman has over me but it does me no good if I don't, 1. Love the woman for who she is and 2. Respect her morals and character.  On the other hand if I get to know her as only a woman, then when I meet her Dominant and controlling side I find it hard to adjust to the sudden change that I had become use too.  I have also found that sometimes their Dominant side just didn't match the slave in even if I loved the woman for who she is. 

Service:  This to me is the chief corner stone of my surrender.  It is me physically offering my self to be used by her in anyway that is in our dynamic.  When I am serving a strong Mistress my service to her offers me structure.  Structure or at times I call it "Routines" make me feel secure and stable within the relationship.  Service keeps me sharp as I don't become lazy or a couch potato watching TV, I have things to do and only so much time to get it done in.  I accomplish things rather it is small or large.  I get to make the Mistress life easier and happier if I am a good servant to her.  In my past few relationships I have missed service because there wasn't any service to be had by me.  This is why I sometimes say those Mistresses either one didn't know what to do with me or two they had no real use for me to begin with.  I now know that in the beginning I need to stress my need for structure, service and routines.  I value them and I now see service not as a want but it is a need for me. 

Pain:  I never thought I would be saying this about pain.  I use to be a totally wimp and at times I still feel like a wimp especially if I am being played with a Sadist Stick or a wooden paddle.  Those two objects will break my ass and make me cry like a silly bitch boy.  However, I have come to terms with pain on a physical and on an emotional level.  I realize that even for me pain has a purpose and a means to an end with me.  When I am played really hard to be honest the pain is so great that I don't enjoy it in the moment.  There isn't a way that I have learned to date for me to truly process high level of pain.  It sucks to be honest because around these parts we have Sadists crawling out from every corner of the city.  The thing with pain and me is that during the scene there are moments where I am hurting so much that my mind wonders about and to me it feels like I am outside of my body yet the pain keeps me attached.  During these times I have what I call epiphanies about life.  Sometimes it is little silly things that pop into my head that make me smile or laugh, which gets me beaten harder for.  Sometimes it is much larger things like something that never made sense before will then make total sense to me.  I have found answers to problems I was facing while getting the hell beat out of me.  The answer just popped into my head like magic.  The beautiful part about pain takes place after the scene.  I am not one that believes in sub drop and I rarely hit sub space but with pain I not only hit subspace I go right through like a rocket.  It takes about 20 min after the scene before my sub space hits and when it does I can't understand what people are saying to me.  It sounds like mumbling to me, I feel drunk as hell, and I feel super sleepy as well as warm and thirsty.  It is like I am totally high and tripping.  It lasts for a long time a well. 

If I play with someone who just doesn't ever bring the pain to me it is a let down, it changes how I view them and (this is the bad side of me) I have told 1 or 2 of them that I was disappointed.  It really wasn't fair to them but as a slave I have a lot to learn.  I now realize that I need some kind of high level pain in my life.  I need to feel and know that my Owner can and will put a hurting on me.  It makes have a "Healthy" fear of them, it makes me respect them, and it truly makes me obedient to them especially if they are a deliberate person.  That in itself sets the tone for me hitting my slave stride within a dynamic.  It is something that I need to make and talk about as a need for truly it is a need for me. 

Deliberate: I almost forgot about this one.  People sometimes ask me what I seek in a Mistress and I often forget to mention the word deliberate.  For the most part most of the Mistresses I see are not deliberate.  Like if I was to say pick on them in words, they are the types that will say.. "If you do that again, I am going to hit you".  Well there are times I can be a brat especially for what ever reason I don't get a strong Dominant vibe from a women.  So what do I do?  Yes, I pick on them again and of course they say, "I told you not to do that, the next time you do it you will get it"  Oooohhh I am so scared I say to myself.  Okay I am not a fool I will only push someone so far.  Now if I take the same example but I do it to a deliberate woman this plays out much quicker.  So I decide to pick on them because at times I must want to die for not thinking first before acting and as soon as I pick on them, they will one either slap the living shit out of me and then tell me why they did as they are twisting my arm to apologize to them in front of all my friends.  or two they berate me so badly that I am too embarrassed to look up them for hours.  When I say berate I mean they truly hurt my feelings and make me at the same time feel like the worst slave that ever lived.  They crush my emotions and confidence like it was made out of wet paper.  If either of these two things happen then in the future when I see them I automatically feel humble and submissive to them.  It is a huge slave button on me.  It truly changes how I engage and act towards them.  It causes a natural power exchange. 

I use to blame the Mistress for my past failures with my submission but now I see it wasn't anyone's fault but my own for not knowing myself well enough as a slave and when I did know for not making it a top priority when first talking to a Mistress.  These are huge mistakes that cost me a lot of pain and heart ache.  I could have saved myself a lot of time and saved them a lot of time in the process.  This doesn't totally excuse some of there behavior and actions with me but it does place the responsibility at least half if not more on me.  I believe that in order for me to be a good slave the first thing I must do is know myself, see myself for who I really am and to be able to control myself.  If I can't control myself how can I expect anyone else to be able to control me.  It is all about control and in order for me to be controlled by someone I must master control first.  If I am directed to do X, Y, Z I must be able to manage and control myself to get those things done.  If I am away from my Mistress and she tells me I can't watch Games of Thrones and I am some where along and Games of thrones comes on I have to be able to control myself enough to change the channel or to turn the TV off.  I have to trust myself first, I have to control myself first, and I must love myself first before anyone outside of myself can do any of those things with me. 


5/30/2015 2:00:08 AM
Maybe someone can help me understand this.  Mind you this has occurred over and over again.  You go out and you meet a Dominant Mistress.  You both talk and you begin to get to know each other.  You both write consistently at least one letter a day.  Questions are asked and both parties answer questions as they come.  Things are going along smoothly and then one of the following happens:

1.  After 3 to 7 days of talking and writing the Mistress demands you surrender to her completely or else she walks.  No negotiation, no more time for discover just chose me or leave me alone attitude. - What the fuck is that about?

2.  After 2 days the Mistress starts Demanding Tributes.  This is after they claim not to be a Financial Mistress.  - Aren't we both suppose to be transparent and open communicators?  Why not state what you really want up front?

3.  After a few days the Mistress starts to give tasks!  okay did I miss the negotiation part???  Did I miss the getting to know each other and becoming friends part???  Assumed control yes this is a new one for me, so much for my surrender being considered a gift.  No wait they never asked me to surrender they just want to boss me around??  so confused by this!

4.  After awhile usually more than 3 days the Mistress makes a request that the slave keep a journal for them.  Okay any new slaves reading this listen closely!!  This is the kiss of death!  What this means is the Mistress is going to stop communicating to you.  She isn't going to be responsive as she use to be, she isn't going to answer any of your questions anymore, you may not even know if she is actually reading the journal.  The journal will now start to substitute for your Mistress.  Yes really you will be serving that journal more than you will be serving your Mistress.  Avoid a journal for as long as you can at all cost! 

I will add to this:  This is usually the time when your Mistress becomes lazy, non-responsive, like magic she has no available time, yet you will see her spending a ton of time with others and communicating to them.  Don't ignore this red flag!!!  It will not get any better you have reached the top of the mountain and your now on an express elevator to pure loneliness!  Why do I say this read #5 below

5.  After the journal your Mistress will exercise her right to be jealous and possessive.  Yes if she tells you that she is possessive then what she is really telling you is that she intends on making sure no one touches you and that no other woman will get close to you, she may even try to eliminate some of your female friends if she see's them as a threat.  Then if you comply with her go back and read #4  She isn't going to have time to touch you, or replace the time of the friends she convinced you to get rid off.  She isn't going to write you  much and if she does it will be 3 sentences if your lucky!  In the end you will be cut off from anyone fun and since she wont be around you will be all alone and lonely!

Another key phrase this falls under is "You will be at my Beck and Call" - Run and run fast that means your life is now over and all they want you to do is go to work go home and wait for them to call you.  This wouldn't be bad but the fact is they rarely call!  Just avoid the beck and call if can.  Be strong trust me, you will thank me later.

Now none of them will admit to anything that I wrote here.  They will tell you that isn't them, they don't roll that way. They will tell you they will leave you better than how they found you.  They will promise you training (Don't hold your breath usually all the training they will ever give to you can be summed up in two sentences).  They will promise this great life as their slave.  Don't listen to a word of it, make them prove it to you and I bet most will be calling you fake, a do me sub and they won't last a week.  Don't let this get to you because this is how you weed out the fakes, the weak ones, the ones without a clue as to what to do with you anyway.  Let these types go and don't feel bad. 

Most slaves will want to stick it out trying to see if it will get better.  I am gong to tell you now it doesn't get better it gets worse.  The more you surrender they less you get out of them for your dynamic.  Here is the deal even if you stay you will be lonely, you will feel rejected, you will be confused, you will feel stupid in the end.  Listen just chose to be lonely and wait it out for a real MISTRESS to enter your life. 

When you find a real Mistress you will know it.  Want to know how?  She will actually use you as her servant.  You will have service in your life, you will have responsibilities to her, you will get trained like real training specifically for her, she won't promise you anything she will show you!  She will be about action and not words.  So how do you know?  Well do a scene with her and try to tell her what toy she can't use, after she has convinced you that she will only use that toy on you and she gains your true consent to do so, then you know your dealing with a Real Mistress.  Many examples to give but so little time. 






5/28/2015 4:16:43 PM
Today is my first day back on this site.  I have returned here out of frustration and a long line of one bad experience after another.  I met someone my first day here.  She seems interesting.  I am looking forward to getting to know her.  Wish me luck!  I need something good to happen with my life. 

Vertical Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line
melanielynnduh
 
 Age: 24
 Boston, Massachusetts