Can't believe that it has been a year already. There isn't a day that goes by that You aren't on my mind, wondering what You are doing, how things are for You.. missing the friendship that we had. i know that there will never be a chance for 'us' again, but hopefully the friendship will return to how it once was. So much has happened in this time, so many thoughts, so much growing and realizing... learning from the mistakes that were made, doing my best to not let them happen again, in any fashion.  Thank You for being You. Thank You for the time we did have together... Just thank You for everything........

Apparently some people just don't get the message..... while i am all for making new friends and such,  BUT, i am not in a position to just up and move (hence why i haven't checked the relocation option in my profile). Just as if You aren't at least some what local to me, the chances aren't going to be high for anything more then a friendship. Just because i may be slave, or even submissive, that does not give just anyone the right to try to boss and command me. i am not going to jump just because You told me to, so treat me like a person. And on a side note, not being mean or rude, but if You are more then 15-20 yrs older than i am, the chances are slim. That doesn't mean that it is a sure fire no, nothing will transpire, i am always open to talk, and than go from there, just the chances are a little lower. While i know we all get older, i have just found myself at a stage in my life that i am not wanting someone that much older than i am, i have been there and done that, and it is time for a change for many reasons.

Well, it has been a month since the separation, and things really just aren't the same. Not a day goes by i don't think about what happened, about the mistakes i made, or how things turned out...thinking about how i wish i could change things, how hind sight is truly 20/20. Wish i had paid closer attention to so many things, wish my past didn't effect me as much as it did, and as hard as i try to work through it, it just hasn't been enough. No matter how much i say that i am truly sorry, i can't fix what happened. One day at a time, put one foot in front of the other, that is all that i can do and see what happens.............

Just know, that i am truly sorry....

Is it really hard for people to understand that i am in fact with someone, and i am not looking to play, worship, beat, send pictures to random people or anything else with another? i am very happy with the Man that i am with, and that will not change. Nothing that anyone else tries to offer me matters, it will not sway my mind, nor will i try to go behind His back. If You can't respect that, then do me a major favor, don't message me. If you want to talk respectfully, maybe become friends, then have at it, but anything more then friendship, move on! And for those that can't seem to read, i am a slave, i am not a Domme or Switch!

Today i spent the day as nothing more then a horny slut. my Master decided that He would remind me of just who and what i was. From the time i woke up, til the time i end up going to bed, i had my set of vibrating ben-wa balls in, and either had them on a certain setting for an hr straight, or had adjusted the settings in increments before shutting it off for 45 min. He had me wet, horny, needy.. craving Him, turning my body to complete jello by the time He allowed me my first orgasm of the night, (after tormenting for about 7 hrs) and then was nice enough to allow His slut to orgasm 4 more times, including the ability to cum on command, or almost on command..by the 5th one of the day, my brain was complete mush and my body didn't want to do anything. He reaffirmed just who and what i am.. for i am His slave, His slut, His whore. Thank You Master for the orgasms that You granted me tonight.

It is amazing at how it feels finding new and better ways to serve the One you are with, finding lil things that They wouldn't expect.  Remaining busy in service is always a good thing

The one thing that i have realized, is that i am my own worst enemy. Things were going so well, and with the blink of an eye, i start digging myself another hole, and not one that i intended, and now it is a matter of trying to dig myself out of and make things right.  Sometimes it is hard to break old habits, or let the past go, but all we can do is take one step at a time and do the best we can, learn from the mistakes, it isn't easy, but i feel it is more then worth while

Well, i need to update my last journal entry, because it was not 5 orgasms for the day, it is officially 6... and my body and mind are complete mush, but mush in the best way possible. i could never have imagined something like this happening or even the feeling that i am feeling, but it has and i am actually experiencing it for myself. i am so thankful for Him, and with each passing day and moment, i am realizing just how special and lucky i am.. Thank You Master!!!!!

Well, today was a very interesting night with my Master, He gave me something that was a first for me, and we were not even face to face. He allowed me to orgasm 5 times, and it was not just allowing, He commanded that i did such. i have never done that before, i had never had more then two within a sitting, and here my body took and accepted 5 of them, my body had been turned to complete jello, my mind was complete mush, i wasn't even able to form a simple single thought for a good 15 min or so, and even then, i did not want to move or do anything.

With each passing day of being with Him, the more we grow, the more He teaches and trains me, the happier i am finding myself, the more i am truly feeling that i am home, home by His side, at His feet, under His control, wanting to be the best i can, to please Him to the best of my ability. i am very lucky that He has accepted me for who i am, taken my submission within His hands to lead and guide me, and for that, i am forever grateful to Him

i hate being at a stage with everything that's been going on in my life to where i push people away, i clam up, i tend to get defensive and feel so over whelmed and can't seem to find the words to express myself to the One i care so much about. The last few weeks have been a challenge all the way around, and the last couple days have been even harder. i know how lucky i am to be His, to have found that One i had been looking for, but i fear that if things don't change, if i can't over come the 'bad programming' of those in past times have caused, then i will ruin the best thing that has ever happened, and i do not want that. It is time to do major soul searching, buckle down and work even harder, i want Him to know just how special He is to me, and how much He means to me and i want to be the best for Him

Well, i have been lucky to start down a new path. received a msg from Him and we just started talking and everything just seemed to fall into place. the time we spend talking, the things we talk about, everything just flows, it feels as if we've known each other for years, it is a wonderful feeling. He has breathed a breath of fresh air into me, showing me that there are still good people out here, ones that know what they are talking about, that are serious and true, and arent about the head games.... i have to keep pinching myself to see if this is really real... i just hope things continue...... my fingers are crossed...... 

Awww, what a shame... funny how i dont have to even say a name to the person, and now they deleted their profile from here.  oh well, guess they really did think i was that stupid...

i have been sitting here the last few days, thinking of a recent conversation that i have been having with Someone, and its funny how some people just think that others are that blind, or cant pick on things. Why is it, that i can go from talking to someone for months, have Him become a mentor, and then for whatever reason He just falls off the face of the planet only without a word, but then creates a new profile one day, been on for months without a word, then all of a sudden, starts messaging and never once said anything. Maybe i was wrong for not asking or confronting this person, because ya, He's a Dom, its His right to changes names and this and that, but come on, honestly, wouldnt it be respectful to say 'Hey, by the way, this is what happened etc'... well, after my own suspicions were confirmed in His own wording on things, and before i could actually say something... He did yet again another disappearing act. So, just another one to chalk up to experience and to avoid..... Not to sound rude, but do Dom's actually think or believe that all women/subs/slaves are that naive, stupid or even blind? Granted, i do know plenty that can be at times but really... honestly..... -shrugs- maybe its just me