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Some things simply aren't meant to be, and I find myself alone once more. Ah well ~soft shrug~ |
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My boy's off on vacation: and he's missing me - bless :) But all is just as it should be ;)
Meanwhile, the dissertation's almost finished. I'm looking forward to finally handing it in and beginning to get my life back at last.
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Some major changes going on chez moi.
I'm growing very close to a rather lovely young man ... a rather lovely young submissive man ...
It's very very very early days and we have to take this slowly, but I'm enjoying the discovery that there's more to my dominant side than I'd ever imagined :)
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I'm finding the painting very therapeutic, and great for releasing my mental block. As well as making my space look more my own, I'm finding I'm coming up with lots of relevant ideas for my dissertation as I paint. Happy days :) |
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The renovations continue at a reasonably steady pace. It's up to me to get on with painting at this point, which I'm finding enjoyable.
Shame there's nobody else to see what I've done ... but then I guess it also means there's nobody to criticise or challenge my choices :)
Feeling a bit down at the moment, but I'm sure this will pass and the sun will shine again :) |
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I've been making a few changes in my life, some of them more major than others. So far it's going well.
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To the person who's sending me lovely emails ... if you're reading this ... thank you :) |
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I'm going to T in the Park :)
This will mean nothing to many people here, but for me it's a big deal. I've tried to get a ticket every year since 2002, and this is the first time I've managed it.
Ironically, when I woke up this morning I was in two minds as to whether to give up on this, one of the things I want to do before I die...
Now to find people to meet up while I'm there :) |
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Happy Valentine's Day to those who believe in a Hallmark created day geared at emptying the pockets of the gullible.
If you love someone, why wait till February 14th to tell them? Why not tell them every day? |
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I'm not enjoying being single right now.
This is a difficult time of year for me - full of miserable memories that can't easily be erased, and certainly not by myself alone.
Still, I've survived many years alone already so I'm sure I'll find a way to cope this time as well. |
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Sang for my life last night: a really tough audition for a director who'd already sacked half my section. But he likes me and my place is safe! 
Still feeling happy ... such a good feeling :) |
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I've passed another three exams. Just one more option and the dissertation left in order to graduate.
Someone on another board posed the question: could you go vanilla? I don't think I could. I believe I'd find celibacy easier than life in a relationship without any D/s element. But then I know I don't have any difficulty with celibacy *shrug* |
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So maybe, just maybe, the changes are beginning. Not holding my breath, but I'm applying for a new job...
Now I know why I don't give out my messenger addy to everyone - every time I go online the same person starts trying to talk to me. I feel I'm being stalked.
Oh, and word to the wise. Telling me you want to give me a caning when you haven't even bothered getting to know me is not going to win you any Brownie points. Nor is it going to get you what you think you want. |
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"The 21st century is when it all changes and you've got to be ready."
How is your century going so far?
Mine's definitely been full of changes, and some of them have been very positive. I took some time off at Christmas and it's done me a lot of good and provided me with some much needed space for reflection.
But now I'm back, a little bit older, a little bit wiser, and just as ugly. There's a lot going on in the next couple of months. 2008 is shaping up to be a promising year, as it feels as though I'm getting my mojo back in aspects of life I've been neglecting.
Will this be the year I meet that special someone? Only time will tell, but it'd be good if it happens. |
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Changing the subject, I'm half way through an exam and it's going well so far. Keeping focused on my studies is helping me keep the other stuff in perspective. |
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I'm still on a rollercoaster emotionally. I don't know whether the relationship's on or off as he who means the world to me is giving out extremely confusing signals.
This is not helping me to grieve for the relationship or to gain any sense of closure, and it's affecting my ability to enjoy the company of other people - both realtime and online. It's making me overly sensitive, and I hate not being my usual cheery self.
Thankfully most people have been really supportive, though there are a few random idiots on here - as there are everywhere really.
I think I'm glad it's the weekend. |
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So I find myself alone again, somewhat unexpectedly and extremely disappointingly. Given the circumstances of the break-up I can't help feeling that I was used, and not in a D/s way.
The realisation that the promises he made were lies, and that the dreams he dared me to dream will never come true is unbearably painful. I'm really struggling with the emotions that are overwhelming me. |
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Why is it that so many men think they can be master to someone before they've even swapped a single email? |
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