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| I am from Manchester, 34 years old and married - my husband is vanilla and not into the lifestyle. Up until 4 years ago I had a Master with whom I had been enslaved to for six years (with my husband's knowledge, clearly). He died in August 2009 and I have been through a long period of grief and bereavement. I am still unsure about venturing back into the world of D/s/SM because my emotions are, at times, all over the place; but I find myself so lost and missing being dominated, not to mention needing the physicality of S&M. I ask though that you are gentle and cordial in any initial contact because it's taken so long for me to even pluck up the courage to come and join.
Anyway - in my BDSM life I love being controlled (especially in terms of sexual release).
i really like pain and find it extremely arousing (orgasming through being hurt being one of my favourite hedonistic pastimes!), but i also love the cathartic feelings that comes from pushing my pain limits. i really have a penchant for sadistic dominants; this is to say as much as i like pain, the Dom's desire to be cruel and cause pain, and the knowledge that i am being used to fulfill his sadism, is almost as arousing as the physical sensation itself. More recently i had been working on humiliation and less physical sides of S&M, something i find far more difficult but just as rewarding.
i also, of course, very much enjoy submission; giving myself to my Master and trying to be pleasing to Him. i've found exploring and nurturing that softer side of myself to be sometimes difficult but largely wonderful, fulfilling and peaceful. The mental and psychological aspects of domination and submission, of the will of the dominant taking precedence and power over my wishes is something i find utterly fascinating (not to mention downright horny!)and i am constantly trying to better understand it and my own need/desire for it.
When i'm not being kinky i enjoy reading, homeopathy, philosophy, swimming, doing su-doku and logic puzzles and listening to music. i especially like Babyshambles, The Libertines, the stone roses etc but my tastes are fairly wide ranging and certainly...um..eclectic! In fact, most things about me are eclectic and i particularly enjoy getting to know others with a slightly off the wall sense of humour.
At the moment, I'm in the stage of grieving whilst trying to move on as He wished me to do. I miss BDSM (both D/s in the sense of control and guidance) and S&M a great deal and I don't do as well, physically or spiritually when they are not part of my life. I occasionally play and take direction from Dom/mes with whom both myself and my Master were acquainted, probably as a 'safe' outlet to get some relief...but none of these are permanent. I suppose I'm ultimately here to put a toe back in the water.
I hate it when people are all 'you must be THIS' in profiles as I find it very narrow minded....but it is VERY unlikely I'd be able to submit to anyone younger than myself. My previous Master was 55 (when I was 30) and I find age gaps much easier to deal with in the realm of D/s. I respect ALL humans, but I find the type of respect necessary from sub to Dom to be easier with older men. In addition, I am VERY into the 'little girl' thing and it just flat out doesn't work with people my own age. Please don't bombard me with messages about how I should give younger people a chance. I am overweight, if people are turned off by that, that is entirely their perogative. I am turned on by older men and I find that dynamic suits me.
Oh, also (this is becoming rambling and not succinct, damn)...I'm happy to chatter online etc, make new friends, I'm not necessarily looking for 'the One' (yeesh!). Oh..and I like anal and puppy play.
I'm done! Thanks for reading! *kiss*
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