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justakinkytxgirl

justakinkytxgirl - photo 2
justakinkytxgirl - photo 3

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Mostly here just to blog because Im broken and now scarred from a lot of you saying really strange things about brokenness




OMG...I have a Masters in Theology. These photos are not recent. No Im not sharing photos of me. Learn to the love the inside and if you cant then boy, bye.


Yes, i have a picture of my cunt. Thats my PSA for You. Thats what my cunt looks like in full blown outbreak of HSV2. Wait...i dont see the scary stuff you say? Thats right! my outbreak comes in s of tingling down there and EXTREME leg cramps. i DONT fuck in any hole during an outbreak. ive now fucked 7 guys bareback and theyre all HSV-free.



But who cares? im not looking.



Why do people want a list? okay..





No married men

No piss in mouth or eyes, no cum on eyes (dont ask)

No fire

No electricity

No branding

No tattoos

No kids

No shaving of head

No scat

No tickling

NO nails through tits...what the hell i love my tits, they make me happy

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3/19/2018 5:16:57 PM
Feeling pretty dead inside. On my play profile on here the one I use to get off there are lots of guys who want to do really interesting and entertaining stuff sigh. While on my real one this one I just don't know what I want anymore. I've been broken by too many "dorms". I don't even know if I could obey any more...just stare at you with uncertainty and mistrust cause for me all men are liars. I'm also religious. You don't have to be but it would be nice. Eh forget it I'll just date God. I'm feeling too old for this and I have no energy to answer stupid redundant questions "what do you seek on here" "what are you hoping for" "what experience do you have" sigh. I used to have an audio blog on here well, back when it was cm not cs. I've had so many different names on here but alas now I'm just me trying to survive the waves of loneliness. Being dead isn't so bad at least they can't hurt you.

1/29/2018 4:02:08 PM

Been trying to shut off my horniness and kinkiness because of my current work situation.

i am kinky and i can't shut it off.  i can ignore it for a little while or suppress it and then BAM! But alas where i am either no one can understand where i'm coming from in terms of work/personal life nor are they single as well wanting to date not just do BDSM. 

i have realized that i have a strong and dominant personality who needs someone who can match that without whining that i'm not "submissive enough" because of my personality. i've been able to submit to several Men/Doms who matched me and not once whined. they had no difficulty to little difficulty getting me into that sub head-space. Some right away and others it took time and physicality. i have a strong will. i'm already broken i need to feel protected.

i have to feel controlled.

  • Control = safe and secure in my book.

*Safe and secure = loved/cared/wanted.
When i don't feel this way i crash and burn. i don't take pride in myself. i don't take care of myself as much as i would if i had a Dom telling me that i reflect Him.

Health has also played a bigger factor in my past few relationships and not in the way you think.

  • i have HSV2. i am very open about it and i freak out when i even think i have an outbreak which is rare. i will not play or have sex when i think i'm having an outbreak even when i'm not...i'm a hypochondriac when it comes to this and my teeth (sorry not sorry).

i've had a few ex-partners who literally flipped me on my back, rip my panties off, open my legs to "check out" my vagina and seeing nothing (see picture) think i'm good to go. That's why they're ex-partners. i will say that the few exes i've had including past Doms that had sex with me bareback while not in an outbreak are still clean.
my outbreaks and my first out break was in form of extreme leg cramps. Think of a charley horse but only 20 times worse and it doesn't go away for days to weeks. i did have some minor vagina discomfort but i "cured" it with yeast infection cream which confused my doctor hence our surprise when i tested positive for HSV2. i do get some "tingling" sensation and sensitivity and when that happens i'm like NOPE not tonight boys.

  • That being said...it's not HSV2 that has been the health factor. i tell people i have HSV2 and they're like "fuck yeah! i'll fuck ya." awkward turtle It's been the fact that i'm struggling with my weight.  i've been big and athletic. i've put my body through hell and punishment which might explain somethings.... i mean, even when i was anorexic going from a size 22 to 12 in 6 months i felt i looked big.  i'm not looking for a diet coach or fitness coach, just someone who understands my struggle as i've hurt myself while exercising and i'm waiting on surgery number 4...also why i can't get on my knees...i'd love to get on my knees (fuck you and your good knees). One i have this last surgery i'll start the painful process all over again of relearning to walk/use stairs etc.  i'm not an invalid, i just need someone who's really hype into taking care of what they have. just sayin 
Pretty sure not gonna find it here and that's ok cause i've kind of resigned myself that i will be Single AF in SA. i've also become really jaded and kinda bitchy. so if i come off that way, you can blame some of the previous married aholes pretending to be single back when this site was CM

8/26/2017 11:47:38 AM
been busy, surgery, learning how to live again after surgery good times. 

5/17/2017 7:16:30 PM
Sooooooo busy been playing on my other account...you would not believe how many crazy people are on but alas they make for great cum help just saying...

3/5/2017 3:29:49 PM
ughhhhh pretty sure my audio is cutting in an out but oh well, i tried.  i wish the collarspace gods would fix the audio recording issues.  That would be great.  i have no issues on any other site recording but for this one.  sigh. and thank you.

3/5/2017 3:23:26 PM

4/23/2016 6:39:17 PM
omg she's alive...i finally watched 50 shades and while I loved the beginning and the whole "you're mine" the ending sucked  It was like it became so anti-bdsm it really made me sad.  I did try to read the book but it was just awful and yes I know it was twilight fan fiction. other than that not much else going on. exciting stuff, huh.

2/27/2016 8:30:03 PM
2 journals in one day --whaaat?!?! So as many of you know I love Kdramas and one of my favorites reference The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane. I've watched that drama serveral times and this last time I ordered the book. I received the book this morning and decided to read it before bed. It took me 51 minutes to read it and OMG. My face is puffy, my eyes are swollen, and tears are running down my face. This book and an message earlier this evening are reminding me I have a heart and it sucks. I just want to go back to pretending I don't have one but instead I see this "You must be filled with expectancy. You must be awash in hope. You must wonder who will love you, whom you will love next." the old doll "I am done with being loved," Edward told her, "I'm done with loving. It's too painful." "Where is your courage?" said the old doll "Somewhere else, I guess," said Edward. "If you have no intention of loving or being loved, then the whole journey is pointless," she said

2/27/2016 4:37:30 PM
Where can i find a guy who likes to do sexual things like molesting (i can cum from touch) but not always want sex?!  Why does it always have to end in a hole?  Sex doesn't always equate control there are other ways to control a woman -- i know right, shocker.  the tone of a voice and the pressure of a hand does more wonders for me than chains ever will.

i did try dating and the scene thing here in SA but almost everyone is married and or has children.  it's kinda frustrating.  No, really people are surprised when they find out i haven't been married or i don't have kids.  Then they wonder if i've had sex...i'm like just because i don't have a kid doesn't mean i'm a virgin.  i used birth control when i really should have used a damn condom, oh well fml. 

Not much else going on...i bought a plant!  i named it 태양.  

1/31/2016 1:11:04 PM
Ugh, audio is doing it again.  I can't record.

Oh, well.  It's not like I'm on here looking for anything away.  Pretty much saying hello, and I'm not looking for anything in particular.  I feel like I've live and done pretty much everything kink has to offer.  I don't get excited about things anymore.  If I get horny I fuck myself and use my fake profile to get off because I'm a sick fuck who likes to cum to random insane things at times.  I wish I got excited about life but I don't.  Work is work and I don't have to think about things just be a robot and focus on facts, leave work at work, and then go home.  I go to work and home.  That's about it unless I have to go to grocery store or grab Pad Thai and soju.

It's not that I'm depressed or suicidal.  I just don't have anything to live for and I don't feel like killing myself so I'm just living to live pretty much.  I'm hoping things will change but so far that isn't working out in my favor.  Oh, well.  

Hope you all have a good week

6/13/2015 9:21:47 PM
audio hates me....you can find me on audibase at justakinkygirl if you wanna hear me.

6/7/2015 7:55:20 PM
That awkward moment when an ex-play partner who was one of the few Doms who could control me but completely abandoned me during a crisis because he was scared for himself found my "I'm only here to cum profile" and strikes up a conversation... Yeah. So that happened and it hurt my heart a little if I still had a heart which after February, I don't. The cold-hearted bitch is back. Men are sad creatures of habit. Also I finally figured out my fear...we all know I'm not a fan of heights but I'd rather climb a tall building or mountain than ever commit to marriage or a child. That terrifies me = slavery. I'm thinking I'm not into the whole Master/slave thing. Not sure if that is a hard limit but it gives me nightmares now, #WeddingSeason #WhoIsPregnantNow I would audio blog but the audio on here hasn't been working for me this week. Sorry, gang.

5/29/2015 7:41:27 PM

5/16/2015 8:51:08 AM

5/15/2015 7:57:09 PM

5/9/2015 1:43:57 PM

5/6/2015 5:14:08 PM

5/2/2015 7:28:13 PM
Tonight's journal: i'm drunk...talking about race, baltimore, dating myself, and daredevil

5/2/2015 7:17:21 PM

4/20/2015 7:19:42 PM
Tonight's journal: updating...Dallas...life...Game of Thrones...not really but maybe.

4/20/2015 7:10:01 PM

4/12/2015 10:54:32 AM
Read profile before messaging me, please oh and thanks for commenting about my kinkalicious cunt...yeah having HSV2 is awesome and looks delish doesn't it ;) yeah, go head and lick that cunt.  Actually you wouldn't be touching it because i don't play during an outbreak. #TheMoreYouKnow

4/12/2015 10:34:23 AM

4/11/2015 11:49:42 PM

4/1/2015 7:23:58 PM

3/28/2015 6:34:03 PM
Just more dumb-ass men commenting before they read.  Didn't understand the plight of illiteracy here in Texas...maybe i'll have a new charity.

3/28/2015 6:16:01 PM

3/27/2015 7:20:46 PM
Why are people out to make me sad?  For the love of god read profiles, read journals, listen to them before you message people.

3/21/2015 6:10:13 PM

3/20/2015 6:08:11 PM

3/16/2015 12:36:30 PM
in a car for work. this day will never end. I feel like my life is a lame version of fast and the furious.

3/14/2015 8:32:55 PM
San Antonio sucks for single people.  It's soooo not kinky.  Well, not as kinky as Dallas.  I miss my Dallas peeps.  I need to get flogged and soon. 

3/10/2015 8:03:40 PM

3/5/2015 6:49:17 PM

3/4/2015 7:21:39 PM
zzzz I feel like I'm turning vanilla

3/1/2015 8:59:34 PM
i just read some of the most beautiful true words from a subbie who had been preyed upon by a vanilla predator and reborn with a Dominant.  It's the care of a Dom that allows us to surrender and to be free that i miss oh so much.  Just letting go and being His.  sigh.

3/1/2015 8:06:00 PM
working on unpacking a little...kinda hard when you don't have furniture or places to put them...but doing what i can :) next pay period i think i might go 2nd hand shopping

3/1/2015 6:00:22 PM
"Size doesn't matter when you're flat on your back," Oberyn Martell
"Thank the gods," Tyrion Lannister

2/28/2015 5:43:34 PM
Today's Audio: Update!  Still no one seems to get nonsexual bdsm and i got a new dildo!

2/28/2015 5:30:26 PM

2/26/2015 10:21:35 PM
I think I forgot to put topic of audio journal: work, life, disappointed in CS

2/26/2015 6:53:28 PM

2/25/2015 6:27:53 PM

2/25/2015 6:26:25 PM
Tonight's audio...it's coming....OMFG WHY ARE MEN ON CS SO F'IN STUPID??!?!  If you just got offended by this then sorry, you're stupid. 

2/24/2015 7:28:31 PM
Today's Topic:  Control...what i'm looking for...no, seriously how hard is that?!



Also Non-sexual BDSM for those who ask: It means being Dominant and sexy without the penetration of anal or vaginal.  the slow burn of seduction?  ;)  fucking the cunt is easy...but can you fuck my mind?

2/24/2015 7:15:20 PM

2/23/2015 8:09:17 PM
This topic: HSV2, how i got it and how i've dealt with it

2/23/2015 7:51:55 PM

2/23/2015 7:50:13 PM
This topic: randomness about my day and save the dick!

2/23/2015 7:42:06 PM

2/22/2015 6:44:23 PM
Tonight's topic:  randomness, giggles, and submissive males

2/22/2015 6:33:50 PM

2/22/2015 10:51:51 AM
Audio topic: no married men, no attached men, monogamy only!

2/22/2015 10:43:17 AM

2/22/2015 10:19:28 AM
Today's audio topics:
1) Sadistic Teddy and being sick
3) Why i'm not into orgasm denial
4) abuse and then there's abuse

2/22/2015 9:56:13 AM

2/21/2015 7:19:28 PM
Today's Audio:  Two topics: 1) Sadistic Teddy's profile 2) why I don't want sex

2/21/2015 7:11:17 PM

2/19/2015 6:57:08 PM
i can't believe i've gotten addicted to Mako Mermaids...


2/17/2015 9:11:03 PM
who has two thumbs and loves Lent?!?! this girl!!!! #theology

2/16/2015 9:08:15 PM
So excited for my new cross trainers I bought for the gym. Just gotta wait for their delivery. I've worn out my other pair. The best part of my day is ending it at the gym and how I feel afterwards 😊💜👍 happy girl

2/16/2015 7:16:00 PM

2/16/2015 6:35:52 AM
don't you hate it when you put on your makeup and then you start to sweat? just me? ok

2/15/2015 11:40:37 AM
answering questions all day is tiring.  off to go heat up some pad thai.  yum! :)  will answer more later :)

2/15/2015 11:11:26 AM

2/12/2015 6:42:20 PM

2/10/2015 6:33:34 PM

2/9/2015 9:22:46 PM
What You May Not Know About Me

I’m empathic with empath tendencies.  No, not pathetic although lately I’m beginning to feel that way.  I’m super sensitive inside and out.  I cum from touch and though some might find that amazing (trust me, it can be) or it can be humiliating (trust me, it can be).  That doesn’t mean come running up to me and touch me.  It’s a certain way to touch me and only a fair dozen have figured it out over the years.  Inside I’m a jungle of emotions that I’m still learning to shield and weed through picking out which are mine and which…well, aren’t mine.

I’ve always had these capabilities and to know me you would never guessed that I spent a lot of my time quiet and observant.  I only talked to family members and it wasn’t until my dad told me that I had to speak to strangers or I’d be taken away that I forced myself to become extrovert.  I became even more so when I joined the work force and realized to go anywhere I’d have to force myself to be “out-going”.  

It’s exhausting.  I like to live alone.  No, really I’m a fucking hermit.  I have to force myself to go and be social.  Right now, I’m sitting in the dark in my fortress of solitude listening to a song over and over again to calm down.  I think the worst time I had being an empathy was when I had to miss school for two weeks because I became so afraid of leaving my house.  I felt like if I left my house I could feel everyone inside me and I started having “panic attacks”.  I was diagnosed with panic disorder and was put on medication that didn’t help (shocker) but I started to read on the internet about empaths and people who are empathic so I started to learn how to shield.  The first shielding exercise I ever learned was imaging cracking an egg over my head and imagining the yolk covering me in a force field.  I thought I was going crazy for a while but when I moved out on my own and away from my two bi-polar siblings I became “normal”.  For the first time in my life I could almost distinguish my own feelings.  I still don’t always know what I want but I’m working on it.

One of my other east favorite empathic memories was getting morning sickness for a week before I finally confronted my friend about it when I started to crave her pregnancy foods.  She was shocked when I asked her and the minute she said she was I instantly felt better.  Try explaining to people who knew you were a virgin at the time that you weren’t pregnant.
I started to actually use my ability when I worked with children and was able to calm them down even the babies and became known as “the baby whisperer”.  I would hear the babies crying and I could walk into the room and they would all stop instantly until I left the room again.  It was really fascinating and funny to me at the time.  I used my ability to help on mission trips and to literally put myself into other’s shoes something that helps me in ministry and in customer service.

I’ve always been able to get people to trust me, people usually feel like they’ve known me forever and feel the need to tell me their deepest darkest secrets (no, I won’t tell you).  I’ve had people tell me they feel better just because I’m there.  You know what sucks about being empathic is that I can’t read people as well as I’d like.  I can read and warn others about other people but when it comes to myself, I suck at reading.  I get hurt.  I trust the wrong people time and time again.  So maybe I should just shield.  Constantly shield myself and not worry about anyone else.  

I would love to do that but I’m the perpetual servant.  Yeah, crazy I know.  How do I know this?  Well, whilst I was taking a shielding shower I thought about the lie I discovered this weekend.  Five fucking years of lies and did I crumble?!  No, I envisioned a rock.  I envisioned iron and let it soak into my veins and nerves letting my blood burn.  Then I thought about God.  Why, God you ask?  Well, thanks for asking.  I’m Christian.  I would love to be atheist but I can’t.  Want to know why?  Because I’ve been in the fucking almighty’s presence.  God exists!  Do you have any idea how many times I’ve tried to kill myself and God swoops in and saves me?!  Too many times to count.  Oh and twice I’ve been underwater for an hour and breathe…under fucking water and I was saved.   And do you know why God seems to enjoy saving me?  Because I’m a fucking servant and not in the hot/bothered way I'd prefer to be...oh, no.  A fucking goody-goody fight for humanity servant.

That’s right!  Perpetual servant is what popped into my head as I was riling against God.  God uses me to prove God’s bloody existence and yet am I ever rewarded?  I’ve saved people…their lives literally by being at the right place and the right time.  Remember Amy?  Remember that would-be robber at 7/11?  Remember Charlotte?  Remember my brother?  Remember my sister?  Remember all those people at that apartment?  Who fucking fights a fire with no thought of herself – me.  I’ve built houses.  I’ve changed people’s lives and what do I get?  Heartache time and time again.  My life being destroyed including almost ruining my reputation and all for what?!  For being…a fucking living example so I can relate to people.  I’m sick of relating.  I stopped my ordination.  Yes, the call of ministry is there but without a title I don’t need.  I just want to be loved and yes, Jesus I understand you want the same thing you could leave right now as I don’t need your pity either.  Loads of people love you, I just want one and I want them to stay with me, control me because this BDSM relationship I have with God is losing its weight with me.  

Oh.

Fuck...  

I hate clarity.  


2/9/2015 6:16:14 PM

2/9/2015 6:54:30 AM

2/8/2015 3:24:07 PM
Really sick of liars. 

2/8/2015 1:05:17 PM

1/29/2015 9:11:00 PM
When did "wish I was licking that, right now" or "I wonder how my hand would feel inside you" become the first topic of conversation?!?! Wishing there were more literate Dom's out there who could read profiles and before you "victim blame" that cunt pic is a PSA. That pic is of me during an outbreak of HSV2 proving that Google images won't always help you.

1/28/2015 8:44:44 PM
Yes, yes...i know i'm sorry i had my music blasting while doing my audio.  It was via my appleTV, my bad! :)

1/28/2015 8:20:58 PM

1/25/2015 8:06:13 PM
i have no idea why this matters...
i'm:

Cherokee
Choctaw
BlackFoot
English
Irish
Scottish
Bavarian
a little French


1/25/2015 6:12:42 PM
How hard is it to find a Dom that understands what they get from a non-sexual BDSM relationship? Sigh. Where have all the Dominants gone? :/ Very upset and disheartened from conversations thus far. I also have a Masters degree, if you are so kind as to message me at least attempt to show some form of literacy or education.

1/25/2015 1:31:23 PM
Sometimes you just gotta dance it out.  Get up and move!

1/24/2015 7:18:49 PM

1/22/2015 7:51:06 PM
For the love of God people...just because I don't answer or it looks like I'm logged in and I don't respond doesn't man anything. I'm not on everyday. I have a life.

1/21/2015 6:18:41 PM
aching and crying

crying from the release of stress of living in this situation i'm in
crying from him not even caring to say goodbye or to help me
crying from being out of shape and back hurting from lifting really heavy things (why do i own them?!)

happy to start my new life
happy to start my new position
happy to be alone
happy to work on me
happy to be in a new city with new potential

justahappytxgirl :)

1/17/2015 6:39:23 PM
I don't want to sound like a bitch...I wasn't born yesterday.  If you first message to me is flatter me, I'm not gonna swoon.  If your first message is to tell me no one on here usually catches your eye but I did, I'm gonna ask you to get your eyes check.  Flattery will get you nowhere.

1/17/2015 5:57:53 PM
Well, I was excited about life until I remember how unloved and unwanted I am when I accidentally saw the BDSM jewelry my ex and current roommate apparently bought his girlfriend while all he did was by me an afterthought Christmas present that he also gave to his daughter.  Bad mood, much?  Yeah, I'm there.

1/16/2015 5:10:27 PM
I have a home!!! Really excited about life right now!!!

1/14/2015 9:32:11 PM
There's nothing more awkward than being trapped living with your ex until you can move out and listening to him talk to his new girl. so over relationships. just looking for friends.

10/26/2014 7:38:57 AM
If you think this "lifestyle" is just about sex then you have no idea what this "lifestyle" is truly about and I suggest that you go visit AFF.  ;) i'm sure they'd love to have you on there!

Daddy and i are working things out.  W/we understand each other now and i can't wait for Him to come home!!!!

10/12/2014 8:18:02 PM
I didn't think it was possible to sink to a lower level of depression...mission accomplished, men of collar space....

10/8/2014 6:44:11 PM
i feel like i'm too old for this shit.

i've been doing this for too long to put up with your inexperience.

10/6/2014 7:00:16 PM
today as been a long day

10/5/2014 7:14:57 PM
I swear to God today has been an episode of "Lower Expectations" in the kink department tonight...

10/5/2014 6:58:31 PM
You're right!  There are a lot of letters in my profile.  When you string them together...they form words and then those words they form -- that's right!  Sentences!!! I am amazed at the level of intelligence this site has on it now...it really has grown...

10/5/2014 6:14:37 PM

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justanotherS
 
 Age: 50
 Sacramento, California