I have been in severe physical pain from a recent surgery. I chose to let myself feel it seep through my body so I could concentrate on it. Meditate on it. Use it to help me find clarity and wisdom. Every time I felt like I could not find a comfortable position to lay, or awakened with fresh discomfort, I tried to memorize it since it is my only chance to catch a glimpse of what a sub does. After all, I am not interested in allowing anyone control or opportunity to inflict pain in any scene.

I do not like pain but when the choice is between emotional, mental or physical, I believe it is somehow useful to let the physical carry you over the threshold. I wanted to be able to relate to what a submissive man seeks when he is reaching for that space between physical endurance and challenging his mind to accept his position despite all of society impying that he should never give in to his submissive needs.

I also wanted to use this opportunity to accept the decisions I am making that are emotionally difficult. The real truth about me as a Domminant woman is I desire true submission on MY terms, not his.

I'm irritated by the idiocy of some of these "subs" I'll meet you at a Starbucks and if I don't invite you home immediately thereafter you'll pull a typical fake sub move and not follow up. Most don't have the patience and respect to meet properly. To get vetted properly. Most think anybody declaring themselves a "sub" should be privy to my home immediately. No thought towards common sense or my safety?? I get these offers 5 times a week. Imagine if I gave my home address out that many times a week? I'd be murdered in less than a month by some fake predator. Or at the very least robbed and when you report something like that to police and say "I met him online" Boy how stupid do you look? Perhaps these idiots think I'm in a palace surrounded by gaurds? How much online porn must you watch before you actually think there's any likelihood that any of us REAL ladies are surfing for boys from within a palace. THAT lady isn't on collarspace, she has a caretaker whose job it is to find sub's. Out here in the real world a REAL domme works her 9-5 and expects her sub to do the same. To be sane. To be intelligent and productive within society. To be a regular guy and a sexy "trophy husband".

I have not written a note in so long. Life has been changing so much lately. new job, different city, then another new job and another old city. Now I am on a summer sabbatical of travel through the Atlanta and Savannah areas because I find it peaceful and love both cities for different reasons.

I need a new boy. A real boy with great energy, quiet strength and a cute smile.

I want him to dance for me. I want him to cook for me and share his secret thoughts that he seems too shy to tell anyone else. I want him naked and begging for me. I want him to clean and work for me. I want him to smile for me.

I want that sweetness that is calm and not weak while also not being arrogant. I want him to NOT know everything because I still do NOT. I should be the ONE who gets to decide everything but I should NOT HAVE to be the ONE who THINKS of everything.

I wonder if this is to be found anywhere? I will hope for it. You don't have to be a perfect boy to start with me, but you do have to HOPE to become one for me.

I'm only saying I'm disappointed in myself because I wasted time getting to know a few boys over this last several months who have all turned out to be unable to be consistent or follow through primarily because they are not real and don't know it. I wrote that last message because many messages I get are claiming to be sub's but the first and only thing they want to discuss is sexual service or bondage. Bondage takes time to get to since a trust and rapport must be built and I don't appreciate being used as an outlet for him to get off on his chosen method of not getting off. That is not sub service and my profile clearly states that's not what I'm looking for. Yes sexual and sensual pleasures are part of the relationship but you have to build a relationship first. (I'm not risking myself to legal repercussions just to race to fulfill some ass holes dream of being "forced" into something. Anything) These subs that think otherwise are fooling themselves and wasting the time of good dommes. This behavior is no different than the guy on match dot com who plays the same move on a lady in the vanilla world. "Oh hey i like your profile and see you posted for ltr but would it be cool if we just meet at a motel cuz im not really in a position right now for all that, but you were just so cute" Men are still men even if they claim to know what being a sub is and most men have been trained since birth to persuade women to just do whatever he wants. Even if he wants to be a sub he can then be a selfish sub. These subs are fakers who are "topping from the bottom". I will not abide such behavior.

Disappointed in so many subs on here you boys try so fast to jump into a sub relationship .... Skipping over the basics of any relationship....to me this feels no different than screwing someone on the first date...inappropriate and disinterested come morning after.

a terrific read

http://www.femaleledrelationships.com/various-stories/thoughts-of-a-submissive-man

"Please tell me you are real"... For the longest time I have been wondering what that means when I see that on others profiles....now I know. There are "subs"on here just wanting to use you to get themselves off...which is really no different than "regular" men (I recall that was always an issue in dating)

Im thinking some have been here so long they forgot what it's like to just get to know someone...I truly believe you need to build rapport and actually LIKE a person before you can play...I also feel play should be fun, hence the word "play."

I get many excited boys begging to be taken seriously. What I'm seeking is a real long term, duty filled relationship with a boy who can be publicly "that great boyfriend" and at home he is my houseboy, slut and chore whore. This is a very complex bond in which I depend on my sub to truly know my moods, needs and (vice versa), yet still function in society as a man. It is not a sex game to be played on weekends. It will take time and energy to become whatever "we" are to be.

:I don't go in for stereotype so just like I don't wear Dereon jeans, juicy couture and other silly labels I also don't think the typical photo trappings of domme are for me such as leather and ball gags (I actually want to hear a man scream and beg so why gag?...smh). I live in OC where apt rents are high and include a gym, jacuzzi, and pool but no dungeon is listed on amenities :-P.

I state rather plainly that I want to be with a man who isn't doing what I've always dealt with...he wants to come first (& cum first), rely on me to do everything and then play passive aggressive power games...that's what I get in "regular dating"...just recently realized it never worked since its not who I ever was...I'm naturally dominant and yet generous, I'm the boss to many people in my career, being a leader is my truth, its who I am...I'm liking the ideas that come with the "kink" But not all "BDSM" is good BDSM

your duties will be performed in the Uniform of my choice based on my mood- (socks and trainers, G-string/Jock/Thong or naked) for domestic chores. You may be regarded as a sex toy for my use and satisfaction in private, I'm not into public humiliation or silliness. In public I expect standards to be maintained and if they are not i may devise cruelties and denials, .exploring what it takes just enough to keep you in line.  rapport should be such that once I know how you tick...well...thats when we get to really have fun. i am no pro domme. I'm master of my own universe and May or may not deal with " bdsm systemology" i believe we need to learn as individuals together. If you wish to join my universe you must become my friend.

i only learned of this place after perusing www.aboutflr.com

..so that's why im here. If you wish to explore and to submit my way...I guess you'll let me know.

Beyond the desire to submit, we all differ in most every other regard. Your kinks are most likely different from mine. Something I find intensely erotic you may find at best boring or even a complete turn off. Perhaps even requiring oneself to endure and later introspect on these feelings offers a chance to truly submit mentally.

Uur needs, wants, desires and even fears should be communicated. Thus, it is a truly unwise dominant who labors under the false impression that one-size fits all and that every sub can be trained exactly the same way as the last. Effective training must be tailored to the specific individual. Honest and direct communication from the sub to the dominant is the only way to build trust between both.

do you need to be tied down heavily to submit your mind to her control/freedom to explore your whole body...allow her to do any pinching, pulling, slapping, biting, licking, spanking, whipping, teasing, tugging, clipping, sucking and just general toying and usage of your body for her own pleasure? can a man truly do this? what if she has no regard to which may interest you? Is there thrill in Never knowing whether you will be rewarded with permission for yourself?

"Love, infatuation, pair bonding, these are all primitive things. And I would not want it any other way. Emotions are the deepest ‘imperfection’ that humans have. They often defy logic and reason, make us say and do stupid things, even behave in an unnatural way for fear of rejection and shame. Emotion is beauty. It is pure and raw and unforgiving. If we have any connection that we can sense on a daily basis that puts us in touch with the deepest recesses of our evolution it is emotion. I do not desire to find or create the perfect partner. A submissive is not clay for me to mold. It is a living growing creature and consciousness I nurture and care for, enjoying that moment in spring when it comes into bloom. This person must not just be a compliment to me, but a contrast. If I have nothing to learn or no new perspective to enjoy what joy do I have? The Physical trappings of being defined as a dominant or a submissive can lead us astray. A perfect hell of our own creation."

It's in quotes because I'd like to credit the writer...if only I knew his name...