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Baldrick's Journals

Journal Entries by Baldrick:
6/15/2022 11:17:24 PM
I'm a Marionette
 
 
 
You're so free," that's what everybody's telling me
Yet I feel I'm like an outward-bound, pushed around, refugee
Something's wrong, got a feeling that I don't belong
As if I had come from outer space, out of place, like King Kong

I'm a marionette, just a marionette, pull the string
I'm a marionette, everybody's pet, just as long as I sing
I'm a marionette, see my pirouette, round and round
I'm a marionette, I'm a marionette, just a silly old clown

Like a doll, like a puppet with no will at all
And somebody told me how to talk, how to walk, how to fall

Can't complain, I've got no-one but myself to blame
Something's happening I can't control, lost my hold, it's insane

I'm a marionette, just a marionette, pull the string
I'm a marionette, everybody's pet, just as long as I sing
I'm a marionette, see my pirouette, round and round
I'm a marionette, I'm a marionette, just a silly old clown

"Look this way, just a little smile," is what they say
"You look better on the photograph if you laugh, that's okay"
"You're so free," that's what everybody's telling me
Yet I feel I'm like an outward-bound, pushed around, refugee

I'm a marionette, just a marionette, pull the string
I'm a marionette, everybody's pet, just as long as I sing
I'm a marionette, see my pirouette, round and round
I'm a marionette, I'm a marionette, just a silly old clown
 




6/13/2022 7:51:32 PM
 
Dreams
 
Everything is about our dreams
 
When we dreamers stop dreaming
 
The rest of you have no dreams left
 
 
 
Vi är för Altid
 
by 
 
Kent
 

4/30/2022 10:15:02 PM
You have never stood this close, to where you want to be
You have always waded in the shallows
Between me and the deep blue sea
 
You'd never want me to appear
You'd never want it to be over
You never wanted to reach out to the edge of time
 

Witch Image

 

        Ghost


4/4/2022 7:53:35 PM

Had another neurologist appointment. Impairment is gone, I am fully back to normal, or as normal as I can be


1/28/2022 9:18:22 PM

Dammit. I corrected a spelling error in my profile and now I am waiting for it to be approved


1/24/2022 6:03:33 PM

Today I had a revisit to my neurologist. I had an issue in November that caused he to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. I had an issue called drop in my left foot and it caused me to fall because I had trouble lifting my foot. Today I had a test where the stuck pins in my leg and ran pulses through them to see if I was getting stimulation to the nerves in my foot and legs. It feels really weird when you don't have control of 1/4 of your body. The first test was done with stickies like for an EKG, then the second one was done with the needles. 

 

The good news is that there is a marked improvement, if not I would have been referred to a surgeon. the bad news is the spot he stuck the pin in my back, he stuck it in tested, and pushed in further to test again, hurts still. It's crazy. 

 

Wednesday is a treadmill stress test, oh yay me,


1/1/2022 7:26:02 AM

Hmm let's see it is now 2022, so a lot have time has passed between my last real post. So many things have gone on in my life since then. In 2019 I took part in the World Transplant Games in the UK. That was a hell of a trip. Spent a few days in London, then went north to Yorkshire, to the land of James Herriot, Castle Howard, and my friends farm. I spent 5 days helping take care of their herd of pigs. Can't wait to go back. I return to London for my last 9 days and ate great food, saw amazing things, and got to see New Japan Pro Wrestling do their first show in England. Got home just before second year started.

 

my next games are next year in Perth Australia. I will be cycling I will have a 5k time trial, a 20km team time trial, and another 30k time trial. Boy my legs are going to hate me. I had a pair of custom painted shoes done just for the games. I am hoping to be able to get a racing suit and a helmet wrapped in the same pattern. 

 

i am hoping to spend a bit of time in Tokyo on my way to Australia. Maybe spend 5 days. 


1/1/2022 7:07:22 AM

this is a follow up to the 4/3/2018  post

 


People have said I am negative, yet I come here and I see all the negative profiles and wonder to myself, how on earth will these people find happiness, with this kind of attitude? I have gotten the oh I will be your slave if you pay my way to you... after a 5 minute conversation. I have heard about so many Dom's passing away, I feel like the term Dominant is cursed! I want to find someone who has a sense of humour, who doesn't mind taking their time getting to know each other and seeing what can happen. What would you rather have a store bought frozen and thaw cake, although good, it would never match a cake that was made just for you, because the one made for you has one special ingredient has that the other doesn't, and I do not mean mono sodium glutamate. I mean love Cheers And always remember to watch out for motorcycles when you are on the road


12/28/2021 7:26:26 AM

Yay the journal is back


4/20/2018 9:54:26 PM
Tired of seeing profiles that all they say is belong to Master So and So... ok what's your point

4/3/2018 9:38:36 AM
This week has been a humdinger... with some ups, but mostly downs. I got a job at a private golf club as jr Sous chef, got accepted for school at St Clair in September and everything was great.  
 
On Wednesday a friend of mine was killed in an accident, but for some reason I didn't find out until Thursday.  
 
The Golf course had be booked in on an orientation, something they do monthly. And I had a low blood sugar incident, which makes it not a smart idea to drive. I called telling them what was going on well in advance and they said try to get there. I felt lousy the rest of the day and later got a call to make sure that I would be at work for my first day.  
 
Friday I went to work, more than a bit upset, because of my friends passing, and while I was working I was experiencing excruciating pains in my back, possibly from being sedentary for the last few years, so I talked to my Sous chef, and they sent me home.  
 
Later that night I got a phone call from the chef saying they needed someone a bit more reliable and let me go.  
 
Now I am unsure what to do. My passion for kitchens has all but evaporated, and with the shape my back is in I am not sure if I can stand to do any kind of job.... I don't even know how to start getting it back into shape.....  
 
I really feel like giving up

3/14/2018 11:59:07 PM
Happy news for once... was accepted into the Business Administration - Human Rescources program at the local college... it is an Ontario College Advanced Diploma program

3/4/2018 10:56:38 PM
Finally at my limit....

2/28/2018 10:35:50 PM
Here is a new one psycho ex is pissed off at me because i don't dream about her when I sleep.....

2/28/2018 8:56:21 AM
I am allergic to fools

2/26/2018 1:24:51 PM
Ok here's one for you... a girl as in her profile that says she is moving to Florida this week, so I thought I would be polite and wish her safe travels...  
 
She comes back with, what do you mean by that?  
 
Who left the doors to the asylum unlocked

2/21/2018 9:01:00 PM
New hard limit... video chat I am not getting the app just message me

2/20/2018 7:22:22 PM
Funny how you go from being perfectly fine to being blocked and ghosted the next

2/17/2018 12:38:11 AM
Does anyone just wanna talk anymore?

2/7/2018 7:47:57 PM
People irritate me.... an ex asked me if I worried about her if she was out driving in bad weather..  
 
I said why would I?  
 
Gotta understand I dated this woman in the 80's

2/3/2018 8:32:18 AM
"(s)AINT"  
 
I don't care if your world is ending today  
Because I wasn't invited to it anyway  
You said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart  
But now I'm not an artist I'm a fucking work of art  
I've got an F and a C and I got a K too  
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like you  
 
You wanted perfect  
You got your perfect  
But now I'm too perfect for someone like you  
I was a dandy in your ghetto with  
A snow white smile and you'll  
Never be as perfect whatever you do  
 
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
 
I am a bonetop, a death's head  
On a mopstick  
You infected me, took diamonds  
I took all your shit  
Your "sell-by-date" expired,  
So you had to be sold  
I'm a suffer-genius and  
Vivi-sex symbol  
 
You wanted perfect  
You got your perfect  
But now I'm too perfect for someone like you  
I was a dandy in your ghetto with  
A snow white smile and you'll  
Never be as perfect whatever you do  
 
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
 
I've got an "F" and a "C" and I got a "K" too  
And the only thing that's missing is "U"  
I've got an F and a C and I got a K too  
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like you  
I've got an F and a C and I got a K too  
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like you  
I am a dandy in the ghetto with a snow white smile  
Super-ego bitch, I've been evil awhile  
I am a dandy in the ghetto with a snow white smile  
Super-ego bitch, I've been evil awhile  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  
What's my name, what's my name?  
Hold the S because I am an AINT  

1/29/2018 3:16:41 PM
This is aimed at a couple of specific people whose names I will not mention. I looked at your profile.. big deal.... you looked at mine, and I went to than you for looking and found I was blocked.... profile said no men, but you blocked me just for looking.... it's ok i blocked you for being an asshole

1/15/2018 3:26:33 PM
I wonder.... I see married women on here who say they are married to vanilla men and they are looking for sadists. Aren't the marks going to be the first sign she is cheating in some way?  
 
This is why we need warning labels on tide pods

1/11/2018 5:04:46 PM
"The Devil"  
 
Blue Stahli  
 
Forcing of the hand, a whisper in the ear  
Spirit of enabling  
Sinister command of what I want to hear  
I'm the only one who pulls my strings  
 
I'm the devil living in the pride  
I'm the devil, no one's hands are tied  
I'm the devil, damnation dignified  
I'm the devil and it's only me inside  
 
Why would you pretend your will is not your own  
Claiming something pushed you there?  
Don't mean to condescend but it's you and you alone  
You're the architect of your despair  
 
And I'm the devil living in the pride  
I'm the devil, no one's hands are tied  
I'm the devil, damnation dignified  
I'm the devil and it's only me inside  
 
I'm the devil living in the pride  
I'm the devil, no one's hands are tied  
I'm the devil, damnation dignified  
I'm the devil and it's only me inside  
I'm the devil, damnation dignified  
I'm the devil and it's only me inside  

12/31/2017 7:20:50 AM
Shitty end to a shitty year... next year will be so much better...

12/25/2017 6:23:18 AM
Are people that full of themselves they block another person for looking at their profile?

12/24/2017 12:01:24 PM
Suffocate  
 
Cold  
 
I could take every fucking word she says  
Throw it in her face  
But would she even care  
I still remember when she looked at me  
That frown upon her face  
Trying to be sincere  
I gathered all those little things she said  
Kept them close to me  
Trying to make this real  
This cloud will alway hover over me  
I'm leaving you today  
'Cause now I see  
Suffocate, you suffocate  
That you lie (I don't lie)  
That your fake (I'm not a freak)  
Suffocate, you suffocate  
You always take (I don't take)  
What you can (what I can)  
I could take every fucking game you play  
Blow it all away  
But would you even care  
I could take all those lies you said to me  
Never go away  
Never disappear  
This cloud will always hover over me  
I'm leaving you today  
'Cause now I see  
Suffocate, youÖ

12/10/2017 10:24:20 AM
Why do people have more than one profile, and have them both running at the same time?

11/29/2017 6:36:36 PM
Down In Flames"  
 
Shame  
Wear the pity and the blame  
Basking in the glow  
A lovely crown of thorns  
 
Cliche  
Overdramatic display  
An unwelcome show  
Of steady undertow  
 
You'll make 'em watch while you go down in flames  
Self-inflicted pretty little martyr  
If forcing empathy  
Is as clever as you can be  
We'll gladly watch while you go down in flames  
Burn baby burn  
 
Vain  
You're the Abel and the Cain  
No coincidence  
you crave an audience  
 
Stray  
Committed to the decay  
Fake mercy pose  
And on and on it goes  
 
You'll make 'em watch while you go down in flames  
Self-inflicted pretty little martyr  
If forcing empathy  
Is as clever as you can be  
We'll gladly watch while you go down in flames  
Burn baby burn  

11/29/2017 7:48:02 AM
Why is it, so many people here want you to go check them out of FL? Are they afraid of being seen slumming here?

11/9/2017 4:35:19 AM
Definition of irony... my wellness appointment at the gym had to be cancelled this morning because my wellness coach was sick

11/6/2017 3:07:11 AM
Dealt with some real fucking winners tonight

10/26/2017 2:13:33 PM
People have told me before that this is a place where shouldn't put negative thoughts, because it would scare people off. As this is my journal spot, I don't give a crap what people think, so I am just going to write what I feel, and if folks don't like it, well they don't have to read it do they.  
 
As anyone who has delved into my journal knows, I had a kidney transplant a couple years ago, and I had a few ccomplications. What many don't know is I have spiraled down with depression and motivation ever since. I used to walk for miles for fun... now I have trouble even being motivated to walk downstairs to my living room, amd I hate the way this makes me feel. I am starting to feel like a worthless human being.  
 
Some here will say that this is not a Dom attitude to have. I say do you have to not be human and have feelings if you are a Dominant? I am struggling hard. I have no motivation to do anything. I make plans to try to make my life better, but don't follow through. I just don't know what to do.....

10/16/2017 10:40:15 AM
Well it looks like I am going to be a college student again next year

9/29/2017 3:46:46 PM
applied today to go back to school.... might be interesting, i have to get a few ducks in a row first

9/4/2017 9:54:01 PM
Someone called me a pig today and told me to fuck off because I said good luck to them.... and this person wonders why they are alone

8/27/2017 12:31:57 PM
Got blocked by a scammer today... they said they were no limits except for blood and scat. I said well then those are hard limits.. they said yes... I said ok then you have limits... I said what about broken bones, kids and animals.,, they said no those are off limits... there you go you have hard limits, so you are not a no limits slave. They said I didn't understand, told me to go,to hell and blocked me Make that two

8/20/2017 3:00:26 PM
I find it funny that you send a message asking where someone lives to see if they are close, and instead of saying no thanks or not interested they just block you. When someone looks at my profile, I politely send a message thanking them for looking.  
 
I sent this person a message, they looked at my profile, I went to send a message saying hey thanks for looking and they had already blocked me...  
 
People make no sense to me at all

8/14/2017 2:15:44 PM
Sometimes it just doesn't pay to get out of bed in the morning

7/18/2017 6:35:20 PM
Back to the land of the employed

7/10/2017 7:07:41 PM
Do you ever want smack someone the the head and ask them if they are fucking stupid?

7/6/2017 7:47:17 PM
Taking a break

7/1/2017 2:18:37 PM
I never knew  
She's gone  
She's flown away  
Everyone said  
She's not  
Your kinda girl  
I'm so alone  
This girl is  
Flown fear  
Everyone said  
She fucked up this time  
 
It's my brand new world today  
And it's my brand new world this way  
 
I'll never change  
It's wrong  
So go away  
Everyone said  
She's not  
Your kinda girl  
I've tasted love  
It burns  
I'm so afraid  
Everyone said  
She fucked up this time  
 
It's my brand new world today  
And it's my brand new world this way  
 
It's my brand new world today  
And it's my brand new world this way  
 
I think this fuckin witch knows  
The way  
And everything I feel  
 
I think this fuckin witch knows  
The way  
And everything I feel  
 
I think this fuckin witch knows  
The way  
And everything I feel  
 
I think this fuckin witch knows  
The way  
And everything I feel  
 
She knows  
She knows  
She knows  
 
 
She fucked up this time  
It's my brand new world today  
And it's my brand new world this way  
 
It's all mine  
It's all mine  
It's all mine  
This new world today  
 
Witch from 13 Ways to Bleed on Stage  
By  
Cold

6/25/2017 12:20:42 PM
I have finally hit the point where I am done.... I will talk to friends but I am not looking anymore

5/11/2017 9:09:46 PM
In 24 hours I twisted my knee playing volleyball, and fell down the stairs messing up my other knee.. oh yay!

3/28/2017 8:21:02 PM
Spiralling down, emotional unsound girl  
Building an empire to live in hope  
All the days and sleepless nights, endless painful nights  
All the wood from the trees sinking me to my knees  
Pleasures abound caused suffering around  
WHERE IS MY FAITH ? IT'S GONE UNDERGROUND  
IT'S A LITTLE DISAPPEARED, A LITTLE DISAPPEARED  
Burning ambition cooled when I read  
Letters of heartache, columns of agony  
I HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE WRONG, I ENDURED SUCH A LIFE SO LONG  
A LITTLE DISAPPEARED, A LITTLE DISAPPEARED  
A little disappeared, a little disappeared  
For every life, there's a growing need, for if you cut me I shall bleed  
Serious papers but I don't look down, wearing the tears of a clown  
WHERE IS MY FAITH ? IT'S GONE UNDERGROUND  
IT'S A LITTLE DISAPPEARED, A LITTLE DISAPPEARED  
 
A Little Disappeared  
 
inspiral Carpets

3/26/2017 12:44:15 PM
Riddle me this Batman... why is it so hard for people to simply communicate?

3/26/2017 2:47:23 AM
Getting tired of the idiots

3/4/2017 3:31:30 PM
I am noticing so many want to serve sexually AND domestically... I need one who will serve just domestically, because I really need someone to wash my damned car

2/24/2017 2:07:14 AM
I hate when I can't sleep....

2/7/2017 11:29:59 PM
Not sure hot to take my mind right now... I am flipping between this site, and a cook book by Alain Passard of the fine art of cooking vegetables

2/4/2017 2:46:38 AM
Taking a break for a few days... if you know how to find me, get in touch

1/27/2017 10:39:07 AM
Ugh I am in hell... went from high performance gaming computer to a $200 Lenovo because it was cheaper to buy this one than repair the Alienware at the mo.. wish I had my 24 gigs of ram back

1/24/2017 1:56:06 AM
Have you ever run into an ex after many many years, and realize they are as dumb as a post?

1/8/2017 11:10:07 PM
People here take this place waaaaay too seriously

11/24/2016 9:00:48 AM
Don't care who you are, I am not paying to relocate you... Get a damned job

10/25/2016 1:47:16 PM
I tap... I am tired of the idiocy here

10/25/2016 5:22:12 AM
It's funny... you message someone and want to get to know them and their profile is a complete lie.... says they are single, but they are living with a boyfriend...

10/13/2016 12:16:37 PM
ok now I have seen everything... a profile with a mug shot for an image

10/12/2016 8:48:15 AM
Don't you love the scammers when they get all indignant when you cal, them out on their bullshit, like it is your fault

10/6/2016 8:59:46 PM
To all of our kinky family down in Florida.. be safe

10/3/2016 7:29:58 PM
I hate stupid people

9/22/2016 6:44:36 PM
I love the violence inside your mind  
 
Scrape by Blue Stahli

9/9/2016 7:18:16 AM
It is funny how people are so shallow.... Send them a pic and they block you....

9/7/2016 5:42:00 PM
I hate people with no sense of haha

8/24/2016 7:12:50 PM
Tornado touched down four times in town today...

8/23/2016 11:24:20 PM
Today is my first rebirth day

8/10/2016 2:43:36 PM
People just piss me the fuck off

7/14/2016 5:11:50 AM
Happy birthday to me

6/27/2016 6:40:52 AM
Whoever just favorited me send me a message

6/13/2016 12:44:19 PM
Blood and Roses  
By Smithereens  
 
 
It was long ago  
Seems like yesterday  
Saw you standin' in the rain  
Then I heard you say  
"I want to love but it comes out wrong  
I want to live but I don't belong  
I close my eyes and I see  
Blood and roses"  
Love flowers in the springtime  
October we were wed  
In wintertime the roses died  
The blood ran cold and then she said  
"I want to love but it comes out wrong  
I want to live but I don't belong  
I close my eyes and I see  
Blood and roses"  
It was long ago  
Seems like yesterday  
Saw you standin' in the rain  
Then I heard you say  
"I need your love but it comes out wrong  
I try to live but I don't belong  
I close my eyes and I see  
Blood and roses, blood and roses  
Blood and roses, blood and roses"  
 

6/7/2016 11:49:36 AM
I put lyrics to songs in my journal because they reflect how I feel at any given time. If you look back, most of the lyrics are kind of sad, because when I posted them I was not in the greatest of moods, but even though the words may sound down a lot of the music it self is upbeat.. Have a nice day  
 
The Devil  
 
Jason Charles Miller  
 
We found him by the roadside  
Nothing to him but his name  
He struggled to his feet  
Withered from the heat  
Cussiní at the street  
ďI donít want your help, I just want to know where I am.Ē  
Then he slowly looked around  
Recognized the town  
Then he laid back down  
 
If you think Iím the devil itís only because I live in hell  
If youíre looking for trouble you found it because I live in hell  
 
When she walked into the courthouse  
The blood on her blouse was still wet  
They took one look at her face  
Certain of the case  
A horrible disgrace  
ďI donít want your mercy, I want you to know why Iím here.Ē  
Then she told them of the pain  
The horrible refrain  
Of a life in chains  
 
If you think Iím the devil itís only because I live in hell  
If youíre looking for trouble you found it because I live in hell  
 
Now Iím standing right in front of you  
And the only thing I can pursue  
Is to show you that Iím not what you think I am  
 
So if you think Iím the devil itís only because I live in hell  
If youíre looking for trouble you found it because I live in hell  
I live in hell  
I live in hell  
I live in hell  
 
>  

6/5/2016 9:21:31 AM
this is for someone very special  
 
"Cure My Tragedy (A Letter To God)"  
 
 
Remember all the times that we used to play?  
You were lost and I would save you  
I don't think those feelings will ever fade  
You were born a part of me  
I was never good at hiding anything  
My thoughts break me  
Do you understand what you mean to me?  
You are my faith  
 
[Chorus]  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
Don't take her smile away from me  
She's broken and I'm far away  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
if you make the world a stage for me  
then I hope that you can hear me scream  
Won't you cure my tragedy?  
 
When I sit and think of the days we shared  
and the nights you covered for me  
Every little thing that I ever did  
You would stand by me  
Everytime you cried it would take my wind  
My heart would break  
If I could be strong like you were for me  
You are my faith  
 
[Chorus]  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
Don't take her smile away from me  
She's broken and I'm far away  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
if you make the world a stage for me  
then I hope that you can hear me scream  
Won't you cure my tragedy?  
 
Can you hear me scream? [x2]  
 
[Chorus]  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
Don't take her smile away from me  
She's broken and I'm far away  
Won't you cure my tragedy? [x2]  
if you make the world a stage for me  
then I hope that you can hear me scream  
Won't you cure my tragedy?  
 
I can't take this anymore  
I can't feel this anymore  
Won't you take and give her pain to me  
'Cause my whole life I've made mistakes  
Can you hear me scream? [x2]  
 
 
By Cold from the CD† Year of the Spider  

6/4/2016 11:05:33 AM
Why is it around here, that someone says something you don't like, no one has the common decency to say, oh sorry you're not for me... When people look at my profile 9 times out of 10 I send a note saying thank you for looking. I hate the way the world is becoming so impersonal and downright rude. You would do something like that to someone's face, why would you do it here  
 
 
Here endith the rant

6/2/2016 1:55:44 PM
Today is not a good day.....

"Happens All The Time"

 
I still hang on every word
in the world of faded memories
where you're still in love with me
I can see it in your eyes
A look as if your Major Tom has lost control

[Chorus:]
I must hold on
This happens all the time
I still find my faith in you
I can't hold on
this happens all the time
I still find my way to you

If a dreams all that I've got
then I wish you're in a fairy tale
where you're still in love with me
I could see it in your eyes
the look as if your hero fell and lost his soul

[Chorus]

To you...
To you...
To you...

[Chorus]
 

5/29/2016 9:09:38 PM
Some people think I shouldn't put stuff about my illness in my journal. It's my journal and I will do what I want with it.  
 
Anyway today marks the 3rd anniversary of the worst day of my life. 3 years today I found out I was in stage 4 kidney failure... From finding out, to having your transplant in under 3 years I would say is pretty darned good

5/25/2016 4:36:30 PM
I have been feel ill for the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow (Thursday) I have clinic And I have a feeling they are going to keep me. So no one head from me for a week that is why

5/24/2016 6:02:41 PM
What do you do, when everything that comes out of your mind and fingers is wrong? Especially when it hurts a friend you really care about.  
 
Any thoughts?

4/30/2016 5:36:30 AM
When does one cross the line here and say enough of the rejection and move on? I like to think I am a genuinely nice person, but I talk to someone for awhile and then no more conversation. Maybe it is me and I am as asshat and don't know it or is everyone here looking for that elusive unicorn and won't settle for anything else?  
 
I know I am not perfect, and am currently on disability due to a kidney transplant, but it doesn't mean I am like that for ever and am ready to get back in the game only it has been 3 years it takes me a bit of time to get going

4/24/2016 9:58:41 PM
Ever just want to run away...

4/1/2016 3:59:25 PM
Why are people are so in a hurry to get owned here? What ever happened to getting to know someone on a personal and intellectual level before even thinking about D/s? It seems to me collars these days are not locked on they are attached with Velcro.  
 
Just my thought

3/17/2016 12:24:53 AM
ever have a feeling of sadness that just wont go away?

2/25/2016 3:28:12 PM
Happy news today... The BK polyoma virus that was threatening to destroy my kidney has been defeated. My creatinine level is dropping, but they are not sure how much damage was done to the kidney by the virus... Now we wait and see

2/24/2016 12:40:43 PM
I am just so tired of this...

1/11/2016 5:39:31 AM
Rest in Peace Ziggy Stardust

1/8/2016 4:26:33 AM
So need to start cutting dead wood from my life

12/25/2015 6:20:11 AM
Ugh the skype spammers are out in force today.. Think I have blocked 6

12/17/2015 12:04:03 PM
Seems like the virus is starting to be beaten back

12/4/2015 10:23:09 AM
Tomorrow, Saturday December 5th I am taking a social media and electronics day off... I am going to read a book! Message me when I get back

12/1/2015 4:02:51 PM
well I didn't get admitted like I thought I would... so maybe things are looking up

11/30/2015 7:00:34 PM
I may be out of contact for a week or more.. I may be admitted to the hospital tomorrow.  
 
Leave kinds thoughts and messages please

11/24/2015 4:07:48 AM
Today is the 3 month anniversary ( I hate that word if under a year) of my kidney transplant. I want to thank my donor family, whoever they are, for the generous gift of a new life.  
 
I am eternally grateful

11/18/2015 8:07:53 AM
On the hunt for poblano peppers, for a braised pepper and short rib stew

11/6/2015 2:05:21 PM
one of my favourite songs

Unrequited

Torn and folded pages
I can't understand
Life slowly rearranges
It's never in the plan

If you had this to give me
Why did it have to die?
I'll never comprehend it
I'll just keep asking why

Unrequited
Your sickened thoughts of love are unrequited
There's nothing left in my heart that can love

And my body's just a vessel with a broken soul
And floating all around me are my memories
Of a time when I could comprehend a simple touch
But now it's gone away

Unrequited
Your sickened thoughts of love are unrequited
There's nothing left in my heart that can love

And if you try to manipulate me again you'll see that
I am just a shell that once could feel
But now is empty thanks to you

Unrequited
Your sickened thoughts of love are unrequited
There's nothing left in my heart that can love

And if you try to manipulate me again you'll see that
I am just a shell that once could feel
But now is empty thanks to you


10/27/2015 9:32:32 AM
As a lot of you know, I have been around here an awfully long time, and I recently had a kidney transplant. As of late things have not gone all that well in Baldrickland. I was admitted with an abcess in my peritoneal dialysis catheter, which resulted in an 8 day stay in the hospital.  
 
With the transplant I am required to to to clinic weekly for blood work, and all that good stuff. I have had 2 blood draws in the last 8 days, and one of my levels has jumped 50 points. That could be due to the infection, or it could also mean that e kidney is possibly rejecting.  
 
I am scared as hell right now, and I hope people will keep me in their thoughts and prayers. At the earliest I will be home Thursday, if not it will be Sunday or Monday  
 
Wish me luck  
 
If folks don't hear from me for a few days it means I am in hospital and I can't access this site from the hospital

10/23/2015 7:48:24 AM
 
 
"The Lucky One"

 
Payback is overdue
So much for my I. O. U.
My head is stuck underneath God's thumb
I guess that makes me the lucky one

Stupidity is a constant trend
Murphy and I have become best friends
Hooray for dreams gone before they've come
Hooray for me, I'm the lucky one

[Chorus:]
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am, I am, I am
Hooray for me, I'm the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am a comedian
The joke's on me, I'm the lucky one

A sinking ship, holes in my lifeboat
I'm sorry for choking but Iíve got a wishbone stuck in my throat
I never thought this could be such fun
Hooray for me I'm the lucky one

[Chorus:]
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am, I am, I am
Hooray for me, I'm the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am a comedian
The joke's on me, I'm the lucky one

[Bridge:]
I tried to push straight through the suck
Head first but now my f'ing head is stuck
I'm feeling like a stupid schmuck
Lucky for me I don't believe in luck
I tried to push straight through the suck
Head first but now my f'ing head is stuck
I'm feeling like a stupid schmuck
Lucky for me I don't believe in luck
I tried to push straight through the suck
Head first but now my f'ing head is stuck
I'm feeling like a stupid schmuck
Lucky for me I don't believe in luck
Lucky for me I don't believe in luck
I tried to push straight through the suck
Head first but now my f'ing head is stuck
I'm feeling like a stupid schmuck
Lucky for me I don't believe in luck

I don't believe in luck
I don't believe in luck

I'm feeling like a stupid schmuck
Thank God I don't believe in luck
Thank God I don't believe in luck
Thank God I don't believe in luck
Thank God I don't believe in luck

Rusted linings on my black clouds
It's raining piss, will somebody tell me what's that all about?
Wish on a blackstar until it comes
It's here for me, I'm the lucky one

I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am, I am, I am
Hooray for me, I'm the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am only human
I guess that makes me the lucky one

I guess that makes me the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
I guess that makes me the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
Hooray for me, I'm the lucky one
I am, I am, I am
The lucky one
I am only human
I guess that makes me the lucky one
I guess that makes me the lucky one
I guess that makes me the lucky one

I guess that makes you the lucky one

I guess that makes us the lucky ones

10/19/2015 5:57:58 PM
doctors say I can return to school Monday

10/16/2015 4:35:06 PM
glad that week in the hospital is over

10/5/2015 12:36:08 PM
I think I am just about done with this place

9/20/2015 11:43:55 AM
wow I think the block user button is way to close to the send button

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