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A lot of the imagery I see or read about on here doesn't really do it for me. If I'm wearing panties in the bedroom, for example, it's not because they emasculate me or show my gf how much I'm willing to be humiliated to serve her; it's because I'm turned on and they make my ass look sexy (I'm kind of femme). For me those are two different things.
I like the idea of a relationship where neither of us is totally dominant/submissive.
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Just changed my orientation from "submissive" to "switch".
I'm sure I'll always have desires to be a long term submissive or slave, but by living out that sexual fantasy I give up a big part of who I am in the rest of my life-- including lots of other sexual fantasies. So there are plenty of other ways to feed my freaky side; I just need to get out of my comfort zone.
However, if there are actually any non-douchebag "dommes" out there who have a switchy side, send me a note. If you're bright and know how to take charge, that turns me on. Just realize that I'm a critical thinker (and doer), and that once you train me I'll know (and perform) your tricks... |
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I'm going to change my orientation soon.
The change stems from an assumption I've always made-- one which seems reasonable on its face: since I have deeply felt submissive tendencies, I am a submissive.
However, this assumption is contigent on several conditions that turn out not to be true. In no particular order, they are:
1) My submissive tendencies (call them sexual, emotional, spiritual, whatever) outweigh all the other concerns in my life. After lots of reflection, I've found that my "sub"ness is at most a short-term or transient need-- it has very little bearing on my medium or long term goals and interests.
2) There are ample opportunities to meet dommes out there who can fulfill my desires. Unfortunately nearly all the domme profiles on here reveal stupidity, chronic uncreativity, and worst of all, codependence. Stupidity-- saying one is interested in "sissyfication" or "forced feminization" when one is wearing high heels in a profile pic (self-loathing much?). Uncreativity-- wanting a man who is a total sub in private but a "real man" in public (again, self-loathing much?). Codependence-- requiring a sub to overlook one's stupidity and chronic creativity.
3) My current submissive tendencies are sustainable. This was the hardest to come to terms with-- the reality is that I'm just refusing to expirement with new ideas about who I am sexually (and otherwise). My stubbornness to try new things has made my submissive tendencies that much more intense and engulfing. (I realized there was a problem after masturbating one day, then catching myself fantasizing about having an orgasm that is less emotionally-exhausting than the one I just had.)
I really need to just push myself out of this comfort zone and see what else is out there. I know there is a lot more to what I like-- I've had some fleeting experiences as a dom that were just as fulfilling.
I think the first step is to look for opportunities to try new things-- as well as getting rid of old habits that I know aren't getting me anywhere. That probably means destroying this profile and spending my time somewhere other that collarme... |
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In this one profile I just read, the person says her first rule for any true sub is that he text her at the beginning and end of every day.
It must be a real juggling act to be this person's "sub"-- on the one hand, you whole-heartedly accept this rule that is clearly a sign of insecurity and emotional immaturity. (Otherwise why would it always be the same rule for every sub?)
On the other hand, you must ignore or deny the fact that you're adding to this person's insecurity, keeping her from taking responsibility for it and growing as a person.
Finally, to get what you need out of the relationship, you have to lie to yourself about the amount of responsibility you now share for keeping her from dealing with her own problems.
So we've now got a relationship where each person is lying to themselves, and to the other, about who really has power in the relationship. Why lie? Why, to fulfill your role in a relationship within clearly defined and tightly controlled boundaries...
Greetings, 1950s! How have you been lately?
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I'm actually thinking of either changing my type from sub to something else or permanently leaving this site. It's too much of a turn off to constantly be reading about how long people have been in "the lifestyle" and what type of items "worthless pigs" should send as "tribute."
Part of the problem with what I find here is that I feel strongly that the submissive holds as much power as the dominant. In fact, probably more. So if you contact me wanting "nothing less than complete obedience from my slave," well...you're an idiot.
What I require from someone who wants to dominate me is-- first of all-- proof that they are not an idiot. I want to submit to a living, breathing female. I don't want to submit to an actress who's reading from the latest script her "lifestyle" sent to her inbox.
I'm guessing 90% of the relationships I read about here end up fizzling without either party actually getting any closer to the 11th* commandment: "Know thyself." Sounds like a lot of arrested development up in here.
* left off the stone tablet due to size constraints. |
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I'm thinking I might need to change my description from "submissive" to "begrudging domme of dommes"
Here's how it will play out:
1) I will critique your worthless, pigheaded, spell-check-starved profile
2) I will explain your lazy, ignorant proliferation of gender stereotypes and fear of vulnerability masquerading as "alternative lifestyle"
3) I will force you down on a dictionary to look up the words "proliferation," "vulnerability," and "masquerade," and repeat point 2 to your newly-educated ass.
4) I will make you paint my toenails.
5) I will have you call me a sissy.
6) You will be spanked repeatedly for calling me a sissy.
6) I will demand you refer to me from now until the end of time as "Mistress." You will be known forevermore as "Boy Toy"
7) You will refuse and try to physically dominate me. (You are stubborn.)
8) You will fail to dominate me. (I am wiry.)
9) I will then put a strap-on around my waist and proceed to humiliate you by fucking your "boy pussy."
10) You will start to feel an uncontrollable tightness growing in your chest.
11) You will remember looking up the word "vulnerability."
12) I will ask you how "Boy Toy" likes his Mistress' cock.
13) You will respond by calling me a hypocrite.
13) I will stop, put my hands to my face, and cry.
14) You will console me.
15) We will sleep.
16) The next day, you will update (read: spell check) your profile. In doing so, you will have stripped away any power I may have held over you.
17) My power having been stripped, I will become aroused.
19) Having stripped away my power, you will become aroused.
20) We will call each other by our real names.
21) We will embrace.
22) Something new, unusual, and fun will probably happen.
:)
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I found a profile I like. She is into the same things I am and sounds like the kind of person I'd just click with instantly. Great sense of humor. And her pics? Stunning! I know it's silly: you can't know someone just from an online ad, and yes-- this is the internet-- but I really feel like this woman could be the one.
And now comes the big moment: how am I going to tell this striking young goddess that I'm interested? How do I give her just the right mixture of wit, intrigue, and excitement without coming off like either a creep or a phony? How do I start the delicate gesture of reaching out gently to kiss her hand, and spark a sudden, torrid affair which, like sunrays hitting a prism, diffracts wildly to reveal a multicolored array of love and devotion that shines across the lifetime of companionship?
You guessed it: I'm sending her a high-res jpeg of my cock.
But now comes the hard part (no pun intended): which part of the cock do I want to highlight? Just the tip could be nice and subtle for an introduction, but then you always risk coming off as coy, or bookish. A closeup of the entire head is a safer bet-- let her know up front what I look like, warts and all (no pun intended...well, maybe I better scratch that idea altogether...).
There's always the ole' standby: birds-eye-view, head-and-shaft, a tease of belly hair. Then, for that famous sparkle, touch the slightly moistened head to belly hair and let fall (guys: be sure to use a flash for maximum effect). Then again, I don't want to come off too formal, either.
Maybe I'm being way too presumptuous. Semi-hard, sitting down in a chair, socks, no pants. "Who knows where this could lead...", I'm saying, and all of a sudden bam! The idea is already planted inside her head (guys: in psychology, they call this the "power of suggestion." Pretty cool, huh?)
Finally, there's the hail mary: turn the camera back towards me, aim up under my balls, and...pray. Dear lord, so much to think about...
I need to reflect on this one, because I wanna do it right this time. Maybe I can keep it simple and just do the first email with no pic. Remain mysterious. Put the ball in her court, so to speak: "Hi I like yer profile whats yr pussy like. pic please" Then I can judge from her pic what which cock portrait would complement hers the best (especially in terms of color, I know chicks are into that a lot). Ah, the suspense is killing me. I can't wait to see her response!
Well, good luck...to me!
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To all the hot domme women on this site:
Ok look I know this is a BDSM site and all but seriously-- I'm having to sift through like 100 messages a day filled with pictures of your hot, naked, unsolicited bodies, so I have no choice but to lay down some ground rules for you ladies when contacting me:
1) Stop sending me hi-res pictures of your bare naked bodies, caught in a decently lit room in one of the following poses: a) legs spread and smiling while looking seductively at the camera and tempting me to eat you out, b) turned away from the camera exposing your luscious backside to me, c) sitting, d) looking, e) squatting, f) from the left, g) from the right, h) from below, i) touching a submissive woman, j) getting touched by a submissive woman, k) reaction shot after the submissive woman touched you, and most of all l) that video someone sent me of the submissive woman slowly bringing you to orgasm (you know who you are). I'm a busy person and would seriously rather not have to spend an hour sitting here when I check my messages and get intensely aroused by looking at all your smoking hot pics you keep sending me.
2) Please, stop being within even 120 miles of where I am. It creeps me out! If I wanted to find someone within my general vicinity I would do what any person with half a brain does and attend a local church picnic with a close relative. If you're not at least three states away, don't even think about clicking the send button!
Ok, that should definitely cut down on all these messages. I know this is the internet, but I'm just amazed at what horn dogs you sexy, available dominant woman can be at times. Enough already!
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I'm learning some vocab-- evidently "slave" is supposed to mean someone who is more devoted/involved in the "lifestyle" than a "sub."
But if you're a slave, and you notice your owner do something stupid, or ignorant, or less than 100%, and if it's a real relationship and not just a way to get sexual kicks, obviously you would find a way to communicate your experience to them so that they can notice what they're doing and improve and become a better person.
If you ignore it, it's no deeper a relationship than the average codependent couple who avoid communication and, consequently, personal growth. If you do what a non-slave person would do-- confront the person-- then you're not really being a slave, right? But if you make some kind of special effort to communicate the problem in a way that doesn't break with your slave role, for who's benefit are you doing so? If it's out of a fear that your owner will break off the relationship, then you're actually the one with the power and aren't a slave at all.
I guess you could build up all kinds of codes to keep the master-slave facade going while remaining flexible as you grow as people, but I guess what I'm saying is that the idea of being a slave doesn't hold enough "erotic spark" for me to go to all that trouble.
Evidently I'm in the minority on here, because I see a lot of ads from Dommes with all this master-slave artifice in their profiles. I know it's not my thing, but seriously: financial domination? Online?
If you're reading this and seriously thinking about financial domination, then please contact me, because what you have is a serious addiction, and for a small fee I can recommend people who can help, as well as provide you with an incredible offer on a food dehydration machine which after your first 14lbs of beef jerky virtually pays for itself!!!!
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I've been reading some journals here that sound pretty hard to believe. So I thought I'd write my own, clearly untrue, entry. Here goes:
Woke up this morning upside down after my Mistress left me hanging naked, slightly above the roof of the house, in my gravity boots. She then climbed up the side of the house and we did some light feather play using wild geese who had gotten lost earlier this fall.
Later I attended a wedding of a domme friend of mine and her sub. The sub was hoisted naked on to a 20x20 iron pentagram-- they exchanged their vows, and then she proceeded to rip his still beating heart out of his chest, only to lower him down into a pit of lava which was brought in special for the occassion. The sound of his screams and burning flesh could be heard as the minister pronounced them mistress and slave. (I came pretty hard, but to be honest the whole ceremony seemed a little bit strewn together.)
This evening My Mistress is going to cage me, fatten me, fry me, and serve me with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese (none for me, though-- I'm being forced into vegetarianism! Oh, the sexy, sexy cruelty!).
Looking forward to tomorrow, when I finally give violent birth to the alien baby that's been implanted in my stomach.
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I don't think this site is for me. A lot of the kinks people list sound rigid and unnecessarily specific. I'm not finding much playfulness.
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I think there are certain situations where intentions don't matter at all. If someone says 2 + 2 = 4, then tells you they were just joking around, does it matter?
I saw this profile the other day where the "domme" wanted a "relationship" where dudes just send her money for things like groceries and house repairs. No meeting, no sexy chat. Just "give me some money." I guess you can call yourself a domme, but I think it's more accurate to just call this "someone who wants a dude to pay for her groceries." There's a million bums out there: does it really matter how one of them refers to herself?
I think I've found one of my BDSM limits: I'm not into the whole "total sucker" scene.
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Is the whole Ms. So-and-so thing supposed to be said with total convinction? Like she's a grade school teacher towering over the guy? Or is it ironic, as in the hot dame with nails, lipstick and heels who looks like she could be some CEO's ditsy secretary but boy-oh-boy-does-she-have-a-surprise-in-store-for-you-mister-man? (In that case, I think submissives should be required to do air quotes when they say it.)
Either way, that naming scheme doesn't do anything for me. If the point is that it's an arbitrary requirement that makes the submissive show their submission then I don't agree-- instead it seems like something dommes on here choose reflexively, without much thought, as if BDSM itself has branded their backsides with it. And who wants to submit to a submissive?
On the other hand, just submitting to Ms. So-and-so would probably be a lot hotter than stopping to have this conversation. But then if she hasn't even put much thought into what she really wants to be called, how do I know we're not going to just end up playing yahtzee 24 hours a day?
The more I think about it the more I think I'm not really a submissive.
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