Collarspace.com - The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

Horizontal Line
Vertical Line
Pan Female Switch, 34,  Coos Bay, Oregon
Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line

jadedcowgirl

Horizontal Line

Friends:
RobinGoodfellowplayboy4useSpanktastic

Vertical Line

If you are actually reading this I am very impressed!! I need to get to know you first and if I finally approve only then will more happen. I need to get to know you first and if I finally approve only then will more happen. I have become very picky on who I decide to play with. So if your not willing to talk time to earn my trust then you don't get to play with me end of story!!! I am actually a switch. I have learned that I can never be a submissive all the time, even though I do enjoy it. I have my stubbornness and at times I have a need to be Dom either with men or women. I am bisexual and have been used worse by women than men in my life. And also yet to meet a woman more dominate to me!! I am tired of men claiming to be switch but in fact are really subs. If you don't know me very well then you may think I am some sweet innocent angle at first until you get to know me. Then you learn to hate me for my honesty, my view of life and the fact I tell it as I see it!!! I tend to lose people I know because I tell it as I see it, but oh well their loss. I tend to be a big mystery to many that claim to know me. When anyone tries to figure me out I throw a curve ball at them.

I do not let just anyone get close enough to get to the real me. I have learned that to let anyone close takes a lot of trust and so far those I have meet haven't meet that high demand I make to let them in. Unfortunately I'm not very open about what I am and need to have play partners respect the fact I am mostly in the closet where I live. I can not travel to you, as well so any play will have to be close to me, and I do not intertain at my home. I have given more of myself to others that I trusted and loved to further their goals than mine and now find myself forced to live with my parents and my child still. The one lesson I'm still learning to live with is I can not give too much. I have been taught at a very early age to give my all to those that I love more than me. I am strict on talking first and see how things go first so if you do not have the patience to see how things go do not waste my time!! I only accept those that are patient and honorable!!! I'm done training newbies and the like. Before I was picky with who I submitted to and now even more so. Many dominates forget the submissive has the true power. I only submit to those that I find worthy of my submission!!! Very few have I given that honor. Within the last almost six years of my life I have taken a very hard look at my life but also that around. And found I was a problem in the beginning and have worked at changing that. There are the values that we all should strive for, trust, honor, loyalty,and communication. That is the very basic values we as a people should strive for. There are other values that are no longer valued that should be as well. I may not have any degree from any college but I do have knowledge of life and some knowledge of so called book learning. I have a mind of my own and value those that accept it and value those that may not accept it. But tolerance is what all cultures have ended forgetting and lead to their downfall!!

Username:

Description:

City:

State:

Height:

Weight:

Age:

Sexuality:

Ethnicity:

Joined:

 jadedcowgirl

 Female Switch

 Coos Bay 

 Oregon

 5' 7"

 190 lbs

 34

 Pan

 Indigenous

 01/14/07

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Dominant male

Submissive female

Switch Women

Switch Male

A Poly Household

 Lives For:

 Camping

 Hiking

 Hair Pulling

 Spanking you

 Vibrators

 Historical Shows

 Puzzle Games

 Aromatherapy

 Cooking

 Occultism

 Paranormal Phenomena

 Poetry

 Country Music

 Wicca

 Loves:

 Antique Shows

 Art Galleries

 Coffee Shops

 Fine Dining

 Movies

 Museums

 Renaissance Faires

 Travel

 Climbing

 Scuba Diving

 Walking

 Weightlifting

 Yachting

 Blindfolding you

 Tying you up

 Corsetry

 You massaging me for hours

 Erotic touch

 Massage (Giving)

 Mental Bondage

 You servicing me with your mouth

 Board Games

 Card Games

 Cartoons

 Comedy Shows

 Role Playing Games

 Romance Novels

 True Crime

 Alternative Medicine

 Astrology

 Herbalism

 Meditation

 Sewing

 Tattoos

 Archaeology

 Astronomy

 History

 Intellectual Discourse

 Mathematics

 Philosophy

 Psychology

 Writing

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Polyamory

 Swinging

 Blue Grass

 Blues

 Classical Music

 Folk Music

 Heavy Metal Music

 Jazz

 New Age Music

 Nineties Music

 Opera Music

 Operetta

 Rock Music

 Show Tunes

 Modern Paganism

 Bowling

 Paintball

 Likes:

 Amusement Parks

 Bird Watching

 Fishing

 Going to the Opera

 Musical Theater

 Bicycling

 Dancing

 Hunting

 Martial Arts

 Yoga

 Violating your rear

 You wearing my collar

 Gags

 Shibari

 Dominating you with a strap-on

 Theatrical Scenes

 Tickling you while you are bound

 Whips

 Chess

 Science Fiction

 Sitcoms

 Biology

 Alternative Music

 Americana

 Eighties Music

 Electronica / EDM

 EMO Music

 Funk

 Industrial Music

 New Wave

 Oldies

 Pop Music

 Punk Rock Music

 R&B

 Seventies Music

 Baseball

 Boxing

 Darts

 Football

 Ice Hockey

 Wrestling

 Tolerates:

 Leashes

 Horror Movies

 TV News

 Curious About:

 Rituals

 Sky Diving

 Dislikes:

 Soccer

 Hates:

 Shopping

 Auto Racing

 Golf

Horizontal Line

Journal Entries:
11/19/2013 4:54:00 PM

There are times that Death stalks me. Once Death's song has been song, He can not leave our world without a soul, even if it's not the one the Song has been sung for.

I know Death intimately, more than many even from a very young age. Death has come to me for a very long time, mainly to comfort me. I have learned not to fear Death but to embrace the dark. I no longer fear my own death, but the one that Death has come for due to what it may cause me pain once they pass.

Death has taught me the beauty of the dark and not to be afraid of most of what is in the dark. I have reveled in the dark, and have found the most peace in not only the dark but in a cemetery. Many have found this very disturbing indeed, but I always wondered why?

Usually the spirits of those that have passed have been a very calming presence once I learned what they were. Death has visited me so often that now He is a calming presence.


11/4/2013 11:53:55 PM

This is a story I have been working on for about a couple years now. Its a bit long now but not finished yet but close.

Mountain cabin

It was nice to have a weekend away up in the mountains. To finally get away from all the stress of the world for a time and spend it in each others arms again. Finally get way and focus on us again. Spend time reconnecting the deep connection that seemed to have waned during the busy life schedule we had.

It was in the middle of winter and the drive up the mountains was beautiful. Watching as snow gently fall as we drove up to the cabin seemed almost magical. The heat in the car made it seem like a bubble of protection from the cold cruel world out there. I knew that we haven't had much time together let alone to be alone lately. I was actually a little nervous which seemed funny since we have been together for some time now. It almost felt like it did in the beginning. The whole butterflies in the stomach feeling of learning about someone new. I was so excited to have an adult weekend alone with him after so long.

As we were driving up there we talked about anything and everything like we once used too. It was refreshing to be able to talk and have no worries of kids running in or calls from work or just life interrupting us. A part of me was worried that the kids maybe too much for my parents to handle for the weekend but I know they are good kids but could be a hand full. He saw my worried face and said things will be fine that if need be my brother could help out. I knew this but since becoming a mom I worry a lot more than I used to.

We finally reach the cabin and it was gorgeous to look at. There were trees covered with snow all around it with a back porch and wouldn’t you believe it a hot tub, HHHMMM. That should be fun for later. I was a little more anxious than before, because he packed everything for this weekend and had no idea what was packed for me. Not that I minded much just wasn’t sure what toys or clothes were packed. Boy oh boy when did I become such a worry wart? I was quietly on the inside laughing at myself. Ok relax things will be great I just know it. I have so much trust in him more than anyone I have been with before.

We started to unpack the car. He asked if I could go back to the little store we had past on our way up here and pick something up for dinner and breakfast. I didn’t mind at all and went right away thinking of what would be good for dinner for us. A part of me wondered if he wasn’t setting something up for when I got back. So I decided to take my time shopping for food. After looking around I picked out a nice steak, pasta, salad and fresh baked bread for dinner. I also got some fresh farm eggs and sausage with bell peppers, chesses, onions some hot sauce for breakfast. I giggled out loud, I knew that we would need lots of food for what was going to happen this weekend. I figured I wasn’t going to be able to walk very well come Sunday night. I so looked forward to that. I also picked up a couple bottles of wine if nothing else I could have a drink or two to help easy the pain I may feel during our weekend. As I was leaving I saw a little antique store and made a mental note to stop by there before we left.

I figured I had spent enough time at the store to head back to whatever was waiting for me. I walked in the door and headed for the kitchen to put the food away. As I was busy with that he came in and stood in the door way watching every move I made. I rarely feel like the rabbit caught in the gaze of a wolf but right at that point that is sure how I felt. When I finished he said that was the last I decision I was going to make all weekend long and that he was in charge from right then. He told me to come to him. I walked very slowly with my gaze on the floor. He lifted my chin to look in to my eyes and told me to go to the bedroom. As I walked to the bedroom, I wondered what was next. He slowly started to undress me taking his time to caress and kiss where he wanted. I stood there shivering for the pleasure he was causing. He stood up, turned and walked to a table along the wall. He picked up a beautiful silver collar. I have never seen it before and almost cried when he turned to face me. He put the collar around my neck and kissed me fiercely.

He said that I was to cook him dinner and that I was to stay naked until he said otherwise. He handed me an apron to protect myself while I cook and said that would be all I was allowed to wear in the house at any point in time. I turned on very shaky knees and walked back into the kitchen to start dinner. I forced myself to concentrate on cooking so that way I wouldn’t get burned or ruin dinner. I so didn’t want to upset him by doing that. I love it when he collars me. I feel so free and loved. We don’t get much time to play like this, I love and treasure each time we do. I do miss having a collar all the time but realized that doesn’t have to part of our relationship to enjoy each other. It is just a physical reminder not really that important. What we have was more than that simple outward reminder.

I thought of all this while cooking and was amazed I was able to cook at all. I knew for a long time now that he was my other half. That he and I would make it in the long run together. I trusted him more than anyone I have ever been with and love him more deeply than anyone I had ever been with. At first it really scared me but he eventually was able to easy me out of my fears. Our connection goes deeper than most people think it does. We both are deep and have many levels to us that many do not get to see, but with each other we share that. As I was lost in my thoughts during all this he walked in and sat down to watch me. I knew at some point he came in I can always feel when he walks in a room I am in.

I look up through my eye lashes and smile timidly at him, hoping he is pleased with what I have picked for dinner. I would do anything to make him happy as I know he would for me. I still wondered how I got so lucky to have him in my life. I thank the Gods everyday I wake up next to him. This weekend I will make sure he is very pleased with me and show him how much I love and appreciate him. I set the table and finished up dinner. After it was ready he told me to take off the apron that I was only to wear it when I cooked. I hurriedly obeyed him and put the apron on a hook by the stove.

I brought dinner to the table and served him first. Only after he was served did I then serve myself. I waited for him to start eating then was able to eat myself. He told me I was allowed to have my wine if I wanted it. I got up to pour myself a glass and sat back down. I was finished before he was. I couldn’t eat that much for the butterflies were flying around big time. I put my dishes away and as I was doing so he told me to sit on the floor next to him when I was done. I did as I was told; as I kneeled by his side I put my head on his lap. I waited patiently as he finished, then I put the dishes and food away.

He had walked to the living room and when I was done followed him there and kneeled by his feet to wait further instructions from him. He was watching TV and relaxing. He was playing with my hair as I sat there. It felt so wonderful that I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling of his hands in my hair. Then all of a sudden he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me over his lap. I laid there wondering what he was going to do. He just ran his hands up and down my back and legs. I began to relax as he gently touched where ever he wanted. Slowly he worked his way up my inner thighs to play with my clit. I tried to hold still but after a time was unable to. He slapped my ass and told me to lay still. It was so hard not to move under his gentle teasing. He did have to slap my ass several more times to remind me not to move. Oh the sweet building ecstasy he was causing me was going to drive me over the edge. I knew I was so wet that my juices were flowing on to his pants, but I couldn’t help it. My whole world shrank down to his gentle touches and nothing more. My mind went blank and all I craved was for his touch all over me.

What I hadn’t realized was that he had put an erotic adult movie in at some point and was watching it while playing with me. I was confused at first thinking I was sure I wasn’t moaning out loud. Then dared a look at the TV and saw the movie. I could feel his erection straining through his pants. I desperately wanted to get to it and to touch him, to please him and to show how much I do love him.

He then told me to kneel at his feet and to take his socks and shoes off. Yes I thought I can undress you and to finally touch and please you back. I did as I was told, then he stood up and said to finish undressing him. As I started he said I was allowed to touch him finally. I took my time taking his shirt off first. I kissed and licked his nipples and neck. I then kneeled down to slowly take his pants off. As I slid his pants down, he sat back down. I kneeled between his feet and slowly kissed and licked my way to his erection. I slowly slid my tongue around his balls and gently sucked one in my mouth then both. I gently ran my tongue around his balls while they were in my mouth. I could hear his moans of pleasure and I almost came then to hear that I was pleasing him so much.

I finally worked my way slowly licking up his hard throbbing erection. I gently kissed the wet pre-cum off the tip. I gently and slowly sucked him in my mouth. I could hear his deep rumble of pleasure in his chest as I did so. I was so close to an orgasm to hear the pleasure I was causing him. I was getting so impatient with the waiting. But I knew that if I took my time teasing and pleasuring him now that in the end he would give it back to me and more so. So I slowly took my time sucking and licking his erection. I would speed up and slow down when I knew he was getting close to Cuming. I knew doing this repeatedly would drive him crazy. I so desperately wanted to please him and to show my love for him and to worship his body in appreciation of having him in my life. After a time he told me to stop. I almost cried out because I wasn’t done but did as I was told.

Somewhere he pulled out a leash and attached it to my collar. I was to crawl with him back to the bedroom. I was so excited at this point I couldn’t wait to see what else he had in mind. When we got to the bedroom he said to get on the bed and to lie on my stomach. I did as I was told and he tied me down to the bed spread eagle. I could feel the bite of cold metal from the handcuffs. I love the feel of cold steel of the cuffs. I couldn’t believe it I was so wet and ready to cum that this was going to be more than I could hope for. I waited and he put a silk scarf over my eyes. I heard him walking around and then a zipper. I waited holding my breath to see what he was going to do. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt several leather straps on my back being gently rubbed up and down my back. I was groaning with please at the thought of him using the flogger on me.

He took his time to slowly slide the flogger all over my back, ass and thighs. I waited holding my breath till the gentle bite of leather when he would hit me. It seemed like forever before he decided to do so. All time lost meaning as I waited for him to deal with me as he pleased and I could think of nothing but how I wanted to please him in any way he saw fit. He started off gently whipping my back then moved to my ass and then to my thighs. He was getting good at not repeatedly hitting the same area so as not to cause too much pain. After a time, he stops and walked back to his bag.

I waited holding my breath again I was so wet and I could feel my cum running down and onto the bed. I could smell my own arousal and it heighten it even more. I waited what seemed like an eternity. Then I felt a single leather strap being gently slid over my body. I got so excited that he actually had gotten a whip I almost cried out of pure ecstasy for the anticipation of the bite of the whip would bring. We had played with others and he had started to learn more about how to use different toys. I was so excited to see how he would use the whip. The first smack caught me off guard and I screamed loudly. He slapped my ass and told me that was not allowed to be that loud. I tried to be quiet like he wanted and only had two more slaps in the ass to be reminded, ok so I am doing better than before; I was pleased with my progress so far. And I was hoping he was pleased with my progress as well. He took his time and aimed all over my back, ass and thighs changing up every hit so it never was in the same place. Oh he had learned quiet a bit on how to use a whip. After a time my backside was on fire and he stopped.

I heard him leave the room and almost cried out for him to return. I didn’t want him to leave. I was left to wonder if I had displeased him in some way. He came back into the room and I nearly jumped off the bed, if it wasn’t for the restraints I would have, I felt the ice on my ass. I cried out and moaned at the same time. I didn’t think I could love him anymore but at that point and time I fell even in more love with him. He was so kind and thoughtful about everything so far this weekend. He took his time moving the ice cube everywhere the whip had struck me. I shivered not just from the cold but from the pleasure he was creating with in me. I could feel my love for him open up like a flower does to the sun. I was on cloud nine and didn’t want to come back to earth. My whole world shrank to only thinking about him. He was my sun, moon and universe all rolled into one. He was the very breath I breathed, the blood in my veins; he was my heart and soul.

After the ice he went to the bag yet again. I wondered what other toys he had bought. As if to answer the question I had in my mind he slapped my ass with a paddle. I screamed my pleasure and had squirted some of my cum on the bed. He hit my ass repeatedly and alternated between my ass and my thighs. He never did hit me too hard so as not to leave bruises. I will be able to sit after this without a problem. He is so thoughtful.

After the paddle he went yet again back to his bag of toys. I waited and couldn’t think of what else he may have. I was so shocked with what he had already brought. I squealed with delight when I felt a tickle from a feather. He gently moved the feather all over the areas that he hit to intensify the sensation of the feather on my skin. Then he moved to my ticklish areas and gently started to tickle me. I was laughing so hard by the time he was done I was crying.

He then went back to the flogger. I love the feel of the flogger on my skin. I was so thoroughly please that he had learned so much. I was beyond ready for sex now. I was in a way so relaxed and sated already but at the same time very wound up and ready for more. By the time he was done I was beyond dripping wet, the room was filled with the smell of my arousal.

I felt the bed give way as he climbed on the bed. He knelt by my side and gently kissed my back down to my lower back. He then moved to the back of my knees and kissed them up to my ass. Then he moved between my legs and gently kissed and licked my cum off of me. I moaned and bucked on the bed wanting so badly to touch his skin and to taste him again.

He then moved to take off the restraints. He told me that I was to please him now by sucking his cock again. I was so happy to follow his orders. I set myself to please my lord and to show my love for him by doing so. I took my time in pleasing him. After a time he stops me and has me lay down again. This time I was on my back and could feel how my back was still on fire from the loving abuse he caused. I wiggled more on the bed to feel the ache on my back. I was so wet again from giving him pleasure that it would be easy for him to enter me.

He had other ideas instead of going right into sex. I wanted to scream he was kissing my neck and chest. Slowly he made his way down my stomach to my clit. He licked and sucked on it. I was going crazy with desire and wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I would try and force myself on him. I held my place on the bed knowing that would not be the thing he wanted from me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I moaned and cried out for more. I was bucking wildly on the bed under his gentle administrations to my clit and pussy. I desperately wanted to have his dick inside of me. I begged please I need you inside of me. Not sure how much of it he understood between my moans and cries of pleasure.

Finally after driving me farther with desire than anyone I have ever known he decided to give into my pleas. I screamed so loudly that he covered my mouth his in a very savage kiss that bruised my lips. I kissed him back with everything I felt for him. To finally have his hard cock sliding in and out of me slowly was pure joy and ecstasy. I love the feel of him inside of me causing ripples of pleasure pulsing through my body. He fills me up in more than physically possible. The connection we have goes beyond pure physical touch. The feeling of truly merging with another to become one for a short time was something I have never experienced with anyone else. I only thought I had experienced it before. He gave me all this and more. I never have been able to describe how it is with us in words.

After what seemed like hours we finally reached a mutual climax. The body shattering orgasm we felt was beyond mere words can describe. There in space and time hung and just the two of us could look into each others eyes and couldn’t figure out where one began and the other ended. To finally have my other half make me whole and that without him I wouldn’t be whole. I was half alive before I met him was an understatement. I never have loved before I met him only thought I had loved.

We just lay in bed panting and trying to catch our breath again. We snuggled close and held each other. He gently played with my hair and held me in his arms. I have never felt so safe, loved and cherished before I met him. I only thought I had but he showed me I was so totally wrong about that. To have finally found a man that totally accepted me, all of me was priceless. To have him understand who I am and all the different parts and depths of me was a dream come true.

It was the wee hours of the morning when we were done. We actually watched the sun rise and it was one of the most beautiful sunrises I had seen in a long time. I wish as I have many times that I was a painter so I could paint all the beauty that I have seen around me. While safely snuggled in his arms I fell asleep. I was so contented and felt so safe and loved that I was able to sleep very peacefully, that none of my usual nightmares surfaced.

Some time later he gently woke me up with a kiss. He asked how I was feeling. I stretched my aching body like a cat on the bed. I let out a moan of pain. It wasn’t that bad but I knew I would love to step into the hot tub to help with the pain. It was as if he could read my mind. He said that he would make breakfast while I showered. He said that I needed to shower and shave well to please him. I did as I was told. I took extra time in shaving to make sure I did not miss any hair anywhere. He had packed my favorite bath products and was happy to smell of night blooming jasmine since it was my smell. After my shower I used my special body lotion to soften my skin even more.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom he had breakfast on the table. He had actually had served food for both of us and was waiting for me to join him. He had also put some pain pills next to my plate. He was so thoughtful and I sat down to eat before taking them. I still have a hard time believing he really gets that I have my physical limitations due to several illnesses. That he could be so thoughtful and considerate to make sure that I wasn’t in too much pain from our lovemaking. Not many understand that my health issues are real due to the fact I look so healthy on the outside.

As I started to eat I wasn’t sure that I could finish all the food he had put on my plate. But after I started to eat I realized just how hungry I really was. I amazingly enough finished all the food he had plated for me. Once I was done I took my pain pills with my orange juice. I was wondering what we will do today. I knew it was still fairly early because I was still so tired. I hadn’t realized until just then there were no clocks and had no idea what time it really was. But judging from the sun outside it must still be morning for how bright it was outside. I put all worries aside and relaxed knowing he would take care of me.

After we were done eating he picks up our dishes and put them in the dishwasher and finished cleaning up the kitchen. While he worked he asked me how I was feeling. I stood up and stretched again to test my aching muscles and joints. I felt better after the shower and I could feel the pain meds slowly taking affect. So I replied as such. He said, good because I needed to get dressed that my clothes were on the dresser. I hadn’t noticed them when I got out of the shower. So I went into the bedroom to put on the clothes he picked out for me.

I was shocked I had never seen them before. It was the most beautiful outfit I had ever seen. It was a dark green and red Asian style outfit. I had never seen such a color combination with in Asian clothing before and wondered where he had gotten it. It must have cost a fortune to have specially made for me. I almost started to cry at his thoughtfulness. He knew that I love dark green and at times red. I knew red looked great on me. I just was not a big fan of standing out is why I didn’t really like wearing red.

I was sitting on the bed holding the clothes close to crying when he walked in the room. He looked at me and came to sit next to me on the bed and held me. That was when the damn broke and I started to cry. He just held me and gently stroked my hair whispering in my ear soft gentle words I couldn’t make out. I do not know how long I cried but when I finally stop he asked me if I liked my outfit he got for me. I told him it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He said that I was wrong that I was the most beautiful thing in the world and I deserved beautiful cloths to compliment my beauty. I started to tear up again and he said that it was ok to cry and that he was happy to see that I was so happy with it. That he knew that I was not used to being treated so well that it still take time to get used to it. That he was patient and would spend the rest of his life making sure I was treated like a lady.

I had many say such things to me before only to later have them hurt me badly. With him though I knew deep down that wouldn’t be the case. I had never truly understood why I trusted him so much or why I felt so much for him almost from the beginning of our relationship. But I knew that at some point I started to believe in soul mates again because of him. That he knew me so well and he treated me almost like a Goddess at times. He was right I was so not used to being treated right by men and it will still take time getting used to. But I was willing to spend the rest of my life learning to accept it from him.

He wiped the last of my tears away and handed me a tissue so I could blow my nose. As I stood up to get dressed he took the outfit away from me and helped me get dressed. He was so gentle it almost broke my heart. I almost felt like a priceless and fragile piece of glass that one was afraid to touch for fear of breaking it. I knew it was an exaggeration but at that point that was how I felt. To have him be so gentle with me in understanding my mood had me falling even more in love with him. It was still scary at how much he could understand how I felt even at times before I did or actually finish my sentences before I could.

After I was done getting dressed I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize the woman standing there looking back at me. The woman in the mirror was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I had a hard time believing it was me. I actually looked around to make sure there was no one else with us in the room. He saw my bewildered look and laughed so hard he fell back on the bed. When he was done laughing he said yes my little jaded one that is you looking back in the mirror. Didn’t I tell you that you were the most beautiful woman in the whole world! I just cocked my head to the side and still couldn’t believe it. I never in my life believed that I was that good looking. That I could pass as cute some of the time but to be beautiful let alone what he just said was just incomprehensible to me. He started to laugh again at my confusion.

While he was laughing I couldn’t help but be happy for his use of his favorite pet name for me. It was one of his pet names he has for me. I have learned when he is very loving and wanting to show it he uses my little jaded one while we play like this. It comes from how we first meet. I for many years had gone by the name online jaded in a couple different ways. That came from years of abuse and being hurt by men all my life. I was still so jaded when we met that I wasn’t sure if I would ever find a man that would love me. Now he has turned a once negative name into a very positive name for me.

When he stopped laughing he wiped the tears from his eyes and said we would be going to the small town we pasted to shop. I was so happy and wondered if we would go to the little antique store I saw yesterday. I smiled and couldn’t wait to get in the car. He grabbed our coats and put mine on me. While he still held the front of my jacket he kissed me fiercely in a very possessive manor that took my breath away and made me weak in the knees. With that done he held his arm out for me to put my hand in the crook of his arm and escorted me out to the car like a real lady. I was so happy to have the man I love show me such gentlemanly behavior. I once used to hate being treated this way. Over the years learned to like it and realized it was a show of respect to me as a woman.

As we drove down to the little town I was getting a little anxious. I felt completely over dressed compared to how he was dressed. I was dressed to go out to a fancy restaurant and he was in just plain kakis and polo shirt. He noticed that I was getting anxious and said that it was ok that I looked so good and that he wanted everyone to get jealous at how beautiful I was when we were in town. I was so shocked and I felt the heat on my face as I blushed. I just nodded my agreement to what he said and started to tear up again. I was wondering why I was such a basket case and crying at drop of dime it seemed like. I guess I still had a lot to learn about being treated well. I just hope that one day I don’t start to take advantage of all this. I know that what we have is special and priceless beyond any words I can describe. I wonder how I was so blessed to have him in my life. I also wonder if the Gods finally have taken pity on me for the hard and cruel life I have lived and were rewarding me for such a harsh life. I made a mental note to give again another big offering in thanks for him in my life when we get home.

As we pulled into town he pulled off into the parking lot next to the little antique store I wanted to go to. I was so excited that I would be able to look through the store. He got out and opens my door and held out his arm again for me. I put my hand on his arm and proudly walked at his side. If he wanted to show me off I would not let him down in my anxiety of being over dressed compared to him.

We walked into the little antique store I want to go to. He opened the door for me and let me walk in ahead of him. He just stood to the side and let me wonder around the store looking at everything. He whispered in my ear saying we had all the time in the world to look around if I wanted to but that there was a small book store down the street that he also wanted to go to. I looked at him and was so excited about going to another store I love.

I wondered around touching and every now and again picking something up that caught my attention. I found a beautiful old glass plate set that was dark green that I feel in love with. He saw that I took extra time looking it over and asked the clerk how much it was. I was shocked that he was watching me that closely. He asked if the clerk could wrap it up for us. I couldn’t believe it I was so excited to have such a beautiful set of my own.

I wondered around some more and found a cute tea cup set that had roses painted on it. He also asked to have that set wrapped for us. He turned and smiled at me asked if there was anything else I liked. I couldn’t think of anything else I might want. So he paid for the things he had wrapped for me and we took them back to the car.

We walked down the street together. I was so excited about going to a book store I could spend hours and hours just looking through and trying to figure out what I would want to buy in any book store. I love the sight and smell of a book store it is so calming and relaxing to me. I love to read because it was my only true escape from the harsh world I was living. I could burry my nose in a book and put myself into a store to live through the book and imagine what my life would be like if it had gone differently. I still read a lot but not as much as I used too. It was due to the fact I was so happy with my life now that I didn’t need to escape it as often anymore.

We walked into the bookstore and the smell was so comforting that I just stop dead in my tracks. He walked right into the backside of me. He hugged me and asked if I was ok. I nodded my head to say I was fine. I just looked around at the little bookstore and smiled. I didn’t know where to start first. So I decided to start to my right and slowly work my way around the store. I was so absorbed into looking at what they had I never noticed that he was sitting down with a cup of coffee watching my every move. I slowly walked by and looked at every shelf in the store. Every now and again would stop to pick up a book and read the back cover to see what it was about. I have several books by the time I was done. He took all the books from me and went to the counter.

After shopping we went to a little mom and pop dinner down the street. He pulled out the chair for me to sit in. He orders lunch for us. After eating I was very tired from a long night, little sleep and shopping. He saw my yawing and laughed. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I was doing really well and that the pain pills helped a lot. He said that we were heading back to the cabin. I smiled wondered what was planed.

While we drove back he was telling me how everyone was staring open mouthed at me while we were in town. I was so shock I turned to look at him to say you’re joking. I saw that he wasn’t and nothing came out of my mouth. He was very pleased that I was able to bowl them over so easily with out even trying. He said that he was watching me very closely and that he was so pleased that I never even noticed the way people were looking at us. He said maybe another time he will point out how people look at me when we go out just to prove that what he says about me is true. I just couldn’t believe it. He said for my reward we would go into the hot tub for some fun. I was so excited I had really wanted to go into the hot tub when I saw it.

When we got into the cabin he pushes me up against the wall. He kissed me so savagely more than any other time before this. I couldn’t breathe from the possessiveness and passion from the kiss. Next he kissed his way down my neck. I was so lost in his kisses that I didn’t even notice till the pain hit me that he was biting my neck really hard. Right at that point my knees gave out. Instant waves of pleasure rippled through my body and I came instantly in that moment. It was his body holding mine up against the wall that prevented me from falling to the floor right at that moment. I lost all thought for the only thing I could think of was the pain and pleasure going through my body.

He stops and took a step back away from me. If he hadn’t caught me I would have fallen to the floor. He gently holds me while I catch my breath and regain my strength to stand. Once I was standing on my own he starts to slowly undress me again. After I was undressed he tells me to pick up my clothes and follow him. I pick them up and follow him to the bedroom. He tells me to fold my clothes and put them away, I do as I am told. Next he tells me to undress him. After I get him undress he puts the leash on my collar. He goes in the bathroom and grabs towels.

I follow him out to the living room and through the back door to the hot tub. Once we got outside I noticed it was gently snowing again. It was so quiet outside you couldn’t hear anything. It was beautiful, if a little cold. He told me to get in the hot tub and to wait for him. I sat in the hot tub waiting and wondering what he would be getting. He walked back into the cabin. When he came back out he had drinks in one hand and our cigarettes in the other hand with an ashtray. He got in the hot tub and set everything on the side of it. He handed me my glass of wine and set the ashtray between us. He lit two cigarettes and handed one to me. We just sat there enjoying the quiet and sipping wine and smoking. It was a comforting silence one that didn’t need to be broken. I slowly could feel all the aches and pains of the previous nights activities drain away there in the hot tub. This so what I needed, was glad he knew that it as well.

As I started to feel better he looked over at me and crooked his finger. I slowly made my way to his side. He grabs a handful of my hair and in a hoarse whisper tells me to get him hard. I barely squeak out a reply yes my lord. As I gently grab his soft cock he says not to be gentle he wants it rough. I obey him and soon have him very hard in my hands. He then tells me to get on him and to ride him. I try to put him inside me but the water does not make for great lubricant. I was forced to just finally to sit down hard on him to get him inside of me. Then as I start to rock my hips he grabs my hip with his free hand to make me rock faster and hard on him. Just as I start to climax he pushes me off and turns me around on the edge of the hot tub and the only thing holding me from falling out of the tub is his hold on my hair. He slams into me so hard that I was in fear of falling out of the hot tub. He then leans over me and grabs my left breast and with his fingers finds my nipple and squeezes very hard. I scream my pleasure and he then bits me on the back of my neck that causes me to scream louder.

As I have my eyes closed to feel every new sensation he stops and drags me back into on top of him. He lets go of my hair and grabs my hips and keeps me just above him while he slams into me over and over. I could only put my hands on his shoulders to hold on while he took me so savagely. After what seemed like hours he climaxes and I am left adrift in the pleasures he started. I slide boneless into his lap he held me close. After a while he said we were going to get out and to dry off and lay on the bed.

I got out of the hot tub and grabbed a towel to dry off with. I went into our bedroom and laid face down on the bed. Almost as soon as I was on the bed my eyes started to close I was tired. I heard him come into the room and go into the bathroom. I couldn’t open my eyes at this point to save the world. I was so sated and tired from our time here. I was surprised when he started to rub something on my back. He had brought the massage oil from home for me. I started to cry again from the care he put into packing for our weekend together. He took his time rubbing all my aches and pains from the love making. By the time he was done I was asleep. He pulled the blankets over me and crawled into bed next to me and held me while I slept.


11/4/2013 11:49:00 PM

Here is a fantasy I have had for years and only has slightly changed since I first thought of it. Sorry its a bit long but have fun and enjoy reading it.

This starts on a morning that is very hot and sunny out. I had left the house open hoping for any cool breeze to pass through to cool down the house. I am going around the house cleaning with music turned up loud to help motivate me to clean.

As I am in the living room picking it up someone creeps in quietly up behinde me. Covers my mouth and hold a knife to my throat and tells me to not make a sound or he will slit my throat. I freeze even though I know the voice and the man that says he will harm me. In reality he wont harm a single hair on my head unless I asked him to.

I am shoved against a wall. He forces my feet far apart with his legs. He slowly pulls out a black silk scarf and wraps it around my head to cover my eyes. Then slowly he takes his knife and starts to cut away my clothes. I can feel the cold steel of the blade as it slides along my skin shredding my shirt. It sends shivers up my arm and down, deep down to my pelvis. I am already dripping wet from the thrill of being overpowered.

As he slowly shreds my pants I can feel the cold blade warming up to my body temp. Before I know it I am standing in just my bra and panties. He sets the blade on a table close by. Next he brings out a black cord and binds my hands in front of me. The cord is soft with use and only slightly rough agains my soft sensitive skin around my wrists.

He grabs me by the back of the neck and spins me around forces me into the wall with his body. I resist only to have a harsh bruising kiss forced apon me. He grabs a handfull of my hair and yanks my head back and trys again. I give in to his demands after i taste blood in my mouth. Then he moves from my mouth and nips along my jawline. He knows he is getting to me by the shivers that are running through my body and by the smell of my arousal. When he gets to my neck the nips turn into bites. Not caring if he leaves marks. I am shaking so badly at this point only him pinning me to the wall is keeping me up. All I feel is his body crushing mine to the wall and the heat building like a volcano slowly building.

He pushes himself away from me and I fall to the floor on my knees. I do not know what he will do next, all I can hear is the faint sound of clothes moving not sure where he went to. Next I hear my fidge open and something removed and then close. Kneeling wondering what will happen next is torment. Next I hear my windows closing and the curtins being closed. I cant hear him walk around just hear the sounds of my house being closed off to the outside world.

The next thing I feel is something cold, ice cold sliding over my neck. I squealed not even hearing him come that close to me and having ice rubbed over my overheated skin. The ice cools the pain that he caused there. He then grabs me by my hair pulls me up and into the kitchen shoves me on to the table. I am forced to bend over the table with my feet wide apart. He tells me not to move. I hear a zipper and something being pulled out of a bag.

All of a sudden I feel soft leather strands being rubbed over my back and legs. He then takes the knife and cuts my panties off to get a better access to my ass. I feel the leather of the flogger rubbed over my ass, legs and arms. Before I can even form the thought of being hit with it he lands a light blow to my ass. He repeatedly rains light blows all over my back and moves to my legs then back up to my ass.

When I start to whimper he lands harder blows to my backside. I can feel the bite of leather landing on my backside, bite of the table into my hips the slight breeze from the fan and my cum running down my thighs. My world shrinks to the feel of all this and the anticipation of what he will do next.

He stops and I hear more rustling round in a bag. Then he slaps my ass so hard the I feel the burn of the outline of his hand on my ass. He rubs the mark, kneeding it gently. Then he slaps the other side and gently rubs the pain in. The pain is more intense with my loss of sight. Then without warning something is slamed into my asshole. To my suprise its vibrating sending my whole being to shake and shiver uncontrollably. The vibrations are felt in my pussy and makes me even wetter.

He then grabs me pushes me towards another part of the house. I am pushed on my bed with my hands pinned under me and the anal vibrator pushed into its rightful place. I am unable to speak from the fact all my world is now the feel of the vibrator and now the feel of him ontop of me pushing it in more. My backside is on fire still and I feel the roughness of my comfeter. I feel his naked skin slide alone mine as he moves his legs to between mine. I can feel every hair on his body, feel the callouses on his hands as the run all over my skin.

He pinches my left nipple and I scream from pain and from cumming the hardest at this point so far. He plays with my now sore nipple and puts ice on it. It is hard as a diamond now he can put a nipple clamp on it. He repeats this to the other nipple as well. Again I scream from the shear pleasurable pain he has given me.

Then he gets off the bed and turns me on my side. He unties my hands only to tie them to the headboard and ties my feet spread apart to the bed as well. He looks down at his handy work while I whimper and squirm on the bed, waiting for what is next.

Then I feel the flogger again and I beg please, not sure what I was truely begging for. My skin was so senstitive at this point I wasnt sure how much more I could take. All I know is that I would do anything he wanted to end my torment. I had cum but nothing to what I was used to yet. I wanted to be fucked so badly at this point I would have gladly done whatever he wanted to achive that goal.

As I begged and squirmed on the bed he just gently ran the flogger over my skin. Then lightly tapping my nipples with it. He started to gently land blows to my chest and thighs. Moving to my nipples and clit every now and then. I am pleading with him for more, I needed more. He can clearly see the pool of cum on the bed. He ends with gently running the flogger over my skin.

I feel the bed give way as he kneels between my legs. I scream in pure ectasy when I feel the ice sliding over my inner thigh moving up along it. Then he moves it up and around where I so wanted to feel it. He moved the ice down my other thigh. Slowly taking his time to cool down the pain he caused by the flogger. Then the ice goes back up away from my pussy where I desperatly wanted him to put it. He takes his time sliding the ice over all the areas touched by the flogger. Next thing I know he yanks the nipple clams off. I scream and buck arching my back as far as I am allowed by being tied down. I had cum so hard that I squirted my juices all over him.

Before I had a chance to finish with cumming he slammed his dick inside my very wet, tight pussy. I scream even louder and cum even harder for the shock of him finally being inside of me. He doesnt even go slow just right into slaming me to the core. He decides that finally I can touch him and unleashes my hands and feet. Much to his suprise it was like unleashing a wild animal. He had risen within me a savage sexual beast that needed to be feed. We clawed and bite our way to ectasy. I never knew what joys could be had by being overpowered. To have him hold me down by biting my neck during sex was more overwhelming than anything I had ever experienced before.

 


6/10/2010 9:48:29 AM
Well still haven't found anyone to get serious with but knew it wouldn't happen right away specially with where I live right now. I have found it funny that most Doms talk about how a sub/slave is nothing without them when its not true at all. If you have really looked at this lifestyle you realize that it is the Sub/Slave that has the true power in the relationship. That we decide on who we submit to and for how long and/or how much we submit. I for one only truly submitted once and that was enough. Now on top of not letting people get close I refuse to ever truly submit to just anyone. For me I was seriously hurt when I truly submitted and refuse to let anyone in. But realized that if I am to get serious with anyone and for it to last I will have to allow it. But it has never been really my decision it happens on its own or it doesn't I can not force anyone in farther than I naturally let them. To me trust is earned by your actions and if for some reason I can not completely trust you then you are not allowed in too far. I guess that is why I am a switch I can not stand to allow anyone one person have too much control over me LMAO. I did that once and ended up burned big time. But I don't think it would have last long because I am naturally a switch I can not be submissive for long. Oh well my search still goes one to find my other have. It will be a hard and long search for what I need very rare is it to find in ONE MAN!!!

6/10/2010 8:42:12 AM
Something I wrote about a guy I was talking to. It was what I would do to him when we finally would meet up. LOL, so it didnt turn out that way but close. It was still fun until I found out he was lying to me!! Needless to say I was very nervous meeting him for the first time. We had met on an online adult alternative website. We talked about dominating and subbing. He is a dom that was looking at subbing for the first time with a woman. I have had men say that to me and never had a chance to do that before. I usually break in newbies to the scene and this was my first time taking a doms sub cherry. I haven?t been a rough and tough dom in so long was never too comfortable doing that before. I have done it with subs before after they have begged me to and found I did like it just not willing done it before. Now after talking with him and not having sex in over a year the urge to be a very cruel domme was very strong with in me. I was nervous I may go too far with him. He asked me to push him hard to find his limits. I also hope that I do not fail to push him hard enough. So the days leading up to our meeting have been thinking of many ways to push him and test his limits. I started to think about what I had done as a sub in my years in the scene. I had a few ideas but still wasn?t sure how this would all play out or if I could even do it once I got there. Ah, but once I got there I was more than ready for it. I drove up to the motel and knocked on his door. He opened it and I walked in. I was dressed in a short black dress in high heeled black boots so I was taller than he was. Good I thought he needs to look up to me anyways. I looked at him grabbed the back of his head and kissed him hard and fast. I asked if he was ready to submit to me. He was shaky and breathless from the kiss but answered that he was ready. I pinched his nipple and asked again if he was ready. He responded yes my lady I am ready. Good he answered the way he should. So I kissed his neck and bit him hard almost to the point making him bleed. You are mine to do with as I please and you will please me as I see fit. He said yes my lady as you wish. Now I turned and walked away from him to inspect the toys he brought with him. I really loved what he gotten and he did stick to what I asked for him to get. Good this will be a lot of fun breaking him. I turned to face him I thought let the games begin now. You will not look at me unless I say so. You are not worthy to look at a lady right now. You will have to prove to me through the tests I have planned for you. He said yes my lady as you wish. You are not to touch me unless I say so. You are to tell me the truth at all times, if you do not know how you feel say so or if you think its too much say so. He responded yes my lady as you wish. Oh and you are not to scream too loud is that understood, he said yes my lady as you wish. I reserve the right to change the rules at anytime as I deem fit and if you fail me expect to be punished for it and if you do well expect to be rewarded for it. He said yes my lady. Ok now that some of the ground rules where laid out for him to understand I knew it was time to put him in his place. As I looked at him I told him to strip all his clothes off and fold them neatly and put them away. He did so as I told him. Then I told him to put the cuffs on the bed so I can later use it on him and to make sure they were on tight because I do not want him getting out of them. As he did this I took off my dress and stood there in my white corset and black boots ready to play with him and to break his dominate side in him. I looked over the toys he brought trying to decide what to use first. From our talks and his story he wrote me about our meeting I knew that anal penetration would make him feel in his place since he was a man. I took the butt plug and handled it in my hands. I was trying to decide to use lube or not, if I should be nice and use lube. HHHMMM, it would be his first time submitting to a woman and he asked me to be rough. So I figured to try first without lube to see how much he can handle or willing to take it. I figured he needed to be punished for teasing me before we meet and this would be a good start. I knew how painful it can be to have something shoved up your asshole without lube. I had to remind myself to be a little careful I don?t want to make him bleed and break him so fast, HA HA HA. I hadn?t even noticed he was done and looking at the ground facing me. I said that?s a good little marine. You can follow my directions. I walked to him and put the butt plug on his chest so he could see it and started to slowly walk around him while the plug followed me caressing his skin. I felt him shudder at the touch and knew I was getting to him a little by doing so. Ok girl slow and easy at first then ramp it up big time. Oh screw it will go right away for it. I directed him to lean over the bed and to put his hands on the bed and spread his legs shoulder width apart. I walked over to him and put the plug on his back and slowly drew circles on his back with it and saw him shudder again from the touch and anticipation of knowing where it will go. I wondered if he was scared to have it used on him. I slowly worked my way down his back and in between his ass cheeks. I spread his cheeks apart and started to push the plug into place. He was not relaxing like you need to so it will go in. I told him to take deep breaths and relax his asshole or it will hurt more and I will be not happy he wouldn?t relax. That I want him to enjoy this but it will be painful at the same time. That pain can be very pleasurable if you allow it to be so. While he was taking deep breaths I asked him if he was scared about having me use the butt plug and he said yes my lady. HHMM, good honesty I will reward him soon enough for that. But since he was not relaxing enough I decided to punish him first for not following my command. I told him since he wasn?t relaxing enough that he will pay for it even though he was honest with me. As I was saying this I shoved the plug into place. He tried hard not to scream out too loud but didn?t quiet manage it. HEE HEE, good I knew that had to hurt. Once it was in place I reached around to gentle fondle his balls and cock to help him learn that pain can be very pleasurable. I know that right after something painful is done that to follow it with something pleasurable to help connect the two together. That was how I was taught to like pain. And once the mind makes that connection one loves the pain and begs for it. HHHMMM, what next should I do to him? Oh yeah I know hee hee. I told him to get dressed again and to go get some ice from the ice machine. That he was to leave the butt plug in place while he did so. As he grimaced at the thought of having to walk with it in him he did as he was told. While he was gone I moved the toys off the bed and lit the candles and turned off the lights to help set the mood even more. Then I took what I had brought with me and set those aside as well I wanted to surprise him with those. He finally came back in and I almost laughed out loud for the look of pain and humiliation on his face and the way he was walking. He was not only looking down but hanging his head also. Good he is learning a lesson in humiliation as well. Oh yeah it is a new experience for him and there is a certain way to walk while you have a butt plug in you so you don?t look like you have something shoved up your ass that he doesn?t know how to do yet. I may have to do this a few times before he will get the hang of it, hee hee. I made a mental note that he will have to get a small butt plug for his next visit and do what I wanted this time and wasn?t able to do. I wanted to go out in public and tease him while we were out. So that will be his next assignment to have a small butt plug in while we are out so he can remember who is in charge and to learn how to handle a butt plug. Oh I loved that idea and couldn?t help but smile at how I can be so cruel. Well he wanted a rough and cruel domme and he will get one from me. I took the bucket of ice from him. I told him to undress and fold his clothes and put them away again. He did as he was told. I will have to reward him now for doing so well with getting the ice and learning to submit to me. What should I do to reward him, HHHMMM? When he was finished I walked to him and gentle kissed the bruise on his neck and moved to the other side and kissed and licked his neck while fondling is cock. I did this for a little and then bite him hard on the neck to remind him I was in complete charge of his body. He responded very well he was already very hard and whimpered loudly when I bite him. Good I wanted him to enjoy my abuse. I told him that he was doing very well in learning to submit to me. That even though I knew walking with a plug that big was painful for your first time I am very pleased you did so. He said yes my lady I am glad to please you so. Well now that he is starting to learn to submit it was time to start pushing those limits. This was what I was really looking forward too. I told him to get on the bed and lay on his stomach. I went over to strap him in the cuffs. Good I thought not much room for him to move. I told him he did a very good job putting the cuffs on the bed. That it was time for him to learn more about submission and that he will love what I have planned for him. He said yes my lady teach me to submit. Now I know you will have a hard time with this but if you do well you will be rewarded very well for your hard work. He said yes my lady as you wish. Good he is starting to understand he isn?t the one in charge. So I walked back to the toys and wondered what I should you first. I figured I would use the blindfold I brought with me so he wouldn?t know what to expect and that will take a lot power away from him. So I picked up my blindfold and returned to him on the bed. I put it over his eyes and while I did so explained that I was in charge and part of doing so he had to be powerless and that the blindfold will help that. He will not see what will come next and prepare for it. He said yes my lady as you wish it to be. I said yes that good my little marine you are starting to get the idea. I got off the bed and looked at him spread eagle on the bed and couldn?t wait to have him crying and whimpering for more. I so was going to enjoy breaking him. He still had a lot of dominance in him that needed to be crushed. A good way to do that would be to use the flogger he got. I had never used one that was so long or the straps so thin so this will be interesting to say the least. I remember a time that an ex punished me was to beat me with a butt plug in after he shoved it in with no lube. I did the first part now onto the next with him. I picked up the flogger and loving caressed it learning the weight and feel of it in my hands. Hee hee I tested it out in the air to see how it would respond before using it on his lovely backside. The sound of it made him jump. I tisked said that was not a good little marine that the sound of a toy made you jump like that you need to be punished for flinching. He said yes please my lady punish me for being bad little marine. So let the flogging begin. I started off a little too harshly I think but it was a punishment right off the bat. So I toned it down after a few hits. I took my time alternating from his back, ass and thighs. I didn?t want anyone area to receive more than another. After a few hits would stop and gently rub in the pain and to give him a little breather from the painful blows. After some time I stop not wanting to over use the flogger there was other toys. While I was trying to decide what to use next I asked him what he thought about the flogger. He said I loved the feel of it on him. I had to smack his as hard with my hairbrush because he forgot how to answer me. I asked him again. He responded correctly this time and as a reward went to kiss where I had hit him with my hairbrush. Well still have a lot of dominance left in him I see since he forgot how to address me. Well a good dom knows to make a session last by alternating from harsh fast to slow and gentle. Since the harsh and fast this time didn?t do much to break him lets see how he handles a little gentle slow time. I knew what I had next to do. I went to pick up my baby oil. This will serve two purposes. One it will be a slow gentle time and then when I pick it back up will help the sting of the flogger more intense. I told him that he still had too much dominance for my pleasure and that I will make sure I break him tonight and that it may take some time to do it. He said yes my lady please break me and turn me into a good sub for you. Good he was address me correctly again. I climbed back onto the bed and started to pour baby oil on his back ass and thighs. He squirmed from the feel of cold baby oil hitting his heated skin. I smacked his ass hard told him not to move. He said yes my lady as you wish. Good now I can start to show him its not all about pain all the time and then he will learn that this gentle time can be a double edge sword hee hee. I gently rubbed the baby oil in and took my time making sure it was coating all over. His skin absorbed a lot of the baby oil and I had to pour more on him in order for the next lesson to have any affect. I poured more on him and spread it all over. I got back off the bed and picked up the flogger again. This time without any warning started hitting very hard and fast. He was crying out from the pain. I knew that the baby oil helped to intensify the feeling of the stings of the flogger hitting his skin. Good I want to break him and to have him completely understand how to submit to me. I lost track of time and how much I had hit him. But I noticed his back was very red now and I figured it was a good time to use the ice he got for me. I stop and went to get the ice. I gently rubbed the ice all over where I had hit him with the flogger. I asked how he liked it this time. He said my lady it had hurt a lot more this time and wasn?t sure how he liked it. Good little marine you responded correctly. I said the ice will help with the pain. And that he was learning his place. He said thank you my lady I so want to please you in anyway you deem me to do. As a reward I kissed all over his back to show that I do care that he is learning. Now that the ice helped calm some of the pain and I did reward him and had a slow time it was now back to more harshness. I went to the toys and was figuring it was time for the rope I knew I could use it kind of like a whip but not the same affect as one I so missed having a whip. Maybe next time I will have him get one. I took one end and put a couple knots in it to help. I went back to the bed and started to whip his back. I will say it did not respond the same as a whip but will do for now. So it wasn?t as harsh as I wanted it to be. I didn?t use the rope long. I was getting bored with hitting it was time for another lesson in how anal play can make one submit. I put the rope away and went to the dildo he had brought with him. I also grabbed the lube this time I didn?t want to make him bleed but I knew that all that I had done to his ass while he had the plug in it should be easier to use the dildo. I was never a big fan of anal doing penetration to someone else. So I again was going out of my comfort level here and knew it should do good to have him know what it feels like in a sub position. I said since the rope failed to teach what I wanted I had another lesson he can learn from. He said yes my lady as you wish. I climbed back on the bed and kneeled between his legs to get better access to his lovely ass. Without warning I grabbed and yanked out the butt plug. He did a mix of a yell and moan. Good he liked it and missed having it in him. Now that I had his full attention in that area I put the lube on the dildo and put a little on his asshole. Now I said you feel what it is like to have anal sex that you make your subs do. He said yes my lady please teach me my place. Good, good he is learning his place. This time I wasn?t going to slowly put it in since he had the plug in for some time now. I just shoved the dildo in till I met resistance. Good he is somewhat relaxed naturally now. This will make taking it all easier. I told him to do his deep breathing to help relax his asshole. He started to take deep breaths like I told him and responded yes my lady as you wish. I slowly started to with draw the dildo and heard his whimper. Good I said you are starting to enjoy the pleasures of anal penetration. That?s my good little marine. Then I started to shove the dildo in farther this time. I was able to get it in farther but not all the way. Good he is relaxing. I with drew it again and shoved yet again and was able to get almost all of it this time. Even better and told him that is a very good little marine you are taking my commands to heart and learning your place. He said yes my lady I am glad that I have please you so. I again shoved the dildo in and was this time able to get it all the way in. Good I was so happy to see he was making such a fast progress. I started to slowly fuck his tender little ass. Then picked up the tempo and had him rocking to my timing on the bed. I forgot how heady it was to have someone right at your command and can do whatever you want to them. After a time I had him really rocking and moaning with pleasure. I figured it was enough pleasure for now for him. I didn?t want him to cum too soon. So I shoved in really deep and hard and stop holding it in place for a bit. He moaned and whimpered loudly. I told him he was a good little marine that I knew he would love his ass fucked. He said yes my lady I do enjoy it. While he was responding to my question I quickly yanked the dildo out of his now very relaxed lovely ass. He moaned and cried out at the same time. I knew he was missing the feeling of having it in him. So I decided to reward him with putting the butt plug back in which this time slid right into place with any resistance. Good, good little marine I am so proud of you. As your reward you have earned the right to look upon your lady now. He responded with yes, yes my lady I am so happy that I made you so proud of this nasty little marine and to finally have the privilege to look upon your beauty. Now I figured was a good time to have him flip over to work on his front side and to reward him with looking upon me. I started to undo the restraints and took the blindfold off him as well. I gave him a very savage kiss and again praised him for all his hard work. That I understood that submitting to another can be hard for some people and he was doing very well. I could see on his face he was truly happy to hear this from me and I put my fingers to his lips before he could respond saying I already know. Now I got off the bed and went to get the handcuffs. I returned to the bed and told him to sit up while I put the cuffs on him. I said now I will test to see how much restraint he truly had and to test him if he has truly submitted to me. I saw his face light up and he responded yes my lady as you wish. I put the cuffs on him and told him to lie back on the bed on his back with his hands above his head and his feet spread apart like they were in the ankle cuffs. He immediately did as I had asked him to do. Now I know specially for your first time submitting that not moving while unrestrained is a very hard thing to do when one is teasing you let alone causing pain. I told him that this would be a true test to see if he was really ready to completely submit to me. That he was not to move his body while I dealt with him. He responded yes my lady as you wish. I said I know you will fail me at least once and I will be very displeased with you if you do fail me and will punish you when you fail me. He said yes my lady I will do my best to please you. Good I said that you better. I couldn?t help but look at him and how readily he was already submitting to me. I wasn?t sure how easy he would submit. But so far it was going very well. I only hope that he didn?t fail more than once. That he truly can handle being a submissive. I will really test him now.

6/10/2010 8:39:01 AM
This is something I have been working on for a while now. Its still not done but wanted to see if others like it. Enjoy and remember please do not copy my works for they are mine. Mountain cabin It was nice to have a weekend away up in the mountains. To finally get away from all the stress of the world for a time and spend it in each others arms again. Finally get way and focus on us again. Spend time reconnecting the deep connection that seemed to have waned during the busy life schedule we had. It was in the middle of winter and the drive up the mountains was beautiful. Watching the snow gently fall as we drove up to the cabin seemed almost magical. The heat in the car made it seem like a bubble of protection from the cold cruel world out there. I knew that we haven't had much time together let alone to be alone lately. I was actually a little nervous which seemed funny since we have been together for some time now. It almost felt like it did in the beginning. The whole butterflies in the stomach feeling of learning about someone new. I was so excited to have an adult weekend alone with him after so long. As we were driving up there we talked about anything and everything like we once used too. It was refreshing to be able to talk and have no worries of kids running in or calls from work or just life interrupting us. A part of me was worried that the kids maybe too much for my parents to handle for the weekend but I know they are good kids but could be a hand full. He saw my worried face and said things will be fine that if need be my brother could help out. I knew this but since becoming a mom I worry a lot more than I used to. We finally reach the cabin and it was gorgeous to look at. There were trees covered with snow all around it with a back porch and wouldn?t you believe it a hot tub, HHHMMM. That should be fun for later. I was a little more anxious than before, because he packed everything for this weekend and had no idea what was packed for me. Not that I mind much just wasn?t sure what toys or clothes were packed. Boy oh boy when did I become such a worry wart, LOL. Ok relax things will be great I just know it. I have so much trust in him more than anyone I have been with before. We started to unpack the car. He asked if I could go back to the little store we past on our way up here and pick something up for dinner and breakfast. I didn?t mind at all and went right away thinking of what would be good for dinner for us. A part of me wondered if he wasn?t setting something up for when I got back. So I decided to take my time shopping for food. After looking around I picked out a nice steak, pasta, salad and fresh baked bread for dinner. I also got some fresh farm eggs and sausage with bell peppers, chesses, onions some hot sauce for breakfast. HA HA HA, I knew that we would need lots of food for what was going to happen this weekend. I figured I wasn?t going to be able to walk very well come Sunday night. I so looked forward to that. I also picked up a couple bottles of wine if nothing else I could have a drink or two to help easy the pain I may feel during our weekend. As I was leaving I saw a little antique store and made a mental note to stop by there before we left. I figured I had spent enough time at the store to head back to whatever was waiting for me. I walked in the door and headed for the kitchen to put the food away. As I was busy with that he came in and stood in the door way watching every move I made. I rarely feel like the rabbit caught in the gaze of a wolf but right at that point that is sure how I felt. When I finished he said that was the last I decision I was going to make all weekend long and that he was in charge from right then. He told me to come to him. I walked very slowly with my gaze on the floor. He lifted my chin to look in to my eyes and told me to go to the bedroom. I went and wondered what was next. He slowly started to undress me taking his time touching caressing and kissing where he wanted. I stood there shivering for the pleasure he was causing. He stood up, turned and walked to a table along the wall. He picked up a beautiful silver collar. I have never seen it before and almost cried when he turned to face me. He put the collar around my neck and kissed me fiercely. He said that I was to cook him dinner and that I was to stay naked until he said otherwise. He handed me an apron to protect myself while I cook and said that would be all I was allowed to wear in the house at any point in time. I turned on very shaky knees and walked back into the kitchen to start dinner. I forced myself to concentrate on cooking so that way I wouldn?t get burned or ruin dinner. I so didn?t want to upset him by doing that. I love it when he collars me. I feel so free and loved. We don?t get much time to play like this, I love and treasure each time we do. I do miss having a collar all the time but realized that doesn?t have to part of our relationship to enjoy each other. It is just a physical reminder not really that important. What we have was more than that simple outward reminder. I thought of all this while cooking and was amazed I was able to cook at all. I knew for a long time now that he was my other half. That he and I would make it in the long run together. I trusted him more than anyone I have ever been with and love him more deeply than anyone I had ever been with. At first it really scared me but he eventually was able to easy me out of my fears. Our connection goes deeper than most people think it does. We both are deep and have many levels to us that many do not get to see, but with each other we share that. As I was lost in my thoughts during all this he walked in and sat down to watch me. I knew at some point he came in I can always feel when he walks in a room I am in. I look up through my eye lashes and smile timidly at him, hoping he is pleased with what I have picked for dinner. I would do anything to make him happy as I know he would for me. I still wondered how I got so lucky to have him in my life. I thank the Gods everyday I wake up next to him. This weekend I will make sure he is very pleased with me and show him how much I love and appreciate him. I set the table and finished up dinner. After it was ready he told me to take off the apron that I was only to wear it when I cooked. I brought dinner to the table and served him first. After he was served did I serve myself. I waited for him to start eating then was able to eat myself. He told me I was allowed to have my wine if I wanted it. I got up to pour myself a glass and sat back down. I was finished before he was. I couldn?t eat that much for the butterflies were flying around big time. I put my dishes away and as I was doing so he told me to sit on the floor next to him when I was done. I did as I was told. I waited patiently as he finished and put the dishes and food away. He had walked to the living room and when I was done followed him there and kneeled by his feet to wait further instructions from him. He was watching TV and relaxing. He was playing with my hair as I sat there. Then all of a sudden he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me over his lap. I laid there wondering what he will do. He just ran his hands up and down my back and legs. I began to relax as he gently touched where ever he wanted. Slowly he worked his way up my inner thighs to play with my clit. I tried to hold still but after a time was unable to. He slapped my ass and told me to lay still. It was so hard not to move under his gentle teasing. He did have to slap my ass several more times to remind me not to move. Oh the sweet building ecstasy he was causing me was going to drive me over the edge. I knew I was so wet that my juices were flowing on to his pants, but I couldn?t help it. My whole world shrank down to his gentle touches and nothing more. My mind went blank and all I craved was for his touch all over me. What I hadn?t realized was that he had put an erotic adult movie in at some point and was watching it while playing with me. I was confused at first thinking I was sure I wasn?t moaning out loud. Then dared a look at the TV and saw the movie. I could feel his erection straining through his pants. I desperately wanted to get to it and to touch him, to please him. He then told me to kneel at his feet and to take his socks and shoes off. Yes I thought I can undress you and to finally touch and please you back. I did as I was told he stood up and said to finish undressing him. As I started he said I was allowed to touch him finally. I took my time taking his shirt off first. I kissed and licked his nipples and neck. I then kneeled down to slowly take his pants off. As I slid his pants down he sat back down. I kneeled between his feet and slowly kissed and licked my way to his erection. I slowly slid my tongue around his balls and gently sucked one in my mouth then both. I gently ran my tongue around his balls while they were in my mouth. I could hear his moans of pleasure and I almost came then to hear that I was pleasing him so much. I finally worked my way slowly licking up his hard throbbing erection. I gently kissed the wet pre-cum off the tip. I gently and slowly sucked him in my mouth. I could hear his deep rumble of pleasure in his chest as I did so. I was so close to an orgasm to hear the pleasure I was causing him. I was getting so impatient with the waiting. But I knew that if I took my time teasing and pleasuring him now that in the end he would give it back to me and then some. So I slowly took my time sucking and licking his erection. I would speed up and slow down when I knew he was getting close to Cuming. I knew doing this repeatedly would drive him crazy. I so desperately wanted to please him and to show my love for him and to worship his body in appreciation of having him in my life. After a time he told me to stop. I almost cried out because I wasn?t done but did as I was told. Somewhere he pulled out a leash and attached it to my collar. I was to crawl with him back to the bedroom. I was so excited at this point I couldn?t wait to see what else he had in mind. When we got to the bedroom he said to get on the bed and to lay on my stomach. I did as I was told and he tied me down to the bed spread eagle. I could feel the bite of cold metal from the handcuffs. I love the feel of that. I couldn?t believe it I was so wet and ready to cum that this was going to be more than I could hope for. I waited and he put a silk scarf over my eyes. I heard him walking around and then a zipper. I waited holding my breath to see what he was going to do. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt several leather straps on my back being gently rubbed up and down my back. He took his time to slowly slide the flogger all over my back, ass and thighs. I waited holding my breath till the gentle bite of leather when he would hit me. It seemed like forever before he decided to do so. All time lost meaning as I waited for him to deal with me as he pleased and I could think of nothing but how I wanted to please him in any way he saw fit. He started off gently whipping my back then moved to my ass and then to my thighs. He was getting good at not repeatedly hitting the same area so as not to cause too much pain. After a time, he stops and walked back to his bag. I waited holding my breath again I was so wet and I could feel my cum running down and on the bed. I could smell my own arousal and it heighten it even more. I waited what seemed like an eternity. Then I felt a single leather strap being gently slid over my body. I got so excited that he actually had gotten a whip I almost cried out of pure ecstasy for the anticipation of the bite of the whip would bring. We had played with others and he had started to learn more about how to use different toys. I was so excited to see how he would use the whip. The first smack caught me off guard and I screamed loudly. He slapped my ass and told me that was not allowed that was too loud. I tried to be quiet like he wanted and only had two my slaps in the ass to be reminded ok so I am doing better than before I was pleased with my progress so far. And I was hoping he was pleased with my progress as well. He took his time and aimed all over my back, ass and thighs changing up every hit so it never was in the same place. Oh he had learned quiet a bit on how to use a whip, WOO HOO. After a time my backside was on fire and he stopped. I heard him leave the room and almost cried out for him to return. I didn?t want him to leave. I then was wondering if I had displeased him in some way. He came back into the room and I nearly jumped off the bed if it wasn?t for the restraints I would have, I felt the ice on my ass. I cried out and moaned at the same time. I didn?t think I could love him anymore but at that point and time I fell even in more love with him. He was so kind and thoughtful about everything so far this weekend. He took his time moving the ice cube everywhere the whip had struck me. I shivered not just from the cold but from the pleasure he was creating with in me. I could feel my love for him open up like a flower does to the sun. I was on cloud nine and didn?t want to come back to earth. My whole world shrank to only thinking about him. He was my sun, moon and universe all rolled into one. He was the very breath I breathed, the blood in my veins and he was my heart. After the ice he went to the bag yet again. I wondered what other toys he had bought. As if to answer the question I had in my mind he slapped my ass with a paddle. I screamed my pleasure and had squirted some of my cum on the bed. He hit my ass repeatedly and alternated between my ass and my thighs. He never did hit me too hard so as not to leave bruises. I will be able to sit after this without a problem. He is so thoughtful. After the paddle he went yet again back to his bag of toys. I waited and couldn?t think of what else he may have. I was so shocked with what he had already brought. I squealed with delight when I felt a tickle from a feather. He gently moved the feather all over the areas that he hit to intensify the sensation of the feather on my skin. Then he moved to my ticklish areas and gently started to tickle me. I was laughing so hard by the time he was done I was crying. He then went back to the flogger. I love the feel of the flogger on my skin. I was so thoroughly please that he had learned so much. I was beyond ready for sex now. I was in a way so relaxed and sated already but at the same time very wound up and ready for more. By the time he was done I was beyond dripping wet, the room was filled with the smell of my arousal. I felt the bed give way as he climbed on the bed. He knelt by my side and gently kissed my back down to my lower back. He then moved to the back of my knees and kissed them up to my ass. Then he moved between my legs and gently kissed and licked my cum off of me. I moaned and bucked on the bed wanting so badly to touch his skin and to taste him again. He then moved to take off the restraints. He told me that I was to please him now by sucking his cock again. I was so happy to follow his orders. I set to please my lord and to show my love for him by doing so. I took my time in pleasing him. After a time he stop me and had me lay down again. This time I was on my back and could feel how my back was still on fire for the loving abuse he caused. I wiggled more on the bed to feel the ache on my back. I was so wet again from giving him pleasure that it would be easy for him to enter me. He had other ideas instead of going right into sex. I wanted to scream he was kissing my neck and chest. Slowly he made his way down my stomach to my clit. He licked and sucked on it. I was going crazy with desire and wasn?t sure how much more I could take before I would try and force myself on him. I held my place on the bed knowing that would not be the thing he wanted from me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I moaned and cried out for more. I was bucking wildly on the bed under his gentle administrations to my clit and pussy. I desperately wanted to have his dick inside of me. I begged please I need you inside of me. Not sure how much of it he understood between my moans and cries of pleasure. Finally after driving me farther with desire than anyone I have ever known he decided to give into my pleas. I screamed so loudly that he covered my mouth his in a very savage kiss that bruised my lips. I kissed him back with everything I felt for him. To finally have his hard cock sliding in and out of me slowly was pure joy and ecstasy. I love the feel of him inside of me causing ripples of pleasure pulsing through my body. He fills me up in more than physically possible. The connection we have goes beyond pure physical touch. The feeling of truly merging with another to become one for a short time was something I have never experienced with anyone else. I only thought I had experienced it before. He gave me all this and more. I never have been able to describe how it is with us in words. After what seemed like hours we finally reached a mutual climax. The body shattering orgasm we felt was beyond mere words can describe. There in space and time hung and just the two of us could look into each others eyes and couldn?t figure out where one began and the other ended. To finally have my other half make me whole and that without him I wouldn?t be whole. I was half alive before I met him was an understatement. I never have loved before I met him only thought I had loved. We just lay in bed panting and trying to catch our breath again. We snuggled close and held each other. He gently played with my hair and held me in his arms. I have never felt so safe, loved and cherished before I met him. I only thought I had but he showed me I was so totally wrong about that. To have finally found a man that totally accepted me, all of me was priceless. To have him understand who I am and all the different parts and depths of me was a dream come true. It was the wee hours of the morning when we were done. We actually watched the sun rise and it was one of the most beautiful sunrises I had seen in a long time. I wish as I have many times that I was a painter so I could paint all the beauty that I have seen around me. While safely snuggled in his arms I fell asleep. I was so contented and felt so safe and loved that I was able to sleep very peacefully. Some time later he gently woke me up with a kiss. He asked how I was feeling. I stretched my aching body like a cat on the bed. I let out a moan of pain. It wasn?t that bad but I knew I would love to step into the hot tub to help with the pain. It was as if he could read my mind. He said that he would make breakfast while I showered. He said that I needed to shower and shave well to please him. I did as I was told. I took extra time in shaving to make sure I did not miss any hair anywhere. He had packed my favorite bath products and was happy to smell of night blooming jasmine since it was my smell. After my shower I used my special body lotion to soften my skin even more. When I finally emerged from the bathroom he had breakfast on the table. He had actually had served food for both of us and was waiting for me to join him. He had also put some pain pills next to my plate. He was so thoughtful and I sat down to eat before taking them. I still have a hard time believing he really gets that I have my physical limitations due to several illnesses. That he could be so thoughtful and considerate to make sure that I wasn?t in too much pain from our lovemaking. Not many understand that my health issues are real due to the fact I look so healthy on the outside. As I started to eat I wasn?t sure that I could finish all the food he had put on my plate. But after I started to eat I realized just how hungry I really was. I amazingly enough finished all the food he had plated for me. Once I was done I took my pain pills with my orange juice. I was wondering what we will do today. I knew it was still fairly early because I was still so tired. I hadn?t realized until just then there were no clocks and had no idea what time it really was. But judging from the sun outside it must still be morning for how bright it was outside. I put all worries aside and relaxed knowing he would take care of me. After we were done eating he picks up our dishes and put them in the dishwasher and finished cleaning up the kitchen. While he worked he asked me how I was feeling. I stood up and stretched again to test my aching muscles and joints. I felt better after the shower and I could feel the pain meds slowly taking affect. So I replied as such. He said, good because I needed to get dressed that my clothes were on the dresser. I hadn?t noticed them when I got out of the shower. So I went into the bedroom to put on the clothes he picked out for me. I was shocked I had never seen them before. It was the most beautiful outfit I had ever seen. It was a red and dark green Asian style outfit. I had never seen such a color combination with in Asian clothing before and wondered where he had gotten it. It must have cost a fortune to have specially made for me. I almost started to cry at his thoughtfulness. He knew that I love dark green and at times red. I knew red looked great on me just not been a big fan of standing out is why I didn?t really like red. I was sitting on the bed holding the clothes close to crying when he walked in the room. He looked at me and came to sit next to me on the bed and held me. That was when the damn broke and I started to cry. He just held me and gently stroked my hair whispering in my ear soft gentle words I couldn?t make out. I do not know how long I cried but when I finally stop he asked me if I liked my outfit he got for me. I told him it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He said that I was wrong that I was the most beautiful thing in the world and I deserved beautiful cloths to compliment my beauty. I started to tear up again and he said that it was ok to cry and that he was happy to see that I was so happy with it. That he knew that I was not used to being treated so well that it still take time to get used to it. That he was patient and would spend the rest of his life making sure I was treated like a lady. I had many say such things to me before only to later have them hurt me badly. With him though I knew deep down that wouldn?t be the case. I had never truly understood why I trusted him so much or why I felt so much for him almost from the beginning of our relationship. But I knew that at some point I started to believe in soul mates again because of him. That he knew me so well and he treated me almost like a Goddess at times. He was right I was so not used to being treated right by men and it will still take time getting used to. But I was willing to spend the rest of my life learning to accept it from him. He wiped the last of my tears away and handed me a tissue so I could blow my nose. As I stood up to get dressed he took the outfit away from me and helped me get dressed. He was so gentle it almost broke my heart. I almost felt like a priceless and fragile piece of glass that one was afraid to touch for fear of breaking it. I knew it was an exaggeration but at that point that was how I felt. To have him be so gentle with me in understanding my mood had me falling even more in love with him. It was still scary at how much he could understand how I felt even at times before I did or actually finish my sentences before I could. After I was done getting dressed I looked in the mirror and I didn?t recognize the woman standing there looking back at me. The woman in the mirror was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I had a hard time believing it was me. LOL, I actually looked around to make sure there was no one else with us in the room. He saw my bewildered look and laughed so hard he fell back on the bed. When he was done laughing he said yes my little jaded one that is you looking back in the mirror. Didn?t I tell you that you were the most beautiful woman in the whole world! I just cocked my head to the side and still couldn?t believe it. I never in my life believed that I was that good looking. That I could pass as cute some of the time but to be beautiful let alone what he just said was just incomprehensible to me. He started to laugh again at my confusion. While he was laughing I couldn?t help but be happy for his use of his favorite pet name for me. It was one of his pet names he has for me. I have learned when he is very loving and wanting to show it he uses my little jaded one while we play like this. It comes from how we first meet. I for many years had gone by the name online jaded in a couple different ways. That came from years of abuse and being hurt by men all my life. I was still so jaded when we met that I wasn?t sure if I would ever find a man that would love me. Now he has turned a once negative name into a very positive name for me. When he stopped laughing he wiped the tears from his eyes and said we would be going to the small town we pasted to shop. I was so happy and wondered if we would go to the little antique store I saw yesterday. I smiled and couldn?t wait to get in the car. He grabbed our coats and put mine on me. While he still held the front of my jacket he kissed me fiercely in a very possessive manor that took my breath away and made me weak in the knees. With that done he held his arm out for me to put my hand in the crook of his arm and escort ed me out to the car like a real lady. I was so happy to have the man I love show me such gentlemanly behavior. I once used to hate being treated this way. Over the years learned to like it and realized it was a show of respect to me as a woman. As we drove down to the little town I was getting a little anxious. I felt completely over dressed compared to how he was dressed. I was dressed to go out to a fancy restaurant and he was in just plain kakis and polo shirt. He noticed that I was getting anxious and said that it was ok that I looked so good and that he wanted everyone to get jealous at how beautiful I was when we were in town. I was so shocked and I felt the heat on my face as I blushed. I just nodded my agreement to what he said and started to tear up again. I was wondering why I was such a basket case and crying at drop of dime it seemed like. I guess I still had a lot to learn about being treated well. I just hope that one day I don?t start to take advantage of all this. I know that what we have is special and priceless beyond any words I can describe. I wonder how I was so blessed to have him in my life. I also wonder if the Gods finally have taken pity on me for the hard and cruel life I have lived and were rewarding me for such a harsh life. I made a mental note to give a very big offering in thanks for him in my life when we get home. As we pulled into town he pulled off into the parking lot next to the little antique store I wanted to go to. I was so excited that I would be able to look through the store. He got out and opens my door and held out his arm again for me. I took and proudly walked at his side. If he wanted to show me off I would not let him down in my anxiety of being over dressed compared to him. We walked into the little antique store I want to go to. He opened the door for me and let me walk in ahead of him. He just stood to the side and let me wonder around the store looking at everything. He whispered in my ear saying we had all the time in the world to look around if I wanted to but that there was a small book store down the street that he also wanted to go to. I looked at him and was so excited about going to another store I love. I wondered around touching and every now and again picking something up that caught my attention. I found a beautiful old glass plate set that was dark green that I feel in love with. He saw that I took extra time looking it over and asked the clerk how much it was. I was shocked that he was watching me that closely. He asked if the clerk could wrap it up for us. I couldn?t believe it I was so excited to have such a beautiful set of my own. I wondered around some more and found a cute tea cup set that had roses painted on it. He also asked to have that set wrapped for us. He turned and smiled at me asked if there was anything else I liked. I couldn?t think of anything else I might want. So he paid for the things he had wrapped for me and we took them back to the car. We walked down the street together. I was so excited about going to a book store I could spend hours and hours just looking through and trying to figure out what I would want to buy in any book store. I love the sight and smell of a book store it is so calming and relaxing to me. I love to read because it was my only true escape from the harsh world I was living. I could burry my nose in a book and put myself in a store to live through the book and imagine what my life would be like if it had gone differently. I still read a lot but not as much as I used too. It was due to the fact I was so happy with my life now that I didn?t need to escape it as often anymore. We walked into the bookstore and the smell was so comforting that I just stop dead in my tracks. He walked right into the backside of me. He hugged me and asked if I was ok. I nodded my head to say I was fine. I just looked around at the little bookstore and smiled. I didn?t know where to start first. So I decided to start to my right and slowly work my way around the store. I was so absorbed into looking at what they had I never noticed that he was sitting down with a cup of coffee watching my every move. I slowly walked by and looked at every shelf in the store. Every now and again would stop to pick up a book and read the back cover to see what it was about. I have several books by the time I was done. He took all the books from me and went to the counter. After shopping we went to a little mom and pop dinner down the street. He pulled out the chair for me to sit in. He orders lunch for us. After eating I was very tired from a long night, little sleep and shopping. He saw my yawing and laughed. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I was doing really good and that the pain pills helped a lot. He said that we were heading back to the cabin. I smiled wondered what was planed. While we drove back he was telling how everyone was staring open mouthed at me while we were in town. I was so shock it turned to look at him to say you?re joking. I saw that he wasn?t and nothing came out of my mouth. He was very pleased that I was able to bowl them over so easily with out even trying. He said that he was watching me very closely and that he was so pleased that I never even noticed the way people were looking at us. He said maybe another time he will point out how people look at me when we go out just to prove that what he says about me is true. I just couldn?t believe it. He said for my reward we would go into the hot tub for some fun. I was so excited I had really wanted to go into the hot tub when I saw it. When we got into the cabin he pushes me up against the wall. He kissed me so savagely more than any other time before this. I couldn?t breathe from the possessiveness and passion from the kiss. Next he kissed his way down my neck. I was so lost in his kisses that I didn?t even notice till the pain hit me that he was biting my neck really hard. Right at that point my knees gave out. Instant waves of pleasure rippled through my body and I came instantly in that moment. It was his body holding mine up against the wall the prevented me from falling to the floor right at that moment. I lost all thought for the only thing I could think of was the pain and pleasure going through my body. He stops and took a step back away from me. If he hadn?t caught me I would have fallen to the floor. He gently holds me while I catch my breath and regain my strength to stand. Once I was standing on my own he starts to slowly undress me again. After I was undressed he tells me to pick up my clothes and follow him. I pick them up and follow him to the bedroom. He tells me to fold my clothes and put them away, I do as I am told. Next he tells me to undress him. After I get him undress he puts the leash on my collar. He goes in the bathroom and grabs towels. I follow him out to the living room and through the back door to the hot tub.

4/2/2010 8:06:34 AM
Well I finally have a job and starting to feel like a productive part of society again. Still single and talking to a man lately that has a great potential to be more. I am trying hard not to hold my breath or count my chickens before they hatch. But who knows how things go. I think I may have finally learned how to go slow, HA HA HA.

1/26/2010 9:22:25 PM
Aaahhh, so much has happened since I last wrote or was on here.  Lets just say I am about to give up all together on finding my other half my soul mate. 

I have been celibate for a year now and spending the last two years looking very hard at myself and trying to fix me for the better.  I haven't seriously dated in two years.  I have tried twice during the last two years only to end before it really began.

This has been a very bad start to a new year.  I lost a very close and favorite uncle on Jan. 9th.  I had to deal with an arguing family for two weeks about how to do his funeral.  During which I was one of the most calm and rational people in my family.  A very scary thought since I have been the wild child the black sheep of the family for the last 15 yrs or so. 

On top of all that my health is taking a turn for the worse due to all the stress lately.  Been denied twice for medical insurance and still no job in sight. 

I have had one interview this month and that didn't pan out.  Still putting apps online out and doing what I can.  I just hope the Goddess sees fit to grant me a part time job soon so I can go back to school as well.

In time will tell how life will go for me.

9/14/2009 7:41:03 AM

Well I think I may have found excatly what I have been looking for!!  I am hoping that this is so and not going to end up severly hurt again.  But if one doesnt risk it all then you gain nothing. 

At this time he is all that I have needed, wanted and only dreamed for in one man.  It is very scary to have such a strong connection to one person and to have that person feel it as well. 

In time will see how things go.  We are living very far apart and haven't met in person yet.  Which makes this connection all the more scary and amazing.  To be able to talk to someone about everything and anything and to have similar views about life and its worst side amazes me.  To talk for hours and not even realize it is what I have longed for, for so long I didn't ever think I would find that again.  To laugh about everything about ourselves and the world.  To understand each other without much said, to almost literally hear each others thoughts and feelings.  To almost know exactly what the other will say before its said.  To feel at such a great distance the strong pull to the other.  Like two magnites trying to come together.  To finally feel the empty wholes in my heart and soul are being filled by my other half that is ment for me.  To becoming whole just from loving someone that accepts me for me.   That understands me and is very close to being like me in many ways.

He is very much a dom but is wanting to explore the otherside.  But is still new to the lifestyle.  Has had a very hard time finding a switch female to explore with.  To find a woman that he could trust enough to explore.  To be give such trust so early in this is such a great honor.  To find a dom that understands that it is the sub that has the power in the relationship is a wonder, LOL.  Most believe it is the dom but in reality it is the sub/slave that has the power.  They are the ones that draws the lines to not cross and are the ones that chooses the dom to submit to and can revoke that at anytime if abused by a dom.  It is the sub that has to give a lot of trust to a dom that it is up to the dom to be honored with such a great privliage and to never abuse such trust.  The greatest honor one can give to another is the trust to submit to another.  That honor comes from the greatest trust to another that should be held in the highest regard and treasured for the most valued way one can give to another.

On the other hand a dom has a very hard job.  They have to insure that the one that does submit to them is valued, protected and cared for from others as well as from themselves.  To never abuse the trust and power held over them.  To finally be a true dom is to understand that you do not hold the power in the relationship that the sub/slave does.  Once you realize this you should do all in your power to please, satisfy and protect such a treasure.  A true dom will get to know their sub/slave and learn what makes them tick.  To know what are the limits and not cross them.  To know what pleases their sub/slave and when enough is enough and move on to another area of pleasure.  The true dom must make sure that the rules of the realtionship are set up in the very beggining to learn the lines drawn in the sand to not cross them.  To insure that the rules of play with the sub/slave and/or others. 

So far with all this I may have found in one man.  It amazes me to possibly found him.  If the Gods have finally blessed us both to find our true soul mate then all that both of us have gone through will have been worth the wait.


8/18/2009 11:11:50 AM
It never ceases to amaze me how when I finally dig myself out of a whole I put myself in to come out with everyone chasing me virgously.  LOL,  I normally don't mind but lately I have been thinking why this time it is so irritating.

I haven't figured out really yet.  It seems the same they just want sex which I don't mind but yet to have a real conversation to get to know each other.  I don't know why all of a sudden I have become so damn picky but I have.  HA HA HA, maybe its age or the fact Im tired of gettin hurt.  Whatever it is Im about to go back into my hole again. 

I have a few choices to make on what I want to do.  Like Im standing on the road with the forks going in diffrent directions and not knowing which way to go. 

I kinda find it funny that since I have never actually thought of myself as good looking and now again have several people after me.  I always thought I was plain looking bearly able to pass as pretty let alone this sexy milf most say I am, HA HA HA.  Yeah right. 

I also have come to find out I do leave one hell of mark on those I have been with.  One of my ex's that severly hurt me is now begging to forgive him and look past what happend between us.  He has now started chasing me and not sure how to handle that.  I figured I was easily forgotten.  At least thats how I have been made to feel from my ex's.  Hell who knows I may just relent for some fun and see what we have both learned since we were last together, LOL. 

I dont't know right now I feel like some damn rabbit that poked its head out and running scared cause Im getting chased.  LOL, weird way to put it but thats how I feel right now.  Nothing to what I have always associated myself to the wolf.  But then again I know Im not an Alfa but never been this damn skittish before.

I forgotten what it was like on this coast, LOL.  I used to complain that I wanted to do the chasing and when I moved to the east coast got my damn wish.  Then while I was there wanted to move back cause I got too damn tired of having to do the chasing, LOL.  Shit I should try living in the middle of the country to see if I can find the happy medium, HA HA HA. 

Is it too much to ask for to be wined and dinned.  To made to feel like special for a short time before getting into my pants.  Not asking for much just to talk and feel comfertable with someone before getting freaky in bed.  Is it too much to ask for to be honest and become friends first?  Maybe I am asking for too much but for once I have decied not to settle for less. 

Ok enough of my whinning lol.  Here is to a more hopeful future and that I pick the right road to travel down.

7/23/2009 3:36:52 AM

I have come to an important realization.  I have grown tired of the lack of conversation with others.  I don't mind the talks about sex.  But if thats all we talk about I get bored.  I am not sure if it is that I am getting older or that I am growing more with experiances.

I also realize that we have many depths to all of us.  That we have many facades.  That it is not a bad thing, just part of life.  That we all act diffrently in any diffrent situation.

With all that said.  I realize I am seeking a true friends with benifits.  A friend that I can talk with and have fun.  I never had a problem with finding that before now. 

Not sure if its because I am looking on here or just that its harder to find someone my age that is avalible for that. 

My search continues.  With luck I will find what I want soon. 


7/11/2009 6:12:21 AM

Ok, so lately I have been doing a lot of soul search.  I have spent a good year now being alone to help look with in to help me heal from my past hurts and to figure out what I need to fix myself to move on with my life.

I have come up with many painful trueths about myself. As much as I hate to see my faults it is for the best.  I think with a recent contact with an ex of mine has helped alot in my healing from past hurts. 

So my biggest obstacle is to allow people to get close to me.  My other biggest one is voicing my true feelings about being angery, upset or along those lines.  I have made big steps over the years and even more so this last year. 

Along with all this soul searching has come a question what do I really want in a relationship?  A good question one that I am still working on myself and hope to figure all these things out before I die, LOL.  Yeah I know it may never happen but at least become less messed up before getting serious with anyone else at this time.

I think writting here may help in my opening up more.  If all that comes from it someone reads it and we talk about it to then become friends all the better.  I try always to keep an open mind about everything in life. 

You never truely know what will happen in life.  All you can do is roll with lifes punches and keep on going.  I learned to live life without regrets. We are here for a set amount of time and I want to LIVE mine as full with what life has to offer.

Well is is wishing for the best and seeing how the cards fall.


Vertical Line

Vertical Line

Copyright © 2022 Collarspace.com and VSpin.net  
18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Compliance Statement

Vertical Line



DMCA |  Privacy |  Spam |  Support |  Dir | TOS

Horizontal Line

Horizontal Line
Horizontal Line