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| hard to even know what to write here.
i used to be called eileen. i was on here years ago. missanthrope, or something like that was my profile name; it's been so long. i was 18, i was from florida, i traveled to a man in california, who shaved my head, and enslaved me.
i am a slave of severepain and i am still with Him. i truly don't feel human anymore and i haven't for a very long time. why am i here? if you wish to use me, contact severe. severepaingiver @ gmail .
i'm not looking for a master. i have one; that much should be obvious. i've been allowed some contact and this is the medium i choose to take it out in. i've been used in ways you couldn't even imagine.
i'm going to be journaling about use and other things.
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so why am i here, many of you have asked. also, a lot of you have sent super aggressive and nasty emails (oftentimes using ALL CAPS, which is hilarious) because apparently my profile doesn't say explicitly that i'm a painslut and spell out in excruciating detail what i'm seeking.
first *i'm* not seeking anything. the only things that happen are the things he does or agrees to have done to me.
second, i gave his contact information in my profile. isn't that a hint that he's told me to make it available so some of you could use me?
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why the pic of the blood? i've been a cutter now for years. i wasn't before being here. |
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i recall, awhile ago, being lead to a plane and flown, with Him, from the west coast back to Florida. an ad placed on backpage in my home town. being so close to family, but saying nothing to them. praying that no one i know is a client. prayers are never answered it seems. the looks of horror and recognition on their faces when they saw what i had become. He made sure that some of the people paying him for to fuck me in the ass were people whose requests for a date i hadn't agreed to back when. people are so very cruel, aren't they. |
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it's odd to not really track time anymore. i sort of only know things by "it seems like not very long ago" or "a long time ago." at some point, i remember it was christmas because of a tree, and then being taken to the basement by the stocks, those horrible horrible stocks and going into a cage in a room. and never leaving the basement. just being pissed on, and fucked, and caned in the stocks, and chained to a wall but being on the floor and i remember the kicks of random women, some girls. no love, just contempt and use.
no idea how or if time passes. i just remember then that the next time i was on the main level there was another christmas tree. was it a day, 2 days, or as i remember it, a year? |
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thank you to everyone who has sent me a message. some of you expressed concern at how skinny i am. you asked if He starves me, and the answer is no. Not purposefully. i choose to restrict, as i'm fat and need to try to stay thin.
the time with Him has taught me that no matter what i am, it's not enough.
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| Age: 39 |
| Southern Ont,
Canada |
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