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| I have no name
I am a mixed up girl. I am mostly responsible and independent, but at the same time I am un-motivated and reliant.
I have gone from one relationship to the next, overlapping, for the past 4 years. From a spouse, to my first Dom to a great guy who picked up the pieces. I think I need to break that habit. I expected my partner to save me from myself and the world around me, while never being able to accept, should they offer. I tend to give and feel guilty when I take. I spent the last year maintaining that long distance, part time relationship in hopes that it would become what I needed..
What I want…
I haven’t figured that out yet. My previous Dom was my world and I loved the dynamic we had. I would have done anything for him, without much question, however, I do not believe I fulfilled in him what was needed. If I pulled away, he pursued and when I gave in, he pulled back. I could never feel confident that I was the one girl he needed. This has been a hard thing to come to terms with as he was the only person I truly submitted to. But I couldn’t love enough for the both of us. My subsequent boyfriend was a wonderful man and tried to be a Daddy to me.. but I could never open my heart to match his, and knew that I probably wasn’t the girl for him, regardless of knowing he would care for me.
I tend to be a happy and sweet person in nature, although a bit naughty at times and impish. I do not want drama and lies, hurt and distrust. I am very watchful of those around me and observe before surrender. I don’t know that I am ready to look at anything serious, too soon and I am quite particular about who I am with, and how they make me feel. I enjoy so much and can find happiness in being out in nature or in big cities. I like to learn and become well rounded, while also having a perverse sense of humor and dumbing things down. I enjoy music and writing for expression and for mood. I am extremely active but can sit quietly when needed. I am loyal and attentive and loving, easy going and non-demanding.. but if I do not feel that I am loved, I do tend to wilt.
I need to trust.
I need to love.
I need to serve.
I need to laugh.
I need to cry.
I need to speak.
I need to question.
I need to fear.
I need to be protected.
I need discipline.
I need pain.
I will be taking things slow and I don’t hold out much hope of finding my true match. I may not come online for long periods of time.. I am not very active in the community as I’ve not had the best experiences and may have met some of the wrong people. I can be very shy and some people think I’m snobbish (who wants to be rejected), and just haven’t met many people with whom to build many friendships with. I am open to both men and women, but am hetero when it comes to committed relationsionships. I only switch with women.
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