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xmagusx
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OFF THE MARKET! THIS GIRL IS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED TO HER MASTER, OWNER AND BEST FRIEND!
Hello. As you can't be too careful on the internet, i won't be giving you my real name, but you may call me bella. i'm a slave and i know for many this seems shocking, so young, but i assure you, i do know what i'm getting myself into and i do know what i'm doing (not to say that i don't still have a lot to learn). i've been in this lifestyle for 7 years actively, that is to say, that's as long as i've known it was, in fact, a lifestyle. i've always been submissive, even as a child. When i was being rebellious as a kid, i'd say "No" but still complete the task being asked of me more often than not. It's in my nature to be this way and i wouldn't change it for the world. Just because i'm a lifestyle slave, doesn't mean that i don't enjoy vanilla activities too... just usually with my collar proudly displayed around my neck.
i'm a photographer and an artist, and no, i don't just mean someone who draws or plays with a camera here and there. i have a full time photography job and a Bachelor's degree in art and graphic design and have sold, and even been commissioned for my original art. i dabble in most media i can get my hands on from traditional pencil and paper to digital painting and photography. i love animals and adore horseback riding and having pets around. i've owned everything from dogs to frogs, cats to geckos and even a mouse named Mr. Nibbles. i also love to photograph animals, especially at the zoo! i love movies and music, almost everything really. i don't like country music or 80's pop, or stupid movies. i can handle some stupid humor, but it has to actually be witty, not just fart jokes and the like (ie. i hated Miss March) but that's about it, pretty much everything else is fair game.
the fun stuff... i am very into bondage, i love being tied up, blindfolded, collared, leashed, corseted etc. i also love to be hurt... i'm a big fan of biting, floggers, and being used roughly (love having my hair pulled and being fucked hard from behind). i love resistance play, being held/tied/chained down. i love being thrown onto the bed and fucked so hard i gasp for air (especially with a hand over my mouth or pulling my hair). i really love that type of rough play, being kissed hard with His hand around my throat can put me into a good head-space as fast or faster then being told to kneel at His feet. i'm also very into pet play, specifically kitten play. i'm strictly a kitty (not puppy or pony) and my personality is very much that of an obedient cat... snuggly, always ready to climb into an empty lap, very affectionate, demanding of your attention at times, loves to be pet, mischievous, witty, playful and sometimes gets (just a little) attitude. i take great pride in being a kitty... this one is non-negotiable.
i'm a firm believer in NOT being a brat, in fact, i find the term insulting. A brat is someone who always has to get their way which to me screams topping from the bottom (something i DO NOT do) and someone who will act out for attention and/or punishment. i am a slave, if it is my wish to be beaten or used in that way, i am not afraid to ask for it and if it is HIs wish to comply at that time, great... if not, i will wait until a better time (though i find that in this instance, making the request is usually enough to entice such actions). If i am actually being punished for doing something wrong, the same pain i would normally enjoy becomes excruciating to me because i know i've disappointed Him. In my opinion, this is and should be, the attitude of a true slave. i'm monogamous, i don't look down on people who are poly, but i also don't want to be with one. For me, a committed relationship needs to be one on one.
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After months and months of challenges, we're good. We fixed it... we fixed everything... He's regained my trust and life is good! The cherry on top? He proposed! On July 2nd, 2012 my Master, my Owner, my Lover and my very best friend announced to the world at the top of his lungs that i am the one for Him and that He wants me for the rest of our lives! |
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working it out, now we're working together professionally which is certainly making it easier. got a puppy too so it's becoming easier to train the kitty while also training the puppy. |
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Enough work and cooperation on both of our parts and i do really think we can make it through all of our troubles. Sometimes it's hard to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel when you're surrounded by your fears but that focus is what will get you there and if you make it, you may just overcome some of those fears along the way. |
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I just keep reminding myself that the road to a happy relationship is paved with challenges... can't expect it to mean much if there's nothing to overcome but i'm tired... wearing down. So many needs go unmet and I'd be amazed if he even notices, or cares. i wish more than anything else in this world that love would be enough to sustain us but it's not. *sigh* |
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Coming up on almost a year now with my Sir, Nathaniel87. We now have 2 sweet kittens that we rescued as strays in our neighborhood who are our babies (they even keep us up at night... oh well, good practice, i guess). As i look back on the last year and what i/We have gone through, survived, learned from and grown from, i can honestly say i'm pretty happy with my life now. i'm finally working full time as a photographer (one of my dreams) and i'm even beginning to build a client base outside of work. i'm still making kitty costumes and loving it, even working on ears and tails that move kinesthetically with no electronics to mess with/ worry about/ be noisy. Once we get a working prototype i think we'll be swamped with orders (i've already had lots of people say they'd buy them at any cost, a even more who said for under $300, they'd drop the money today!) So next is the joy of building a website so we can get all this really off the ground and running. Soon, we'll be getting Sir back into school so He can finish and with any luck, getting a nicer apartment in the next 6 months to a year. Sir has also decided to officially collar me (once we can afford it) with a lovely wyred slave collar which He intends to hand-make charms for! i love being with a man as wonderfully creative as i am and who appreciates my ideas and talents as much as He does! again, lucky girl here. |
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Lucky girl now lives with her Sir and very happily so :) We're going on 6 months now and life is all well and good at least for the time being. i do so love my Sir <3 |
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Nathaniel87 has decided to make it official. i now belong to Him and am quite pleased about it. The tag on my collar reads "Nathan's Bella" Bella is the name He chose for me as His girl and kitten. It's a beautiful name, thank You, Sir.
i know i spoke to lots of people recently and to be completely honest, i didn't think He and i were going anywhere as He seemed unwilling to make any kind of commitment, even to acknowledge W/we were dating so i began to look elsewhere. The details of this matter are between He and i but the point is that He knows of these actions and Has chosen to overlook them.
To those i was speaking to, my sincere apologies. my intention was never to mislead or tease, things just turned out differently than i thought.
And to my Sir, Nathan, i love you and am very sorry. i'm so lucky to have such an understanding and forgiving Owner. Thank you for being so wonderful, You are my world. |
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updated my photos... lots of new kitty ones! |
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trouble in paradise... *sigh* i need to catch a break. |
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I know nobody's heard from me in a while but i've been so wonderfully pre-occupied!
Any of you who follow me in the video chat here have probably noticed me talking a good bit with Nathaniel87. A few weeks ago we met up in person and hit it off really well. There was great chemistry almost immediately and we've spent most of the time since together.
He fulfills me and makes me feel so much safer and happier than anyone else really has... in his arms nothing can get to me *blushes*. He's so understanding of my past and accepts me for everything i am, even the parts i'd rather forget. He's romantic and funny and so gentle and sweet and i can really be myself around him.
i love him so very much and don't know how i could ever thank him for being so wonderful. i am the luckiest girl :) |
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Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Everything has been absolutely wonderful!
On my birthday i met a guy who contacted me through another site and i could not have been happier with the results. He treated me like an absolute queen the whole night. He picked me up from work and we had a wonderful dinner, We bar hopped a bit and ended up talking at ihop until 4:30 in the morning.
Yesterday, he also picked me up from work and we had a repeat of the night before, and we hung out until the end of the night (which was actually around 5:15 am)
Also my friends went all out for the party they threw me, with cake and cupcakes and decorations... balloons and flowers and presents, it was amazing! i have such wonderful friends! |
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Happy Birthday to me...
So i thought i would share my thoughts on birthdays since mine is today... i'm jealous of all these people who always end up surrounded by great friends and good food and drink for their birthdays and get wonderful gifts and big awesome parties... i usually end up with nothing but disappointment. i was talking to a friend today about it and i choose to quote him "As you get older, birthdays are less about making the day awesome, and more about making the day suck less."
i think that's actually true and i think it fucking sucks. Why can't birthdays be awesome as adults? Why can't you expect your friends to throw a huge party for you and get you nice things? i'm not saying mine aren't, in fact, i have high hopes for this year. After work, i'm meeting a friend and we're going to hang out. On Thursday (my next day off) my roomies are having a little get together with another friend for the expressed purpose of celebrating me. Friday i'm going out after work and Saturday there's a party at a local kink group that i'll be at.
i'm doing a bunch of cool stuff this year, but it bugs me that the last few have sucked so bad and that i often hear people say "it's just another day". I propose that Birthdays should not just be another day... that you should automatically have off work and that your friends should throw you a party and there should be cake and alcohol and the people who like you should celebrate your existence and life should be fucking awesome for a day.
So in summary:
Today is my Birthday, i've officially now graced the Earth for 23 years...
Birthdays are and should be a big deal...
Make sure that you let people you love know that you care by doing something nice for their Birthday...
That is all for now.
=^.^= |
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"i would rather have you hate me for everything i am than love me for something i'm not"
i heard this today and it got me thinking about what i am not...
i am somewhat masochistic, i am NOT a major painslut.
i am a good slave, i am NOT a doormat.
i can be devoted and loyal to the end, a life-long lover, i am NOT going to allow myself to endure another abusive relationship.
i am NOT into humiliation.
i am NOT open to relocation.
please, love me for all of the things i AM and can be, but don't try to make me something i'm not and don't want to be. |
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..."hold me and tell me we'll burn like stars"...
yea, i want love like that. |
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Finally in Houston! it feels like i've been waiting for this for so long... i guess i have been. i've wanted to come back since before i ever left and this is really a dream come true. i slept well last night, the first time in as long as i can really remember, and i'm so at peace today... i'm finally where i belong. |
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Sitting in the airport as i type this and it's causing me to really look back at this life i'm about to leave behind and i came to a rather painful realization... there is nothing here i will miss other than my parent's dogs and cat. Even when i'm here i don't hang out with old friends in person, it's mostly online. i can do that just as easily from Houston. My little brother cried when i left, he tried to hide it, but he'll be in San Antonio soon for boot camp and then who knows... i just find it jarring that there is literally nothing to keep me here.
On the other hand, it only makes me look forward to my new life even more. New start, new life and i really couldn't be happier. |
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why is it so much to ask to be honest? you need to not only be honest with me, but with yourself, if you don't have time for a relationship, don't waste mine getting to know you and fall for you. If you don't really want a commitment, don't act like you do and string me along... i'm so tired of this shit!
Just love me... for me... for everything i am and everything i have to offer... total love, devotion and obedience. |
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Fuck it... i'm moving to Houston. i have the most wonderful friend there who will help me get on my feet and i'm moving at the end of this month.
also, i hate snow. |
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Soo... some unfortunate soul has decided to try to scam me... little did he know that i'm quite comfortable navigating the interwebs and busted him. His sn here is roberto22 and he is running a money mule fishing scam. He will tell you that you can make $400 for every payment you recieve and wire to his company. Now, he claims to be working for a textile fabrics limited company England, and offers the website terrysfabrics.co.uk which is a real site. i've already contacted them and informed them of this. His yahoo sn is roberto.barbin. He claims to be Middle Eastern living in GA on his profile, but he tells you he lives in Springfield, IL when he talks to you online, even though at 11 this morning he asked me how my day was and seemed confused when i said it was just starting (meaning, he's not even in the US). He magically stopped talking to me when i asked to speak with a supervisor and 3 employee references, imagine that.
DON'T BE FOOLED, PEOPLE! THIS IS NOT REAL! BE SUSPICIOUS OF ANYTHING THAT EVEN SOUNDS A LITTLE LIKE THIS!
On another note since my day has started poorly anyways... i'm now anti- Borders book store. My mom bought a book for Christmas for my ex there and tried to return it after we broke up (still 2 weeks before Christmas) she could not find the reciept, but it had their sticker on it and was in perfect condition. They refused to even give her store credit and claims that this is their policy. Regardless of what their policy is, not being able to return something in perfect condition for store credit is LAME! KEEP YOUR RECIEPTS, PEOPLE!
Now, have a better day than me. |
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Happy New Year, everyone! may 2010 bring you exactly what you deserve! |
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please don't message me if you can't handle my intensity... if things feel right, i like to persue them. i love the process of getting to know someone new and becoming obsessed with them, but if this is too much for you, don't even bother wasting my time or yours. i'm also so tired of superficial, one dimentional doms. if you can't carry an intelligent conversation, again, don't waste my time or yours. i'm so tired of getting jerked around! |
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"Last Christmas i gave you my heart and the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, i'll give it to someone special" |
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| Age: 30 |
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New Mexico |
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