Collarspace.com

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Very new at this... not sure what to write. I received several messages, and I see I must clarify things a little. I listed my orientation as 'submissive' because in the game that I am eager to try I want to be on the receiving side (like in I want to receive a spanking, not to give one). However my nature is not at all submissive, I have always been obstinate and kind of strong willed.
I am not looking for an owner, or to be trained to be a submissive, or for being a long term slave, or things like that. I am just looking for a special session with someone who enjoys giving me what I want just as I like receiving it. Please, no 'Master' here or 'Dom' there, I hate those names. If you want to be called Sir or look for someone to discipline or who will serve you, even if just in words, I am not for you.

My only experiences in this field are in my mind, but I have had this type of fantasies for as long as I can remember. With time they are getting stronger and more detailed, but the essence is always been the same. Physically I am good looking, but this shouldn't matter much as I am not looking for sex partners. What I find extremelly arousing is the idea of being in the full power of somebody who wants to use my body and do nasty things to me just for his personal fun.
I think I am old enough to move from fantasy to reality. I do realize reality may be, and likely will be, very different from my dreams, but I don't care. I need to do it full blown, and I was thinking of tricking myself in a position where I have no choice. Just like to get in a cool pool the best way is to run and jump, once you are in the air it is too late to worry that the water may be cold.

Guess I don't feel comfortable listing here the things I want to try, so I used the love, like, and so on section. Of course the level of how much I like the things is based on my expectations, not on real experience: when I say I am a 'beginner' it just means I am willing to try, not that i have done it already. After I try I'll change the level (if I still want to do it).

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2/13/2016 12:56:34 PM
Things didn't change much. I keep receiving invitations from guys too lazy (or too mighty) to read my profile, or not clever enough to understand what I am trying to say. But I got better in ignoring them (even if I still feel a little guilty not answering someone who took the time to write me).
At least there have been a few of you who sent me nice words trying to encourage me, without asking anything in return. Thank you again.

In this cold day I stayed home, and I did something someone told could help me in understanding myself. Not sure it works but it was fun. I took what is called a bdsm test, something to see how kinky I am. I have no idea if there is any scientific basis, but I cannot really disagree with the results... It turned out I am some kind of "rope bunny". I like it, it sounds so cute!

Anyway in the remote case someone is interested in the findings of my test, they are in this place:
http://bdsmtest.org/result.p-h-p?id=1430488  (remove the dashes between p-h-p)
There is a nice pdf, with charts and stuff... not sure I really understand all of it.


Hint: before writing me, why don't you take a peek? Just to see if we have at least something in common? Please?

1/12/2016 5:24:38 PM
Guess I'll give a try to this 'journal' thing.
Already mid January. For personal reasons I had to take a break for a few weeks and so I had some time to think things over. I am thoroughly confused. When I discovered this place last December it was a great relief for me to realize I was not such a freak after all, or at least that I was in good company. But from all the contacts I had since I started here it looks like I was wrong and I don't fit the mold even of the girls of this place. What am I? Are there other girls with my condition? I think I have a split personality, I want my body to be used and abused badly, but my mind is not at all submissive, I would say it is almost leaning to the 'dom' (yuck!) side.
On the contrary it appears that everybody here wants the full package, someone that is submissive in body and mind. And to make thing worse it looks like most of the 'doms' here expect the 'subs' to be dim-witted. Maybe it is just that the 'subs' like to play that role, I don't know. I certainly don't, I just cannot stand being talked down or in a patronizing way. When I read someone using capitalized words for anything referring to "Themselves" I just feel the urge to kick the writer in the balls, and not just a virtual kick. Even the words 'dom', 'master' and the like annoy me. I know, I am weird.

All everybody here writes me is about 'training' me, about me joining the 'lifestyle' (I am not sure I even understand what that means), teaching me 'the ropes' or whatever to make me fit in the role expected of me.
I was almost ready to give up but I decided to give another try. I realize now it was not easy as I expected, it was not just picking one out of several offers and go for it. It will take some time not just a week or two to find the right person, but why not?

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mercuriapax
 
 Age: 20
  New York