Today is  my Birthday and I am 52.  Damn, thats old !.  I thought my 50's would be great.  I thought I would be established in love, home, work, and life.  I am 3 1/2 years post my 2nd divorce.  I am in a job I don't like, tired of school and am not in love.  Yes, I have great friends and many things I am grateful for.  I really have no true complaints.  I hope to have a good job someday when school is out.  I have a great roommate and nice apartment to live in.  Still that love thing keeps nagging me.  Mr Right -vs- Mr. Right Now.... the men that I want and desire don't want me... the men that are good for me, I cannot commit to... then there are the others that just want to play and nothing more... 

I am happy with myself and know that someday I will find what I am looking for.  I just need to be patient. 

Well, Happy Birthday to me.  I cooked a t-bone, with grilled asparagus and portabella mushrooms.. yum.. I got cards at work, e-cards from friends, and phone calls from family.  I am loved.

I have been "single" now for a few years.  Have had three boyfriends, none of which lasted very long.  I seem to attract men who have not gotten over thier last "love" and are not ready to love again.  No one seems to know what they are looking for either.  I think we all know, but don't want to admit it.  We may be trying to cover up our pain, to not surrender to the possibility that there can be love again.  If we say we want to have a LTR and perhaps marriage again, we scare off possible matches.  Some say they want that just to get you into bed or play.  (aka players)  Others think they can handle a sex/play only relationship, then find out they are becoming attached to thier partner, then feel the need to back off or run away.  Then there are the ones who only want to have fun, no strings attached, and can do it for awhile, but the downside is the loneliness and lack of companionship.  After time, this becomes unsatisfactory.
These are just some of my ramblings.