I did it!! :) I feel so pleased, now all the denial stuff is routine it feels like I don't often do things specifically to please him. And I did :) It feels better than I remember. X

When we first started doing this about 10 months ago, we would chat so much. Now we're both back at uni etc, we haven't got nearly as much time. And when we do have time, it isn't always coordinated with each other. I feel like we have spoken more in the past few weeks though, and at some point this week or next we're going to get back into our old habit of the dreaded webcam! Because it's been so long, I'm as nervous about it as I was the first time round!! I think with that kind of thing, the more you do it the more you become used to it. Whilst I know I'll be OK with getting undressed for him, I also know there are bits which I get in a flap over!! I've been told to expect to do something this time around which I couldn't do last time, which has me worrying already! I so want to do it for him, especially as I didn't last time. But the thing in question is no easier now than it would have been last time, so I suppose it's a test of how much I want to do it for him. I was also told to expect other new things to test me a bit.. eek :) Definitely scary, but I'm trying to look on it as a positive. I get to show him how much I want to please him. WISH ME LUCK ! :) x

Me again :) It still feels strange to write what I'm thinking here, I'm not sure how many people read it.

 My main focus at the moment is trying to do the things I'm asked to, rather than just sticking to the rules. When I'm offered something, I generally have a go at trying to get something even better for myself when I should be gracious and accept what I've been given in the first place. It feels like I get in trouble a lot for that, being good isn't as easy as I'd like! I wish I were naturally more good (if that makes sense :) ), sometimes I worry that he will think I'm not as submissive as he wants. But I am, I just can't help myself sometimes. I just need to make a more conscious effort I suppose, not doing the things I'm not allowed is much easier than actively making an effort to do the things he asks of me.

 Everytime I get good at doing something, I think thats it. I'm a perfect sub!! Then he asks something new of me, and I realise there's so much more to go. All part of the learning process :) x

I've been waiting for 5 weeks and 4 days, and I still have 7 weeks and 2 days left. AHHH!!!! I'm starting to worry about how I'll manage.. In the beginning, a punishment was to wait 2 weeks. Now it's normal to wait THIRTEEN! Maybe I will start a little countdown :) It's hard to even imagine how felt when I used to have one every day. How much I want one now, I would do quuuite a lot to get that back for even just one day. Better not to think too much about it :)  

I found out a few days ago that I'm waiting till April 20th to have my next orgasm. Which feels forever away right now! I've been asked to keep this more up to date, just with anything I've been thinking about recently - good or bad. I used to find it very difficult not to ask for an orgasm when I wanted, which is all the time. I've been getting better at it though, and when I think that way now I'm going to write it here instead. So there you go.. I WANT AN ORGASM! :)

Sir has given me two weeks of no touch & no knickers from 28.01.12 - 11.02.12 for not sending him pictures of me when he asked.