|
|
|
|
|
Het Dom in Bay Area. I have a full time 7/24 Slave Kitty at home.
Instructions:
The point of this email is to have you answer a few questions.
(1) If you are D/s trained and aware, then you can skip “The Trip to Rome.”
(2) If you are not sure what I mean by D/s, then please read “The Trip to Rome.”
(3) Please read WHERE D/s ORIGINATED
(4) Please read the Section “ABOUT GORDON” and the other sections.
(5) Take the Interview and put your answers in the section at the end.
Why the questions?
Because I have grown particular with time. I prefer to spend playtime with partners who are not only “willing”, but also “wired” for my kind of interaction. I am a well-mannered, intelligent, successful male executive who has a particular kind of sexual wiring and I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
By sending you these questions, I am checking in to see where your wiring leads. Therefore, honest answers really help both of us. This is going to require some trust on your part - but all you are doing is answering an email. This is not a high-risk medium.
========== THE TRIP TO ROME ==========
They have a saying in Europe about a trip to Rome that has been appropriated by the BDSM crowd. The saying is:
“If you travel through Italy from North to South, stop and evaluate your trip when you get to Rome. If you liked Northern Italy, but don’t really like Rome, then stop going South because it gets a lot worse and you will not like it.
On the other hand, if you rather like Rome, then keep going South because it gets a lot better and you will love it.”
The “Trip to Rome” then is a Rorschach test that has little to do with Rome itself and everything to do with the individual doing the traveling.
A proper introduction to BDSM is a series of short, safe journeys that are parallels to a “Trip to Rome.” If you like certain trips, then keep going a bit because “it gets better.” If you dislike the trips, don’t keep going because they get “worse.”
First, let’s get rid of some troubling generalities. BDSM is not just a mouth full, it encompasses practices that terrify even many of those who fit the broad description. From here on, we will only discuss D/s (Domination/submission), which itself has several major forms and degrees of intensity within the forms. Furthermore, in order to shorten the discussion time, we will focus on a somewhat limited sub-form of D/s within these parameters: Male Dominant / female submissive with an emphasis on safe-and-sane journeys-of-experience. (Sound boring? [or] Sound scary? - The trip to Rome begins here for you.)
Note: None of what follows implies that women are “inferior” or “belong on the bottom” or that they are in any way unequal as person to men with regards to human rights, pay scale, etc. My mother was a successful educator and real feminist – and I suspect she was also a “bottom” in the bedroom. She is not around to ask, but I have my reasons to believe so.
It is one of my goals to mix D/s with a mutual respect based relationship.
A disqualifier: I am not talking about merely kinky people here. In fact, there are people who are bored with vanilla sex and will do just about anything to relieve their boredom. They will veer all over the map of top/bottom, role play, multiple partners, group sex, play toys, scat … you name it and they will do it.
Mind you, I have nothing against kinky per se. Kinky can be fun. But kinky is not D/s unless it follows a pattern of one person being in the primary role of Top and the other person submitting to them. If either or both persons “switch” back and forth, then it is not the point of this discussion.
=========WHERE D/s ORIGINATED ==========
D/s is likely a natural adaptation. The human species was modernized genetically roughly 50,000 years ago. Any of our ancestors from that long ago could be born into our time and adapt without them knowing they were from another era, nor we knowing it. Since that time, human history has been one long story of low intensity tribal warfare interspersed with occasional short bursts of total war or total peace.
For most of human history, the most valuable product of tribal war was land and people. Pre industrial folks had very few possessions; even stored food only arrived about 7,000 years ago. “Land” meant good locations with access to water or protection; “People” meant some form of forced servitude or slavery. Women made far better slaves than men. Women were easier to control, and quite capable of doing the majority of any labor required. In addition, women were desired for sex. So typically, anthropologists tell us that tribal war resulted in a lot of dead male losers and captured females.
After being captured, the women had only two real paths they could take. One was a lifetime of rebellion and attempted escape. But escape seems pointless if one’s tribe was wiped out (no where to return to) and rebellion provides an easy way to make an example of the rebels. Many women adapted to capture simply by being as seductive, pliant and submissive as possible. If they pleased a powerful man, he would protect them. If you repeat this process enough generations (and the evidence is that I have just described 75% of human history) then at some point Darwinian pressures take over and we are more likely than not to have “selected for” some parts of the population being female submissives. (The rebels got killed off and the submitters had children, etc.)
What about the men? As a man, a successful executive, and a Dom, I will let you in on a secret. Most men lose at the game of life. In any group of men, there are 5% leaders and 95% followers. In herds of horses, the lead stallion keeps all the mares for himself and forces the other stallions to be the “border guards” to get eaten first by predators. People are not so different.
All of the above sounds cruel, and history has been very cruel to both men and women. I am not suggesting that I be cruel to you in fulfillment of some grand human cycle. In fact, I am far too protective to be cruel in most traditional senses of the word.
But mixed in with the cruelty is our wiring. And our wiring gets us to the pleasure principle pretty quickly. If we fight our wiring, we get frustrated, bored and no satisfaction. If we are able to non-destructively use our own wiring, we get to avoid the trap exposed by Henry David Thoreau, who said “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” (Many would say that it applies equally to women.)
Is any of this like the (ahem) “Planet Gor” novels? No. Those grimy pulp novels are fantasy fiction about two dimensional characters and men of very limited imagination. (All women get beaten, tortured and pissed upon until they reach sexual climax, etc.)
What about the reverse? Sissy men, Leather women, Pedophiles, Burn-Me Girls, etc.? Those things are way beyond this profile. If you need more info on these things, find the books by Roy F. Baumeister, Ph.D. He explains all of these variances. It is a big topic. For this post, let’s stick with the fact that in all species where the male is a lot bigger than the female, there is some natural-born D/s in the wiring.
TISSS: If I am driving 75 on the Interstate and someone passes my car, I instantly think they are driving like a maniac. If I get behind someone who is going 5 MPH slower, I think they are diving like a preacher. Everyone is like this to some degree. We “feel” that someone taking more risk than us is “crazy” and someone taking less risk is “boring.” The actual speed at which we drive has nothing to do with it.
Similarly, all kinky people see other people who live vanilla lives (no kinky sex) and we declare them terminally boring. But if we see someone taking risks we won’t take, or doing kinky things we don’t like, we all say “That Is Some SICK Shit” – TISSS. And we know that it is a crazy thing to say, but we say it anyway. In the Interview below, you are welcome to put TISSS against things that are too far a reach for you.
========== ABOUT GORDON ==========
About Me:
I am a Dom. My name is Gordon. I am a successful scientist turned businessman. I have been married, divorced and I have grown children. I am healthy and strong as an ox, but I work too much and I am not in the physical shape I would prefer.
I have a full-time, live-in sub at home and she is great. I will call her “Kitty.” I love her and treat her very well. She wears my collar and lives her life on her own terms. She is an artist and I have freed her from the need to earn a living, as artwork seldom does so. Among other things, I have put her and all of her children through University. I am committed to keeping her, giving her a good life – complete with love, and protecting her. Like most subs, she is quite insecure about her “job” and wants to please. She is committed to making me happy. It works. People who know us think we have an unusual relationship, but they don’t have a clue why. They just notice that we are very close and happy.
Kitty is free to ask me for more male companionship. If she wants a “boyfriend,” she can have one, but she must ask. This is because I cannot give up my job of protecting her and I cannot do so if she is randomly promiscuous. She agrees 100% with this clause and she has the experience to know that she very much needs my protection.
Kitty does not like group sex, but she does like to be held down by another man while I use her. This is an “edge experience” for her and takes her to a very intense place. The role of the other man is to hold her firmly and tell her how she will be used by other men when I am done with her. She likes it pretty rough in these sessions, but no real damage is done. She has the option of having sex with the other man when I am done with her, but she has not taken up this option thus far. If I told her to do so, she would, but I leave this up to her for now.
Kitty likes to watch other women submitting to me. She gets nervous if I have sex with them while she watches (because she is insecure, etc.), but she gets excited to watch the before and after interactions of seeing another woman wear a collar, watching her take to the leash, and especially hearing me give the woman orders to follow. She does not have a cruel attitude about this; it is just arousing for her to watch another woman submit to me. I need to be in good condition for these events, because after I have used another woman, Kitty wants to be up all night playing, submitting and finding all those O’s that got wasted by everyone else. (In the hotel where we were for the last of these sessions, I had to order room service at 3AM because she worked so hard and got so hungry.)
All of this is the very occasional thing of course. Our lives are full of work like everyone else’s. For the most part, I only have Kitty participate in any kind of extreme play (as in with another person involved) about once a year. These things take careful planning and we usually locate the events in another city.
So a typical day at our house is for me to wake early and go to work. I will call and talk to Kitty several times each day. While we go out to dinner often, she also holds “entertainment night” about once a week and tries hard to please me. This usually involves her wearing a little black slip and a collar, making some drinks and her getting spanked before more serious matters occur. She puts her collar on at “quitting time” every day. We are playful, but our interactions are not a joke. She is not afraid of me.
About once a month, Kitty gets a white envelope delivered to her. She sits up straight, opens the envelope and follows the instructions. They tell her what to wear, where to go and how to act. I am not trying to project onto her, but it seems that these are the highlights of her life. In fact, the only real reason I bring other people (men or women) into sessions is because if Kitty knows I might do that sometimes, it makes her wonder EVERY time who is touching her when she puts on her blindfold. And these adventures turn Kitty, who is normally a highly sexed sub, into a high intensity play toy with an appetite for anything and everything.
Someone once tried to hurt Kitty when we were out in public (not a high risk location either.) Kitty watched while I protected her; and she is aware that I deliberately decided to not kill the man, but that I thought about it. (She told me later that watching me beat up someone who tried to hurt her was one of the most erotic experiences in her life. Not so for me. I was in the military during the Vietnam War and I have no correlation between man-to-man fights and sex. It’s just war to me.)
========== What do I want from you?==========
100% safe, sane and consensual. From you I want playtime, submission and submissive sex. I want you to wear a collar, follow instructions and be hooked to a leash (this is not being walked like a dog; it is just a very visible sign of your submission). I seldom need you to kneel and never to crawl (unless you have one of those sexy crawling-makes-men-crazy kind of moves )
I also want you to be an intelligent, interesting, sexy dinner companion. I hate just going to the bedroom. I like to look at you for a while – and let the tension build. I like the company of bright women. Most subs are kind of “snarky”. That is, they have a definite attitude about things, which often gets them into some trouble. I don’t need you to be meek and quiet all the time. Just be yourself and know that when I get around to giving orders, you are going to follow them, please me and get your own pleasure.
I am very demanding in the bedroom, or wherever I decide to use a sub. I don’t like hearing the word “No” during sex play.
You will have a caution word and a safe word. If you already have them, then I can learn yours. I prefer to not undo any training you have done. If you don’t have your own safe word, then I will give you one. If you use it, that means playtime is over. It is just like saying “No”, but it is not “No” – it means you are past your limits.
After our first encounter, I will introduce you to the blindfold. It will add its magic to the events. This will almost always be after we have talked for a while.
I do not like being called “Master”, but I do like being called “Mister Gordon”, or “sir”, but never “Sir Gordon”, which is just silly.
I like to spank, but more in a playful mode than in a punishment mode. I don’t need any role-play for spanking, although schoolgirl uniforms are very convenient for the processes involved. Spanking is a 10% of the time thing for me. Control is a 100% of the time thing for me.
I am strongly control oriented. I do not prefer women who want a lot of pain, humiliation or abuse. The exception is that if a woman is otherwise a good match, and they just like these things, but not as a main course, then I am well trained in serving them up.
I own a lot of rope. You may not see much of it, but I will likely want to tie you up at times. I am more into bondage than immobilization. I don’t want to tie you such that you cannot move at all, just so I can control you while I use you.
The Long Term: After a couple of times together, you and I will discuss if you are a good candidate for a session with Kitty. I am neutral on this topic because things work best if everyone is wired right for such sessions.
======= ANSWERS TO INTERVIEW QUESTIONS ======
All Questions are answered on a 1 to 5 scale or with Yes/No
1 – Yech – TISSS -or- Strongly Disagree
2 – Not interested -or- Disagree
3 – Willing to do for money, but not my thing -or- Neither agree or disagree
4 – That is interesting to me -or- Agree
5 – You read my diary! -or- That is hot! -or- Strongly agree
You are the “I” in the following questions.
Q1: I am a submissive woman (1 to 5)
Q2: I think I am submissive, but I lack experience (1 to 5)
Q3: I have worn a collar or been tied up during sex (Yes/No)
Q4: My opinion of the explanation of “WHERE D/s ORIGINATED” (1 to 5)
Q5: The part about women being slaves and submitting arouses me (1 to 5)
Q6: Reading Kitty’s story aroused me (1 to 5)
Q7: I want to be held down while another man uses me (1 to 5)
Q8: I want to watch another woman submit to a Dom (1 to 5)
Q9: I have worn a blindfold during sex and things happened I did not expect (Yes/No)
If “Yes”, it was exciting to be blindfolded and surprised (1 to 5)
Q10: I know exactly why you sent me this email – I identify with the description of being a snarky sub who needs protection at the oddest times (1 to 5)
Q11: When I play with myself, I have submissive / rape / bondage fantasies (1 to 5)
Q12: I like soft pain during intense sex (some nipple pulling, etc.) (1 to 5)
Q13: I like soft pain as foreplay to sex (1 to 5)
Q14: I am a pain slut and I like to be whipped (1 to 5)
Q15: I really like to please powerful men (1 to 5)
Q16: Being tied up arouses me (1 to 5)
Q17: Being spanked arouses me (1 to 5)
Q18: I want to wear a collar (1 to 5)
Q19: I am much more hard core than your descriptions – this bores me (1 to 5)
Q20: I want to meet Kitty (1 to 5)
|
|
|
|
