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I am new to this whole scene, but I am really interested in getting involved in a sub/dom relationship. Think I would be a lot better as a sub, but I'm open to anything.
I've been interested in BDSM for a while now, but never broke the mental barrier to actually doing it. There are some things which seem a bit too obscure for me, but I am now completely ready to try things out.
As I have not ever participated in any kind of D/s relationship, I cannot speak from experience. I can, however, speak of my reasoning behind being so interested in it.
The first thing I saw of BDSM was, well, the porn. And at first sight, it didn't seem all that attractive to me. I mean, it did but it didn't. I think it would be a completely different thing if I was actually participating, but watching was an oddity. At first.
But after a bit of mental conditioning, I became more apt to it and began enjoying it. Now, people have told me it is nothing like porn, and I am really all open for that. What interests me is not the visual stimulation as much as the power struggle, the trust, and the idea of control. Those thoughts have almost been obsessive to me lately.
I have found in my past (vanilla) relationships that I was often too submissive to have a normal relationship. I remember asking girls what they wanted me to do, to which they glared at me and told me that it was my job to do that. To decide. I never wanted that job. And I always fantasized them getting angry at me and showing me what they wanted. It never occurred to me that that could be suggestive of larger things. Until now.
I, of course, have many other interests. I am an avid writer and musician, and love those wholeheartedly. I wouldn't give those up for anything in the world. And that may be an unattractive statement to many Dommes. But I stand by it. I am willing to give up plenty, but within the realms of reality. It is a fantasy. It is something I wish to make into a lifestyle. But it is not a complete transformation in all aspects. I will stand by those other things which I enjoy, as I see that as being exactly as important as this.
I would like someone to train me to be a good sub, in the end. That's what I really want. But I am moreso here to learn more about it, to understand more about myself, and to communicate with others.
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