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flowerchild3539

flowerchild3539 - photo 1

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She does not need for you to erase the lines that define her, but to help her draw them more clearly. She does not need to be tempted with flowery words and promises, but to take her with honesty and integrity. The truth is far more interesting than any lie you will ever create. Dont mistake her easy going manner or simple taste for ignorance. A good sub is worth her weight in gold. That makes me worth $391,000.00 at the current price. A good Dom is worth waiting for. That makes him worth at least one more day of patience on my part. A good relationship with a trusted and loving partner... priceless.

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1/12/2014 7:47:45 PM

Here is an interesting scenario I have come across a few times in the last few years. As I start to approach the big 50 I have had the opportunity  to meet a few gentlemen who are older than me, by even 10 years or more. I hear them say they are looking for a slave to take care of them but they are not really interested in someone their own age. They want someone younger with lots of energy. They don't want to be in a relationship. They just want some young "slave" to come live with them and take care of them. They often can't sexually perform anymore and their expectation is that they can keep her happy with toys. I just want to know if this is an early onset of dementia because what sane person thinks that is ever going to happen? Granted, you may find a young woman willing to participate in your shenanigans for just long enough to find out if you have any money and where it is hidden.. or any pain pills... etc. Yeah... yall feel free to let me know how that is working out for you.


10/22/2013 4:43:11 PM

Coming 4 months down the road and looking back at that last journal entry I have to laugh. Always been one to wear my heart right out there on my sleeve.. no doubt about it. Feeling much calmer now but not because of any man thats for sure. Just finding ways to keep my shit together and weed through the day to day... blah blah blah..

I was thinking tonight though about how every date in my life now revolves around one past relationship. It was 3 and half years ago. There was my life before 3 and half years ago and then there is life since then. Living in the life since then sucks in whole new ways I never knew before. However, it does go on and I must go with it and I must try to figure out how to do it with what is left after that relationship.

First question is what is left?  This is going to be a short list.

My faith is still intact

My hair is much longer (I still cant bring myself to cut it)

I still have bits and pieces of the little girl.. she shows up in my work

I have more self control

I have less tolerance for bullshit

I have some confidence I didnt have before.

I am able to be alone.

I learned how to pray my way through some intense pain

 

I wont try to list what I lost... no point in that.

 

Not sure what the point of any of this is except that sometimes its a good idea to take inventory so you know what you have to work with. If I ever want a relationship again... that might be good to know.

 


6/3/2013 2:05:35 PM
Oh oh oh she is going down. Due to a lack of necessary spankings and discipline she has slowly become crazy....not herself. Lashing out at any male stupid enough to attempt contact without the right tools. If you ain't swinging something in wood or leather just stay home. If you are more interested in getting your dick sucked than righting the balance of an out of control subby then stay the hell home. If you don't have a clue what I am talking about DO NOT ask me to explain it and please please stay the hell out of my inbox. If you are a sadistic bastard looking for an easy mark, stay the hell home. If you understand what I am talking about and think you are just the one to right it stay the hell home. The only kind that need approach should be trained and not looking to take ownership. Ha! Ownership! What a crock of crap!

5/21/2013 6:27:18 PM

what the hell am i doing here anymore?

 


4/12/2013 9:23:54 AM

Its been a while since I have been here. I am not sure why but I seem to attract the strangest people. Maybe it is because I believe in giving most everyone a chance to prove who they are before I make assumptions. However, when a man tells you he is the first horseman of the apocalypse... well... sometimes you just gotta run like hell!


12/30/2012 6:45:38 AM

I broke through last night. The scared little girl that didnt think she could ever play again allowed that wanton slut inside me to finally resurface. It felt good to feel sexy again. It felt good to enjoy sex again. There was only one or two moments when those raw emotions nearly took me down. I could hear his voice as if in the distance, faintly calling me back to wallow in the hurt and my own guilt echoing back that I cant live like that any more. I cried when it was over. Great gigantic sobs. I thought at first it was maybe the last of the great hurt, letting itself out, but during the moaning and groaning that seemed to come from my toes, I sense relief, pouring out of me. Relief that I am not broken completely and that restoration is possible. Thank you to the patient and caring man who took the time to listen and help me through this process. There are some real Dom's out there and they don't ever get the credit they deserve because they are quietly going about the business of being so. 


12/13/2012 6:52:29 PM

Happiness is knowing where and who I belong with. Joy.. unspeakable joy

 


7/23/2012 8:49:00 PM

I still miss him. He doesnt care if I do. I can change neither of those.


7/23/2012 8:46:00 PM

Farm life agrees with me. Early to rise and two hours of work before most are out of bed. Lots to keep my busy and my mind occupied all day. Lessons, lots of life lessons about not being in control of everything, letting nature take its course and being patient for the outcome. Not needing to save every creature born malformed or sick. Not playing God. Not prolonging the misery of the inevitable. I read the other day that the universe is liquid and the holes in our souls that we keep open because of ones we have lost and miss will be filled eventually if we only allow it. There is a small trickle in ... just a trickle and I wonder when did I get so old that I no longer rush headlong into the next phase? When did I become so reserved? Can I no longer live with my arms and heart wide open or are those days behind me for good?


6/30/2012 12:29:18 PM

Today I am grateful for EVERYTHING! Happy Birthday to me!

 


5/30/2012 11:08:38 AM

Going to be leaving for Fla next Monday. Going there to live and help my best friend run her farm. First time in my life I have done something that wasnt for or revolved around a man... Perhaps that will ensure my success. Cant wait


5/20/2012 11:19:52 AM

Wow.. just 10 minutes here and I have had to block two senders of email containing nudity and one asking me if I am fertile??? WTH???   Reminds me why i seldom come here.


3/27/2012 9:29:25 PM

There is a place inside every man where he goes, where he needs to be alone and where no woman should ever venture. I read these words as a young girl for the first time in a poem and even then I understood.


3/27/2012 9:26:17 PM

He told someone today that I will go away eventually. Yes I still follow his movements to the extent that I can. But it does not take knowing what time he signed on or signed off or who is on his friends list for me to know how he is. I know he still thinks of me and I know the distance he maintains is for my good as well as his own. I know he turns over at night on his left side and thinks of my wrist in his hand and the way he would whisper in my ear. I know it still hurts us both. He is thinking of other women now. Building relationships and tearing them down as he is prone to do but Jill still lives in his heart. He told me so. Her bright eyes will always be shining for him.


3/21/2012 7:32:49 PM

I was on my way to work this morning and I started thinking about a man who can control his physical urges enough to make me wait, tease me and take the time to build a raging fire before he takes what he has created... i actually got turned on. Maybe whats been broken is starting to heal.


3/17/2012 9:43:45 PM

Orlando is a beautiful city, but there is a little spot of heaven just north of Ocala. I spent a couple of days there with my best friend. She gave me the key to her house before I left and told me if I ever need a place to live... It is so tempting to run away and hide. Maybe I could sort out this mess that is my insides and get a direction.  I still wake up sometimes to the sound of him calling my name. I pray for him when the pain is just too great. Somehow it helps.


3/4/2012 4:39:25 AM

On my way to Fla to see old friends. hello sunshine and warm breezes... good bye cakes and bills. At least for a little while..


2/20/2012 7:59:48 PM

I have been trying out my skills of self control and mental awareness of what a sub needs on a male sub. Perhaps it took all these years as a sub to turn me into a good Domme. I am not sure. For now we will call it switching....


2/13/2012 6:55:03 PM

Blah blah blah... I will love and protect you and I want a long term relationship with a sub woman.. blah blah blah... whatever!


2/10/2012 8:54:22 PM

I am so happy with the recent outcome of my job situation. I am making cakes again. I am happy and blessed. I am alone at night and it is painful and hard but I am working on a plan to do cakes 24/7 except sunday morning and wen nights.... lol Who needs a personal life?


1/27/2012 5:09:42 PM

I have often stated that I am waiting, not seeking. I began to think that waiting was a negative, being without, waiting to have. It is not that way at all. Waiting is a positive. I have learned on some but not all levels, patience, humility, and self control. I am gaining daily an understanding of myself and my place in the world, as God would have me. I am understanding that submission is most wonderful at the feet of my Jesus.

Concerning the former post... results of Jennifer doing things her way, greedy little self serving bitch that she is from time to time. Dont want anyone to think my halo doesnt have its dents and dings!


1/21/2012 5:15:37 PM

I should have my head examined. :::banging it against the wall::: I should have my damn head examined.


1/13/2012 9:01:13 PM

There is no ring on my left finger. I am not married. There is however a plain silver band on my right ring finger. Given me by my church. It is a reminder of the ring that the father gave the prodigal son when he returned from his wanderings. He put a robe on him and put a ring on his finger, not to adorn his hand but to give him the authority to run the family business, to do the work of the father. I also wear a small white nylon rope tied around my right ankle. Lower in position but a constant reminder. Even as a submissive woman I have authority over my body and my life, to do the work of self care and self control, service to others and self improvement. Master or not, this is who I am, every day that I live and breath.


12/13/2011 11:28:32 AM

"The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom." well said and thank you MBD5000


12/13/2011 8:41:19 AM

Its the difference between a man who understands how to control his physical urges and one who is controlled by them. Its the difference in a man who understands how important it is he control himself and one who thinks he will control someone else first. It is the difference between a man who will make a woman wait for him and one who will shoot his gun at the first thing that moves. Its a little thing called impulse control and if you dont have it, chances are you just want to be a Dominant on tv and NOT play one in real life, cause those women out there who are real subs by nature and have learned to control themselves so that they may be of service to others... will have no need for a man who exhibits no self control.

 


12/1/2011 8:28:14 PM

Every time I think I have things figured out, my heart goes and changes the rules and my head just cant keep up. Guess that makes me a typical woman. When I first experienced the little girl role, with a man who I felt like was "the ONE" I had been looking for, it was the most amazing experience, much like when I first discovered the lifestyle and my place in it. Now that I have moved past that relationship, cause it just flat out did work (we were like fire and gasoline) I have started to feel like maybe I am over this whole thing. I will always be sub in my personality and thinking. I will always stay in touch with that little girl I discovered. However, I am starting to doubt my ability to live out those realities in a real and meaningful way. I am totally fed up with men who claim to be Dom and have no self control. I am pretty disappointed in those who claim to be DaddyDom types and have no nurturing ability. Fed up and disappointed but not without hope. Just not sure what I am hoping for anymore. Not sure that it even exist.


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JNG6687
 
 Age: 30
 Atlanta, Georgia